What age do you stop buying gifts for extended family?

[reginaastralis]

My stepgrandmother stopped buying for me when I turned 18, and said she would do the same when my brother turned 18 as well (he's two years younger, and then I have a sister who is 14 years younger)

And I'm saying this to make you laugh ...

When I had my daughter at 20 (the "last year" my brother was supposed to get gifts) she started buying for my cousin *who was 30* and hasn't stopped buying for the two of them. She also hasn't spoken to me since I told her I was pregnant ... which is probably why I don't get a gift *or a hello, whatever*

If you want to give to them, give to them. I just don't believe in playing favorites *not accusing you of this* ...

And every Christmas/birthday we all secretly laugh at her while my grandfather slips a $50 into my hand when her back is turned.

Nothing says the holidays like family drama!

 

[TallyTutter]

We don't have that many in our family. Our rule is if they are still in school - college - they get a present (unless they turn professional student!). They are at least trying to be productive.

Otherwise it's 18 or when they start playing "house". We have 3 nieces (same mom) who have had their boyfriends move in with them while they were still in high school!!! Needless to say the results have been awful but if your old enough to play house, you are old enough to face all the adult responsibilities & receive the perks or lack of them. (No, their not really old enough but they think they are & I don't play games!).

 

[shortbun]

I've never understood the resentment about not getting a thankyou. The gifts I give are unconditional. If you don't feel it, don't give a gift but don't make it because of no thank you. Just say you're cutting back on the number of gifts and the money you spend. Saying anything about 'no thank yous' will certainly cause the resentment/ire you are fearing.

 

[jaminmd]

I've never understood the resentment about not getting a thankyou. The gifts I give are unconditional. If you don't feel it, don't give a gift but don't make it because of no thank you. Just say you're cutting back on the number of gifts and the money you spend. Saying anything about 'no thank yous' will certainly cause the resentment/ire you are fearing.

I have given... for years. And I've never been thanked. I think it is bad manners when you don't acknowledge a gift giver, period. That's how I see it. But there's also more behind my post that I never added.

I certainly won't tell them that I've stopped because they don't thank me. I just no longer want to feel obligated to buy for children I do not know & that do not know me (and that I never see).

 

[ZPT1022]

In my mom's family we do an adult gift swap and then the parents are supposed to bring a small ($5-ish) gift for their own kids. We used to do a kid gift swap but it was too hard with all the different ages. That's the only extended family gift giving.

My Dad's family, the siblings all buy for each other and as for us nieces and nephews, the ones without kids still get gifts and since I have kids and because I started telling people that they didn't have to buy for us, that we really don't need anything (I meant it, and I appreciate them listening). My oldest daughter likes to go to Dollar Tree and pick out a little something for everyone and the things she buys tend to be pretty funny, like a spy disguise kit for my 50-something uncle, who promptly opened it and put it on. Her gifts tend to make for some good pictures Oh, and we buy a gift card for my aunt and uncle to go out to dinner, but that's because they're oldest DD's godparents.

DH's family, it's crazy. Everyone buys for everyone. I'm hoping after this year, now that his sister has a child, we can bring it down to buying only for the kids. No one really needs anything so it's always hard to come up with something. Can't we just get together and enjoy time together?

I still buy for my brothers as they're both single, and they buy for my kids. Works well for me.

I should add that my kids are still little, I imagine once they're out of high school or college that it will taper off.

 

[ZPT1022]

I have given... for years. And I've never been thanked. I think it is bad manners when you don't acknowledge a gift giver, period. That's how I see it. But there's also more behind my post that I never added.

I certainly won't tell them that I've stopped because they don't thank me. I just no longer want to feel obligated to buy for children I do not know & that do not know me (and that I never see).

What's the point? I'm not being mean, I'm agreeing with you. It's just crazy!

 

[CDoobee]

In DH's family, we used to draw names among the adults and also among the kids. DH's sisters always seemed to still buy for each other's kids too, even though my kids would only get 2 gifts...one from the kid who drew their name and one from Grandma. A few years ago, we (DH and I) decided we didn't want to be included that year. Well, they automatically didn't include our kids in the kids' drawing, either! Now, G'ma doesn't even buy for my kids. Granted, my "kids" are now 23 and 17, BUT she still buys for all the other grandkids who range in age from 6 to another 23 year old. Last year, my SIL even had a gift for her DD's roommate. I think it's fine that she wanted to get something for her, but just think it didn't have to be given at the family celebration, while my kids (especially DD17) sat there and didn't receive a thing! So basically, we go, eat breakfast, watch everyone else open gifts, then go to my side of the family, which is much different!

In my family, we draw names among the adults, adults being 21 and over. Nobody is obligated to be in the drawing if they don't want. My niece and her DH live out of state and usually only participate if they come home for Christmas. I usually send gift cards for her 2 kids in their Christmas card. My 23 year old son will also not be in the drawing this year. He just started a new job and has a baby on the way and just can't afford it. We buy for all the kids (grandkids and great-grands) until they are 21. This year, I asked all the adults how they would feel about donating to charities instead. They were all for it! I organized it. Basically, we drew names for them. I have the list so nobody know who has who, except for who they have. They then each tell me a charity or choice of charities they like that I then pass on to the person who drew their name. At Christmas, we will give our recipient a Christmas card with a note inside telling which charity we donated to. Also, we will do a $5 "rob your neighbor" type thing for anyone who wants to participate. The only "under 21s" are my DD17, and the great-grands who are 9,9,8,6, and 1.

Next year I'm going to suggest an "adopt a family" type thing.