What do you think about this?

[allison443]

We have a giving tree for families at our school. My son brought home a few requests. One of them is a coat. Another is cleaning supplies. Some family--at my son's school--is so bad off that they have to ask for cleaning supplies for a christmas gift. That's just not right. I would love to give a Starbuck's gift card because then I know my gift is bringing a special treat to someone.

Thank you for the reminder that many people are truly in need of the basics, and hopefully they will get what they need. There are always "scam stories" or whatever but there are also people in real need.

 

[Mr Man]

This may be a bit off topic, as it has nothing to do with a giving tree, but I do have a story about giving to those less fortunate.

My wife's restaurant caters lunch at the local women's shelter here in town every Christmas Eve the last 5 years running. It is a great thing but every year she comes home with heart rending stories (mainly from the children there). Men generally aren't welcome there (for obvious reasons), so the stories are relayed to me from DW.

Here are a few from last year.

One child, around 7 had never seen shrimp. DW explained to her what they are and had her taste one. She loved it and shyly asked if she could have more. Needless to say she ate well that day. Here's the kicker, DW asked the same girl what she would like for Christmas. She said shampoo.......shampoo. Dang. DW still tears up on that one.

Another child same age was amazed that he could have a whole can of soda. He promised he was going to share it with his little brother. DW gave him a can for his brother also. He walked away holding those sodas like they were treasures. And they were to him and his.

I don't know how DW does it every year, but I respect and love her more because she does.

I guess what I am trying to say is, 'tis the season, and who knows....maybe that gourmet coffee keeps someone's mother from giving up on this world.

I am all for it.

Regards,

 

[luvmyfam444]

Yes I too think it's odd - typically those kind of trees are for the needy & that doesn't sound real needy to me - you'd think the people picked would fall into an income requirement - not likely people that poor would have stepped into a Starbucks with their own money...

I dunno - I think its fine for gifts to be bought for mom if they are useful but not something like that - maybe I'd overlook it if it was a McDOnalds gift card where at least she could take the whole family.

That's as bad(IMO) as asking for a gc to the fancy steak rest down the street....

 

[ZPT1022]

Several years ago my girl scout troop helped at a Christmas party for residents of a women's transitional housing facility. The girls each donated a new kid's coat as well as toys. The organizers also got many other donations of coats and toys, gifts for the moms, they had a nice catered party, etc. The girls organized crafts and games for the kids. It was very nice. However, the girls were shocked that some of the moms had their nails done, leather coats, designer purses, lots of jewelry, cell phones. They could not understand why these women didn't provide coats for their kids. I did my best to explain.

How can you even explain that. There really is nothing to say that would make that right. Sorry, but if I had a coat and my child didn't, my child would be wearing MY coat.

 

[ZPT1022]

Yes I too think it's odd - typically those kind of trees are for the needy & that doesn't sound real needy to me - you'd think the people picked would fall into an income requirement - not likely people that poor would have stepped into a Starbucks with their own money...

I dunno - I think its fine for gifts to be bought for mom if they are useful but not something like that - maybe I'd overlook it if it was a McDOnalds gift card where at least she could take the whole family.

That's as bad(IMO) as asking for a gc to the fancy steak rest down the street....

About the income requirement- someone who was previously accustomed to a decent lifestyle can still have a financial crisis. My family did quite well until my father had cancer that he fought for three years before he died from it. Even though his job/union took pretty good care of him those were still very hard years for my family financially. We never got so bad that we had to rely on charity or social services but it came pretty darn close. If a $5 gift card to Starbucks would have made my mother feel normal again just for a few minutes (twice probably, since a large coffee at Starbucks costs me $2.07 when I buy one for DH) I would hate to think that someone would belittle that as selfish and horrible. I think a gift card to Starbucks could actually be pretty cheap compared to say, a purse, or clothes, or whatever else. It's not like the woman asked for a spa day

Thinking about it- for about $6 I could go to Starbucks and get a large coffee plus three chocolate milks or hot cocoas for the kids. Not too horrible for a splurge.

I've worked at a local volunteer organization that organizes things like this and yes, they often force the parents to put a splurge for themselves. They can usually list off a million things that the kids would like/need but when it comes to saying something for themselves, they freeze up, or say that they don't need anything. There are a few that come in that you want to tell them to turn back around (like the Dad who played his PSP the whole time and ticked off a list of games that he wanted for it) because you just get the vibe that they are milking the system but in the end there's no way to tell for sure. I guess in the end, if it bugs you, don't buy it

 

[ZPT1022]

This may be a bit off topic, as it has nothing to do with a giving tree, but I do have a story about giving to those less fortunate.

My wife's restaurant caters lunch at the local women's shelter here in town every Christmas Eve the last 5 years running. It is a great thing but every year she comes home with heart rending stories (mainly from the children there). Men generally aren't welcome there (for obvious reasons), so the stories are relayed to me from DW.

Here are a few from last year.

One child, around 7 had never seen shrimp. DW explained to her what they are and had her taste one. She loved it and shyly asked if she could have more. Needless to say she ate well that day. Here's the kicker, DW asked the same girl what she would like for Christmas. She said shampoo.......shampoo. Dang. DW still tears up on that one.

Another child same age was amazed that he could have a whole can of soda. He promised he was going to share it with his little brother. DW gave him a can for his brother also. He walked away holding those sodas like they were treasures. And they were to him and his.

I don't know how DW does it every year, but I respect and love her more because she does.

I guess what I am trying to say is, 'tis the season, and who knows....maybe that gourmet coffee keeps someone's mother from giving up on this world.

I am all for it.

Regards,

Awwwwww...... I'd be tempted to have her ask all the kids what they want and call me with a list and show up to drop it off. I don't know if I could help it when the kids want such basic things as shampoo and are amazed by a can of soda

 

[EMom]

We have a giving tree for families at our school. My son brought home a few requests. One of them is a coat. Another is cleaning supplies. Some family--at my son's school--is so bad off that they have to ask for cleaning supplies for a christmas gift. That's just not right. I would love to give a Starbuck's gift card because then I know my gift is bringing a special treat to someone.

Now THAT is the kind of list I would see and go out and buy whatever was on the list (cleaning supplies, coat, etc.) and then go out and buy lots of nice stuff for the mom and kids. Not extravagant, over the top stuff, but some very nice toys and definitely more clothes than they asked for or gift cards to some places where they could select their own clothes. You WANT to go the extra mile for someone like that, especially when you know it's really going to bring a smile to those kids' faces on Christmas.

I've been poor as a church mouse, but I never felt entitled or like anyone owed me. I would have never had the nerve to ask for luxury items when I was young. As an adult, if we fell on hard times, I would probably swallow my pride if I had no other choice for my child to have a decent Christmas. But I wouldn't ask for expensive things, because we don't buy those now even though we can afford them. And I certainly wouldn't ask for them for myself. For every request I made for myself, that would mean some child would lose out, at least in my mind.

One year a female relative had a difficult time and had to sign up for one of those lists. She has several kids. Her not so D Husband left her high and dry and penniless....oh and homeless just before Christmas. What a peach. She went from middle class to broke. He had spent it all and hidden tons of debt. We gave her some money, as did other relatives. I had a place she could live, and let her live there free. He'd have let her and the kids live in a shelter or the car. Anyway, she was mortified to have their names on that list, but I pointed out she had donated to such lists many times in the past and never looked down on the recipients. Anyway, she was hoping for a few modest gifts for the kids and they got the mother of all Christmases! What a haul. She did not expect that. And on a "what a b*stard" note: Their father, who would not send a cent to support them, also gave them wonderful gifts so he'd look great....but he still didn't send any money until the courts nearly sent him to jail.

 

[Mickey&Donald]

The other day, I was at WalMart, waiting in line at customer service, and I noticed an "angel child" tree. I was shocked to see that 90% of the kids requested X Box games, Nintendo DS games and Wii games. I mean, if you're THAT bad off, that your child's name ends up on a tree at WalMart, what in the world are you doing buying a $200-500 game system!?

However, I see nothing wrong with requesting a Starbucks card -- everyone should be able to enjoy small luxuries once in a while (I said SMALL luxuries, people). If not at Christmas, then when?

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

'tis the season, and who knows....maybe that gourmet coffee keeps someone's mother from giving up on this world.

 

[graygables]

When we do these, we read them carefully before choosing. The one that stands out most to me was the kids asking for coats, mittens, and hats and the mom asked for "just hugs and kisses". Oh my word. My girls decided they didn't need much that year, so we took most of our budget and bought the kids, not only coats, mittens, and hats, but socks, outfits, and toys. We also bought the mom some gift cards and wrapped up a bag of Hershey Hugs and Kisses. That was one I wish I could have delivered myself.

 

[barkley]

some of the groups that do these trees (like the social services agency i worked for) make up entirely fictional names and 'wishes' in order to get a variety of items to serve as many people as possible. a 'family' wish ornament that reflects a mom a couple of teens and 2 younger children may actualy be created in order to provide for a variety of individuals or families. the idea is that rather than one family receiving the overwhelming generosity of contributors, these resources can be spread out among multiple recipients. a starbucks gift card could be an appropriate gift for a man or woman, adult or teen-so it could be placed on a 'wish' ornament in an attempt to secure generic gifts to help out someone that might otherwise be passed over.

before anyone complains that this is deceptive or misleading-please understand, in the case of children in the foster care system there are very stringent confidentiality laws that prevent even first names from being made public. as far as other persons go-unless an organization can get a release of confidentiality signed by the the applicants they risk legal action, and many organizations feel that noone by virtue of not wanting to have even their or their children's first names publicized on these 'trees' should be excluded from being able to participate (if you live in a small town it's not hard for your friends, neighbors, kids teachers to figure out who you are if your first name and all your kids first names are written on one of those ornaments).

 

[jemiaule]

The other day, I was at WalMart, waiting in line at customer service, and I noticed an "angel child" tree. I was shocked to see that 90% of the kids requested X Box games, Nintendo DS games and Wii games. I mean, if you're THAT bad off, that your child's name ends up on a tree at WalMart, what in the world are you doing buying a $200-500 game system!?

Maybe they were lucky enough a previous Christmas to get the gaming system in question and this year they are wishing for new games to play on it?

 

[MELSMICE]

I dunno - I think its fine for gifts to be bought for mom if they are useful but not something like that - maybe I'd overlook it if it was a McDOnalds gift card where at least she could take the whole family.

I guess I have different thoughts about a "gift". To me a gift is something you wish for - something you wouldn't purchase for yourself.

Just because someone is in need doesn't mean they shouldn't have a little splurge for themselves.

The other day, I was at WalMart, waiting in line at customer service, and I noticed an "angel child" tree. I was shocked to see that 90% of the kids requested X Box games, Nintendo DS games and Wii games. I mean, if you're THAT bad off, that your child's name ends up on a tree at WalMart, what in the world are you doing buying a $200-500 game system!?

However, I see nothing wrong with requesting a Starbucks card -- everyone should be able to enjoy small luxuries once in a while (I said SMALL luxuries, people). If not at Christmas, then when?

We adopt a different family for Christmas every year. We have 3 teens so I always ask for a family similiar to ours. One child is a 12 year old boy this year. He asked for XBox games.

My first reaction was, "What they heck, they can afford XBox & they are looking for handouts". Then I stopped for a moment & thought that possibly the gaming system could have been a hand me down from someone, it could have been a gift in previous years or he couldn't have gotten during better times for the family.

I know nothing about the family except the children's ages & their wishes. I kept thinking that maybe one of the parents lost their job or someone is sick. I try not to judge.

 

[Lachesis00]

I don't like those giving trees much.

We sponsored a family one year via my work and this was back when the Internet deals were amazingly awesome... We kept under the 'set amount of $. And we picked stuff out for this family (stuff like cleaning supplies were listed and simple stuff like clothes and coats).
Well because according to the Salvation Army we 'over bought' (by at least 4x in their eyes), they opened EVERY gift and separated it into 4 families. While I do understand in a way why they did it, I am still mad years later. We stayed under the limit, we just happened to shop really carefully. We picked stuff specifically for this family of 7, and it really ticked me off. We did a nice food basket on top of the gifts. They didn't even ask us if it was OK. They just did it. We have no idea what our family actually ended up getting. I remember the thank you letter mentioned some food and how grateful they were. And (not that I expect credit or thanks per say) were only acknowledged for the one family. I would have been curious about the other families we helped out.

 

[ckay87]

I guess what I am trying to say is, 'tis the season, and who knows....maybe that gourmet coffee keeps someone's mother from giving up on this world.

I am all for it.

,

Bravo!! That sums it up for me as well.

Those papers hanging on those trees....those are asking for gifts, wishes. You can be dirt poor and still wish for a diamond ring, right? That's an extreme example, but certainly a poor person can wish for a nice cup of coffee or a nice purse or something. At least once a year. I don't think essentials are gifts. Those papers hanging on the tree...those are for gifts - wishes. We can donate food, toiletries, clothing, coats, etc. through other means.

 

[Camicar]

I am not going to buy for the so-called needy what I am too frugal to buy for myself (such as Starbucks or XBox games or $125 sneakers). I grew up poor and I knew plenty of people who put that kind of crap on the giving trees and you know what they called the people who gave them these 'splurges'?

"Rich chumps."

And heads up: Half the time the parents would take the stuff and sell it for drugs.

Knowing that is why I generally confine my holiday donations to money for our local food pantry.

 

[MELSMICE]

I don't think essentials are gifts.

Exactly the way I feel, but I just couldn't shorten up my thoughts as well!!!

 

[undertheradar]

My sixth grader brought home a letter from school yesterday. Her class is sponsoring a family of 4, a recently widowed father and daughters ages 16, 13, 8. The list was a complete turnoff for us, as they only wanted gift cards! The stores listed were Best Buy, Circuit City, Target, Starbucks, etc.
We don't go to Starbucks and we shop sales. It is insulting to read these lists and know that these families are asking for handouts. We find it very hard to buy for the adults. My daughter's scout troop is sponsoring a family and the list is everything down to shoe sizes for 5 kids(16 month old through 13 yo), as well as both parents. As a parent, my kids come first.

 

[kinntj]

I was happy to see needs on my DD's school sharing tree. Cleaning supplies was listed, as well as coats, hat/mittens/scarves, and gas gift cards. I picked up a Target Gift card tag. Our school organizes this for families that have children that actually go to this school.

I guess I would be a little put off by the Starbucks tag, but I would probably not pick it. I like to pick things like coats and hats first. It seems the people really need those and would provide for them first.

 

[okeydokey]

We do this in our church and adopt tso kids close in age to my own kids. The items we get are culled from the big list the families provide which often include big ticket items I can't afford to get my own kids (Real drum sets and dirt bikes, x box systems.) We choose the ones who ask for clothes, winter coats and some basic toys. One year, kids were asking for Grand Theft Auto for their gaming systems. It seemed funny to ask for that game from the church.