What a nightmare! I can't imagine.

[Tasha+Scott]

It is not just with porn though teachers and other people little kids trust well do it because unfortunately it is so easy

Yes, it happens way too often and a lot of times it is the people that our children trust that are the monsters.

That's the reason I had a talk with my dd about what is okay and what is not and let her know it did not matter who the person was. I also told her that if something ever did happen she could tell me even if that person told her she couldn't or they said something bad would happen if she told. My dd is quite curious so she had questions and I kept my answers as rated G as I could so I wouldn't scare her to death since she is only 5 and is still very innocent about stuff like this. I did give her just enough information though to make her aware of what's okay and what isn't but kept it on her level and I feel better having had that talk with her.

 

[Tasha+Scott]

In our area we had a much loved 2nd grade teacher who was charged (and is now in jail for a long time) with molesting his boy students (he was also a Christian camp conselor, but apparently he didn't molest those boys, they were prob too old). I just didn't believe it..how could someone do that, someone so loved, and then he admitted his guilt. People had begged to get their kids in his classroom, he was considered such a good teacher. He and his pastor wife had a young child..she left him (good for her). Now they want her to bring her child to visit him in prison at her expense and time. They say it's his right.

Ugh! I'm sorry but I think he should have lost his right to his child once he decided it was okay to molest children. Sickening!

Years ago when I was in my late teens and was dating dh, we had a youth pastor at church that neither of us could stand. He just always gave us bad vibes. He had 3 kids of his own, 2 girls and a boy. I never imagined he would do what he did though.

He left our church and moved to another state. Several years later, he was caught molesting his own son. He is in jail now too. It just sickens me to think of all the children he may have come in contact with during his years as a youth pastor! I guess my bad vibe was dead on with him.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

I knew about the theater thing, but big whoop to that. Ok, it says the child pornography charges were dropped. It would be nice if the rest of the people would drop it, too.

Sheesh sorry I didn't realized it was dropped...

 

[LuvOrlando]

Oh those poor babies and their parents. Everyone must be just sick over this.

Some child abusers are opportunists and only abuse when a child is hand delivered helpless & an easy target. Other child abusers are out & out predators and purposefully select lifestyles that allow them to hover around children. The second kind is very hard to spot because if they weren't expert liars parents would never let their kid near them in the first place, also because the person isn't a danger to the parent, who won't see him/her as a threat. The ONLY people who will recognize someone as a threat will be the victim... that is unless the parents watch VERY closely. Are there special nick-names involved? That's a red flag & fireworks. Does the adult attempt to be a peer to the kid, or a group of kids, again a red flag. Does the adult try to make the child feel more grown-up, give an inappropriate amount of attention, fuss over a kid? Since the majority of child abusers happen to me male and most men can barely tolerate other peoples kids I think they are easy to spot. Pay attention to how MOST men behave around kids, if you notice anything that stands out in an adult, any adult, especially if its designed to put you at ease, RUN.

We have a neighbor who spends entirely too much attention with the kids here. From the surface he looks like nothing more than a super involved parent. That is until you realize he spends ALL his time with kids, I noticed because i live very close and see him all the time out there, if he's home the neighborhood kids aren't alone. Growing up both my DH and I were left alone with our friends, we didn't hang out with 50 year old parents. He gave my DD a nickname 'Smiley" and I didn't like it, from experience I KNOW that undue attention and nicknames isolate a kid from peers. Still, I didn't react, I was on standby and I watched. The BIG red flag came when this neighbors 4th grade son approached DH & I for a 'new business' he was starting. He would create a SPA for adults in his parents home. He'd fill their jacuzzi tub with bubble bath and restful music, there would be wine and he'd give a massage 'as long as the adult was in a bathing suit', like that made it less weird. He offered his parents and Aunt as customers for reviews. At first I thought the kid was just making this up on his own, until I spoke with his Mom about it in a joking way and realized the parents totally knew about this kid trying to solicit adults to get in a bathtub with him in the room. All I could think was, "Are these parents testing to see who is into kids?" Of course, I was horrified and made sure everyone knew it by making a laughing stock of the situation at the bus stop, totally a strategic move on my part, which put the brakes on it. To this day that father hates me and takes digs whenever he can, I suspect he knows I know who & what he is. I never reported it because taking care of family members in a tub isn't a crime. Freakin weirdos, they are everywhere. If you want to stop them quit making excuses for them, ask questions and actually wait for an answer FROM them and if you KNOW something is up get in their way and draw attention to it... these sorts hate attention because it ruins their game. This happened years ago and it STILL gives me the heebie jeebies

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

To be fair, a man who genuinely likes children is not a crime. Women can be abusers too. This alarmist response is exactly why it is so hard to find male elementary teachers. We have several male teachers in my school, my para is male. That is a godsend for me because I have boys who have to be monitored when they are in the bathroom. (Which consists of my para standing in the opening to the bathroom while the boys go in the stalls.) When you're around a kid enough, you may even give them a nickname. They genuinely enjoy working with kids. That does not make them creepy. I would trust any of the men and women at my school explicitly.

We are required to teach kids about sexual harassment during the first week of school using a developmentally appropriate method. For my kids, we talked about "bathing suit areas" and that if a bathing suit covers it, nobody should be touching there unless they are helping you with something medical. We also said that if somebody was helping you and you didn't like it, you could ask them to stop and they should.

I'm not saying that it never happens ,but these cases are rare, that is why they make the news. Absolutely you should be aware of warning signs. Unusual attention on one or two children can be a warning sign. Giving the children little presents, particularly if it is only a few kids is a sign. That is known as "grooming." If a person is asking a child to keep secrets from their parents, that is a sign. But saying that any male who takes an interest in children must be a pedophile is going way too far.

 

[LuvOrlando]

To be fair, a man who genuinely likes children is not a crime. Women can be abusers too. This alarmist response is exactly why it is so hard to find male elementary teachers. We have several male teachers in my school, my para is male. That is a godsend for me because I have boys who have to be monitored when they are in the bathroom. (Which consists of my para standing in the opening to the bathroom while the boys go in the stalls.) When you're around a kid enough, you may even give them a nickname. They genuinely enjoy working with kids. That does not make them creepy. I would trust any of the men and women at my school explicitly.

We are required to teach kids about sexual harassment during the first week of school using a developmentally appropriate method. For my kids, we talked about "bathing suit areas" and that if a bathing suit covers it, nobody should be touching there unless they are helping you with something medical. We also said that if somebody was helping you and you didn't like it, you could ask them to stop and they should.

I'm not saying that it never happens ,but these cases are rare, that is why they make the news. Absolutely you should be aware of warning signs. Unusual attention on one or two children can be a warning sign. Giving the children little presents, particularly if it is only a few kids is a sign. That is known as "grooming." If a person is asking a child to keep secrets from their parents, that is a sign. But saying that any male who takes an interest in children must be a pedophile is going way too far.

I am assuming the 'alarmist response' refers to me.
Double checked my numbers, "Protecting the Gift" page 152, 1 in 3 females, 1 in 6 boys, and 15% are younger than 12, who exactly is doing this, who is getting to them? Someone who has trust, that's who. This isn't to say ALL men are bad or evil, but to say it's rare is as absurd as saying ALL men are bad. Men who display certain behaviors (well not only men but they are more likely) must be examined closely, it is also true that female sex offenders are comparatively rare. The reason isn't because of sexism, its because comparatively only about 20% of males are assaulted and of them about 50% are likely to turn out to be offenders themselves because they have a stronger affinity to want to seize the power the abuser had over them than females tend to do. Females, on the other hand, tend to remember the hurt they felt as victims and become caregivers instead, they identify with the victim not the abuser. So far there is no clear understanding of why this is, just that it's a truth based in statistics. Until parents recognize this isn't as rare as they would like to believe children will continue to be hurt, its just that simple. Always ask questions.

My numbers came from Gavin DeBeckers work. I really like him, he has been on Oprah repeatedly which is where i came across him one day. Here is a organization he recommends.

www.yellodyno.com/Yello_Dyno_Eight_Red_Flags.html

 

[simba20]

When I moved up to middle school in sixth grade, a story broke that the PE teacher (male) I had in 4th and 5th grade was charged with child molestation. Because the elementary school I attened fed into two middle schools, investagators came to both middle schools to question us who had had him as a teacher prior.

 

[simba20]

What a sick, sick teacher! Those poor children!

My dd is in kindergarten and before she started school I had a talk with her about how it is not okay for anyone to touch her certain ways or ask her to take off her clothes when it wasn't warranted, etc., and that she is to tell me if anyone ever tries. Not that I worry about her teachers doing something like that. I truly don't. BUT it's a sick world and you read about people like that and I wanted to be cautious and know that she knew enough to know it wasn't okay and to let me know...just in case. I also made sure she knew this went for anyone, another student, parent, etc., not just teachers. We also talked about what is okay and what isn't...such as exams at doctor's, etc. It sickens me that it was even necessary to have to talk to her about it but I definitely feel better knowing I did.

I have had the same talk with my daughter. She is 3. Sometimes, randomly, when getting dressed for bed, I quiz her on who is allowed to touch her private parts. She will say "ONLY ME!" When I ask her "What do you do if somebody tells you 'Don't tell your Mommy or Daddy'" she will reply "I TELL YOU!" I have also asked her, what do you say if somebody wants to touch you. She replies "NO!" I started talking with her about this when she was two and could grasp some understanding. She is in daycare, and not that any teacher at her daycare would do this (but yes I know it happens) I wanted her to be prepared and to be able to tell me when she is being hurt.

In fact, it has worked so well, that back in October she had a UTI. I had to rush her one night to my pediatricians after hours clinic. The doctor on call came in to examine her. After chatting with her and me for a bit to get her to warm up, he explained to her that he had to look at her private area to see how much she was hurting. She is only 3, but she said to him "Nobody is supposed to look at my girly bits. And they hurt, A LOT!" He started to laugh, and then praised me for teaching her that. He was really impressed that she knew this at 3. I told DD, that it was okay, because he was a doctor and that Mommy was in the room. She understood, so now she amends her answer by saying "Nobody is supposed to touch my girly bits, unless they hurt, then the doctor can look if Mommy or Daddy is there."

High five, DD!

 

[Claudia1]

I read some of the comments by readers on the news link and they talked about his "dress-up" changing station.

Here is an excerpt:
"I used to be a student, and custodian at forest hills and alerted office workers, students, and my family (my sisters have children that have been taught by him) of the conditions of his class room (I mean his little changing station with a see-through curtain). I was always put off by his actions. He used to dress the children up in Halloween costumes, like nurses and maids and parade them around the school. I am disgusted at how long it took for someone to take action against his vile behavior."

While I know that anybody can say anything without proof, there was more than one comment about this. One was about the children changing down to their underwear to play dress-up.


I wonder how much is true..... but it is all revolting, no matter how much or how little!

 

[PixieDust32]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/23/pentagon-child-porn-scand_n_656839.html

What about at the Pentagon.

 

[LuvOrlando]

The pentagon doesn't surprise me at all. Ever wonder why penalties for child abuse and domestic violence aren't more severe? Its because the people in charge are as likely be abusive as a creeps on the street, except the people in charge get to block laws that would protect their victims. Penalties won't change until society recognizes that these crimes do more damage than drugs, lack of education or poverty ever could, you can get off drugs, get a GED and get money but a victim of violence can never escape. Have you ever looked at the volume of child abuse victims struggling with substance abuse, in jail, who work in the 'adult' industry? have you ever considered why so much money is spent on the symptoms but not on directly combating the dynamic of child abuse? Why schools teach 'say no to drugs' but don't teach about physical boundaries, will do Sex Ed but not address child abuse or domestic violence when so many kids in school could be reached and helped? Odd isn't it? Until the day I die I'll be an advocate

 

[PaulaSB12]

Try googling the panorama program about female child abusers, they found out that 86% of victims of female pedophiles are not believed. I think the number of female abusers is much higher than is believed.

http://missingmadeleine.forumotion....e-sexual-abuse-of-children-the-ultimate-taboo

Go to youtube and put in female sexual abuse of children. 86% of victims of female sexual abusers are not believed, from their research the figures may be as high as 25%

 

[LuvOrlando]

I don't know that this info was contradictory. There is no doubt females are also capable of terrible violence. Sometimes females can be the primary abuser and other times male abusers are allowed to continue with the knowledge of their female partner/spouse and that's an altogether distinctly demented & sadistic behavior that is almost impossible to prove, but it happens.

I can accept the claim that 86% of children abused by a female are not believed, but I don't know what the percentage is of children who have been abused by a male who are not believed to do a comparison. It might be that all kids who are abused are not believed by an 86% margin... that is very possible. One explanation of disparity is that there is rarely evidence left behind by abuse at the hands of a female where males will leave evidence, almost by definition of the crime. Still, you can't ignore that females are still not as likely to be perpetrators of many crimes especially extremely violent ones like spree killers or serial killers & even when they commit suicide or murder it is more likely that they are non-violent and will prefer poison. Odd that there are averages even within the bounds of deviant behavior, but there are and Forensic Psychologists, Criminologists and Victimologists all study these deviant trends very closely. Ultimately though, this isn't a contest and it shouldn't be treated as such, it is what it is, regardless of who does the hurting any child who is victimized deserves better

IF we are going to keep the world's children safe THEN we all need to be mini criminologists and know how to recognize not only the deviant behaviors abusers will present to the world, but the deviant behaviors the poor victims will present as well. Abuse always leaves wounds.

 

[horseshowmom]

To be fair, a man who genuinely likes children is not a crime. Women can be abusers too. This alarmist response is exactly why it is so hard to find male elementary teachers. We have several male teachers in my school, my para is male. That is a godsend for me because I have boys who have to be monitored when they are in the bathroom. (Which consists of my para standing in the opening to the bathroom while the boys go in the stalls.) When you're around a kid enough, you may even give them a nickname. They genuinely enjoy working with kids. That does not make them creepy. I would trust any of the men and women at my school explicitly.

I'm not saying that it never happens ,but these cases are rare, that is why they make the news. Absolutely you should be aware of warning signs. Unusual attention on one or two children can be a warning sign. Giving the children little presents, particularly if it is only a few kids is a sign. That is known as "grooming." If a person is asking a child to keep secrets from their parents, that is a sign. But saying that any male who takes an interest in children must be a pedophile is going way too far.

Double checked my numbers, "Protecting the Gift" page 152, 1 in 3 females, 1 in 6 boys, and 15% are younger than 12, who exactly is doing this, who is getting to them? Someone who has trust, that's who.

Those of us who have been abused know that these cases are NOT rare - quite the contrary unfortunately. Decent people who haven't dealt with it just find it hard to believe.

I don't think that anybody is saying that adults who are involved with children are automatically warped. My husband is a 4th grade teacher and is very fond of his students. BUT, there is sometimes a difference in normal adult child interaction and what some of these perverts do to groom their targets. That isn't always the case though. Some of them, like in my case, seem perfectly normal.

LuvOrlando's number's are right on. Speaking from experience, this is something that never goes away, and the perpetrators are frequently people that others can't possibly imagine doing these things.

Personally, considering that statistics show that pedophilia has a practially nonexistent success rate of reform, I think these people should be locked up for life.

 

[PaulaSB12]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ca-sex-boy-13-met-playing-X-Box-arrested.html


The reason I posted this is look at the comments! If a 36 year old man had sex with a 13 year old people would be baying for his blood but because its a woman people don't perceive it as a crime. Is anything more likely to make a child not report a child abuser than this?

 

[skater]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ca-sex-boy-13-met-playing-X-Box-arrested.html


The reason I posted this is look at the comments! If a 36 year old man had sex with a 13 year old people would be baying for his blood but because its a woman people don't perceive it as a crime. Is anything more likely to make a child not report a child abuser than this?

I think statistically, more men are pedophiles than women, but I totally agree with you that we need to also focus on female abusers. Because if we don't, there's no way for boys to get the help or warnings they need. Anytime someone who is older or in a position of power over someone else, abuse can occur. Unfortunately, evil doesn't just occur in one gender.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I'm not trying to say this stuff never happens. I think it's great to know the warning signs, but when you say things like "most men can barely tolerate otehr people's children" and if a man acts differently to RUN, you are being alarmist. The boys in our society need good role models, particularly at the young level. The way you are phrasing things (even if you don't mean to) basically says that any man who genuinely enjoys being around kids must be a predator. Many men in schools are very worried about false accusations, that is one reason it is harder to find males in elementary schools.

Absolutely teach your children about sexual harassment and what to look for. Absolutely look for the warning signs yourself. The probelm is, if you look at the "warning signs", they can apply to just about any adult on the planet. For instance, on this it has warning signs of pedophiles. IF you look at them, they apply to quite a lot of people. Even the ones like lavish attention on a needy child need a grain of salt. We have lots of kids in our school with just horrid home lives who do not have good role models. It is not uncommon to find a teacher or other school worker who will sort of take that child under their wing in order to give them a positive role model and help them out. That does not make these people molesters. (We do haev a rule that we are never behind a closed door with a child with the obvious exception of special ed testing (like IQ). )

Common traits of pedophiles:



Usually an adult male


Often appears to be hard-working and family-oriented


Tends to be better educated and more religious (on the surface) that the average person


Tends to be well-liked by parents and children; a pedophile teacher is often one of the most popular teachers in school


Ways that pedophiles generally target their victims and allay suspicion:



They actively seek children who are quiet, needy, or have problems at home


They also lavish attention on children they don't abuse, to build a sense of trust by parents and other students


They find ways to be alone with children; for instance, music teachers or coaches often are in a position to give individual attention to students. In one case, a pedophile teacher volunteered to direct the school's computer center, because the door was always locked to prevent theft


They usually accomplish molestation by gradual seduction, not sudden coercion


Warning signs for parents:



· Child suddenly doesn't want to go to school



· Change in child's behavior or academic performance at school



· Abrupt mood changes, or aggressive behavior



· Withdrawal from family and friends



· Child has unexplained new toys, clothes, or money



· Exhibits age-inappropriate sexual behavior or language



· Loss of appetite



· Child has nightmares or can't sleep

 

[LuvOrlando]

PaulaSB12 what makes you think people find this woman's behavior to be any less heinous?

Sometimes the ages of the victims and other parts of the situation are more attention grabbing than others but to say this female monster is any less disgusting is totally off the mark. I don't think anyone is jumping on that wagon. The fact we don't hear it as much is because it doesn't happen as frequently, that doesn't mean it's not as sickening.

We had a local female coach abusing female athletes recently and she was just as vilified as any male I've ever seen. http://blog.pennlive.com/lvbreakingnews/2008/05/former_basketball_coach_gets_s.html

 

[LuvOrlando]

I'm not trying to say this stuff never happens. I think it's great to know the warning signs, but when you say things like "most men can barely tolerate otehr people's children" and if a man acts differently to RUN, you are being alarmist. The boys in our society need good role models, particularly at the young level. The way you are phrasing things (even if you don't mean to) basically says that any man who genuinely enjoys being around kids must be a predator. Many men in schools are very worried about false accusations, that is one reason it is harder to find males in elementary schools.

Absolutely teach your children about sexual harassment and what to look for. Absolutely look for the warning signs yourself. The probelm is, if you look at the "warning signs", they can apply to just about any adult on the planet. For instance, on this it has warning signs of pedophiles. IF you look at them, they apply to quite a lot of people. Even the ones like lavish attention on a needy child need a grain of salt. We have lots of kids in our school with just horrid home lives who do not have good role models. It is not uncommon to find a teacher or other school worker who will sort of take that child under their wing in order to give them a positive role model and help them out. That does not make these people molesters. (We do haev a rule that we are never behind a closed door with a child with the obvious exception of special ed testing (like IQ). )

Not all people who want to be around kids are abusive, but if a person is observed to be paying too much attention to a particular child someone needs to start paying attention. The very kindnesses you are explaining are exactly the behaviors child abusers use to get under a parents/caregivers radar. Its unfortunate but true that the exact some child people want to help is the exact same child an abuser will target. It isn't a mistake that these monsters tend to congregate in places where needy kids end up, its strategy. Its a shame that abusers exploit the fact kind people also seek out kids but they do and any child advocate should have tough enough skin to endure the microscope that keeping these kids safe demands. If someone genuinely wants what is best for children then he/she should know better than to by annoyed by constant inquisitions, helpless kids need to be protected and there is no way around it. Its a shame it scares off some kind folks but if it also scares off child abusers it's worth it, a kid who endures neglect is better off than a kid who endures abuse. Don't believe me, ask an abuse survivor.

PS- I don't mean to come off as harsh but no issue on earth gets to me more than child abuse

 

[shortbun]

But he wasn't dressed as Pee Wee Herman. He was himself and in a legal adult movie. I think it's gross what he did but it didn't have anything to do with children. He was just being stupid, taking a chance like that, even though I think that's what men do in those kinds of movie theaters, not just him.

Would you want him to be your child's Kindergarten teacher? I sure wouldn't want Mr. Reuben around my kids. He creeps me out and he has made some collosally stupid choices. As far as I'm concerned, he's an adult entertainer. His children's show was full of double entendre and I've felt this way about him since waaaay before he 'whipped it out' in public.