What do you think of prenuptial agreements?

[Lovely2CU]

Prenuptial Agreements: A necessary contract to protect individual wealth, or a selfish legal move that focuses on the money, instead of love? What are your thoughts? Did you sign a prenup, or did you wish you had?

I understand the necessity in certain situations. It depends on the people and circumstance and in some cases (Paul McCartney comes to mind) one would be a fool to not have an iron clad prenup.

In some ways i can understand having a prenup. Two people should part ways with what they had... it certainly prevents one or the other from being raked through the coals simply out of spite...

 

[Rora]

Prenuptial Agreements: A necessary contract to protect individual wealth, or a selfish legal move that focuses on the money, instead of love? What are your thoughts? Did you sign a prenup, or did you wish you had?

I understand the necessity in certain situations. It depends on the people and circumstance and in some cases (Paul McCartney comes to mind) one would be a fool to not have an iron clad prenup.

In some ways i can understand having a prenup. Two people should part ways with what they had... it certainly prevents one or the other from being raked through the coals simply out of spite...

I voted dislike but like you said OP, I can kind of understand having a prenup for the reason you stated alone: two people should part ways with what they had.

Regardless, I think they are so unromantic and if DFiance asked me to sign one, there wouldn't be a wedding!

 

[ladycollector]

I think it depends on the situation. For normal people i am not a fan. If you come to the marriage with a lot of wealth, you definitely want to protect what you worked hard for before the marriage. Once in the marriage I do believe everything is 50/50 as you are a partnership.

 

[Acklander]

I'm in favor of them. I didn't have a pre-nup with DH, since we both came into the marriage with very little. However, If something were to happen to dh and I was to remarry, I'd want a pre-nup to protect what dh and I have built together for our children.

 

[happygirl]

If you think the person is after your money, you shouldn't marry them to begin with

 

[eliza61]

Totally think they are a good thing. I'm as romantic as the next person but one of the big reason I think we have such high divorce rates is no one wants to realistically think of the work it takes to make a marriage work. We are so busy with the "love conquers all" by line. After 24 years of marriage to a great guy, sorry I feel that some time it takes a lot more than love to make a marriage work. As many of my divorce lawyers say, couples know how to have a wedding unfortunately they don't know how to have a marriage.
Also many people are on the 2nd and 3rd marriages so prenups aren't just for the couple. there may be children and previous spouses in the situation.

I think if my husband would have asked me for a prenup, I would have asked him why he felt he needed one. If he had valid reasons for needing one, I would have gotten an attorney and been happy to negotiate a prenup.

If some thing would happen to my sweetie and I find myself in the position to remarry, you better believe hubby #2 will be signing a prenup.

 

[my3sonsagn]

I can understand celebrities and the uber-rich wanting and having them; they always seem to draw the greedy and the crazy (hey - a new name for a soap lol), and those traits can be well hidden, so yeah, I get it for them.

For the average Joe/Jane, though, I'm against prenups. It's like saying your marriage will be a failure before it even happens, IMO, and would definitely put me off marrying someone who insisted on one - what are they saying about my character and our potential as a couple if they're already planning for the divorce?

Fortunately it's something my hubby and I won't have to deal with; neither of us has anything the other might want. lol

 

[ZephyrHawk]

People should not necessarily part ways with what they came into a relationship with. I met my husband in college when we both had nothing. I lived with him and helped to support him through the remainder of college and all through law school. I helped him apply for jobs and dealt with the fallout when he was having trouble getting hired. No offense, but I fully believe I own a part of his degrees and his jobs. If I were a SAHW and we parted ways, I'd expect a fair share from the same.

As it is, DH has pointed out, I'd be more likely to owe him alimony if we were to get divorced, but that's not the point.

 

[C.Ann]

I think they throw a very negative light - right from the get go - on how well the person making the request feels about the future of the marriage..

 

[Aisling]

I think if my husband would have asked me for a prenup, I would have asked him why he felt he needed one. If he had valid reasons for needing one, I would have gotten an attorney and been happy to negotiate a prenup.

This is why I'd have a problem with a pre-nup. What "valid" reason could there be? I mean, if I asked my fiance why he wanted a pre-nup, what else could he say but "well, in case we get divorced, you won't get all my money" or something like that. That would be a major turn-off to me, even though it's practical. It would be hard for me to go into a marriage with stipulations in case we get divorced. I'd feel the same way if I were the one coming into the marriage with all the money. I wouldn't want a pre-nup.

However, I do understand that not all marriages are entered into for the same reasons. An older couple marrying more for companionship than romance might be smart to get a pre-nup. And feelings wouldn't be hurt because they are both going into the marriage for practical reasons.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I think they throw a very negative light - right from the get go - on how well the person making the request feels about the future of the marriage..

Thank you, C.Ann.

If two people start out a marriage planning "what happens if we part", the "if" becomes a "when" and it's an easy out when (and it is a "when"!) the going gets tough. IMO, it makes material possessions more important than the relationship.

 

[RitaE]

In general - not a fan.
What valid reason could there be?

Well in some cases say there is a family farm or ranch that has been in one particular family for 4 or 5 generations now. The couple either gets divorced or sadly .. the one party member dies. The spouse remarries and obtains a couple of stepchildren who then become possible beneficiaries of the family estate.

I've seen cases like that a couple of times where a family has a standard practice of Pre-Nups to protect generations of family assets.

As far as athletes or whatever.... well in many cases I think what they are looking for is not a marriage or a family but a contractual relationship with physical benefits. They may even love or like each other, but they still see it as a finite relationship with an end from the get go.

It just isn't something I'd want or something I'd advise my children to do.

 

[SpecialK]

Totally think they are a good thing. I'm as romantic as the next person but one of the big reason I think we have such high divorce rates is no one wants to realistically think of the work it takes to make a marriage work. We are so busy with the "love conquers all" by line. After 24 years of marriage to a great guy, sorry I feel that some time it takes a lot more than love to make a marriage work. As many of my divorce lawyers say, couples know how to have a wedding unfortunately they don't know how to have a marriage.
Also many people are on the 2nd and 3rd marriages so prenups aren't just for the couple. there may be children and previous spouses in the situation.

I think if my husband would have asked me for a prenup, I would have asked him why he felt he needed one. If he had valid reasons for needing one, I would have gotten an attorney and been happy to negotiate a prenup.

If some thing would happen to my sweetie and I find myself in the position to remarry, you better believe hubby #2 will be signing a prenup.

Totally agree.

 

[robinb]

I think it depends on the situation. For normal people i am not a fan. If you come to the marriage with a lot of wealth, you definitely want to protect what you worked hard for before the marriage. Once in the marriage I do believe everything is 50/50 as you are a partnership.

I agree. I voted "in favor" because I think they are needed by some people to protect what is theirs before the marriage.

 

[Tuffcookie]

When you are young and just starting out, no prenuptial agreements are needed as you are building together.

When you marry at an older age I might see the need for a prenuptial agreement. BUT, I agree with C Ann, in that no matter how nicely it's handled, it gets the marriage off to a bad start.

TC

 

[happygirl]

I agree. I voted "in favor" because I think they are needed by some people to protect what is theirs before the marriage.

Why would you marry someone that you thought would take your money to begin with.

 

[RadioNate]

While I don't like them, per say, I think they are necessary for people with significant assets. The truth is that most people aren't fair and reasonable in the case of divorce.

While they are unromantic, marriage is a legal contract, so why not have one if you have assets that require protection.

 

[wendy46001]

Why would you marry someone that you thought would take your money to begin with.

I think there is a difference between family money and "your" money
Family trusts arent just about the two people getting married...they belong to a larger group that needs to be protected

at least in the short term or pre-child
so yes if large assets are involved i'm in favor of them

 

[luvmy3]

If you think the person is after your money, you shouldn't marry them to begin with

Why would you marry someone that you thought would take your money to begin with.

You must be fortunate, maybe you do not know anyone who had a very happy marriage for 20+ years only to have it fall apart and have their spouse screw them out of everything.
I think when we have a divorce rate of 50% a pre-nup is a necessary evil. Its not about someone out to get your money from the start of the relationship, its about people and situations changing and protecting what you have, just in case. I'm all for them.

 

[C.Ann]

Thank you, C.Ann.

If two people start out a marriage planning "what happens if we part", the "if" becomes a "when" and it's an easy out when (and it is a "when"!) the going gets tough. IMO, it makes material possessions more important than the relationship.

It would be a "deal breaker" for me.. If I can't trust the person I'm going to marry 100% and that person can't trust me 100% - and start off with the "assumption" that the marriage could go south, it's bye-bye..

And I have been married and divorced once.. I don't know if it's just our state laws or what, but what was mine prior to the marriage remained mine - and what was his, remained his..