Were you advised/Have you advised against getting married?

[Kitty 34]

No. I guess everyone thought I could handle my own decisions and live with them.

 

[mrodgers]

Of course people told me. I work in manufacturing. A lot of guys being rude and crude with each other.

After 17 years of marriage and losing my home, my retirement, my kids for 2 years, having to sleep at my mother's house for 2 years, and now living in a 44 year old trailer with holes in the floor, I tell everyone they are completely nuts to get married.

 

[dosekies]

I was never told this in the way of 'don't marry this specific person', but when we got engaged pretty young (21 and 20) my family was VERY openly against us getting married anytime soon. They kept saying we were too young. I kept telling them I completely agreed and that my SO had already said it would be a long engagement but they didn't believe us. 4.5 years later we're still happily together and not married yet haha

 

[cabanafrau]

I’m positive my dad said something along those lines to my DH.

Many, many times I have told my husband -- you probably shoulda listened to my dad.

 

[teller80]

My MIL told us we shouldn't get married. She passed away 6 weeks after the wedding, but I'm pretty sure 35 years later she'd still stand by her opinion.

She didn't even go to her other son's wedding because he was marrying a (gasp!) divorcee.

 

[indimom]

DH's father told him he should be "sowing his wild oats" not settling down at 22. DH told me what he said, but we didn't take it seriously or get offended, since he had offered the advice only once, and simply because he thought we were too young and he was concerned.

(I've got to preface the next one... DH and I were dating three years before we married. He was in the Marines and traveling the world, I was in college. So it was definitely a long-distance relationship. And the wedding was scheduled for two months after I graduated and he finished his 4 years in the military....)

So, one day I stopped by my aunt's house and she happened to have a friend there... a friend I had never met, and who didn't know me in any way other than the niece of her friend. My aunt told her I was getting married, and some of the details of our relationship, etc. The woman HAD to pull me aside as I was leaving, to emphatically tell me how long-distance relationships NEVER work, especially with military men... blah blah blah… she had done the same thing, and it was a horrible relationship and on and on...
Honestly, it was a little creepy.... I just thanked her for her advice, and left.

We're celebrating 23 years this month.

 

[luvsJack]

My dad offered to help me be a run away bride. He wasn’t 100% serious at them time but after the divorce, I told him I should have taken him up on it!

We seriously advised ods and his first wife not to marry at 19. We told them that both of them would change a lot between 19 and 21. It was really about her but we knew better than to say that. They lasted 5 years, he grew up, she didn’t. Honestly it was nothing against her. We loved her. But we also knew she was marrying for the wrong reasons. She thought marrying ds would fix her relationship with her dad as her dad really liked ds. It didn’t and the marriage started falling apart.

 

[quandrea]

I gently asked my brother to consider very carefully his decision to marry his now wife. They fought often and ferociously. They would then go weeks without speaking. I said he should think about his decision and that communicating in that manner would not be healthy for future children. He married her and has been very unhappy ever since. Two kids in the picture now. He will never leave though. It’s not his way. He will just be unhappy forever.

 

[Jennasis]

I was advised routinely up until the limo ride to the ceremony, not to marry my ex. They were all right. Every person. I knew it then. Just didn't know how to get out of it. Oh well.

 

[tvguy]

Nobody every told us not to get married.

My mom's only concern was she though 24 was a bit young to be getting married. She was 27 when she got married.
My wife's mom wondered why we waited so long! She was 20 when she got married.

36 years later, we're still married.

OT: The one marriage comment that I got 36 years ago was "you aren't going to live together first to see if it works out?"
The one marriage comment that I still get 36 years later is "you didn't live together first?"

 

[ronandannette]

My DDad advised me not to - privately and once only - for a very specific reason. FWIW, he wasn't wrong. He liked and respected by DH-to-be and once he expressed his feeling to me, he offered as much love and support to both of us as possible for the remainder of his life.

Similarly, I've advised two different couples, also for very specific reasons. They both went on to marry and I didn't ever begrudge them not taking my advice. For me, it was more a matter of not being able to live with myself if I hadn't at least tried. We're all still close and both couples are still married but the concerns I raised have certainly manifested themselves in their lives, just like my DDad's did in mine.

 

[quandrea]

My DDad advised me not to - privately and once only - for a very specific reason. FWIW, he wasn't wrong. He liked and respected by DH-to-be and once he expressed his feeling to me, he offered as much love and support to both of us as possible for the remainder of his life. Similarly, I've advised two different couples, also for very specific reasons. They both went on to marry and I didn't ever begrudge them not taking my advice. For me, it was more a matter of not being able to live with myself if I hadn't at least tried. We're all still close and both couples are still married but the concerns I raised have certainly manifested themselves in their lives, just like my DDad's did in mine.

This is how I felt about my brother. As someone who loved him, I felt I had to say something. I’ve never mentioned it again. I just feel sad that his life has turned out the way it has.

 

[barkley]

had people advise against even DATING dh b/c of our age difference (when we met he was 20/i was 27-i wouldn't go out on the first date until he turned 21 a couple of months later) so i suspect there were doubters when we wed 2 1/2 years later but they didn't share it with either of us.

we celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary this year

 

[kimblebee]

On the way to the church my dad subtley suggested I didn’t have to go through with it. We laughed and I went on to the church. We separated just over two years later.

I found out after that, that my parents were 100% against me getting married. Well, against marrying him. They also knew I had to make my own mistakes so they kept their feelings private. They were right to do so. I wouldn’t have listened to them at the time. Plus, I was eight months pregnant when I got married (planned..no shotguns around) and they would not have been happy with an unwed mother as a daughter. They’re old school that way.

 

[manning]

Only thing told me by FIL

Your vocabulary will change from "I love you dear" to "Anything you say dear"

 

[java]

My Aunt told me I could do better and to not marry my DH.
And my limo driver said” we can just bolt down to Florida if you don’t want to do this” ( we were outside the church at this point)

We are celebrating 28 years this fall.

 

[Mopedmom1]

My story is similar to @teller80 . My MIL told my husband not to marry me. She gave many reasons, all her opinion and none truthful. She died four years later. We celebrate our 26th Anniversary in 2 months.

Conversely, I was the Maid of Honor in my best friends wedding MANY years ago. After she showed up with bruises from him I strongly urged her to reconsider. She didn't listen and was divorced a few years later after no longer being able to put up with his physical and emotional abuse.

 

[John VN]

The was the "are you sure???" but never a "do not do it!!!" 45 years so far so pretty sure it was a good decision.

 

[VandVsmama]

Yes. My mother. The day before my wedding, she pulled me aside in their house and said, "Don't do it. Don't marry him. He's not right for you." When I was horrified and refused, she then doubled down and said, "Fine, then when it doesn't work out, I'll pay for your divorce and I'll tell you that I told you so."

That was 23 years ago.

On our 7th wedding anniversary, she said, "Congratulations. I didn't think you'd make it this far."​

She never ever accepted him. Nothing he ever did was good enough. Always very critical of everything he said or did. Over even very petty things.

But it all worked out in the long run. A month before she died, I went to visit her (we all knew she was dying, she had cancer, it was awful) and she apologized for being so judgmental towards my husband. I told her that she and I could have been closer for all of those years if she could only have held her tongue and kept her opinions to herself. We resolved our differences. It's too bad, though, because all of those things she said for so many years were so incredibly toxic to my relationship with her.

The best thing you can say to somebody who's getting married? Congratulations!

 

[AquamarineSteph]

Yes.

My mother told me it was better to 'live in sin' (her words, not mine) than marry the person I married. He worked in the wrong industry. He was the wrong religion. He wasn't from 'our' part of the country.

We've been married almost 40 years, and I still feel like Cinderella who met her prince. My mother, bless her heart, might have been wrong on that one.