What is it about the Holidays...

[Mouse House Mama]

that makes people insane? Seriously- it is a dinner. We eat dinner every night. Why is it that when we call it Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Christmas or whatever it makes people out of their heads? Why does everyone have to be in charge? Why can't it be okay to not have everyone over and want to spend the day with just your spouse and kids? Why do parents have to spend the whole day annoyed because they have to watch that relatives don't ruin the "secret" of Christmas for the kids? Can't people just have the day they want without guilt and WWIII? If we get together on say the 20th to celebrate isn't that good enough? Why does it have to be "on the day" to count?
I don't know, but it seems that everyone I talk to has the same complaints about the same things. I just wish everyone could say "What are you doing for X holiday?" and then when they get the answer they can say "Oh that sounds lovely. I hope you have a wonderful day" and really mean it. Then if they get an invite they can either accept or decline with no issues or expectations. Is that really too much to ask?

Thoughts?

 

[Creativebeth]

My family "Bowls for Jesus" on Christmas day. We have a blast. We don't buy presents, we buy prizes! We each bring a prize worth $50, and you get to pick according to bowling scores. No dinner, no mess, and we meet at the bowling alley, so no one has to 'host'! I love it.

 

[GeorgeG]

I agree with you 100%!

Large families, extended families, and even small families with one or two dominating personalities seem like they have to control every holiday. My wife's family soured me on holidays over thirty years ago and every year they still make a fuss over "who's 'having'.... this year?" It's as if a holiday can't happen without cramming too many dysfunctional people into a house too small for half as many. The end result is just about everyone looking forward to that holiday just being over.

My solution was finally being able to retire and move 1,100 miles away. They are welcome to come down, but they still think we're supposed to go up North. We did last Christmas, but it's not going to happen again. We'll spend Christmas Day at Epcot where it's less chaotic!

 

[tlbwriter]

My family often celebrates on something other than the actual day!

 

[DMass]

Holidays were created so families could get together and aggravate each other.

 

[pigletgirl]

Holidays seem like an obligatory time for families to get together. It's especially stressful this year because my future in-laws have decided to share the thanksgiving dinner together. My DF has some CRAZY and INSANE extended cousins. It'll make for an interesting day.

 

[NMAmy]

In my family, we all try to dodge being the one "in charge." I lost this year and I'm in charge.

I hope things go well for you all. My family has gotten very small over the years but it sure cuts down on all the drama.

 

[RitaZ.]

The drama happens when a bunch of people with personality disorders come together.

 

[Nayan]

My friend calls it Hollerdays . I've been to his place on Thanksgiving. Oh yeah, tons of hollering going on . This year he's coming to our house for some food, beer and just general relaxing (no Hollerday here).

 

[bas71873]

OP, I could have written that exact same post (and I've thought the same things several times). Our family is the same way. Everyone wants a piece of everyone on THE day (be it Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day). For years (and because we lived out of state from both sides of the fam), we would fly or drive home, run the roads the entire time we were homes, ship gifts to and from....it was a complete PITA.

Since moving back home last year, I said no more! We do house hop on Thanksgiving to catch both sides of the fam and I'm OK with that. On Cmas Eve we have dinner with my inlaws (DDIL and DStepMIL) and DH's step-sister and her DH and DS and Grandma, but on Christmas Day, we stay put. I cook a big breakfast and dinner and whoever wants to come can come. I know my parents will always be here with me (my brother is military so it's tough to plan things around his schedule and where he'll be stationed) and my aunt & uncle usually come to (they don't have grandkids yet, but when they do, I know their plans will change). My in-laws are a whole other issue. Their lives revolve around DH's step sister and her son, so we'll be lucky to get a pop in and say HI on Cmas Day, but we will get all kinds of grief and guilting for not driving 1.5 hours (including a ferry ride) for dinner with stepMIL's family. NOT gonna happen!

I feel your pain OP. Know you are not alone! My DD has an entire 2 weeks off from school. I guarantee my RETIRED (and still relatively young) inlaws will not once pick up the phone to come see her, or take her for a day or two, but they will babysit my 11 year old nephew the entire time so SIL does not have to burn up vacation!

 

[luvsJack]

I think its because everyone is looking for that Norman Rockwell holiday and it takes a big family gathering to make it happen. Problem is its a fantasy.

Thanksgiving can get rough enough but then you get to Christmas and shopping stress, financial stress, parents and children being overly tired and YUCK, you got a mess!

Even when there isn't a lot of drama going on, Christmas is better at home with your immediate family. You can just stay in your jammies all day and relax with the kids. Cook when you want and what you want.

That's why the day AFTER Christmas is my favorite holiday!!

 

[disfan07]

I have to say that thanksgiving with our family is not like that. We always havedinner at the same cousins house (eveyrone lives within an hour of her house) adn we have abut 20 family members and they make the turkey and everyone brings a side dish.

Now, I personally LOVE the fact that the holidays make people crazy solely because I LOVE to people watch the wackos at the mall during like the 2 weeks before Christmas. That is entertainment alone. Its like people watching in Disneyworld. Parents yelling at kids. Kids yelling at parents. Parents yelling at each other. All of the I want I want I want, etc. It is so much fun to sit back and watch and that is when I am very grateful that we DONT celebrate Christmas.

I always got to help my best friends family decorate, we put up blue and white lights, and I always made gingerbread houses with my friends. But when I see how crazy people get during Christmas season, I am so glad I can sit back and watch and enjoy.

 

[GeorgeG]

I think its because everyone is looking for that Norman Rockwell holiday and it takes a big family gathering to make it happen. Problem is its a fantasy.

Thanksgiving can get rough enough but then you get to Christmas and shopping stress, financial stress, parents and children being overly tired and YUCK, you got a mess!

Even when there isn't a lot of drama going on, Christmas is better at home with your immediate family. You can just stay in your jammies all day and relax with the kids. Cook when you want and what you want.

That's why the day AFTER Christmas is my favorite holiday!!

I imagine Norman Rockwell depicting an average immediate family of four or five in a warm setting that is nothing like what typically happens these days.

 

[Robinrs]

I think this is the reason I never learned how to cook.

My Mom, aunts and sisters would go CRAZY in the kitchen with timing and who's bringing what and who made what last year and such and so... I couldn't stand it.

I would sit with the guys watching tv, it was so much quieter there. Notice not many MEN complain about holiday meals? That's because they do what I do, EAT AND BURP.

Nuff said....

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have to say that thanksgiving with our family is not like that. We always havedinner at the same cousins house (eveyrone lives within an hour of her house) adn we have abut 20 family members and they make the turkey and everyone brings a side dish.

Now, I personally LOVE the fact that the holidays make people crazy solely because I LOVE to people watch the wackos at the mall during like the 2 weeks before Christmas. That is entertainment alone. Its like people watching in Disneyworld. Parents yelling at kids. Kids yelling at parents. Parents yelling at each other. All of the I want I want I want, etc. It is so much fun to sit back and watch and that is when I am very grateful that we DONT celebrate Christmas.

I always got to help my best friends family decorate, we put up blue and white lights, and I always made gingerbread houses with my friends. But when I see how crazy people get during Christmas season, I am so glad I can sit back and watch and enjoy.

What a terribly mean thing to say and do.

 

[java]

I am of the age where I believe people can only do to you what you let them.
We are staying home this Thanksgiving- enjoying it just our family (6 of us) We'll go to Grandma's house in December with all the cousins and have some family together fun.
Then celebrate Christmas with our friends!

 

[Becky2005]

Sounds like what my family does! It's RARE that we actually spend anytime with relatives ON Christmas day, etc.... Although I did find it a bit comical last year when I called my parents & they were doing nothing on Christmas and neither were we.

For us, Christmas is pretty much "done" by noon! The kids have opened their presents and are playing with them but other than that, we don't have any big plans. We usually get together on some completely random day. This year our "big" Christmas is on January 1 -- sometimes we have had it before Christmas, sometimes after! That is when we get together with my aunts, cousins, etc... on my mom's side. We have never really had a big get together on my dad's side.

On Christmas Eve, we always invite my husband's sister & her husband to our house for dinner. They are pretty much the only family they have. I'm not sure how it's going to work this year because I have a retail job & I haven't got a clue what their hours are for Christmas Eve or if I'll even be scheduled. Once I know more, I will extend the invitation and it's up to them if they want to come over.

Each year my brother & I flip houses for holidays, so this year he has Thanksgiving & I have Christmas. I haven't decided what day we are having Christmas because I don't know if his wife's side is getting together ON Christmas. We will work around that, etc...

 

[dyna]

Then there are the SiL's who argues over who got the prettiest card from who starting about a week before Christmas right up thru at least New Years,I stopped send them cards yrs ago an try my best of avoid them so I don't got to listen to their arguement.

Then there is the family members who has to buy everyone a gift even tho they might not have food on table or the source to cook the food with. Of course they are usually the ones flashing new jewlery or something expensive that they got for Christmas.

Not that there was never any arguements or conflicts at my daddys extended familys Christmas dinners I like the way it was done..Bring a covered dish or 2 or 3 was even better, yourself an your family as you are no need to dress to impress anyone an NO GIFTS ever exchanged it was time to share the love of good family an wish them well.

Same when we went to my maternal gfathers for Christmas...we all took lots of good food no gifts an was there to share the love of loving family.

 

[crazelion]

I think this is the reason I never learned how to cook.

My Mom, aunts and sisters would go CRAZY in the kitchen with timing and who's bringing what and who made what last year and such and so... I couldn't stand it.

I would sit with the guys watching tv, it was so much quieter there. Notice not many MEN complain about holiday meals? That's because they do what I do, EAT AND BURP.

Nuff said....

My family thinks I don't know how cook and that what saves me. All do eat and burp. I do bring paper goods that I can buy in advance.