what do i do with this report card? (5) As, (2) Bs and a

[Piper]

I am a teacher and cannot understand how a child could receive a grade of 30 without the parents being contacted. To my way of thinking, if it is important enough to be on a report card--it is important to contact parents if the child is struggling! I am one of those crazy teachers who does give out her home phone number--I'm dealing with a child here and if a parent needs to contact me, I want to be available. (I have even been known to call a parent and give suggestions for strengthening fine motor muscles in a child struggling with handwriting!)

Poetry interpretation as a subject???? Poetry interpretation is a highly individual experience. I can understand grading the recognigion of types of poetry--haiku, limerick, etc.......but interpreting it????? no way! ! ! (My second graders just wrote haikus about spring and Easter--got some great ones!!!)


There is no way a child can make a 30 in a class unless there are many missing assignments and very low test grades. If that were the case, you should have been notified......."important" grade or not!

 

[Wendy]

Those are all excellent points Judy! In theory, I couldn't agree more. I brought this up on a weekly basis with my parents when I was in high school. However, the reality of it is grades do matter because a student's grades are what they are judged by for many, many different things. Even as a younger child, many academic enrichment summer camps even base admissions partially on grades. My kids are both in the G/T program at school. They expect certain standards of these kids and they are required to maintain A's or B's in their regular classroom in order to stay in the program. If they see a child has more B's than A's, they will have a conference with the child, the classroom teacher, parents, and G/T Coordinator about it. Even my kids' cheerleading coaches have required them to maintain their grades and have checked report cards to stay on the squad, and this is a private competitive all-star team not affiliated with the schools.

Perfect example. DH and I went to high school together. Chris is incredibly smart, but his parents were much more relaxed about the grades he brought home than mine were. They always said, as long as you try, the grades don't matter, and he was never punished for poor grades. (He and I are so alike. Our poor kids don't stand a chance! LOL!) They never forced him to get the A's he was more than capable of, so he brought home mostly B's and C's. He scored through the roof on his SAT's and was a National Merit Scholar finalist. Know what? His grades kept him out of his first 2 choices of colleges and he ended up going to a public university because it was the only one to which he was accepted. The only scholarship he received was a minimal one for his National Merit status.

I kept my grades up and would do the minimum in each of my classes to squeak by with an A just to keep from being grounded. I had great SAT's, although not quite as high as Chris', and with my straight A's I got into every college to which I applied and was given a full academic scholarship. Yep, I do believe my parents knew best. I certainly didn't understand it at the time, but I do now that the grades do matter, whether we agree with it or not.

I also believe that kids should be well-rounded. I never, ever want my kids to spend their entire life studying but I just don't think that will happen. That's why they are so involved in sports, art lessons, etc. Right now in fact, they are at the symphony with dh. I make sure they experience, sports, culture, fun time with friends, etc. I belive wholeheartedly that this is so, so important to raising good kids.

disneyjunkie, Each kid is different. I know my kids are not normal and for most kids demanding straight A's would be over the top. I don't believe kids should necessarily be punished for less than A's. That's for each parent to decide how to handle their own kids, based on their kids abilities, personality, etc. Some kids struggle just to get C's. More power to them! If they've tried hard for those C's, they should be applauded! For some kids, just the reward of getting good grades is incentive enough, but for others it's not. However, don't judge those of us who do demand a higher level for our kids. There are reasons for it, and as all parents do, we are only trying to do the best we can for our children.

And just to clarify, (if anyone is still reading this, LOL!) In IGTD's case, that 30 was so out of synch with the rest of the grades, I would most definitely hold off on judgement until I spoke with the teacher and found out what was going on there. Something clearly is not right when a kid brings home all A's and B's and then a 30.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by Wendy

disneyjunkie, Each kid is different. I know my kids are not normal and for most kids demanding straight A's would be over the top. I don't believe kids should necessarily be punished for less than A's. That's for each parent to decide how to handle their own kids, based on their kids abilities, personality, etc. Some kids struggle just to get C's. More power to them! If they've tried hard for those C's, they should be applauded! For some kids, just the reward of getting good grades is incentive enough, but for others it's not. However, don't judge those of us who do demand a higher level for our kids. There are reasons for it, and as all parents do, we are only trying to do the best we can for our children.

I was not passing judgement on anyone. I just asked a question.

 

[Wendy]

Sorry disneyjunkie, I didn't feel you were passing judgment on anyone. I felt as though others earlier had been and after re-reading how I wrote that, I obviously made it sound like I thought you were passing judgement. My apolgies! I should have read what I posted more closely before hitting submit.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Wendy, I understand.

 

[Robinrs]

Wendy, we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

I base my child's achievements on WAY more than a grade. If he is kind to others, if he puts other people first, if he respects his elders, if he gives God the glory... these are the things I demand.

I do not and will not demand perfect grades. My son is tougher on himself than I will ever be. He is a perfectionist, and I think that's horrible for a child. When he gets upset because of a grade, I remind him of all the things I find wonderful in him.

Your DH's example is not what I was talking about. I don't think that browbeating works but neither does allowing a child to be lackadaisical. We should all know our potential and go for it, based on what the parent expects.

I agree, all children are not the same. My sisters did not achieve like I did. One dropped out and the other barely made it to graduation. My niece maintained an A average and graduated from Stanford with honors. ALL of us were raised by the same two people. The only difference is we were ALL living up to our potential because of our parent's example. None of us were just being lazy or not trying. We did our personal best.

When I got upset with my son about a grade a few years my Mother brought me down to earth with one line "the boy ISN'T stupid and you know it! You make a list and show me what's wrong with that boy!" I'll never forget that.

We can base our lives on grades, achievements, credit scores, weights and measurements, but none of those things will be written in your epitaph. We are only as good as the people we have made happy.

Yikes!

Stepping off my soapbox....

 

[AnnMorin]

Not to add to the debate here but....

Grades DO matter, they are a HUGE determining factor on which college you will be accepted into and that is a large determining factor on how much income you make. Now I know some people don't care about money etc. but I sure do. YES there are many more important things in life but having a good income does afford one many luxuries that make life more enjoyable.

My son is like a lot like Wendy's very smart but tends to be lazy if I let him. Dh and I both got A's in college, I hardly worked at all and he killed himself for them. DS is like me , he has an excellent memory so many subjects come easy for him- hense he may not give something his all. He will say that a B is fine.. (this is when he does not want to study for a test) I say in his case NO a B is not fine.. If he studied hard and then got a C or D that would be fine but to skate by with no effort is not ok.
Because he is so advanced in math his teacher is giving him work from 6th grade (he is in 4th) so as to challenge him. It is hard and he complains but I don't feel bad for him. He has to work as hard at that cirruculum as his peers do on the regular 4th grade work. Would I punish him if he got a C on this no- would I speak to the teacher about pulling it back to a fifth or forth grade level yes.
Also I still don't buy that a child can get a 30 with only one bad test. And the class name was literacy not poetry interpertation if I recall the OP's first statement. (I beleive that she said they were interpreting poetry at that time)Being literate in my opinion is very important!

 

[Buckalew]

RobinRS,
I loved your posts!

I have a DD that tests very well. I hope she keeps that up because college is so expensive and in 9 more years will be even more so. I want her to do her best but I will never insist on certain grades. She may (like Michael she puts pressure on herself) but I never will. Scholarships would be really nice--Hunter is already talking about where she wants to go to college and it is an expensive one! No scholarships for sports there so she'd have to have good grades.
Too much pressure can really mess a person up--a lot of things can happen to a body. That is always sad. I had a client whose mom put a lot of pressure on her and I watched that child's hair get thinner and thinner.
Anyway, we all parent differently and all children are different so...
and I still think in life interpreting poetry is pretty insignificant.

 

[NADINENURSE]

Darling 9 year old son came home with C's anda "F" in Social Studies. Is it possible at 9 to get an F in Social Studies ? I'm crazy and sad, removed the Gameboy, and am insisiting on the homework, which becomes a 3 hour ordel of fighting So frustrating, not living up to potential, so many problems with homework that I had his IQ tested The kid has a IQ in the high 130's, so it's not disability, but lack of motivation. I too am horrified with only a short time left, 1 quarter. Guess we'll have to deal with this. Life only gives you what you can handle. When I compare my small misery with the grief of Lacey Peterson's family, I THANK GOD. my problems are minor in comparison.

 

[bsnyder]

I struggle with lack of motivation with one of my three children. He is the brightest of the three. All the way through elementary school, I never had to give his academic progress a thought. He wanted to do his best, and he did.

He changed a lot in junior high, which is not unusual. But his motivation was what changed the most. He started to procrastinate a lot with his school work, and since he was so bright, he could usually pull it out at the last minute. But instead of straight A's, he'd now make some B's. That pattern has continued to this day, and he's now a junior in high school. I've tried just about every approach I can think of. There have been rewards and consequences, for doing or not doing his best, as the case may be. Another pattern of his is that he'll work very diligently for a semester (last semester, for example). And that effort usually results in better grades. Then he starts to slack off. This year, his 3rd quarter report card was not as good as 1st or 2nd quarter, and I had been telling him for weeks that I was concerned at the lack of study time he was putting in. I was not surprised at his grades at all. But I was disappointed, because I know he didn't make the effort.

He complains that I'm overly focused on the grades, but he never remembers the times I've complimented him on a job well done, regardless of the grade.

 

[disneefamily]

Disnee Dad Says................................ I need to clear up a couple things.

Maybe demanding fantastic grades sent the wrong message.
I expect good grades. No threats, no grounding, ( who made that up and put it on me?) DD scored straight 99's ( perfect score) on national test in second grade, last year in sixth grade they ranged from 99 to 91 in various categories, and one 84. A kid with these scores should get great grades and she does.

She had a B- in algebra midway through the first trimester, so WE spent about 2 hours a night making sure all her homework was done for six weeks. End of the trimester she had a B+.
Second trimester WE spent about 30 minutes a night making sure all her homework was done. End of trimester she had an A-.

How could I be proud that I expect good grades? The point of the first post was simply " If a conservative father who expects good grades says the father went way too far, then probably everyone will think he went too far." Thats why I added compensation etc...

I don't mind being flamed. But when you read I say the father went too far, and really needs to do something special once all the facts are in, then the flame becomes a merely a spark.

 

[Keli]

I think I may end up being flamed here myself but I just wanted to put in another view on things also:
Our dd Ashli is very bright. Dave and I realized this when Ashli was quite young, long before she got to high school. I homeschooled Ashli for five years during elementry and jr. high so I have a good grasp of her academic abilities. We believed Ashli needed to get good grades so that she would be eligible for scholarships in high school because we feared we wouldn't be able to send her to the college of her choice without some financial aid. So we pushed our very capable daughter to get all A's. Ashli didn't always get the grades we wanted from her but I know she did much better than she would have if we hadn't set such high expectations for her. Thus far Ashli has received two scholarships and three grants. It turns out that Ashli has decided to attend a public university near our home that isn't very expensive (and bank the extra money for grad school) but the point is that Ashli has options that she wouldn't have had if we hadn't pushed her. Not only can she get into the schools of her choice but she can also afford them.

 

[disneefamily]

Disnee Dad Says.................................Keli, I am ashamed with you.
How dare you try to let DD reach her potential. You need to be soft and uncaring, so she can be average!
DD algebra has got to the point, that she teaches me so I can teach her. She shows me a,b,c,d, and I reflect back to thirty years ago. And some how I can usually come up with x,y,z.
Don't tell anyone, but she is a better teacher than I am!

That's why I expect good grades from her. If she can teach this old dog new tricks, she needs to go for a's.

 

[sharbear]

I've been hesitating to comment on this subject but I can't help it. I have to say that what I expected from my children when they were younger (in elem. grades) and what I expect from them now is different.

My children go to a very demanding school. In the younger grades if my child didn't score very well on a particular part of a subject (we did not get one Math grade but grades on each part of what was taught that quarter) that just told me that they needed to work on a particular item within a subject. For instance in 2nd grade my DD scored very high on all parts on Math except one, telling time, which she failed. What that told me is that she was good at Math she just hadn't mastered the subject of telling time. I suspect that this in what happened to IGTD's son. He's not a bad student but he is having problems with ONE part of a subject. What it means is that this is something that he should work on.

When my DD failed telling time, she didn't get in trouble, I didn't take away priviliges. I bought her a clock and every night we worked on telling time. It was no big deal. BTW the teacher never called me and I didn't think that it was that big of a deal.

Now I have children in JH and HS. My expections for grades are different. If they have trouble with a certain aspect of a subject I expect them to come to me and for us to figure out a way for them to figure out how to understand the subject better. My DS has had trouble in French this year so we got him a tutor. He's not going to be a foreign language major but he is working his butt off and still got a C.
But other subjects I expect that he will get an A. The only way he does poorly is if he get lazy and forgets to hand in assignments. I get mad then (if fact forgeting to do homework really makes me mad). Grades count in HS and I expect him to work hard and to bring home good grades. His future depends on it.

What I am trying to say is that we all expect our children to work hard and to work up to their ability. But punishing them for one low grade without know the particulars I have to disagree with.

 

[Mskanga]

I have two children in elementary school, I do not know what is going to happen down the road but for right now, my oldest one in fourth grade , her lowest grade EVER since she started school has been a B+ which is 91-92 , everything else has been between A- ( 93-94 ) A ( 95-98 ) and A+ (99-100).
I know we encourage her and help her to do her best , but I also know SHE pushes herself to do her best at times to the point that she thinks a B is not good enough.
We don't tell her this, but if we know she's trying her hardest and gets a C, then that's ok, she's doing her best. IF she gets a C because she decides that she's too cool to study, then that's a different story and not allowed in this house.
We are like a lot of other parents wondering how we are going to pay for College and have been trying to put some plan aside for them, but we will cross that bridge when we get there. They may or may not get scholarships, we may or may not have to pay , but for right now I want my children growing up to be the best they can be without having to worry with the , if I don't get an A my father is going to kill me feeling.
As I said , I don't know what the future has in storage for us, but I know my DD is the one sometimes putting too much pressure on herself.
A good example, in her science work this week, she's doing a project on Hellen Keller for extra credit, she is not required to do so, but she wants to, I won't stop her from that.