What Do You ThinkOf This?(wake etiquette)

[Mom2Em]

I am surprised the funeral home did not offer water, coffee and soda... When my Stepfather passed... the funeral home offered all of these conveniently about the room in beautiful glasses... when someone picked up a drink or finished a drink a "hostess" was very polite and replaced or cleaned off the glasses... she was very discreet as well...

 

[chesirechik]

Originally posted by 4cruisin

My father died when I was 8, I don't remember drinking a Sprite or slurpee there...I must be a neanderthal for having manners.

I just can't grasp what is so wildly inappropriate about drinking a beverage during the wake/visiting hours.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Originally posted by 4cruisin
Pardon me for being so ignorant, gymnasticsmom68. I'm not as perfect as you and misread the op. Fizz, pop slurp, burp, fart whatever, it was still rude, disrespectful and unacceptable by MY personal standards and obviously by many others here and if the kid does not learn what is and is not acceptable at his own father's wake, then when will HE learn. I stand by my original reply.

My father died when I was 8, I don't remember drinking a Sprite or slurpee there...I must be a neanderthal for having manners.

You may want to try to re-read it one more time, she says the deceased son is GROWN, I'm assuming he's already learned what he needs to know. And I assume if he had a drink there he must have needed one. I'm not perfect, I just don't see why somebody would go to a wake and then turn around and make fun of the family to 60,000 of her closest friends, sorry, that's rude. If I were close to the person, I think I would understand pretty clearly why the person had a drink in his hand, and I imagine I wouldn't even notice it. I certainly wouldn't point it out.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Originally posted by 4cruisin

My father died when I was 8, I don't remember drinking a Sprite or slurpee there...I must be a neanderthal for having manners.

By the way, my Mother died when I was 15, I couldn't tell you if I had a drink, there was a lot going on at the time. What I can tell you is that if I would have had a drink with me none of the people who were close to me or my Mother would have pointed out to me what a major 'faux pas' it was. I thnk they probably would have had other things on their minds. Also my sister was 8 when my Mother died, I can't imagine anybody telling an 8 year old she wasn't allowed to have something to drink, how sad.

 

[CamColt]

To touch on a few points here...

This was my MIL's wake and it was my BIL and his kids drinking. Trust me, I dont need a wake to turn around and talk about this guy. However, I dont feel I was making fun of him at all. I was asking for opinions on the situation, mainly because as I said in my original post, I may(ok, I do) have a biased opinion on the person. Even my DH, who yes, just lost his mother, was embarrassed by what they were doing. He even said "I thought my mother raised us better than that"
And yes, the bottle was opened with a loud noise during a 2 minute prayer service. I guess he couldnt wait.

Drinking the sprite was not his only break as he also went out to the car to eat a fast food meal with his whole family. I will admit I brought snacks for my kids(4 & 7) but made them take a very quick 5 minute break outside. DH never went outside.

There was a large hallway with furniture outside the viewing room and if the drinks were kept there I wouldnt have thought much about it. Water was offered there. There was also a "smoking room", but I dont blame them for not going down there. I wouldnt have wanted my kids eating there either.

I guess according to what HusbandAlwaysWorking mentioned, I was correct in thinking the drinks werent technically allowed in there as we are in MA too.

As for the laughter and fun stories, we had lots of those, especially while looking at all the pictures. I agree that it should be a time of celebrating the person, and I know she wouldnt have wanted everyone sad. I guess the reason the drinking shocked me so much is because Ive just always known you dont do that...and maybe because, as mentioned, that is technically the law. Maybe its no so much an inappropriate thing when it is allowed, but being from a place where it isnt, made it seem wrong to me. Its just something you dont see around here and seeing it, like seeing anything different, made it stand out.

 

[Chattyaholic]

Just another reason why I don't want a full-blown "funeral" when I die. I just don't see the need for a 3-day long "event" when someone dies. Too hard on the family. And then there are those who have the nerve to criticize the immediately family members for how they are acting.

When I pass on I want to be cremated and have my family have a short commital service at the cemetery, with ONLY the family and any close friends THEY wish to have there as well.

And if my DH goes before me we will have a short commital service at the cemetary for him as well, no long, drawn-out funeral for his extended family to come pouring out of the woodwork to attend. They wouldn't attend our wedding (religious reasons ) and most of them have never set foot in our home so why would I want a funeral service with all of them coming up to me saying how sorry they are, blah blah blah.