What do you spend on/give your nieces and nephews for Christmas ? vent and question.

[pyrxtc]

Do your siblings buy your other kids birthday gifts every year as well as Christmas gifts? If so, then your daughter is always a gift short, which I think is a mean thing for an aunt and uncle to do.

yes, they get them birthday gifts.

 

[mrssmith06]

That's awful. We have several relative kids with b-days in Dec and Jan and we would never skip them at Christmas just because their b-day is close to it!!!

Whether it be Christmas or a birthday gift, we usually spend about $10-$15 each on them.
And my niece and nephew who are 21 and 20 still get gifts!! They are still like part of "the kids" to me, lol.

 

[luvmy3]

Then they shouldn't have done anything for our oldest who is 18. My DD just asked me about it too. I texted my sister. She just got skipped over. She got the same amount from them for her birthday gift as her siblings got for xmas.

It's not mandatory and I don't expect gifts from them. I do expect them to give all of them something and not skip over one.

It kind of sounds like you do. She did get gifts, just because it was less money spent and not in a Christmas bag with Merry Christmas doesn't mean she didn't. I understand there weren't specific Christmas gifts, but its not like she got absolutely nothing. If she was 6 I could see an issue, but not for a 16 year old

 

[MinnieLovesMickey]

For birthdays, each sibling spends about $20-$25 on the child. For Christmas, we do a secret santa and we're each assigned a child, we spend $35-$40.

My sister was born on Christmas Eve and has always had separate birthday gifts/Christmas gifts.

My Mom's birthday is within a week of two of her siblings and it was always a joint thing, one cake for all to share.

 

[minkydog]

My sibs and I don't exchange gifts, but we do send gifts to the nieces and nephews. When they hit 19, the gifting stops. Which is fine with me. My older kids are 26 & 19. It is very hard for others to buy for them, because of their ages. It was so much easier when they were 8!

Of my I have 5 nieces and nephews. We rarely see them,as the live in different states. Only one has ever sent a thank you note, and she is consistant about that. I am happy to send her a gift, not so much the other 4. At this point only 2 are under age 10--Dneice 15 and Dnephew 12. I don't really know what they want--both are on the autism spectrum, so they have some pretty specific tastes. I give each one a card with $20 cash in it. Dead presidents fit everyone.

 

[DaisyD]

My inlaws are an odd bunch. Since they have so many neices and nephews they stop buying for all of them once they hit 18. I never thought this right as some family have kids in it above and below 18 and not right to give one gift to one and nothing to others. Anyway, I give whether you are an adult or child. You are still my neice and nephew. We give $150 a child for christmas. A little less for birthdays.

 

[MM27]

I only have 1 niece (7 years old) and her birthday is December 7th. Birthday and Christmas are completely different. I wouldn't cheat her out of either because they are close. Totally unfair. I don't have a $ amount that's set. If there is something I know she would like and it's within my budget, I'll get it. I don't have kids so I spend a lot on her during the year too.

 

[ebtbmom]

My family is not big into gift giving so we all agreed to stop! It makes the holidays less stressful in my opinion. I buy for DS and my parents only. I do buy birthday presents if I'm invited to a party but the kids are getting older and don't really want family parties anymore.

 

[EllaM]

I have 9 nieces and nephews and am close to my siblings. I've also kinda stepped in for my mom who passed away a few years because I am the family organizer and take care of our dad. So the "aunt rules" are broadened for me since I am also the grandpa's righthand man. We do a family-wide Kris Kringle now so everyone only "has" to shop for one person. Even the youngest at 5 (most of the kids are between 11 and 15) draws a name from the hat. The Kris Kringle is the biggest gift I give. We include the kids so they learn the spirit of Christmas is about giving and not just receiving. Since we've been doing it the number of overall toy presents has dropped but the kids are spending as much time getting excited over watching others open presents as they are their own.

I do all the present buying for my dad so after Kris Kringle I then add gifts for all the grandkids. I fill a stocking for each kid (Christmas crackers, candy, little toys, a gift card for iTunes, Amazon or Google Play). I don't limit myself to a certain amount in total for each kid, nor do I work out even number of presents. Just what I find and want to give.

I HATE this present counting/even steven game some folks do (including some of my family members). My philosophy for gifts is that it's a chance to remember someone in your heart and share a token of your affection. So I go out shopping and think of that person then try to figure out what would make them smile the most. My reward is to see that person light up when they receive a special treat on Christmas Day.

I stopped trying to be even on birthdays years ago. Now my philosophy is if I see the child and celebrate with them I give them a gift. If not, I try to at least wish them a happy birthday. When I was growing up I had an aunt who would send me $5 every birthday by mail. I was always tickled to receive that. To this day one of aunt's sends me a lottery card for my birthday worth about that amount. One year I won $20. I'm hoping one day I scratch off the $1mil ticket.

 

[beachbunny]

DH and I have 8 nieces and nephews. We spend $75 on each of them plus another $150 on each set of parents.

SIL was born the day after Christmas. We always get her a separate gift - even though most times it comes in Christmas, not birthday wrap.

 

[mamamary]

Nieces and nephews get $50 each for birthdays and the same for Christmas. The youngest is 19 so we started giving cash a few years ago as it was just easier for them to buy something that they wanted. My kids are younger so sometimes they get actual gifts but other times they also will receive $50.

 

[indimom]

My birthday is New Year's Eve and I never, ever got "less" gifts due to the date. Sometimes I got combo gifts, but that meant they were better gifts because they bought one item with the money they would have spent on two.


Leaving the birthday out of it completely: I think it's wrong to give gifts to some kids and not others (at a party or event) unless you made it clear, up front, that there is an age cutoff or whatever. It's not about the money, it's about making someone feel left out.

Answering the original question: We do not exchange gifts for the kids on DH's side of the family. There are too many and half of them are in Oklahoma, half in Indiana. On my side of the family, the nieces and nephews exchange names so each one gets a $25 gift plus stocking stuffers at our family party. The oldest three are 16yo. I expect that when they graduate or turn 18, they will be removed from the gift exchange category like the other adults (and the adults do not exchange gifts).

 

[tennisfan]

I have a niece who is 7 and a 4 year old nephew. For Christmas I spend about $50 each and birthdays about $30. Whenever i go on holiday i buy the kids something. I try and make the money even. I have no children myself, my sister is always pleased with whatever the kids have even if one aunt has spent more she wouldn't say anything.

Neither of my niece and nephews birthday is near Christmas but even if they were it would be separate gifts.

 

[Disney Doll]

I agree with you that it is too bad that your relatives did not give your DD16 a Christmas gift. A birthday gift for a birthday close to Christmas is not "in lieu of" a Christmas gift, IMHO. I would not have done that to a niece or nephew of mine.

As a PP said, some of your relatives sound a bit toxic so it's probably good that you are moving away and will be able to have a life without too mmuch interference from them. Since you are going to be away now, you might be able to ease out of the "give all the nieces and nephews gifts" thing.

 

[MissManda]

We have a niece (8) and nephew (10). We spend around $25 - $30 for each of them for both Christmas and birthday.

Their Mom, who is my sister, died several years ago. Their dad has since remarried (he married a friend of my sisters) and with that they gained a step-sister (11). We usually get her a Christmas gift as well because we don't want to leave her out (we even took her to Disney this past summer with the other two kids). We don't usually get her a birthday gift though, because we are never invited to her birthday parties.

To the OP, I do think it was mean for them to skip Christmas presents for your 16yo. It just seems mean spirited to leave her out. If they didn't want to do both a b-day and Christmas present for her (for whatever reason), they could have at least explained it beforehand so her feelings wouldn't be hurt.

 

[bdcp]

I have 7 nieces and nephews and they get the same amount ($30) each for birthdays and Christmas. Although once they turn 18, no more gifts. My sisters started that with my boys who are the oldest. The oldest do, however participate in the secret santa with all the other adults.

As for birthdays near Christmas, we have one niece, one nephew and our oldest son who all have birthdays in December (two of them a week before) and we always get separate gifts and always have. My son can never say that anyone treated his birthday and Christmas as a one gift holiday. Always recognized both. He was actually due Christmas day, but was born one week earlier.

 

[JDX4]

I think that is terrible that they didn't give one of your kids a Christmas gift. If they hadn't given to any that would be fine, but to leave a child out is just mean.

My nephew will turn 10 tomorrow on Christmas day, and in the past I have always gotten him separate gifts. I wrap his birthday gifts in birthday paper, and Christmas gifts in Christmas paper. I usually spend roughly equal amounts on both gifts. This year, however, he wants a gift card for video games, so I bought him one larger amount gift card (what I would spend normally on birthday and Christmas) and then bought him a smaller gift - a marshmallow shooter and a bag of mini marshmallows- as his birthday gift. But it is still 2 different gifts, just not evenly valued.

A few years ago my brother and I decided that we would no longer give gifts to each others kids for birthdays and Christmas. My nieces are 11, 14, and 17, similar in age to my kids. We decided that instead we would plan joint family excursions twice a year- once to celebrate birthdays, and once for Christmas. We let the kids pick what we will do. Instead of spending money on physical gifts, we do things like go bowling, go snow tubing, go into NYC for a show or museum, go out for hibachi, etc. It's always lots of fun, and it gives the kids memories with their cousins.

 

[4luv2cdisney]

Wow! If any of my relatives gave gifts to 1 of my children and not the other, I would not sit by quietly! How hurtful. It is not about expecting to receive a gift. You just don't exclude one child.

At first, I thought maybe your DD16 was the oldest, and they were silently imposing an age limit on gifts. At some point in most families, the kids are no longer "kids" when the adults do not exchange among themselves. Clearly, if your DD18 got a gift, that's not the case here.

As for in my family, we don't discuss spending limits for the kids, but it is usually around $50 per kid. I have two kids and one sibling has 2 kids, the other sibling has no kids, and we draw names for the adults, so there's not a lot to buy for.

 

[McKelly]

We buy gifts for all of our nieces and nephews under 18 - spend about $15-$25. Once they turn 18, they get the "adult" gift we give everybody, usually baked goods, B-BW soaps, etc.

I will also add I was a December birthday and I received many of the "combined" gifts. This is for your birthday AND Christmas. It is what it is....

My kids have NEVER received a Christmas gift from anybody on my DH"s side of the family, even though we buy for their kids. It is our choice though, and is a perfect example for us to teach our kids that Xmas is about giving and not receiving, so I guess we are lucky for that! But still, that's a tough lesson for a young child, but now they are used to it.

 

[WDSearcher]

1. Gifts are not supposed to be mandatory. NO ONE owes anyone a "gift".
2. My birthday is January 1st. I would have gotten my teeth knocked out if I complained that some one gave me a combo gift.
3. You're not going to deal with your siblings anymore because they're not spending money on your kids? Am I misreading this? Do you get along with your siblings? If not, then skip wanting gifts from them. If you do then just enjoy getting together as a family.


These scenerios are exactly why my siblings and I stopped giving gifts many years ago. Too much "you didn't do as much for my kids" and back and forth "counting" going on. We take care of our own kids and simply enjoy the family getting together as a family. The grandparents give a truckload of stuff out.

So as to what I give my neices and nephews? I get them things throughout the year. I take them to disneyworld, I take them to the movies. We are more about "doing" things than "buying" stuff.

The exception is graduations. when the two oldest graduated they got 200 bucks each from.

LOL one time of year I glad many of my family are Jehovah witnesses and don't celebrate holidays.

I totally agree with this (except for the Jehovah Witness part ... ). As I read the OP's vent, the first thing I thought was, "Wow ... way to keep score!" If the 16YO was happy with her birthday party and had a great time, why does mom care? I mean, the OP had it down to how much money everyone spent on everyone and that's the thing that's making her glad she's moving? Interesting perspective -- "I don't like you, but you better send gifts".

I don't know if my parents ever kept score when we were kids -- I had one sibling; my closest aunt & uncle had four kids. Many of our aunts and uncles were unmarried with no kids. Honestly ... with a gun to my head, I can't remember a single gift I ever got from any of them when I was a kid, although I'm sure there were presents. What I DO remember were the wacky holiday parties and the Christmas snowball fights and the entire family gathering around the TV to watch football on Christmas and the "ugliest snowman" contest we had every year.

As for my neices & nephews now? I don't get them gifts based on how much the item costs. I get them things that I think they will like and will speak to their interests. I'm sure I do not evenly distribute the money I spend, but then, the kids know that every single thing I choose for them will be something I really thought about and hunted for and got specifically for them. Neither they, nor their parents, seem to care if little Bobby's present and little Amy's present cost the same.