What are your thoughts on this idea?

[alicia1506]

your MIL sounds amazing and these types of situations can be heartbreaking and emotionally devastating and that she is so strong during this experience is a testament to her amazing character. i know when we went through this with my grandfather, my grandmother couldn't cope, and neither could mum & dad.

it's very special that you have such a great relationship with her.

sending you and your family lots of good thoughts for a fabulous christmas with your FIL.

 

[Mum from oz]

Firstly, I hope you FIL makes it for one more Christmas with you guys.

I think you should ask her is she would like to come. The main thing is allowing everyone to have their own space. We took my mum for 5 weeks and it worked out really well but I think that is mainly due to the fact we had separate accommodation. When we stayed in hotels we got two rooms and DS slept with nanny. In Orlando we had a 3 bedroom so mum could retire to her room to read or nap or watch TV. In Anaheim mum shared a bedroom with DS as well. It was only for 3 nights did we do 5 in a room on the cruise and it was fine. I made it clear I had an agenda and she could either come or stay at the accommodation to relax/swim etc. It worked out really well.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

Whilst I love the idea of getting 2 rooms, most of the time that just wouldn't be affordable. We were kind of hoping to absorb the cost of the accom for MIL so that she only had to concentrate on her flights, spending money and a small amount for food. We thought working out a very modest daily allowance that she could pay at the end rather than us trying to work out what her food came to each and every time would be best.

What have you all done about the cost of food for 3 meals a day????? Or do you just pay for your in laws?

 

[Caroline NZ]

We worked out a rough amt for airfare, entry tickets & food and MIL paid us in advance of the trip. We absorbed the accomodation.

 

[PrincessInOz]

You'll never never know if you never never ask.

Shuttergirl - I haven't travelled with my IL's; but I've travelled with my parents. For the most part, my mum and I get on really well....but my dad and I.....well....we're pretty alike and we tend to butt heads at the best of times. Having said that, I'm always VERY thankful that my parents have travelled with us for a few of our trips. Whilst I hope for the contrary, I am conscious that there are less years left with them than the years we have spent with them. So, despite the odd goat moments, I am always grateful for the time I get to spend with my parents on holiday. Afterall, they spent an awful amount of years doing the best for us, their kids, and it is quality time that we spend together on holiday.

Separate rooms are a must. You'll end up with a party of 5; as I do when I travel with my parents. Except in my case, my parents pay for the extra room. You might consider doing a % so that one of your kids can share with her.

Financial arrangements and expectations should be set up ahead of time. For example, my parents prefer for me to deal with all the food bills; rather than worry about it meal by meal. We normally start with a food kitty and I hold the purse. They put money in and we put money in. I deal with all the meal bills. When the money runs out, we all put more money in. I also tell them that the food bill expectation is about $50 per person per day; with the occassional splash for a nice meal.

I tend to be the field marshall during the holiday....so I set up the expectation that what I say ...goes ...for timing and movements. No discussion is entered into when we are on holiday. The alternative is that they lead and we follow. Usually stops all discussions before we are on holiday.

When Dad and I butt heads, everyone else stays out of it....that's a CARDINAL rule with us and both my mum and DH know better than to get in the middle. Our pattern of behaviour is no different to us being at home...why should we expect it to be different just because we are on holiday? If anything, it is a little worse because my dad does get tired doing all the walking on my commando style (which I do tone down when he's with us).

If my Dad gets super tired, we usually have a parting of ways. He's happy to wander on his own at his own pace as long as he knows where the designated meeting spot is. That's assuming that we are no where near the hotel and he can make his own way back. Generally works out pretty well except when he gets lost and then its a game of hide and seek to find him. These days, we just pop the card of the hotel we are staying at in his wallet and give him strict instructions to jump in a cab IF he's been MIA for 30 minutes past the designated meet-up time.

That's the main rules we have.

Travel with the 'olds' works out great for us. We don't expect them to be babysitters for DS; but it is nice to have them along because they do volunteer to stay back with DS at least one or two nights in a trip.

Good luck with your FiL. You know we're here when you need to vent.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

Thanks for the insight into your travel with your parents PIO. All of your suggestions are excellent and make perfect sense.

We head off for Christmas down in Ballarat first thing tomorrow so I will be missing in action until next week. We hope to have a lovely time enjoying our last Christmas with FIL and have no doubt there will be much food, drink and laughter and the occasional tears.

I hope you all have a magnificent Christmas with your own families. I myself cannot wait to see my children's faces on Christmas morning. It really is such a wonderful thing.

I look forward to lots of planning in 2012 and of course lots of "picking of my Disboarder's brains" to get these holidays up and running.

Merry Christmas!!!!!

 

[WAMUMOF4]

to your family as you celebrate this happy and sad Christmas i hope you all enjoy the time you have together we will be thinking of you.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

We got back from Ballarat this afternoon so I thought I would update you on our Christmas.

My FIL had deteriorated quite a bit since we had seen him last, he was very thin and very tired but I was very impressed with how well he handled all of the people and attention and busyness.

We had a really lovely Christmas with him and all together and we all made sure not to focus on it being the last. It was really lovely.

We will be back down there in 2 1/2 weeks which is good. After that who knows. I have a feeling he was holding things together so we could spend Christmas together so it remains to be seen what the next few weeks will bring.

We are very blessed though to have had this Christmas together.

 

[Sugarglider]

How lovely for you to have the family together for another Christmas.

 

[ame]

how wonderful that you got to have a lovely CHristmas together.

 

[cola]

How onderful for you to all have one last Christmas together. You probably are right he was holding on for it.

How old and active is your MIL? Also, you might find she suddenly ages/gets frail quite quickly. Once she doesn't have to hold it together for the 2 of them, she may not bother holding it together for just herself. Her response to your offer will change as the grieving process continues, she will probably say no initially because she couldn't go without him, then she will start to feel lost and want to go.

Is she used to snow? Could she be a bit unsteady on her feet? Make sure she has a super duper over the top travel insurance coverage, way above what you would normally consider. Maybe this isn't the trip for snow with your MIL? Or maybe she loves the cold, grew up with snow and wants to go skiing? Has she been to the places you're thinking of before? You've been to most of them I think so may not be thinking of the major sites again,but if MIL hasn't seen them before, you might have to revist some major sites at a slower pace. I'm sure you will cope with revisiting major sites in DisneyWorld

Assuming your DH is not an only child, would his siblings be peeved if you took her out of the country?

It might be worth considering longer stays in fewer places for the trip with MIL than you usually do. The packing up, travel and unpacking can get tiring pretty quickly. I'd suggest go for villa/suite 2 or 3 bedroom so you can have a bit of space but she is not alone in her room. Do you know anyone with a timeshare like Accor or Wyndham? Maybe you could organise an exchange through them. Christmas week probably would be a challenge, but the weeks either side could be possible.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

When we were at my in-laws over Christmas, one day when it was just DH, MIL and myself we were chatting and my husband, without discussing it with me, just throws out there "does she want to come along on our next trip and babysit".

Seriously, the man is so infuriating at times.

A) we hadn't actually decided if we were going to ask her along or not
B) she certainly will not be invited so we can have a babysitter
and
C) why would she ever want to come now, the offer was hardly heartfelt.

I was really cross with him I have to say, it was definitely not the time for it and definitely not the way I wanted her to be asked, our intentions are out of kindness and the way he said it sounds like we only want her to come to mind our children. Grrrrrr

Anyway, she laughed and said "sure, if you pay" and my DH did a joke cough cough at that. This was the end of the conversation.

Then a few days later a family member was visiting and we were talking about travel because this family member has travelled a bit and my MIL says "oh yes and the kids have offered to have me along on their next trip" with a smile on her face.

The family member looked at me with eyebrows raised for confirmation and I just said "of course, MIL would always be welcome to come with us"

So I guess the offer is out there kind of now, although obviously the "terms and conditions" are all confused and would need some discussion at some point.

On the surface it looks like she would be keen but it would come down to money for her in the end I think. DH and I have discussed that we will definitely absorb all of the accommodation costs now, work out some sort of daily meal allowance so she doesn't have to think about that throughout the trip and she can just pay for her flights and activities.

Because we cannot really discuss this with her any time soon on any real level, I am going to have to look at accommodation for WDW and NYC that would work for everyone and book that. The remainder of the trip's accom I can book closer but I would like to get WDW and NYC locked in soon. I think we will go with Doubletree Suites in Times Square because even if she doesn't come along, it will be nice to have a little more space over Christmas time. As for WDW, we think we will have to get 2 rooms at POP which is a shame, I would have loved to do a split stay with one of the Deluxe resorts but for sheer cost, 2 rooms at POP is more affordable.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

How onderful for you to all have one last Christmas together. You probably are right he was holding on for it.

How old and active is your MIL? Also, you might find she suddenly ages/gets frail quite quickly. Once she doesn't have to hold it together for the 2 of them, she may not bother holding it together for just herself. Her response to your offer will change as the grieving process continues, she will probably say no initially because she couldn't go without him, then she will start to feel lost and want to go.

Is she used to snow? Could she be a bit unsteady on her feet? Make sure she has a super duper over the top travel insurance coverage, way above what you would normally consider. Maybe this isn't the trip for snow with your MIL? Or maybe she loves the cold, grew up with snow and wants to go skiing? Has she been to the places you're thinking of before? You've been to most of them I think so may not be thinking of the major sites again,but if MIL hasn't seen them before, you might have to revist some major sites at a slower pace. I'm sure you will cope with revisiting major sites in DisneyWorld

Assuming your DH is not an only child, would his siblings be peeved if you took her out of the country?

It might be worth considering longer stays in fewer places for the trip with MIL than you usually do. The packing up, travel and unpacking can get tiring pretty quickly. I'd suggest go for villa/suite 2 or 3 bedroom so you can have a bit of space but she is not alone in her room. Do you know anyone with a timeshare like Accor or Wyndham? Maybe you could organise an exchange through them. Christmas week probably would be a challenge, but the weeks either side could be possible.

Cola - my MIL is in her 60's extremely fit and active and probably able to go longer and harder than DH and myself . I also think rather than fall in a hole after FIL passes, she will feel like a weight has lifted after 3 years of being in limbo and not able to plan ahead. I think she will be reinvigorated to enjoy life again in some ways. She is also an extremely independent woman so it may be that she wants to travel herself, rather than with us which I wouldn't mind at all. I would just be happy she was getting out there and enjoying life again. It's been a tough few years.

You've raised lots of great points though and given me lots to think about. I really appreciate it.

 

[cola]

Look into a 2 bedroom at Old Key West, probably renting througha DVC owner, you could be surprised at how reasonable it its. OKW isn't as plush as some of the other DVC, it is older, but it is the most spacious and usually the cheapest and you still get all of the other on-site bonuses. About the only real consideration not to rent DVC is if the dining plan is available free, but with the time of year that probably won't be on offer anyway. I found OKW very central, it seems out of the way, but it is right in the middle of everything. Renting DVC directly through Disney is outrageously expensive. And the great bonus with DVC is the washing machine and dryer in your villa.

 

[WAMUMOF4]

Ms. Shuttergirl your DH's way of asking MIL is certainly entertaining
Glad you all had a good Christmas together.
Even though the offer didn't come across the way you wanted i think it is extremely generous and thoughtful of you both to want to do this for her.