What does your teen do?

[Katy Belle]

We just moved here, so my boys are still in the process of making friends, so it may change.
I have DS13 and DS15. They occasionallydo things with friends, but mostly they are on the computer or video games. They both chat/skype with their old friends and new friends. It seems that once they drive, they go out more. They both are in Boy Scouts and both are very active in the band, so they have rehearsels with other kids often. They both recently went to dances.

In our old location there were constantly kids at my house. This feels strange to me, but my boys are fine with it.

 

[RitaZ.]

Our ds spends most of his time home alone and has little interest in socializing outside school. The teacher told us that most kids don't socialize outside of school activities. I thought he was wrong.

Our oldest was the same way until about Jr. year in high school. Then, it all changed.

DS (15) and DD (13) do hang out at home, but also do things with friends on a regular basis. Their approach is more balanced, IMO.

 

[bellebud]

Just wondering if a statement a teacher made to me is true..What does your teen do after school or on the weekends? I don't want to hear about jobs, sports, school related activities. I want to hear about if they stay home, if they go places with friends, if they are on the computer...

UPDATE: We were discussing with the teacher our concerns that our ds doesn't socialize outside of school, at all. The teacher later told us that he took a poll at school and the teens he talked to don't either. They spend most of their time alone.

I thought the norm was teens wanting to be with other teens...thus this thread.

fwiw-ds has Aspergers Syndrome so we are not sure if he really does just want to be alone or if he needs some help initiating contact outside of school.

OP - don't you think you should compare your ds w/ other teens on the spectrum? I know my nephew (who's only 4yo and has sensory processing disorder and may be on the spectrum - they won't say for sure yet) has very different social needs than his 5yo bro or my 2 kids. He'll play w/ them wonderfully for a specific amount of time, but then be on overload and want and need his alone time. So after school, your ds might just be on overload, whereas another teen who's not on the spectrum won't be at that point yet. I'd honestly post another thread asking parents of kids who are on the spectrum the same question.

 

[smb6]

ds13/7th grade spends most of his time at home with the family (outside of the after school activities). I don't allow electronics mon-thur, so he plays outside with his brother on the basketball hoop. He also reads. On weekends he spends a lot of time on the computer. He only has a few friends he hangs out with outside of school, but not on a daily, or even weekly basis. He mostly hangs out with his brother-6th grade/age 11. He does play video games sometimes on the weekend also....

 

[RitaZ.]

OP - don't you think you should compare your ds w/ other teens on the spectrum? I'd honestly post another thread asking parents of kids who are on the spectrum the same question.

I missed this update by the OP. I agree with bellebud's suggestion.

My friend's son (almost 19) has AS. He did try to make friends outside of school, but was not successful. According to my friend, he considered some kids to be his friends when there really was no friendship between them. She felt that some of these "friends" just took advantage of his misperception.

 

[bellebud]

I missed this update by the OP. I agree with bellebud's suggestion.

My friend's son (almost 19) has AS. He did try to make friends outside of school, but was not successful. According to my friend, he considered some kids to be his friends when there really was no friendship between them. She felt that some of these "friends" just took advantage of his misperception.

I feel like there are so many kids on the spectrum these days, there could easily be outside-of-school social groups for them to get together. And if there isn't, people should start them. If one of my kids were on the spectrum, I'd really try to get a group of families together who had members who are alike in this way. Just like we homeschoolers make groups so our kids can socialize together - I'd try to do the same kind of thing.

 

[marcyinPA]

I voted other. My DS15 mostly hangs out at home, but not just playing video games. He listens to music, watches movies with the family, bothers his brother, etc. He texts a lot. A LOT. And mostly girls. He also does homework. He usually has a lot.

We are pretty busy though...so I wouldn't say he's in his room alone constantly....but I have found that since he turned 15, he does spend a lot of time up there by himself. I thought this was normal!

 

[RitaZ.]

I feel like there are so many kids on the spectrum these days, there could easily be outside-of-school social groups for them to get together. And if there isn't, people should start them. If one of my kids were on the spectrum, I'd really try to get a group of families together who had members who are alike in this way. Just like we homeschoolers make groups so our kids can socialize together - I'd try to do the same kind of thing.

Believe it or not, it isn't easy to find such groups. Over the years, my friend has reached out to other parents of children with the same diagnosis. The problem that she encountered is that not all AS children are at the same level. He has high functioning AS. While AS may be the diagnosis that they share in common, their functioning levels are very different.

 

[Schmeck]

Believe it or not, it isn't easy to find such groups. Over the years, my friend has reached out to other parents of children with the same diagnosis. The problem that she encountered is that not all AS children are at the same level. He has high functioning AS. While AS may be the diagnosis that they share in common, their functioning levels are very different.

Also, just because there is a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome it doesn't mean the kids all have the same interests - I find it much more helpful to look beyond the stigma of the diagnosis, look at the child's interests and strengths, and focus on that for guidance in social situations.

Think of it this way - if you were blind, would you think that all the other blind people would have the same interests as you, and you'd be friends with them, just because you are all blind?

 

[RitaZ.]

Also, just because there is a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome it doesn't mean the kids all have the same interests - I find it much more helpful to look beyond the stigma of the diagnosis, look at the child's interests and strengths, and focus on that for guidance in social situations.

Think of it this way - if you were blind, would you think that all the other blind people would have the same interests as you, and you'd be friends with them, just because you are all blind?

Absolutely!

 

[shortbun]

My nephew has Aspergers. None of his friends do. They hang together, go out to dinner-concerts-play music/guitars mostly. He's going to be 18 this summer and is a junior. He does spend time by himself but he doesn't hang with other Aspies. He's in a performance group in the summer-theatre. He also goes to a rock and roll camp for a week where he functions as a lead singer and guitar player.

 

[badblackpug]

13.... and really a combo of all those things, different things on different days, sometimes she hangs out with friends, sometimes she foes to friends houses, sometimes friends come here, sometimes she plays on the computer, sometimes she plays video games with her brother, sometimes she watches tv.

 

[NotUrsula]

I feel like there are so many kids on the spectrum these days, there could easily be outside-of-school social groups for them to get together. And if there isn't, people should start them. If one of my kids were on the spectrum, I'd really try to get a group of families together who had members who are alike in this way. Just like we homeschoolers make groups so our kids can socialize together - I'd try to do the same kind of thing.

And we do, but for teens on the more mild side of AS these groups usually are not a success. (Mostly because the majority of kids who actually have a diagnosis are more severely affected; most of the kids on the milder end of the spectrum have not been formally diagnosed, so there are not very many of their parents in the active parents' groups.)

We tried, but DS won't go anymore, because at the last meeting he went to there was a guest speaker for the parents in a room off to the side, and several of the "kids" (the group is for ages 14-20) had severe meltdowns without their parents right at hand to keep them calm. DS just couldn't deal with adult-looking 18 yo men throwing full-body tantrums because he beat them at KOTOR.

 

[SydSim]

Parent of a HS freshman (and only child). She tends to hang around me most of the time She'll do her homework sitting next to me (which tends to take a couple of hours), then she'll read or watch tv with me. After around 8 or so, she may go to her room and watch her own tv (a whole other thread)

She texts minimally and talks on the phone even less. Occasionally, she'll go online - and she just recently started getting into her Wii again.

Around once or twice a month, she may go to the mall, or movies with friends. She doesn't usually spend the night at someone's house, or have others sleep over. I don't discourage it - she just doesn't want to.

That being said, she is very busy with activities for most of the days of the week, so the things that i mentioned don't take up a whole lot of time.

 

[bellebud]

And we do, but for teens on the more mild side of AS these groups usually are not a success. (Mostly because the majority of kids who actually have a diagnosis are more severely affected; most of the kids on the milder end of the spectrum have not been formally diagnosed, so there are not very many of their parents in the active parents' groups.)

We tried, but DS won't go anymore, because at the last meeting he went to there was a guest speaker for the parents in a room off to the side, and several of the "kids" (the group is for ages 14-20) had severe meltdowns without their parents right at hand to keep them calm. DS just couldn't deal with adult-looking 18 yo men throwing full-body tantrums because he beat them at KOTOR.

yikes! I can see where because the spectrum is so wide, this would be a problem. I didn't think of that. I just still think comparing a spectrum kid to only kids not on the spectrum is bound to not show a true comparison. With spectrum kids being 'wired' differently (isn't that what being on the spectrum is all about?), there will not be an effective comparison.

My kids have a form of muscular dystrophy (hyperkalemic period paralysis) - I'm sure none of you have heard of it (unless you're a nurse or doctor, and even most of them haven't heard of it), but they have too much potassium in their bodies and it affects their skeletal muscles periodically, from weakness to full body paralysis. You'd never know by looking at them, and they're quite athletic and strong when feeling 'good', but they have a hard time, sometimes, with physical activity. I would never try to compare them to kids who don't have this condition by asking "how many sports do your kids play, how long can they play, etc", because my kids have definite limitations when it comes to physical activities... sometimes. So we do recreational sports only, some days they can go all day running around and not be affected, some days they get cramped up quickly and cannot continue. Their bodies ARE different then most kids, so I'd only end up feeling bad if I posted a poll asking how many sports teams your kids are on, and I would not get a true reflection of if my kids are doing enough physical activity. This is the way I was looking at the OP's poll. And now that I think of it, even if I posted a poll on my periodic paralysis board, I'd get so many different answers because this condition has a very broad spectrum too (like the autistic spectrum), that still wouldn't help me figure out if my kids were doing 'average' w/ physical activity.

Sorry if I offended anyone w/ suggesting a poll of kids on the spectrum - you can see where I was coming from.

 

[disneylovin24]

Well I am a teen and I put other because it depends on the weekend. Because of the school I go to all of my friends live far away from me so we can not just get together casual every weekend, getting together requires planning in advance. So, probably about one weekend a month I spend a day with friends. Other then that most of my weekends are hanging with family, being on the computer, studying, or watching sports.

 

[golfgal]

I have 3 teenagers. DD15, when not in school, band, sports, etc. is hanging out with friends either at our house or their house. DS15 is usually at home either on the computer or playing video games and occasionally goes out with friends. DS18 is now in college but when he was in high school he pretty much stayed home and was on the computer or played video game--until he got his license. Then he was home about half the time and out with friends about half the time.

The key here, for the boys anyway, seems to be getting their license. Once they can independently get places they seem to go out more frequently.

One thing with DS15 and all of his friends is that they are all pretty quite kids and none of them are "organizers". I think if you look around at your circle of friends you will see that there seems to be one or two people that tend to organize everything-planning where to go, etc. If someone in his group says "lets go to the movie" they are all more then willing to go, but no one usually says that .

 

[Rora]

I don't have a teen but I can tell you what I did.

I wasn't into "partying" unlike many of my peers. Most of the time, watch some TV, hang out with my mom, spend a lot of time with my boyfriend (now husband), get on the internet, etc.

Most of the things I did involved me being alone or with DH to be. Honestly, on the weekends, I rarely wanted to see my friends. I had just spent the whole week with them and needed a break (I had dramatic friends, ).

OP- clearly I don't know the specifics of your situation and I have not read any post but the first but I would think that your DS is totally normal and very much like a lot of other teens.

 

[disneylovin24]

I have 3 teenagers. DD15, when not in school, band, sports, etc. is hanging out with friends either at our house or their house. DS15 is usually at home either on the computer or playing video games and occasionally goes out with friends. DS18 is now in college but when he was in high school he pretty much stayed home and was on the computer or played video game--until he got his license. Then he was home about half the time and out with friends about half the time.

The key here, for the boys anyway, seems to be getting their license. Once they can independently get places they seem to go out more frequently.
One thing with DS15 and all of his friends is that they are all pretty quite kids and none of them are "organizers". I think if you look around at your circle of friends you will see that there seems to be one or two people that tend to organize everything-planning where to go, etc. If someone in his group says "lets go to the movie" they are all more then willing to go, but no one usually says that .

I agree with this 100%! My friends and I talk all the time about how much we will get together once I can drive! It makes it so much easier when you do not have to confirm all plans with parents picking you up and taking you. I feel like I am always on my parents schedual now since I can't drive.

I don't have a teen but I can tell you what I did.

I wasn't into "partying" unlike many of my peers. Most of the time, watch some TV, hang out with my mom, spend a lot of time with my boyfriend (now husband), get on the internet, etc.

Most of the things I did involved me being alone or with DH to be. Honestly, on the weekends, I rarely wanted to see my friends. I had just spent the whole week with them and needed a break (I had dramatic friends, ). OP- clearly I don't know the specifics of your situation and I have not read any post but the first but I would think that your DS is totally normal and very much like a lot of other teens.

I agree with this too! My friends are not dramatic but after a long week at school being surrounded by some people I can't stand it is nice to be on my own on the weekends.