What is one comment that you can't forget.

[Hisgirl]

I can't believe a woman could be that insensitive to her own child. Every one of you who heard something and also for you sweet gal who's relative said they didn't like you, you are chosen, suppose to be here and are genuinely special and gifted in unique ways. Wish I could hug each of you!

For me:
In college, from a boyfriend "Your legs are ugly"

Also in college, from a stranger in a bar, who said this then walked away, "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." Also had a boy in a library leave those same words on a notepad as he walked away. Wow. I was so insecure and shy and that made me feel incredible.

from my sister: "Your hair looks like toilet water." Gee thanks.

The most power one was several years ago, my mama was constantly telling me she didn't like how I was wearing my hair. Again and again she would say this. I was out of state at a religious conference and a woman approached me, a woman I had met but didn't know, and she said, "Hey there, I know this sounds crazy but when I was getting ready this morning, I felt like I was suppose to tell you that God likes how you are wearing your hair."

Oh yeah, I'll take that one!!

Amazing how words seem to have the power to perform themselves. Like little darts they can pierce, OR, bring strength. Power of the tongue, indeed.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Couple. First was on prom night my senior year. Went to my boyfriend's house so his mom could take pictures. Takes one look at me and says, "I don't know why you didn't go with ____. She was so pretty." Glad that relationship didn't last long.

Once I was wearing a high waist dress. A lady took her toddler up to me and says, "See, Joey? That lady has a baby in her belly!" I wasn't pregnant.

 

[Magical2017]

Racist comments are sometimes hard to forget, but the people who make them want them to sting, so I move on. Other than that, not much else has stuck with me over the years.

 

[goofyernmost]

It bothered me a lot and I think most pregnant women would be insulted by a comment like that. First of all, I don't think it's appropriate for a stranger to comment on a women's size EVER, whether or not she is pregnant.

Secondly, by asking if I'm having twins and telling me I'm "so big", the implication is that my baby bump is double the size that someone carrying a single baby would be. A single baby that is the size of 2 babies is not a big healthy baby, it is a risk for a Cesarean section or a sign of gestational diabetes. A baby's size may also be related to the amount of weight a mother gains during pregnancy, and I have gained more than the recommended amount which makes me feel very ashamed.

It seems weird to me that you "cannot begin to imagine" why that comment bothered me.

Still can't. Do you have any control over the size of your babies or how you carry them. You are correct, like I said, why someone would even ask a question like that is as brain dead as one can get, but, you still shouldn't have been bothered, annoyed maybe, they were the ones stepping beyond their polite social behavior, not you. If, like you said, you are upset because of the lack of social sophistication of the woman, fine. You have every right to think the woman is a neanderthal, but, it certainly doesn't reflect any negative about yourself.

 

[goofyernmost]

You can't imagine why a stranger commenting on her body could bother her? You should not walk up to ANYONE and make comments about their body. How don't people know this?

That wasn't the just of what she said was bothering her. She was acting like it was insulting to her directly that she was that big. The idea that she shouldn't have asked at all was secondary in her discussion. To which I agreed completely. Many women present in different forms. When my mother was pregnant, back in the dark ages, she wore a coat all summer out of the shame of what she had done to get in that condition. Now people purposely buy clothing that exposes the pregnant belly out in the open. There is no shame in being pregnant, nor is there shame in the size that their bodies project in that process. What is everyone embarrassed about? Why? One might be angry that a stranger would have the lack of upbringing that she would approach a woman that she didn't know and make any comment at all. That is quite different then being upset because she thought someone felt she was "fat". Our obsession with body image is very damaging.

 

[WDWJDS]

When DH and I were just dating, he commented that his mother never came to any of his performances and he felt some kind of way about it. One night when he was performing, I invited her to come along with me (and paid for our tickets). While we were seated with a table of strangers, everyone introduced themselves and she told them that she was his mother and that I was the girl who was trying to buy my way into her family.

 

[tzolkin]

Reading this thread and realizing how many areas I've had awful comments that have stuck with me for decades.

From my childhood there are countless examples, but one that I do think about occasionally is when my father told us if my mother committed suicide (she had pretty severe mental illness all my life) it was our fault because we weren't good enough children.

My parents told me not to marry my husband because he was too stupid and I would never be satisfied with him intellectually. (He's now the most educated and successful person in our extended family.)

My mother-in-law told my husband after 15 years that she has never liked me and that she doesn't consider me or our children (her only grandchildren) to be her "real family". (Unfortunately, our oldest child and I both overheard this conversation.)

I had my first child when I was a teenager and it's pretty incredible the things people will have the audacity to say to a teen mom that would never enter their mind to say to someone older. One example was when someone in college looked at a picture of my two year old and asked "Why didn't you just have an abortion?"

LOL, my very religious mother took one look at the gargoyle in my flower bed and proclaimed "I can't believe anything even grows there with that evil thing!".

I am adopted so I have heard many, many rude and insensitive comments throughout the years and I know that has played a huge part in my insecurities I still battle.

Like a pp, I hate the term half-sibling unless it's used as a technical term for medical purposes, etc. I had 2 daughters during my first marriage, another during my 2nd. They girls are all SISTERS, we don't use the word half around here.

You should give her a copy of the book "God Bless the Gargoyles". It was one of my children's favorites.

DH is not our oldest's biological father and, like you, we have heard many insensitive comments over the years. I remember once when DD was 5 or 6 my best friend wanted to know when we were going to tell her that DH wasn't her "real" father. We had never kept this a secret, but my friend assumed DD did not know because she didn't act like he was her "step" father. (He has been in her life since she was an infant and adopted her, so I'm not sure why DD should treat him differently than anyone else treats their dad.)

The same has come up with the kids occasionally and they are always completely baffled and fortunately comfortable enough to just call someone out on it. They didn't even understand or know there was such a thing as a "half-sibling" until they were probably teenagers. DD had a therapist when she was a younger who continually insisted on referring to DH and her siblings as "step" and even tried to get DD to call DH by his first name. She was like, "nope, that's my dad and my brother and sister."

 

[Elle23]

When I was in 8th grade, wearing pins (like the round ones with sayings) on a jean jacket was popular. I had a little one that said “max it out” and a boy in my class said “like maxi pads” and I never wore that pin again. Lol!

Speaking of never wearing things again...

When my oldest brother was in kindergarten, a kid made fun of him for wearing a button down shirt.

From that moment on, my brother refused to ever wear a shirt with buttons. He was an adult before he would wear another shirt that had buttons!

I have family photos where we are all dressed up nicely and there my brother is in a t shirt!

Granted, my brother obviously had issues, but I think if people knew how their off-handed comments could affect people, they would be more careful.

 

[John VN]

How about a nice comment?

A few weeks before my FIL died from pancreatic cancer while also having Alzheimer's he was in the hospital TOTALLY CONFUSED and somewhat combative. I was with him for hours explaining, re-explaining AND RE-EXPLAINING what was happening when he finally settled down and fell asleep. When leaving the room the wife of the man in the 2nd bed stopped me and said -----

"Sir, if I am ever suffering like the gentleman you were with, I hope someone like you is there to be with me." I said "thank you" and got into the elevator then promptly became emotional. I was at his side when he died and am honored that she felt that way about me.

 

[antmaril]

My late husband and I adopted a baby boy from South Korea in 1987. Our son was three months old when we adopted him. Shortly after I went back to work, a co-worker asked me how I was going to deal with the language barrier. I was stunned by the question and stated that there would be no problem because language is learned. She said “No, it isn’t. Language is born in”. I went back to my desk, told the story to the woman I worked with and we laughed until we cried. I will never, ever forget it.

 

[aprilgail]

Not angry at me or anything, but my mom said if abortions had been legal she would have had one with me. She didn’t like the kids she had. That kind of thing tends to stay with you.

My bio mom told me she took an excessive amounts of back pain meds to try to induce an abortion when she was pregnant with me. And she didn't even say it in a mean way was just telling me the story about when she got pregnant but yea, that part could have been left out.

One other was taking my mom to the Dr and they asked who I was so she said her daughter and then asked how many live births she had and she said none- so the freaking lady then says "so you have no real children"- ummmm hello?? I am standing RIGHT here....how about saying "biological" because I am pretty damn real!!

 

[ronandannette]

How about a nice comment?

A few weeks before my FIL died from pancreatic cancer while also having Alzheimer's he was in the hospital TOTALLY CONFUSED and somewhat combative. I was with him for hours explaining, re-explaining AND RE-EXPLAINING what was happening when he finally settled down and fell asleep. When leaving the room the wife of the man in the 2nd bed stopped me and said -----

"Sir, if I am ever suffering like the gentleman you were with, I hope someone like you is there to be with me." I said "thank you" and got into the elevator then promptly became emotional. I was at his side when he died and am honored that she felt that way about me.

A very tender memory for you and a commendation that was well-earned. God bless you for it!

I’ve been kind of surprised by how few posts like this one have turned up in this thread. It seems so many people can instantly recall things that have hurt them even decades ago. Is it harder to recall comments that were loving, encouraging and edifying? For me, those are the ones that I’ve clung to and some of them, even the seemingly insignificant ones have changed who I am for the better.

 

[Smoomoo]

A friend told me that one of her friends saw us walking down the street and asked her who was the "Ginger Giant" you were with?
I'm a 6ft lady with long ginger hair, so I can't really argue but for some reason it made me feel like a freek.

 

[dish rag]

My late husband and I adopted a baby boy from South Korea in 1987. Our son was three months old when we adopted him. Shortly after I went back to work, a co-worker asked me how I was going to deal with the language barrier. I was stunned by the question and stated that there would be no problem because language is learned. She said “No, it isn’t. Language is born in”. I went back to my desk, told the story to the woman I worked with and we laughed until we cried. I will never, ever forget it.

It’s incredible some of the things people believe are true.

 

[portocall]

When our first son was born, he had to go back into the hospital to be treated for jaundice. Our children are biracial. When we got home and took him for a walk the neighbor asked if he got jaundice from the mixing of the races. Um. No. That's something I will always remember. Another one is when I was asked by a cashier at Walmart how many baby daddies I had because my three children are all different shades. Sigh. At that point I had been married fifteen years (now twenty) to the only man I will have children with.

 

[daughtersrus]

My youngest has a very rare genetic disease. When certain family members found out the she was granted a wish from Make A Wish they said that it wasn't fair that we got a free trip to Hawaii just because we have a daughter that is disabled. The said this directly to my husband and I.
It's been 9 years and still makes my blood boil

 

[DLgal]

My youngest has a very rare genetic disease. When certain family members found out the she was granted a wish from Make A Wish they said that it wasn't fair that we got a free trip to Hawaii just because we have a daughter that is disabled. The said this directly to my husband and I.
It's been 9 years and still makes my blood boil

Ugh. Some people.

My sister said something similar. My only 2 kids are both autistic. We use the DAS at Disney parks. When we first got it, my older son was about 5. We are Disneyland locals and I had been taking both kids to the parks regularly from the time they were infants, but the difficulties started around 5 when my son developed anxiety around crowds and disruptive stimming behaviors. My sister said to me, "you're so lucky you get to use the disability pass!" I told her, "I'd much rather not need to use it." Shut her right up.

 

[EMom]

My late husband and I adopted a baby boy from South Korea in 1987. Our son was three months old when we adopted him. Shortly after I went back to work, a co-worker asked me how I was going to deal with the language barrier. I was stunned by the question and stated that there would be no problem because language is learned. She said “No, it isn’t. Language is born in”. I went back to my desk, told the story to the woman I worked with and we laughed until we cried. I will never, ever forget it.

I hate to say it, but this is extremely common. We heard it with DD, who was adopted as an infant from Russia. Truth be told, she responded to actual Russian (not someone non-Russian speaking Russian) for perhaps two months after she came to the US. After that, nothing. In fact, within a couple of days, she was responding to what I was saying in English. Babies pick up things fast. Many of my friends who adopted internationally got the same question.

 

[BrianL]

Ugh. Some people.

My sister said something similar. My only 2 kids are both autistic. We use the DAS at Disney parks. When we first got it, my older son was about 5. We are Disneyland locals and I had been taking both kids to the parks regularly from the time they were infants, but the difficulties started around 5 when my son developed anxiety around crowds and disruptive stimming behaviors. My sister said to me, "you're so lucky you get to use the disability pass!" I told her, "I'd much rather not need to use it." Shut her right up.

I hear comments in the parks like that sometimes at DL, things like, "I wish one of us was in a wheelchair," etc. I have never experienced it, but I can tell that they really don't want that. Every time a wheelchair or scooter is loaded on a bus first at WDW, people seem to grouse, but look, that's hard enough, so if they get to board a bus a little early, it's hardly a good trade off. I'm sure they all wish they didn't have to do that.

 

[billlaurie]

Had the exact same thing said to me by a boy in junior high and it still stings, well into my 50s.

The worst things said to me, unfortunately like other posts, have been by my mother. After I gave birth to my son at the end of August, and was still swelled up like a balloon, she came to visit and told me it was "the fattest I had ever been" and then added, "And I'm really enjoying it". That was almost 20 years ago and it still hurts. She has lots of zingers and when confronted her response is that she says what she thinks!
I am not perfect, and as a parent, have said things my kids that I regret, especially in a heated moment, but she needs no trigger and has no remorse whatsoever.

Oh lord where do I start. I think the hardest one was when a new kid at school in 8th grade took one look at me and said, "Wow you sure are ugly". My god it still hurts. There is a list of rude and hurtful things bullies, friends, and family have said to me. That one hurt because it was completely unprovoked. I still have issues with my looks. I don't think I will ever like how I look.