I'm a first time cruiser and wanted to know about times to disembark the ship, porters, getting through customs, breakfast............I mean can someone really explain the whole process to me step by step? 
I don't like suprises and with a type A personality I like to be forwarned and know what to do next instead of looking around all dumb 
when I get off the ship 
Thanks in advance for all of the reply posts.
The last night of your cruise, after you finish dinner you run back to your room and start throwing your things back into your suitcases, pull off the luggage tags that you had on them when you got on the boat and put on the ones that were left for you in the room. Then while the entire room is torn up and your bed is covered with suitcases, clothing and souveniers, you check the kids out of the Lab/Club for the last time (turning in your pager - GET THE RECEIPT) and head to the evening show (hoping to find enough seats together). All through the show you are looking at your watch wondering if you will make it for the 11:00 deadline to have your bags in the hall. The show finally ends and you rush back to the room, which has now been made up for sleeping, except your bed is still covered in suitcases and clothing. You plant the kids in front of the TV
and tell them to stay out of the way. Neatness is not an issue at this point, so you start throwing things into the suitcases at random.
Then you zip everything up and start putting them in the hallway (it is now 11:15, but when you look up and down the hall you realize that there are still a whole lot of bags to go). Then you bring the bags back into the room so you can find your pajamas and the teddy bear for your little one to sleep with. Then you put the bags back in the hallway.
Then you grab them back because you just realized that you packed the passports in them plus you forgot to grab clothing to wear off the ship the next morning.
Once you find these things and set them aside you put the bags back in the hallway.
Then you go out and grab the carry-off bag that you plan to roll off with you the next morning so you don't look foolish carrying your pajamas at breakfast. It is now 11:45, but they are still collecting bags (you hope)
, so you head to the bar for one last night-cap (and to fill out the debarkation paperwork) while the kids fall asleep watching High School Musical for the 23rd time this cruise. Coming back from your night-cap you see that your bags are gone (you breathe a sigh of relief that you won't have to carry all that stuff off the ship in the morning) and settle down for what sleep you can get.
In the morning, you wake up to find that you are already docked and by the time you get the kids up and dressed and pack your carry-off bag and look in every nook and cranny of the room to make sure you don't leave anything, you discover that you missed your assigned breakfast (since you had the early dinner seating, you were expected to be at breakfast at 6:30)
By the time you get to the dining room, they are cleaning up and getting ready for the late seating group
. You are directed by a not-so-friendly head waiter
to go to the buffet with all the other procrastinators to suffer through powdered eggs and soggy Mickey Waffles.
You maneuver your rolling carry-off bag through the maze of luggage to try to find a table amid the chaos.
After breakfast it you roll your luggage and your family down to Shutters to go through your stack of photos and decide which ones are must-haves. Then you see how much those photos are going to cost
and go back through the pile one more time to decide which ones REALLY are must-haves.
By now you have procrastinated as much as possible, and like it or not you have to get off the boat
, so you dig out your debarkation paperwork and identification and head through the third-floor lobby and out the doors and the magic ends very abruptly as you cross the gangplank into a sterile corridor and down an escalator. Don't bother looking for hidden Mickeys, this place has all the personality of a cattle chute.
As you decend you see a room full of luggage that all looks just like yours
. Don't panic, at the bottom of the steps grab the first porter
that walks up to you and tell them your name, the character on your luggage tag and how many bags there should be. They will find and load your bags onto a cart and walk you over to the grumpy civil servant
who will tell you not to cross the yellow line until (s)he officially allows you back onto US soil across that line
. Make sure the porter doesn't roll your bags across the line until you are cleared or they will get yelled at too
. If you answer the questions correctly they take the debarkation papers, hand you back your paperwork and tell you to come on through (if they are in a really good mood you might get a "welcome back to the USA" but don't count on it
).
Then you, your family and the porter will proceed to either the car/bus/taxi area or the personal car area where you and your luggage will be left on the sidewalk. Give the porter their tip (it really is worth the money for them to do the search and carry this far rather than doing it yourself). If you are really lucky, your driver is waiting for you and you can load your bags right into the van/bus/car/limo. If you are driving yourself, the family stays with the bags while you go get the car from the parking lot (no the porter will not take your bags to the parking lot, their responsibility stops at the sidewalks end).
