We're Selling!

[mitcam]

After only 3 years, we need to sell. It was not an easy decision to comeby. I hope in our future we may buy again.

My FIL is sick and we really need to buy a larger home to help my MIL care for him. I should have sold months ago, I knew it was selfish to keep it but it took 3 years to convince DH to get it and I hated to part with it.

Hopefully it will be a quick sale we plan to put our current home on the market by late spring and we could use the DVC sale $$ for getting it ready.

I'm sure I will still lurk the boards and be renting in the future.


Carolyn

 

[bobbiwoz]

I'm sorry to hear of the illness that's causing you to sell. I think it's very nice to help out your family this way.

Best wishes,
Bobbi

 

[athenna]

I am so sorry to hear about the illness in your family
Best wished to you

 

[MnParrothead]

 

[spiceycat]

so sorry you have to sell your DVC points.

but it is definitely for a good cause.

You are a better person than I - if you can live with your in-laws.

 

[Scratch42]

 

[Third times a charm]

My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[ColoradoBelle1]

My thoughts are with you . It is hard enough to sell your home, let alone the additional loss of your 'home away from home'. Hopefully you will have a quick and profitable sale and then someday soon, be able to buy back. And since you have these boards, there are always those of us who need to rent out points....so it will just be a little 'sabbatical'

Hope you find a wonderful new house with lots of room...and maybe even a mother-in-law apartment for....well, your muminlaw!

Good wishes!

 

[I Dream of Disney]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during
this difficult time.

 

[mikayla'sMom]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you FIL and the rest of the family. You are wonderful people to do what you are doing. You are just taking a little family leave and will be back soon!

 

[MiaSRN62]

Mitcam,
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. My dh and I took in his mom to live with us last summer. He had to take the Family Leave Act to help me care for her (she was terminally ill with cancer) and I was reduced to only working 1 day a week. We toyed with the idea of selling our points also because we were running low on funds with no income coming in for many months.
I repect your decision as I'm sure it's a little sad for you to lose your disney home (for now). But your decision to take in your family members is probably one of the most selfless, caring things you all could do. I wish your family well.
BTW, feel free to do more than just lurk here......I'm sure the experiences you've had in the 3 years you were Members could be of value to many.

 

[BCVOwner2002]

Carolyn,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. What a great sacrifice to make for your family and I can understand why you waited so long to make the decision. Annmarie

 

[mitcam]

The warm wishes are great. My MIL would do anything for me my DH and my children. I have been blessed to have them for 15 years. Not all shining moments on either side but I think we love and respect each others personalities that it will all work out.

My FIL has Parkinsons it has been for over 20 years since first diagnosis and now due to meds is completely dependent. MIL is exhausted and I am very worried for her. Unfortunately the disease has its own course we are all victims but my FIL more than all of us as you can imagine!

Big changes in our lives ahead. We will grow and the lessons taught to our children will be unsurpassed by what they will experience in all of this. Again, thanks for the supportive posts. I plan to hit you all up for a point here and there to get my DisFIX

We are going on a cruise in May and we are hoping by the time we return we will have our concrete plan in the works with 2 houses sold. At least that is the plan!

Carolyn

 

[fkj2]

Mitcam

Have you considered using Hospice? If your FIL is eligible for Medicare or perhaps even under private insurance plan, he may be eligible to receive benefits for Hospice. I recently placed my mom in the program; it picks up many expenses and is not dependent on your ability to pay. Your doc may not know or in my case, not care, that you may receive help, financial assistance through paying for equipment, help with nursing assistance, respite care, etc. Perhaps you should look into it.

Good luck. I know your road too well.

 

[mitcam]

Thanks for the idea of hospice. Right now he does not meet criteria due to the more "chronic" nature of this disease and his overall good health otherwise. I am a nurse in the Boston area and I know exactly what you mean by the doc not caring. Fortunately we have a great medical team that guides all of us through. My MIL found their neurologist through a newspaper article he wrote many years ago he is wonderful and has helped immensely in his quality of life. It has only been over the last 6 months or so that he has failed so greatly. It is the disease that is unstopable despite meds. They only can help symptoms not progression and the side effects of these meds was kept at bay for many years.

Hospice is the first people I plan to call when he meets guidelines and everyone is ready to accept some outside help. MIL is not ready yet to concede the victory and honestly I can't blame her!

Thanks again,
Carolyn

 

[SueOKW]

Our oldest child is completely dependent upon us - so I want to mention a few things as I semi-understand what you are going through...

1 - Bravo. You and your husband made a great decision.
2 - You're right about the kids learning a huge life lesson.
3 - We are never too old learn either.
4 - I would be very much like your MIL - not quite ready to let go!

Good luck to you and enjoy your May trip!!

 

[fkj2]

Carolyn,

Are you sure he wouldn't qualify for Hospice, esp. if he's showing signs of progression? I don't think the six month limit really applies anymore, esp. since Hospice is assuming cases that involve diseases other than cancer.

My mom is in end-stage dementia, stroke-related, and I wish I had had the "physician" refer sooner. (His solution was to place her in a nursing facility going on 9 years ago. Told me I had a "tough decision" to make. As though I couldn't figure that out on my own.) I haven't yielded much, (haven't really allowed myself to), I too had worked as a nurse. The caregiver needs care too and I think, from a personal standpoint as well as professional, nobody wants to admit that. I have a couple of people who have helped me for years care for her but I'm just glad that I finally made the decision to work with Hospice, because it's finally taken some of the burden off my back, literally. Our parents aren't anywhere we won't eventually go. At least it sounds as if you have more family support than I've had and even then, it's tough. Who can imagine such an illness and decline can go on so long?

Let me offer this word of caution for your MIL; my mom cared for my dad in his stroke related dementia but it finally reached the point where we did place (more like guarded) him in a facility. I believe the subsequent depression and exhaustion led her to the road she's now on.

Take care. I know it isn't easy.

janet

 

[MiaSRN62]

I don't think the six month limit really applies anymore, esp. since Hospice is assuming cases that involve diseases other than cancer.

We cared for my mil in our home on hospice status and they were wonderful. She was given 6 months to live when we brought her in to live with us. But the hospice nurses and social workers told me stories of people who have been in hospice under their care for many years. One, as I recall, was a hospice patient for like 7 years. Maybe this differs from state to state though.

The caregiver needs care too and I think, from a personal standpoint as well as professional, nobody wants to admit that. I have a couple of people who have helped me for years care for her but I'm just glad that I finally made the decision to work with Hospice, because it's finally taken some of the burden off my back, literally.

I totally agree. My husband and I had no family support at all. We just couldn't believe how distant everyone was. I was literally breaking down caring for my mil and my 3 kids alone that my dh had to take a leave from work. It became that physically and mentally tolling. Hospice was wonderful. They connected us with a group of volunteers & social workers who allowed us to go out to dinner or a movie as a family once or twice a week. It literally saved me from a breakdown. My mil was 24/7 care and confined to a bed. I can't say enough about how I felt the hospice organization we used addressed not only the mental and physical needs of my mil, but also us as the caregivers. I can honestly say caring for my mil was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life---though I don't regret those months for anything. She was very special to us and our children.
Janet and Carolyn....I can totally relate to what you are going through, even though we only had my mil with us for 5 months. But she fought cancer for 3 years and we were beside her every step of the way. Hang in there. Prayers and thoughts going out to you.

 

[mitcam]

My DH and his 2 siblings are great but unfortunately they were very sheltered by the 2 people who need them so desperately. They will do anything but sometimes wait to be asked! DH has been told by me right from the beginning the truth of this disease what it can do, how it can progress or not progress. His siblings I think have not been fortunate to have any prep and they are not ones to do alot of research of what is to come more on how to we fix NOW!

I don't know what the "right" move is, I am just trying to stay one step ahead in the thought process of all involved.

I personally come from a large family (6) despite this being my inlaws, my family will be with us every step of the way. They know I need them, and they also know my inlaws are awesome people. I have 3 sisters and 1 sister in law (my side) I can call anytime and they are there. My sister inlaw on DH side is very attentive to her parents. We both have young kids - it is difficult - my kids are 8 & 6 her kids are 4 & 2! My BIL is single. We are just lost at this point we need that concrete plan!

My DH and his siblings (2) are very naive. Their mother was (is)the matriac, everything is fine - never shares the whole truth! Well now she is exhausted and my DH is beside himself. My poor DH is the focus of his fathers hallucinations. My FIL sees my DH everywhere in the house. He converses with him all the time my MIL says. They have a great relationship unfortunately with our kids being so young my DH hasn't been around a whole lot but he is trying! It makes so much sense for us to do this together with them, we have the financial means to help and my inlaws are not broke in any way combining resources for his care is the best way. FIL will know that no matter what MIL will be fine, and FIL will get care and MIL will get some life back. (if not life a little sleep on a regular basis)

The worst days are the clarity days. When my FIL is doing great, my MIL gets her hopes so high and then boom it is back with a vengance.

I love hospice, they are an awesome organization, we could slip in under many loop holes but my MIL is not ready, we are trying to just keep some quality in everyones life!

MIL will go down fighting every step of the way. In some ways I think a terminal diagnosis would be easier, right now it is a life sentence with no end in sight.

FIL is awesome. He is so aware at times he and I talk about the raw deal he got and I feel so sad for what his family is missing. He is the best dad - little league coach for 32 years, hockey parent all the way! He was always there for his kids (especially his boys) I am not sure how this will all end but I know that I will be advocating on his behalf all the way. I will protect my DH from whatever pain I can, but life is so cruel as may healthcare workers can attest. The inequity in quality to life is crazy!

I lost my Dad 4 years ago, it was horrible. Not a long death just very painful. I can't protect from death I can only support and love everyone involved while we travel this journey of life and ensure we endure together!

Thanks,
Carolyn

 

[dvcfamily41801]