What is China like, for visiting kids?

[pocomom]

My ex's new wife is from China. He has been promising the girls that he would take them to China for the last 5 years but as I expected the plans keep falling through. My oldest just let him know how it feels that he takes his "new" child every year and not them, so he promised them he would take them this time. I have a lot of reservations which I haven't talked with him about yet, because I assumed he wouldn't get his act together to take them, but it appears like he is going forward with it. I was not- so- secretly hoping he wouldn't manage it until they were both teenagers. I have full custody and could say no and that would most likely be the end of it. I realize this could be an amazing cultural and educational experience for my girls, though. The only person I know who has visited before is my mom. She has travelled the world and said it is the one place she wouldn't return. She found it to be dirty, poor air quality, everyone smoking, etc. but that was 10-15 years ago. My oldest dd has health issues and air quality concerns me, and my younger dd has allergies that require an epi-pen. Dad as you may have gathered is not a responsible guy. But the girls are very responsible for their ages. They will be 12 and 8 when they go. They both know how to administer their meds. What to look out for health wise for themselves and their sister, etc. My questions are what is China like for tourists? Would it generally be safe for my young girls? Is the air quality still bad, is everyone still smoking? What about health care and police if there was a problem? They would be in Bejing for several days and then to a remote village where the wife's family lives. Second if they go, I would like to have the girls have some emergency money, accessible by them, not Dad. I was thinking something along the lines of a debit card? Would this work there? Wondering if I could have some money in their account and then transfer more if a real emergency rises? Would it be immediate like in the states? How much should I send them with? What about phone service? They have regular cells, but I imagine if they worked roaming would be a fortune. Is there some other option so they can get ahold of me? I have some time, but I would like to know all the details before I say yes or no.

 

[ManyMinnie]

My ex's new wife is from China. He has been promising the girls that he would take them to China for the last 5 years but as I expected the plans keep falling through. My oldest just let him know how it feels that he takes his "new" child every year and not them, so he promised them he would take them this time. I have a lot of reservations which I haven't talked with him about yet, because I assumed he wouldn't get his act together to take them, but it appears like he is going forward with it. I was not- so- secretly hoping he wouldn't manage it until they were both teenagers. I have full custody and could say no and that would most likely be the end of it. I realize this could be an amazing cultural and educational experience for my girls, though. The only person I know who has visited before is my mom. She has travelled the world and said it is the one place she wouldn't return. She found it to be dirty, poor air quality, everyone smoking, etc. but that was 10-15 years ago. My oldest dd has health issues and air quality concerns me, and my younger dd has allergies that require an epi-pen. Dad as you may have gathered is not a responsible guy. But the girls are very responsible for their ages. They will be 12 and 8 when they go. They both know how to administer their meds. What to look out for health wise for themselves and their sister, etc. My questions are what is China like for tourists? Would it generally be safe for my young girls? Is the air quality still bad, is everyone still smoking? What about health care and police if there was a problem? They would be in Bejing for several days and then to a remote village where the wife's family lives. Second if they go, I would like to have the girls have some emergency money, accessible by them, not Dad. I was thinking something along the lines of a debit card? Would this work there? Wondering if I could have some money in their account and then transfer more if a real emergency rises? Would it be immediate like in the states? How much should I send them with? What about phone service? They have regular cells, but I imagine if they worked roaming would be a fortune. Is there some other option so they can get ahold of me? I have some time, but I would like to know all the details before I say yes or no.

Air quality in Beijing is close to being worst in the world, if it isn't already. It is truly awful. Do some google searches on air quality there.

That said, there is no way I'd allow my ex to take my kids to the other side of the globe, especially since you say he is irresponsible. China isn't like being in the US, where they could easily fly home if a problem arises.

 

[01spirit750]

I have travelled to China (Hong Kong and mainland China).

Your kids might enjoy Bejing, but the rural areas would not be much fun for them.

Are your kids adventurous eaters (will they eat anything put in front of them)?
I have been served chicken feet and lips (no kidding).

Why don't you pm your email address and I can send you some pictures.

I would not let them go with their alergies and such. People smoke everywhere.

I am sure this sounds exciting to your kids but in reality I don't think they would enjoy it much.

My At&t phone worked in Hong Kong, but no where else.

They have HSBC banks in HK and I was able to get cash using my ATM card (+ a fee). Now here is the weird part--- The numbers on the keypads at the atm's are configured differently then here in the US. I had my ATM pin number "pattern" memorized, but due to the different number pad layout I was entering the wrong numbers. I had to look at my cell phone keypad to remember the actual atm pin code numbers, then I entered them and got my cash.

 

[Pigeon]

I've been a couple of times and loved it. Yes, the air quality can be bad. It depends on where you go and what season. But I'd let my kids go in a heartbeat in your situation. If your ex isn't responsible, stuff could happen just as well here as it does there.

As for what to expect, it's a huge country and it depends on where they go. I felt pretty safe and I encountered lots of people who spoke enough English to communicate when I was in Beijing, Shanghai and a few other major cities. Out in the countryside, I didn't encounter English speakers. It helps that they will have a native tour guide and I'm sure they'll see some stuff beyond the usual tourist experience that will show them a little more of the real China.

Unless they are in remote areas, they will have access to good quality health care should they need it. You might want to look at your health insurance and seeing if you need a supplement, but I'd say that about traveling anywhere out of the US. China isn't a third world country. The cities are modern and bustling. You can buy just about anything you'd need and then some.

Talk to your bank about the best way to get them emergency money. I took a pre-paid, refillable VISA. I was able to withdraw money at ATMs owned by Bank of China and a few other major banks. There were a few smaller bank ATMs that wouldn't take the card.

For the phone thing, I think I bought a phone card that would work internationally as the cheapest way to do this. Your ex-husband's wife probably knows about this.

Get a couple of tour books from your local public library or AAA. They'll give you some important info.

We are actually trying to save enough money to take our kids to China.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

My dh traveled to china a lot for business. I think the project is over, hooray.

He did take my 2 ds but they were about 18 and 20 like 2 years ago and ds20 has asthma too.

Air quaitiy is terrible. Really bad. My dh would come home hacking up black crud from his lugs for a week

They did enjoy the sights and didnt mind taxis almost crashing into people, constant smoking by people, walking over poop in the street as that is where people go to the bathroom sometimes. etc.

They took some tours and got to see a lot of sights.

Food was an issue. Picky ds18 ate mostly rice they didnt want to try bugs on a stick etc. I think I made them take peanut butter and beef jerky etc.

Their hotel was right across from or next to the crematorium. It goes all night long diposing of the bodies etc. They dont do it during the day as it just adds too the pollution

My dh might have to go back but I think its to shanghai this time so it will be better.

How are they getting to the remote village?

Also phone contact, forget it. They usually jam my dh phone. Idont know if that is usual as it always seems to be. He has international calling and the only place he can talk to me that gets an unblocked signal is usually from the airport.

Forget about getting on a computer too. I think dh did it once but he had to ask permission from the place he was at.

Money should be ok. Dh says the people like crisp $100 dollar bills there.

Good luck in your decision, Oh and if she has a health emergency I think you could kiss that good bye too. The only reason I think my dh could or would get some health care there would be the nature of his job. Normal people and health care is probably non existent. My dh is usually given a little medical kit when he goes from his job like antibiotics etc. You might want to ask your pediatrician for the stuff etc.

 

[mimmi]

I've been to Bejing and HongKong a few times and will probably make a trip to Shanghai, once the Disneyland has opened.

I love China, it's such an amazing experience. Air quality in Beijing is bad (though I thought that New Delhi was even worse) and there are a lot of smokers.
I was in a hospital in Beijing for a consultation (sore throat) and it was suprisingly ok, not as nice as an Austrian hospital but clean with english speaking staff that was fully able to prescribe antibiotics (I was treated worse in a hospital in Washington DC).
Thankfully I didn't need the police and felt safe all around (walked alone in the dark), typical tourist problems often involve scams and prostitution, both won't apply to your family as they are travelling with a Chinese.
We never had a problem with food as we usually went to places with english menus, where we got delicious stuff, nothing scary or exotic.
Beijing itself is very interesting, there is so much to see and it's just a short drive to the Chinese Wall, I don't know about the remote village but I would highly recommend a trip to Beijing.

Forgot to answer your questions: my phone worked properly in Beijing, ATMs are everywhere, so they can withdraw money easily in case of emergency. The hotel I used to stay at (Hilton) had wlan, so I usually skyped with my family.

 

[Pigeon]

Re the internet, there are huge internet cafes all over the place. They are cheap. Your ex's wife would be able to find one no problem. In the cities, there are great restaurants and KFC's and McD's if they are picky. In the rural village, they will be served things they don't recognize.

I can't imagine saying no to a trip like this.

 

[KennesawNemo]

I am Chinese, born and raised in China. I now live in the US, but go back almost once every year.

First of all, where will they visit? China is a big country. There are areas that are highly developed and westernized. Then there are the areas that are still developing and the areas that are extremely poor.

Beijing's air quality is very bad right now, but it's not like it's bad year round. In Spring and Summer, it's ok (although, as someone who grew up in China, my standard of ok might be lower than a typical American). Big cities in the south/southeast have much better air qualities.

What's his budget? If you have $$$, you can get everything you can get here in the US. In big cities like Beijing and Shanghai, there are a lot of super markets catering the expat community. There are many US fast food chains, although the menus are adapted for local taste. There are hospitals for foreigners. The doctors there are mostly trained abroad, if not westerners themselves.

However, if he is going with a small budget, I am not so sure your girls will be able to take in everything Chinese, unless they have been exposed to some sort of Asian culture/food here in the US. We live differently. I hate it when people using condescending words describing China. We just live very very differently.

One thing would concern me is your girl's allergy if it's severe to the degree that she needs to carry an epi-pen. Food allergy is EXTREMELY rare among Chinese people. I have never ever heard of peanut allergy before I came to the US. Most Chinese restaurants wouldn't accommodate your food allergy because there is never really a need to do so and they don't know how to. This all comes back to my point of having $$$. You need to stay near an area that caters to the foreigners. You need to have good travel insurance and know how to get to the "good" hospital.

Since your ex's new wife is Chinese, I would suggest you make a lot of communications with her before hand so she would be able to arrange these things before the trip.

All being said, I love my country. It has a rich culture and so many other wonderful things. Feel free to PM me if you have other questions.

 

[Suz D]

I'm not turning this into a parenting thread, I promise. But if you determine that your final answer is "no", there may be some resentment towards you (as it sounds like there is already resentment towards your ex because he hasn't taken them). My first thought was that China is the new wife's homeland (therefore the homeland of their child together). Your children have no real tie to China other than through your husband's new wife. I would use that as a way to help them understand that sometimes things don't appear to be "fair" on the surface, but that it isn't favoritism towards their step-sibling (even though it might be).

My vote is also "no" given everything that you've told us. However, I know that's not exactly what you asked for in your post, but it sounds like you have some really valid reservations about them going.

Good Luck!

 

[pocomom]

Thanks for the responses so far. His new wife seems very nice, but her English isn't great so we haven't ever had a real conversation. We'll need to overcome that before the girls go. Their child speaks mostly Chinese, so the girls can say hello, count and some basic phrases. If or when I decide to let them go I'll make sure they know at least basic traveller phrases. They are vegetarians... so the food issue should be interesting. DD7's allergy is not to peanuts, thankfully, but shellfish, stinging insects all a problem. But going with someone who speaks fluently and know the culture, foods etc. should help, but she doesn't know the kids that well- she spends a week or two each year with them.
I know I would let them go at some point because travel is such an amazing experience, it is just when. And if I wait until they are older will they be able to get the time off to go (sports/school, they homeschool now) and will the offer still be there as dad and new wife are pregnant again... Big difference between 2 kids and 4....Lots to think about but for now just trying to figure out what travel there would be like... what they might need, etc,
As far as how they get to the more rural area I believe they drive , ex rents a car when they go. I'll of course get details if it goes forward.

 

[pocomom]

I'm not turning this into a parenting thread, I promise. But if you determine that your final answer is "no", there may be some resentment towards you (as it sounds like there is already resentment towards your ex because he hasn't taken them). My first thought was that China is the new wife's homeland (therefore the homeland of their child together). Your children have no real tie to China other than through your husband's new wife. I would use that as a way to help them understand that sometimes things don't appear to be "fair" on the surface, but that it isn't favoritism towards their step-sibling (even though it might be).

My vote is also "no" given everything that you've told us. However, I know that's not exactly what you asked for in your post, but it sounds like you have some really valid reservations about them going.

Good Luck!

It's a good point and I do think my girls get that on some level... just dad makes a lot of promises he doesn't follow through on, and it hurts. If he had never told them he would take them, they probably wouldn't even think about it.

 

[midwestdee]

Look, there is no way on God's green earth - that man would take my children out of state, let alone, out of the country. For the love of God, do you want to be on CNN being interviewed because your kids are in China and he won't bring them back? When they are 18, they will have plenty of time to go globe trotting.

 

[KennesawNemo]

Thanks for the responses so far. His new wife seems very nice, but her English isn't great so we haven't ever had a real conversation. We'll need to overcome that before the girls go. Their child speaks mostly Chinese, so the girls can say hello, count and some basic phrases. If or when I decide to let them go I'll make sure they know at least basic traveller phrases. They are vegetarians... so the food issue should be interesting. DD7's allergy is not to peanuts, thankfully, but shellfish, stinging insects all a problem. But going with someone who speaks fluently and know the culture, foods etc. should help, but she doesn't know the kids that well- she spends a week or two each year with them.
I know I would let them go at some point because travel is such an amazing experience, it is just when. And if I wait until they are older will they be able to get the time off to go (sports/school, they homeschool now) and will the offer still be there as dad and new wife are pregnant again... Big difference between 2 kids and 4....Lots to think about but for now just trying to figure out what travel there would be like... what they might need, etc,
As far as how they get to the more rural area I believe they drive , ex rents a car when they go. I'll of course get details if it goes forward.

I don't like the idea of your ex drive from Beijing to rural China, or even within Beijing. He will NOT survive it. There is no chance. I am not even kidding.

Unless he hires a local driver or use train or long-distance bus (something like Greyhound. These can be pretty neat and safe) , I wouldn't let your girls go.

 

[momsully]

We took our boys to China last March when they were 10 and 12. It was a fantastic trip and if your ex is willing to take them and they are excited to go I say let them. We were able to communicate VERY easily with family back in the US using facetime and skype. Our phones also worked but we primarily used them to text when we were trying to meet up with people. We went to Beijing, Zhengzhou, Guangzhou and Hong Kong. My oldest is very picky and ate alot of rice but we survived. We were there for three weeks and I wish we had been able to stay longer. Our next trip we want to go to Shanghai and Xian. I brought a jar of peanut butter with us and some protein bars and on same days we did have peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. As others have said there is always McDonalds or KFC in the major cities.We used our credit cards throughout China, even in more rural areas. We also brought cash which we converted when we were there.

 

[delmar411]

Look, there is no way on God's green earth - that man would take my children out of state, let alone, out of the country. For the love of God, do you want to be on CNN being interviewed because your kids are in China and he won't bring them back? When they are 18, they will have plenty of time to go globe trotting.

I'm not normally very paranoid but I agree with this. There is no recourse if he decides to just stay there with your girls. His wife and new child's tie to china is obviously strong if the child mostly only speaks chinese but they live in the US.

 

[pocomom]

I'm not normally very paranoid but I agree with this. There is no recourse if he decides to just stay there with your girls. His wife and new child's tie to china is obviously strong if the child mostly only speaks chinese but they live in the US.

I can't say I don't worry about it,but mostly from watching too much news - his new wife has strong ties there, but he has a growing business here in the states, is building a new house, and he never wanted custody, he doesn't normally even make his visitation. Ironically, he left because he wasn't ready for family life ...then he got her pregnant. The only way I think he would consider it is just to get out of child support, but he would have to leave his whole life here, plus I know new wife's family doesn't like him.
As far as their child, she speaks Chinese, because they figured she would pick up english in school etc. and wanted her to be bilingual. She's only 21/2.

 

[MomToOne]

DD12 is adopted from China. I took her first visit back just last summer. She, I, my sister, my sister-in-law and my two nephews (11 and 14 at the time) all went.

Hands down, we all say it was the best trip we have EVER taken.

We visited both Beijing and the Guilin/Yangshuo area. We did all the tourists sites in Beijing. The weather cooperated some days, didn't others, but we had fun none the less. Note that the tourist sites are not just for foreign tourists - during the summer the Chinese also become tourists in their own country, just as we do here. Interacting with the Chinese tourists was some of the most fun we had in Beijing - we had all sorts of folks chasing us down to practice their English with us. I had an absolutely ADORABLE interaction with two grade-school aged children (with their parents watching on proudly) at the Summer Palace that will be one of my lasting memories in life.

Guilin/Yangshuo is an absolutely gorgeous area of China, more rural, mountainous with various rivers, lots of biking and hiking to be had, caves to visit, a cooking school - the list goes on and on. All of us wish we had two weeks to do everything there is to there and relax a bit better (we were in go, go, go mode the entire time because there was so much we wanted to do!)

We felt safe the entire time. Smoking was much less prevelant than it was when I was there 11 years ago, although many more Chinese still smoke than you have in the US. But I don't remember ever once being bothered by cigarette smoke anywhere on this last trip. I have asthma, and didn't have any flair ups while I was on the trip, although I was very careful about taking my meds.

We generally used cash but that was easily gotten via ATMs there (we paid for hotels with credit cards). I suggest just getting a copy of your ATM card for your daughter's to take with them. Research which banks ATMs are more likely to work with your card but don't overstress about it. Most with the Visa logo take US ATM cards. And if one bank doesn't, just try the next one down the street. All of the banks we tried all worked for us, but we stuck to the major ones.

We all hope to go back again soon.

 

[cheer25mom]

My parents have traveled extensively in Asia. They have lived in Singapore and South Korea for extended periods. China is one place they have said they would never take a child, particularly one with health issues. NO WAY would I be sending kids with health issues with an irresponsible ex. There is little access to anything approaching modern medical care should something go wrong.

 

[quikah]

Vegetarianism is not that common in China, so even the vegetable/tofu dishes will usually have some sort of animal product in them. Might be an issue depending on how strict their diet is.

 

[Angie789]

I lived in Beijing for 2 years and I still have many friends there, both Chinese and ex-pat. I love China and can't wait to take my own children there. It's a beautiful country.

That said, every single person I knew there who had severe allergies had to move home. The air quality is bad - I don't think you can fully appreciate how bad until you are there. There is just nothing in the US that compares. So if your daughter's allergies are severe enough to require an epi-pen, I'd vote no.

And there is no way in HECK that I'd let my kids in a car of an American who is not familiar with driving in China. That is an even scarier proposition than the air quality.