What did/will you do for your bridesmaids?

[Ash aka sky]

I was in a wedding recently and I am left feeling annoyed about the whole thing I was hoping to get others opinions... maybe I am expecting too much and way off on this?

Here goes... I met the bride a little over 18 months ago at work we became friends, not super close just regular friends. She was engaged when I met her and we chatted alot about weddings etc anyhow she asked me if my daughter could be flower girl, I agreed. Later she asked if I would be bridesmaid, I knew she didn't have many friends so I agreed to do it too... I thought it was nice of her to ask. After she asked I became pregnant with my second child. Even though I was pregnant I went with her dress shopping and to her dress fittings etc. I gave birth to my second daughter 2.5 months before the wedding.

When we found the bridesmaid dresses I paid for mine ($165) and then bought my daughters flower girl dress. I also paid for shoes for my daughter and I as well as hair accessories. I took 2 unpaid days off work and my husband had to take half a day too. I arranged with my in laws to babysit my youngest daughter for 2 days (Fri for the rehearsal and Sat for wedding) and drove a little over 300 miles over the 2 days. Not forgetting the wedding gift too. She expected me to have my hair done professionally but i would not and did my own. I think she was also hinting for me to buy something for in my daughters hair... I didn't take the hint and my daughter didn't wear anything on her head.

She did buy me a very simple small cubic zicona [sp?] on a silver chain to wear with dress (nothing at all for my daughter).

When I got married 4 years ago I bought the bridesmaids dresses and my husband and I bought them a thank you gift.

I guess what I am offended about is that she never even offered to help (I wouldn't have excepted anyway, we are finacally secure and had the money to pay for all this but she does not know that and knowing that I had medical bills from the birth and the expense of everything else the thought would have been nice).

What are your thoughts? what did you or will you do for your bridesmaids? do you think that I am way off on this?

I should also add that she did buy me a baby gift fior my youngest daughter... 2 items from the Dollar Tree store.

Ash

 

[Marty Moose]

Wow. That does seem a little stingy. While I think that the bm's, etc. are expected to pay their own way it's customary to give SOME sort of token of gratitude! I guess etiquette-wise the necklace can be considered a gift...but the fact that she did not give her flower-girl a gift is a no-no!

I'm in a different situation as I have only one moh and my daughter is my flower girl...so I'm able to "spoil" them a bit more. My moh is paying her way down, dress, etc. but I've bought her and her family tix to MNSSHP and I'm sure I get her something else too. And my daughter (and son - RB) will probably come away from this wedding with more Mickey toys than they'll every need!

I definitely think your friend "cheaped out" on you...but what can you do? It's not worth getting yourself all upset about. Just keep it in mind around xmas time, etc and don't go spoiling her anytime soon!!

 

[budbeerlady]

When I got married my bridesmaids paid for half their dresses but I paid for their hair & makeup to get done, bought them very nice jewelry to wear with the dress and each one got a nice personalized gift from my husband and I for being in our wedding. I did buy their shoes and our wedding was in the town we all lived in. Every bride is different and has a different budget.

 

[Marty Moose]

I forgot to mention that I'm paying for my moh's hair...

But, as the pp said: every bride's budget is different!

I guess the big question is: are you upset about the MONEY or a lack of appreciation?? Sometimes a nice card and hug are all the thanks necessary! But...if all your effort was just brushed off with a "it was your JOB as a bridesmaid" attitude...that's pretty crappy!

 

[Cinderella2006]

I find that a little unfair. I am not exactly flush when it comes to money; I am 21 with a big mortgage, two children and putting myself through college but that is no excuse not to show a bit of gratitude!
I bought my flower girl and my two bridesmaids their dresses, their shoes and accessories such as tiara, flower wand etc. I have also bought them a scrapbook and a bracelet. I shopped around, got the dresses half price, shoes reduced. Although I have to say that I didn’t do the same for my maid of honour - she is my aunty and has a LOT of money but that doesn’t mean I would dismiss her! She paid for her dress and accessories (she has expensive taste) but as she was paying, I let her choose.
As a present, I will treat both her and my uncle who is Best man to a meal at The Flying Fish and will buy them a little something to show that I appreciate their love and support.
It is not all about money, it is the thought that counts but obviously there wasn’t much to think about!

 

[RangerPooh]

Each bride is different. Some do more for their bridal parties than others, and some just don't awknowledge their bridal parties as it's their big day. However I don't think it's necessaily a money issue rather than one of courtesy. To each his own I guess.

I had a similar experience a few years back while in a friends wedding. DH and I didn't have a ton of money at the time but I had committed to being in the wedding long before we knew what our financial situation would be. Anyways, I was responsible for purchasing my dress, taking care of my lodgong (she never even gave me any indicator of what was nearby or where everyone else was staying), plus she wanted me to pay for my own hair (which her step mother stepped in and paid for as I was about to fork over the cash), and to top it all off we drove about 500 miles to get there, to only stay for a day and a half and return home. All I got out of it was the dress and a cheap framed word art. Then after all this she was upset becasue we were unable to give them a gift. At least we gave them a card and made the journey. To top it off she said that she did not want to be in my wedding (figured that they would be on their 1st anniversary trip then) and stopped talking to me.

For our wedding we couldn't do a whole lot for our bridal party, but we did what we could. We rented the groomsmens tuxes and bought the FG dress (knew that money was tight for their family), as well as paid for their room. Did I foget to mention that we had previosly purchased their APs. For my MOH/BM I recognized that they all had a budget (being college students) and selected a line of dresses that they could afford. They just chose the dress. We then paid for one of my MOHs AP (she was with us for much of the planning) as well as the others 5-day park hoppers. Plus their hair was covered by me.

 

[heatherlynn444]

my bridesmaids are paying for their own dresses, but they are very reasonably priced. I am paying for their hair b/c i want it a certain way. to help the, with expenses i am not making them all buy the same shoes, just as long as they are silver so they can pick their own. I will also give them matching jewelry to wear to the wedding, and a tote bag with flip flops for the reception in them and maybe a little something else. But i'm the type that loves to give gifts so it is not uncommon for me, but i think SOME token of gratitude is necissary, no matter how "strapped" the bride is. she should have cut back on something else to have the money to thank her attendents!

 

[Ash aka sky]

I forgot to mention that I'm paying for my moh's hair...

But, as the pp said: every bride's budget is different!

I guess the big question is: are you upset about the MONEY or a lack of appreciation?? Sometimes a nice card and hug are all the thanks necessary! But...if all your effort was just brushed off with a "it was your JOB as a bridesmaid" attitude...that's pretty crappy!

I can't say that I am upset about the money, I fully expected to pay and she did say thank you, I guess I am upset that she never offered to help out (like I said earlier I wouldn't have excepted any money anyway). As I have already said I had just had a baby and we all know the medical bills are not cheap and paying out for all that stuff she never once ofered to help.

Ash

 

[ead79]

Etiquette-wise, the bride is not expected to pay for bridesmaids dresses and related expenses--those are considered to be part of being in the wedding and an expense that is expected in advance. Of course, if a couple can afford to pay for the bridesmaids dresses, then it's a lovely gesture.

We paid for hair and makeup for the bridesmaids, jewelry for them to wear for the wedding, and gifts (monogrammed robes). We also paid for a room for them for the night before the wedding--we had a girls sleepover that was a lot of fun. For my matron of honor, I also surprised her with dinner at Kona Cafe and tickets for the two of us to go to Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party, as well as paying for her hotel room up until the wedding (she came down early with me). The girls paid for their own dresses, shoes, and hotel rooms outside of the night before the wedding.

 

[Honeymooners1021]

I haven't really planned my gifts for my Bridesmaids partly because of the things that I am doing to them but also because they are both being monsters. I guess that is the hard part about having family in the wedding! Both of them are so different and they each want different dresses, different shoes, and different hair! So far I have paid to have both of their dresses custom made. I have suggeted how I want them to do their hair and they both disagreed. I am having trouble figuring out a gift idea that will work for both of them. The last thing I want to be doing is shopping for two very opposite people!

 

[Stacerita]

I am the MOH for my best friend who is getting married this weekend and I guess I'm pretty lucky with how she is doing things.

Her parents paid for half of our dresses, bought our shoes, our jewlery, paying for the villa we are staying in the night before the wedding, buying our hair pins(they are fancy ones) and a few other odds and ends plus they paid for all the meals we had while out with the bride doing things for the wedding.

The rehearsal was a few nights ago and the bride and groom gave everyone in the wedding party gifts. The kids in the wedding all got monogramed backpacks. The guys got swiss army knives that were ingraved and flip flops to wear to the reception. The ladies got a tote bag, a monogramed makeup bag, travel bath and body stuff, candles and baseball caps that said MOH or Bridesmaid on them. You could tell the bride and groom took time to pick out our gifts and were very appreciative of us being there for them.

For the things we had to pay ourselves, the bride and groom made every effort to make sure it wasn't too much, and really took into consideration our finacial situations.

I will say I have been in other weddings where it was nothing like this. Each bride is different.

 

[princessblueeyzes]

My mom bought all the girls their dresses. Then if my MOH needs a place to stay and she doesn't take her daughter or family my parents are going to let her stay in the cabin with them or she can stay with me. I am also planning on paying for all the alterations on everyone's dresses and the steaming for their dresses. I have bought everything for their hair and their flowers and I might even pay for them to get their hair and make up done. I am also looking into getting everyone that goes tickets to MVMCP.