What do you think of this?

[luvmarypoppins]

My aunt told me last night that my cousins ds (who is a year between my 2 ds) received a letter from his dad, He is 18. He lives in the same town no less and couldnt even call him. The parents are divorced. The dad said...we are adopting a child from Kenya (not physically_) and making a donation in your name and also contributing to the alzheimers association in your name for christmas??? O.k. This dad has not paid child support in years, not just for his son but his dd as well. I was just speechless. I know my cousins ds is probably heartbroken. He said he wanted to write a letter back, but my aunt told him not to. I just felt so sad. Its like this guy is just heaping the coals on this boys head. I dont know why he has to add to an already practically non existent relationship as it it at the holidays no less. I think the ds commented that "I see he is treating the boy from Kenya better than his own son

 

[Tuffcookie]

All I can think is, "Wow"! Now his dad can be a deadbeat dad to children in 2 continents.

I think I would be tempted to take the letter to the child support enforcement agency in their jurisdiction. If he has the funds to sponsor a foreign child, he should be paying something back to his children's mother for their support!

Jerk!!!

TC

 

[cheermom1]

I would let my ds do what he thinks he should and let it unfold from there - he is 18 and should be able to make that choice ...man what a horrible thing to do to a kid?? wow just wow...

 

[minkydog]

What a jerk! I wouldn't have a problem with a parent sponsering a child in another country if he were also supporting his child emotionally and perhaps financially. In this case he's not doing either. It's a stab in the back.

If the cousin wants to write a letter to his dad I'd encourage it. But tell him that nothing is going to change. If dear old dad wanted to change he would have by now. Your cousins upsettedness will likely have ZERO effect on dad. Indeed, dad can probably make a case justifying why he doesn't owe this boy anything.

How do I know all this? I lived it. My father disappeared when I was 19 and had nothing to do with me for about 30 years. I tried about 6 times to make contact and reopen the relationship, even writing him the Big Letter detailing everything he did wrong (yeah, yeah, I know, stoopid.) Made not one bit of difference.

Stand by for support. This boy is gonna need it.

 

[holycow]

I'd say great Dad! Now send me the documentation as I don't believe a word of it.

 

[disykat]

I'd definitely respond! A nice thank you note, maybe something like... "Thank you for the recognition at Christmastime. I'm happy that you are interested in supporting a child. I'm sure it will be an interesting experience for you. Hopefully the donation to alzheimers will help others remember their families, that's always a good thing."

Joking aside, that must have been painful for your cousin's son and the whole family.

 

[golfgal]

I would have him send a reply to the effect of "well it is good you have chosen to support at least ONE child in this word". Nice "Dad". What a jerk.

I think mom is doing her son a disservice by not letting him express how hurt he is by his dad. I think it would help tremendously if he would send a letter back.

 

[bumbershoot]

"Thank you for the recognition at Christmastime. I'm happy that you are interested in supporting a child. I'm sure it will be an interesting and brand new experience for you. Hopefully the donation to alzheimers will help others remember their families, that's always a good thing."

Added a little.

 

[DarthKTrava]

"Gee. I guess you can support some other child but can't give a crap about the one you have. Goes to show what a deadbeat LOSER you are."

He'd best hope his son doesn't hate him for ignoring him. I have an acquaintance who doesn't pay any attention to his first child and not much at all to his son. We thought it was wrong that the rest of us paid more attention to his son than he did.

My father was non-existant in my life and I have no positive feelings for him. My thing was "where was he when I REALLY NEEDED a father???"

 

[OceanAnnie]

All I can think is, "Wow"! Now his dad can be a deadbeat dad to children in 2 continents.

I think I would be tempted to take the letter to the child support enforcement agency in their jurisdiction. If he has the funds to sponsor a foreign child, he should be paying something back to his children's mother for their support!

Jerk!!!

TC

Yep. That's exactly what I'd do.

 

[holycow]

You go Tuffcookie!

I too think the mother is doing a disservice to the child. He needs to be able to tell his dad how he feels.

 

[Buckalew11]

I'd definitely respond! A nice thank you note, maybe something like... "Thank you for the recognition at Christmastime. I'm happy that you are interested in supporting a child. I'm sure it will be an interesting experience for you. Hopefully the donation to alzheimers will help others remember their families, that's always a good thing."

Joking aside, that must have been painful for your cousin's son and the whole family.

I think this wih Bumbershoots add in.

 

[DarthKTrava]

You go Tuffcookie!

I too think the mother is doing a disservice to the child. He needs to be able to tell his dad how he feels.

True. But she might want to wait until he's ready to do so.

 

[disneyismyname]

I'd say let him write to his "dad". He might regret not doing it later..like I do.

Two years ago..my dad bought my sister and I (21 and 25 at the time) glass figurines. We were totally speechless..and confused but I didn't confront him about it because we were at his parents, our g-parents house and I did not want to stir something up. When my sis and I came home..my mother asked us how was it. All i could do was toss the box containing the glass figurine of a butterfly at her and cry. I was so upset and I'd assume mom would call him and give him hell. But she didn't. She said, " You and your sister are at the age now where you can fight your own battles with your dad, you both are over 18..I cannot do anything about this."
She was right.
Still fumming ....I went to check the prices online. Thinking "maybe they were really expensive?" ...nope. mine was less than 8bucks and my sisters less then 10! I start crying again...grabbed the box and broke the damn thing and threw it in the trash.
It was the worst X-mas for me personally.