What do you call them?

[Jingle]

I've been married and divorced. I have adult children and I'm a grandmother. I've been with the same man for almost 13 years, living together about 10 years--no desire or need to get married. When I introduce him to people or people ask what our relationship is, I never know what to say. I feel silly saying he's my boyfriend at my age and after how long we've been together. He's my significant other sounds clunky. I can't be the only one with this issue!

Any suggestions?

 

[dsny1mom]

I've been married and divorced. I have adult children and I'm a grandmother. I've been with the same man for almost 13 years, living together about 10 years--no desire or need to get married. When I introduce him to people or people ask what our relationship is, I never know what to say. I feel silly saying he's my boyfriend at my age and after how long we've been together. He's my significant other sounds clunky. I can't be the only one with this issue!

Any suggestions?

How about "partner".

 

[tonilea]

common-law spouse?

 

[Jingle]

I guess Domestic Partner or common law husband is what we are. But, since this is becoming so common, don't you think there should be a new term developed? There's a lot of creativity here!

 

[punkin]

common-law spouse?

I think in some states this may still have legal significance and I would not use it.

I like partner.

 

[quasar4legs]

I would use partner.

 

[tasha99]

Partner is what I always hear in that situation.

 

[EMom]

I don't know what you call him, but I do have a related story.

Not long ago, we visited a relative who is in her early 60s. I'll change the names, but let's say she's been married twice before. The first husband was Jim. The second was Anthony. She was married to each for a long period of time. Now she lives with a man who, by coincidence, is also named Jim.

In our family, we use the term "her first husband, Jim" to differentiate between her first and second husbands. But my DD has grown up hearing us say "Her FIRST husband, Jim." We really never discuss the second husband, Anthony, for some reason...probably because she never had any kids with him. So she only hears about first husband Jim......and now.......the "new" Jim.

Of course, we don't call him New Jim. We just call him Jim. We live in what must be the non-divorce, non-cohabitating capital of the world. DD does not know anyone that lives together without benefit of marriage. And only two families that have divorced. Living together without being married is not within her life experience.

Anyway, we never said my relative and the new Jim were married (they're not) but we never said they weren't. We just didn't address it. So after we returned home, I realized DD had assumed they were married. At some point, it dawned on me that it was partly due to us using the term, "her FIRST husband, Jim." I think DD believes this guy is "her SECOND husband, Jim." First Jim, second Jim. She likes Jims, ya know?

I told my relative that DD had "upgraded" Jim to husband status and she had a laugh over it. She said that at her age, she felt weird calling him her boyfriend and that "significant other" was too cumbersome to say. She used "partner" for her gay friends. So half the time she wound up calling him her husband because it was easier. Oh well, they are getting married now, so soon he will be the second Jim, although technically, "the third husband, Jim."

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well my mom still calls him her boyfriend as does my grandmother (and she is nearly 80 and her boyfriend IS 80). Anyone who knows them at all knows it is a long term thing. I think partner is good as well and maybe implies a long term commitment better than boyfriend to those not in the know.

 

[wilma-bride]

I would say partner too.

My Dad always used to make me laught. Before DH and I were married, whenever my Dad intriduced us to anyone, he would always say 'This is my daughter and her partner, Gary. Not her business partner.'

For some reason, this always cracked me up, the fact that he felt he needed to clarify the relationship, even after we had our DS and he introduced as as 'My daughter, her partner, Gary, and their son, Daniel', he would still explain that he wasn't my business partner

 

[PollyannaMom]

I wish I knew too! I never know how to refer to my Dad's "partner" (and that term itself is used more specificaly in their circle).

If I introduce her as his "girlfriend" I feel like I'm treating them like children, or acting like I disaprove of her (which I don't - I adore her!) But she's not actually my stepmother, either.

I tend to just refer to or introduce them as "DS's Grandpa & Nana", which works most of the time.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

I'd keep it light/silly and just say, "He's my man!" (Or beau, or my dude, or hottie or whatever pops to mind.)

 

[Northstar]

I know a woman in this situation who uses "life partner" to describe her SO because she is in business and "partner" could confuse people whether it's a business or personal partnership.

I like "my guy" but then, I prefer to keep people guessing when they ask nosy questions like "Just what is your relationship?" or "Are you two married?"

 

[DawnCt1]

Why do you need to "label" him. When you introduce him just say, "I would like you to meet Jim". Those that know you, know who he is. Those that don't will figure it out.

 

[Juliegirl1]

Just say "this is my better half" or "my other half" and leave it at that.

 

[Robinrs]

Whenever I hear "partner" I assume same sex...

Heck, I'm 54 and I use boyfriend or old man. Mostly it's just HIM.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Whenever I hear "partner" I assume same sex...

Heck, I'm 54 and I use boyfriend or old man. Mostly it's just HIM.

It is a term often used on the GLBT community, presumably because many in that community are in the OPs situation--long term relationship but not married (though the reason for not being married is different), but I have most certainly heard it used outside of that community as well and I have heard "boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife used plenty within that community.

 

[Daisy&Max]

WOW I thought I was the only one with a problem with the term boyfriend. I don't mind my other half calling me his girlfriend but I can't bring myself to call him my boyfriend. He and I were trying to figure out what I could call him. We talked about partner but he said he felt like that meant we were in a business relationship. Then I said SO but he didn't like that one either. So when I started introducing him to people I called him my other half.

Whew! glad to know I'm not alone.

Daisy

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I google it because I could not think of anything and it said companion in there. That sounds kind of good.

domestic partner
n. A person, other than a spouse, with whom one cohabits.

Usage Note: Many people would now agree that a couple can consist of persons living together who are not married or who are not of opposite sexes. How to refer to such a couple, though, has posed an interesting challenge. Many new words have been coined and tested over the last 25 years, including spouse-equivalent or spousal equivalent; (person of the opposite sex sharing living quarters), and originally used as a U.S. Census Bureau designation; and companion or lifelong (or longtime) companion. But these have never been in or have fallen out of general use. Thus the linguistic situation seems to reflect the continuing flux of the social situation. · Two other terms, significant other and domestic partner, however, have seen widespread use since at least 1985 as all-purpose words for describing a spouse or a lover. Over 75 percent of Usage Panelists feel these terms can be applied to members of either straight or gay couples. Domestic partner has been used by an increasing number of companies and organizations in drafting benefits plans that include all members of such relationships. The term is often shortened to partner, especially in unofficial situations.

 

[SaraJayne]

What I call my father's "other half" isn't Dis-appropriate.