What do you do when you're so angry you can't see straight??

[CJK]

Without getting into my pathetic story, could anyone offer any advice on how to let go of anger? I'm so mad at my in-laws, that I'm literally shaking. We've always had a rocky relationship, but the last 7 months have been terrible. I've really, really tried during the last 3 months to get along, but absolutely nothing has worked. Dh is very upset over the situation, but feels very torn (thus can't really support me). I'm seriously thinking about giving up on the situation altogether. But anyway, I'm rambling... I'm really asking how some of you let go of anger? I know that it's really bad for my health and by letting them bother me this much, THEY'RE the winners. I just went for a run and that hasn't worked. Any ideas? Thanks for listening.

 

[izzy]

I wish I could say something to help, but I've got a sister-in-law that brings out the same reaction in me. The only way I've been able to deal with it is to limit my interaction with her and try not to be in any room she's in. Makes for really awkward family gatherings.

Taking the run sounded to me like that would be a good strategy. I'm surprised it didn't help. Do you have a neutral third party you could talk to, like a minister?

Good luck and I hope you find something that helps!

 

[cynsaun]

I'm so sorry that you are going through that! It is not fair, and I wish there was something I could tell you to make it better!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Perhaps venting your troubles to someone else? Find a friend, or someone to lean on to help you through. I don't think you can just dump the anger, but maybe find a way to work through the mess. Sending hugs!

 

[onecoolmama]

Hang in there. I dont get there that often, but when I do..my house all of the sudden becomes spotless and everyone stays away from me!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

For one thing, I cry. It does release some tension. Also I do a thing in which I "replace" my thoughts with something different.
When I start to think about it I force myself to focus on something else. I actually say NO, I will not waste my thoughts on it. Kind of like breaking a habit.

Now as far as the "trying to force yourself to get along for 3 months issue", well this only WORKS if both parties agree to it. If that has NOT occurred & you have been the only one trying to get along and that will not work. Basically you have set yourself for heartbreak and failure. (Been there, done that too. )

So here is where I am at now. DH and I could move far, far away and never return. I just have no feelings anymore for some of my family and while I hate it, I had to let it go because I was feeling very hurt. It stinks.

 

[CJK]

thanks everyone for your support. Talking about it is really helping. I'm also trying to do something more productive. Thanks so much.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Well, often times I clean and organize when I get angry and or hurt.

I also write in my journal. Just write in a free flow fashion whatever comes to mind. It helps to put words to the emotions I'm feeling. It works just like verballing venting for me.

 

[Lachesis00]

I go take photos or look at photos or read... anything to get my mind off the anger... so I can cool down.

 

[mickey65]

I practice meditaiton and positive visiualization techniques. It has been really helpful to me. I also use crystals to aid me in focusing my energy and centering myself when outside influences are robbing my positive energy field. It took me a long time to learn and realize that while others can contribute to my immediate environment in a negative or positive way, I am the only one that conrol 'how' I react to the type of energy they send.

 

[Winka]

If the running didn't work, I'd write. Write them a letter stating all the things you want to say. Write one to DH, too. Let it all out. Then seal it , put it in a drawer and walk away. ( I don't know, I'd read about this tactic somewhere-thought it sounded like it might work.)

I hope it works out for you whatever you choose.

 

[SandraM]

I heard something re a strategy for dealing with problems:
Decide:
1. What is the problem?
2. What is causing the problem?
3. What are the possible solutions to the problem?
4. Which of the above is the best solution to the problem?
Personally, I would decide how much I wanted my DH's family to be involved in my life. If their effect is totally negative then they should not be included.
Good luck!

 

[Dopey Sharon]

I went through the same situation, with my in-laws a couple years ago. We were married 22 years and they finally did something that I totally flipped out over. I won't go into details, but it was pretty bad. I let my MIL have it and didn't talk to them for over three years! It was pretty tense, between my DH and I, but I wasn't giving in this time. We started talking about two years ago, but only when we have to, at family functions. There has been times, just a couple weeks ago, where I didn't talk to them the whole time we were there, only to say goodbye. Our relationship was never a great one...my MIL in very controlling and like to run everyone's lives, and I won't let her...but this incident really did it in.

I can understand your anger. Sometimes it's better, for you, to just let the relationship go and don't bother with them anymore. I would be happy to never speak or see them, well, her, again!

Good luck!

 

[KristaTX]

I don't have any advice, but here's a , Christa. I hope the relationship gets better as time goes by.

Krista

 

[2angelsinheaven]

Hope all works out! I think the letter idea is great, I'm having a rough night tonight and going to do the same myself. If you feel you've tried, don't stress over it, hopefully they will come through and if they don't, atleast you've tried and take comfort in knowing you did... Good luck and hope it gets better...

 

[Keli]

I try very hard not to say anything because whatever I say when I am that mad I eventually regret. But after I've calmed down I think about the situation and the people involved then I work to forgive them because I've found that thats the only thing that really gets rid of anger inside of me. It doesn't matter if the people involved have asked for my forgiveness or not, if they want or even deserve it. I don't forgive them because of any of those reasons, I do it because I know it's the right thing to do and because it's the only thing that makes me feel better.

 

[RNMOM]

I have also been there, done that.

After a lot of therapy I can say with some authority, , that my problem came from my unrealistic expectations. What I mean is..I wanted the relationship to be one way and it is not possible to make that happen. You can only control your half of the relationship. So, when the other half fails to act the way we want/expect/hope, we get very frustrated and angry eventually. Make any sense?

I guess having no expectations or very simple, sure bet kind of expectations helps. I know it did for me.

Remember, you can only control you. Anger is okay if you can turn it into something positive for you. Most importantly, though, don't turn you anger inward. There have been lots of positive suggestions above. Good luck and we are always here to listen.

 

[CJK]

Thank you so much to everyone. These are wonderful suggestions. I slept for close to 12hrs and am ready to tackle the day. Your support means so much. Thank you....

 

[heart4pooh]

I have a similar situation with my sister in law. I avoid her, especially any crazy thing that comes out of her mouth. Have you ever heard of 'The Work" by Byron Katie? It has really helped me in lots of situations. www.thework.org It doesn't change the people around you, but helps you see how your thoughts that cause your anger can be looked at differently. It's really eye opening. Good luck!!

 

[Micca]

I get over it fast. It's counter-productive. Then I try to be sure I won't be in that position with any regularity.