What do you send in sympathy?

[mommy2emily]

When a family member passes on what do you send to the family other than flowers or a fruit basket. Any other ideas on something useful to send the family?

 

[Justsyd2]

We always send flowers to the funeral home, and take a nice card and a meal to their house.

 

[jacksmom]

I always take a casserole, cake, etc to the house!

 

[hugabearjo]

Sounds dumb but we always send a gift certificate for them to do something "normal" like dinner out, movie tickets, bowling games, movie rentals, starbucks. Depending on thier personality getting them to do something that seems normal after it is all over I hope helps them. I have had good feedback from families so I will continue to do it.

There usually is plenty of flowers, I hope that family time with the members left helps them.

 

[Traveliz]

One of the most useful things sent to me when my mom died was stuff for all the kids - paper plates, drink boxes, snack packs, wipes, etc - I take care of all the kids in the extended family and they were all around at that time so I had things I needed for them. It was different but great!

Liz

 

[chadandjill@bellsout]

I send money, so it can help them with the exspence of the funeral.
jill

 

[pearlieq]

With the family's blessing, we make a charitable donation to a cause meaningful to the person lost--either a charity they really believed in or the American Heart Association, American Cancer Society. etc. as appropriate.

 

[3boymthr]

Mostly now, I just send flowers or make a donation. But when I was a poor college student - my uncle's FIL passed away; I went over and ironed wake and funeral clothes for the whole family (7 people) and did a few other small household chores like emptying the dishwasher and vacuuming. My Aunt had so much to do - arranging the wake, etc. that having this a few chores done was something she really really appreciated. I'd do this again for a close relative or friend.

 

[3happydancers]

Sounds dumb but we always send a gift certificate for them to do something "normal" like dinner out, movie tickets, bowling games, movie rentals, starbucks. Depending on thier personality getting them to do something that seems normal after it is all over I hope helps them. I have had good feedback from families so I will continue to do it.

There usually is plenty of flowers, I hope that family time with the members left helps them.

Not dumb,THOUGHTFUL!

 

[gillenkl]

We send a donation to a place requested by the deceased or their family. My family actually requests no flowers and a donation to our church instead.

 

[MarthaJr.]

I try to take a meal over to the family--something they can freeze if they desire or use right away. My brother died in a car accident 8 years ago and I really appreciated the people that provided food. Having a meal to put on the table for your family when you are experiencing such pain is really a blessing.

If you don't live close enough to supply a meal.......might I suggest gift cards to restaurants in the area.

Also, I received a lot of cards when it first happened which meant a lot to me. But what really touched me was when an acquaintance sent a card a few weeks later to let me know she was still thinking of me and our family's grief.
This is something I try to do now for others.

 

[MomtoGKC]

When my dad died we asked for donations to the Kidney cancer Association - we got lots which was great. We also got lots of food baskets. They were all good. But the thing we remember the most and got the most use out of was a guy from my dad's old office. He came and dropped something on our doorstep and didn't even knock - he said he didn't want to bother us (although he is a great guy so we would have liked his company!) He brought a bunch of stuff from Honeybaked Ham. A small ham, turkey breast and some sides. I didn't eat much in those days after he died, but I do remember picking on that turkey breast - it was yummy!

 

[Mary•Poppins]

I am a reading specialist and treasure books .... so, I usually select children's books that relate to the relationship of the person who passed away. For example, my friend's father passed away and I bought 3 books about dads. I then donated them to the local library (or you could donate them to your school's library) in the deceased person's name. An "In Memory" plate is placed at the front of the book. The library sends the family a letter stating the names of the books.

A lot of people have appreciated this. It keeps their loved one's memory alive and helps the community.

 

[cinmouse]

My mom just passed away three weeks ago...people have been so thoughtful and some of the items that people have sent are:
Flowers to my house, a few days after the services
Ediable Arrangements the day after (which was great, all the kids picked at this as we were getting things in order)
Soup & crusty bread - we live in New England, so it was an easy, hot snack to have on the stove...everyone eat it.
Cassoroles...again great as we just reheated and did not have to cook
Cards
Visa Gift Cards - I then donated the entire GC amounts to my Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk Account in honor of my Mom, since this year I will walk in her honor
Wind charms, which I will hang on our porch
Celtic Cross - Which I will display near her pictures
Books with notes of how these books have helped them during a time of loss.
I must say...everything / everyone has been very supportive and every item has been thoughful. It is amazing that I am still receiving cards/letters so many weeks afterwards.

 

[akcire]

We always donate to a charity the family requests (in fact this week I sent a check to some college in North Dakota) , we never send cut flowers.

The cut flower industry is full of exploited workers being exposed to harmful chemicals. In college I had to watch this video of the effects on the flower worker in latin america--seriously every guy who sent me flowers was not winning points in my book. What really sucks is I love the way they look--I just refuse to spend money to help hurt someone else. So if I have to send a flower, I will send a plant. I was very happy those cookie bouquet places popped up they come in handy for birthdays.

 

[Belle5]

Any act of kindness was appreciated by me. When my precious brother suddenly passed away five years ago, a girlfriend came and ironed dress shirts for all six of my sons, another brought her husbands neck-ties from across town because I needed to get in the car and drive across the country--no time or desire to shop for ties. Someone brought cash and said she wanted to pay for our family to have a couple of nights in a hotel. People brought food. That was so appreciated. There was no way I could function to shop or cook. When we reached Atlanta, there were flowers from close friends that were there to say they were thinking of us even if we couldn't be there. A friend from AZ paid for our family, my mom and step-dad, my sister and my brother's widow and children to be fed at a local restaurant. Someone else had food catered for everyone after the funeral at my brother's house.

Cards--I will never, ever, ever underestimate the value of a sympathy card again. For months the cards trickled in--some from childhood neighbors I hadn't seen in 30 years that my brother and I had played with--they made the effort to find out my address and mail cards to Texas. Every single card--especially with heartfelt things written --meant so very much.

Calls--people calling me to tell me that they knew how very close my brother and I were and what a huge loss it was for me--meant more than you can know because the widow and children receive the bulk of the sympathy (RIGHTFULLY SO--I've been there too--my own father passed when I was 12)--but my point is that grieving people want their grief validated. (You need to keep the calls brief unless you pick up that the grieving one needs to talk)

My husband's sister and sister-in-law went together and brought a personalized paving brick in my brother's memory for a park that we loved in Ohio when growing up there. We (my family, his widow and children had our pictures taken by it when our niece was married in that park this summer. My mother has no grave to visit in Ohio--so she goes there instead).

Other friend's of mine planted a small tree in our yard in memory of our loved one (with our permission). It has been wonderful watching it grow and thinking of him when we see it blossom.

 

[TifffanyD]

OK I send flowers but I don't send funeral flowers. I pick a bright, cheery bouquet and send it to the house, not the funeral home. That way, when the family is home and missing their loved ones they can see the flowers and know that I love them and am there with them! Maybe cheesy and weird, but I like it

 

[tinlizzy]

My father died when I was 19. Siblings were 17, 11 and 9. Someone brought a turkey over to the house and that was the absolute best thing on many different levels.

It made the house smell like happy times and was very comforting. Turkey is bland and easy to eat hot or cold - finger food. That turkey and a huge bag of grapes were life-savers for myself and my brother and sisters those first few days.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I try to take a meal over to the family--something they can freeze if they desire or use right away. My brother died in a car accident 8 years ago and I really appreciated the people that provided food. Having a meal to put on the table for your family when you are experiencing such pain is really a blessing.

If you don't live close enough to supply a meal.......might I suggest gift cards to restaurants in the area.

Also, I received a lot of cards when it first happened which meant a lot to me. But what really touched me was when an acquaintance sent a card a few weeks later to let me know she was still thinking of me and our family's grief.
This is something I try to do now for others.

This is a great post, as I remember someone doing that for me when my father passed away, sent a card a few weeks later to let me know she was thinking of me. I think this is something I am going to start doing.

I have to add that I think every one of these posts is a good idea. There is much thought into what everyone is suggesting.

 

[ali2000]

We had a pregnancy that did not end well about a month ago and people of course sent cards and flowers, but another thing that someone sent was a gift card to A Dinner Afare (might be The Dinner Afare). It's one of those meal-prep kitchens that you can choose your meals, take them home and then freeze them. Twelve meals for 2-3 people usually run around $150. While they may not want to go and actually prep the meals, they have a chef that would do that for you and they would just have to be picked up; or you could go prepare them and take it to them.
Some other places that do similar things are:

Super Suppers
Dream Dinners

Here is a site I found that lists all of these type of programs by state

http://www.easymealprep.com/main/direct02.php

This is actually a fun thing to do with a friend or spouse, so this is something that they could wait a while and do after the initial grief was over. It might help to get out of the house and get their minds off of things for a couple of hours.