Wendy's "I'm Going to SCOTLAND!!!!" Weight Loss Journey(Scotland Trip Report Pg 10)

[whgrn]

I found a beautiful red dress in the Talbots catalog. Every time I looked at the catalog, I was drawn to this dress. If only I could have this dress. But, alas, the dresses only come in Misses sizes, and I'm a 20W. But then, I found I could fit into some 18W stuff, and 18W pretty much equals 20 Misses. So I ordered the dress. Maybe it would fit, maybe not. And maybe I could wear it for vacation this summer.

Well, the red dress arrived today. I immediately stopped what I was doing and went to put it on. And guess what? It's um, a little bit too....big! I mean, if I wasn't in a losing phase, I'd probably say it was OK, but, it's a bit loose, and since I AM losing, no way was it gonna work. But I thought it looked very nice on me anyway, albeit a good bit too long. So I figured, I'll send it back and get an 18. But, wait, that would fit me now, what if even THAT is too big come July? So then I thought, to heck with the 20% off, I'll send it back, and wait to the end of June, and then get whatever size I am at that time. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to get away with a 16 by then, and I could get a 16 petite, which would eliminate the too long issue. OK, all set, problem solved.

Or so I thought. When we got home tonite, I told Laura I needed her to take my picture in the dress so I could post it. So, I put on the dress, admired it in the mirror, smiled as she told me how pretty I looked. And she took the picture. Actually 3 of them. Each one worse than the one before it.

It looks HORRIBLE! I look like a big, fat red blob! Why, when this dress fits me like it does, and I thought it looked so nice in the mirror, and I was so pleased, does the photo show a different story? I look NOTHING like the picture in the catalog. OK, I know what you're thinking--umm, Wendy, you're not a size 4, so of course you look different. But in the mirror, I saw a larger woman who still looked very nice in the dress, and the dress still resembled the one in the catalog, just a bigger version. But photos don't lie, and if that is how the dress really looks on me, it can just go back where it came from and stay there, thank you very much.

So, I've thought about this. Was it just the photo? Nope, took a picture of me yesterday in another dress and I look great. So, maybe it's the dress. Maybe it just isn't the right dress for me. And hey, the whole thing with the dress was, "could I possibly fit into this size 20 Misses dress?" And I got my answer--YES!!! I CAN!!!

So, that's the saga of the red dress. Meantime, it was a GORGEOUS day today--well into the 80s. I went into my closet to shop for a short sleeved shirt to go with the denim capris I found yesterday. Hmmmm, we seem to have a problem. In my entire closet and drawers, I could find only ONE short sleeved shirt that fits. Lots of sleeveless. Lots of long sleeved. But only ONE short sleeved. Well, this will just not do. So tonite while the kids were at cooking school, I headed to Kohls to remedy the situation. And, after opening a Kohls charge (which makes sense now since that's where 80% of Laura's clothing comes from these days) and saving 20%, I ended up with 10 new shirts for only $97.00!!! NOT TOO SHABBY!!! Most of them were $8.99, but there were 2 that were over $20 each before the discount. Anyway, I coordinated shirts to my print capris that needed them, and then got some stripes and solids to go with my denim and khaki capris and pants. So i am set for the next several months. Oh, and the shirts were almost all size 1X. Not bad, since the last time I shopped I had to get all 3X.

Who needs that red dress anyway??????

 

[whgrn]

Well, DD needed new clothes. Desperately. So, with DS safely packed off for a weekend of testosterone bonding with Daddy and Uncle Billy, we girls headed to that beacon that calls to females of all ages--the mall. Now, I should insert a disclaimer here that I am almost ALWAYS immune to this beacon, and I HATE the mall. But necessity called, so off we went.

Yesterday we started at Charlotte Russe. I saw some cute possibilities, but DD wanted nothing to do with them. She hated everything. I have to agree for the most part--the clothes for junior girls these days are just plain UGLY! We left with 2 turquoise Tshirts. $12 off the $50 gift card. Did only slightly better at Limited Too, crowded in among the elementary school "I wanna be a sexy mama" set. What are these people THINKING?? We found a few pairs of shorts that weren't short--the bermuda style, which is all Laura will wear (thank God!), and a couple shirts to go with. $85. Off to Old Navy. One pair of shorts, one shirt, one gift card used. Total cost to me, $1.50.

Now, as tiring as this shopping was, our next stop was the hardest for me. Ruby Tuesdays. For dinner. I don't DO dinner out very often becuase it's just too hard. But I decided to give it my best shot--I was too tired to cook, so there we were. I ended up having salmon (no lemon butter please, just the lemon) with green beans and a baked potato. With BUTTER!!!! Yummy, yummy butter, how I have missed you! Only a small amount, but such a BIG taste! And I did so well, when I came home and entered the meal into my food tracker, all my values lined up PERFECTLY!!! Hmmm, maybe this isn't so bad after all....

Today, following DD's first golf lesson, which had me standing in the cold for an hour, we headed back to the mall. Two days in a row? I don't think I've been there 2 days in the last YEAR! But JCPenney was having a BIG sale, and we needed clothes!! Our first stop was the "big girls" department, since Mom needed a few shirts. Found 2 nice blouse type ones--just a bit nicer than the usual tshirts. Off to the Junior department, where, wonder of wonders, I actually got Laura to try on a couple of dresses!!! Now, this is the kid who thinks formal wear means clean jeans and a t-shirt without a slogan on it! Well, lets just say that MY itty bitty girl does NOT have itty bitty "girls". And the dresses for juniors are just a LITTLE bit too, um, revealing, for my 12 year old. So no new dress--she'll stick with the one she has. But we found a couple of cute shirts. Then it was up to the girls department for shorts, since the juniors only goes down to 3 or 5, and she's a 0 or 1 (BRAT!!!) We found her 3 pair of bermuda style denim shorts, and 2 pair of denim capris. Very cute. Oh, and 2 new pair of "sun shades" as she calls them, to protect those baby blues. And 4 new bras, which I LOVE becuase they are B cups WITHOUT padding! And I think the next set of bras may need to be, oh dear God it can't be, C cups. How on earth does my 84 pound daughter need C cups? *I* wear a C cup! I weigh 245 pounds--I outweigh her by 160 pounds! And we both need a C cup bra? What is this world coming to????

Anyway, it was a good day to shop at JCPenney, because I got $423 worth of stuff for only $135. 20% off everything, plus buy one, get one for 88 cents, plus $65 in gift cards, and that's all that was left!! Not too shabby!

So again, I'm tired. I really don't feel like cooking. And I get the puppy eyes and the "pleeeeeeeeeeeeease Mommy?????" So off we go to the Longhorn Steakhouse. Now I'd done my research and knew what I was getting. The 7 ounce filet (I only ate 4 oz), with a salad and baked potato. A little balsamic viniagrette on the side, some butter on the potato, and I was in heaven. I DID take 2 bites of the hot, fresh bread (honey wheat?) that was delievered to the table. It was soooooooooooooo good! DD ate her piece, and didn't want any more, so I asked the waitress to remove it. Onced again, I came home, logged the food into my tracker, and the levels were all right on! WOW! I survived TWO dinners out in one weekend without doing any damage! PLUS I did all this lovely mall walking and carrying of clothes and bags. Not a bad workout for an "off" day.

I guess what all of this has shown me is that I CAN survive in the "real world" of restuarants and shopping and the stuff that "regular" people do all the time. I don't have to hide in my house where all the food is "safe" and everything is carefully planned ahead. Why? Becuase I've learned so well how to do it, that now I can safely take it out in the world and do it well there too!!

All of a sudden, that summer vacation doesn't look quite so scary. And a few more shopping days like this, closer to the summer, will have me dressed and ready to go!

 

[whgrn]

A few days ago, I dug out the scrapbook I had started when I had my WLS. It shows me at my heaviest, and then shows the progression as I lost weight. But it stops at the point where I'm down 236#, to 250. Which is HIGHER than I am now! There were a few photos stuffed in there but not actually "scrapped". So I decided it was time for an update. I went through my pictures from the past 5 years or so, and printed out the ones I wanted to use. And then tonite, for some reason, I decided to put it all together.

So now my scrapbook covers my entire 250# loss, as well as the 50# gain that followed. I realized that the picture that started it all was the one from Disney this past November. I saw that picture and realized I was out of control. I had gained back 20% of the weight I'd lost--that's 50 pounds! I decided then and there to do something about it. So I put that in, along with the picture of me from last week in the dress I wore in Turkey in 2004, when I was at my lowest post-op weight. And I could REALLY see the difference between the 2 pictures.

It all got me thinking. I have so many pictures of all the trips we've taken, places we've seen, people we've met, special occasions, etc. etc, etc. But I have very few pictures of ME. OK, a good part of that is that I'm the one holding the camera 90% of the time. But I COULD have someone take a picture of me, too. I just choose not to, becuase I hate how I look in pictures. I think that needs to change. So, this summer, when I am on vacation with my family, I will make sure to be on the OTHER side of the camera sometimes, so that I can be IN the pictures. And in Scotland? Lets just say that there will be pictures of me WITH the hot guys in kilts! THAT should make for an interesting page in that scrapbook!

The scale was down again today, 3.4 pounds. So I am only 6 pounds above my lowest. I figured out that if I lose just 1-1.5 pounds a week from now on, I will reach my goal of 210 sometime between Labor Day and Christmas. Of course, this doesn't allow for vacations and surgeries, which will certainly impact the weight loss somewhat. But at least I know I WILL get there. Somehow, "I want to lose 32 pounds" sounds soooo much better than "I have to lose 70 pounds". Amazingly, I'm more than halfway there!

60 minutes on the elliptical today--it was easy. As in, really, truly, EASY. Sure, I was sweating like crazy, but it was not like I was struggling to finish. It's hard to believe that just 3 short months ago I struggled to do 15 minutes. And who would have EVER thought I'd actually enjoy exercise?!?

The changes are dramatic and exciting. And I have the photographic evidence to prove it!

 

[whgrn]

I can't believe it's been a week since I last wrote here. Time just flies by!

I've been slowly adding back a little dairy. Cottage cheese one day, some yogurt the next, a little cheddar cheese here and there. It really does make a difference, some in good ways, some not so good.

The pros: more protein! more variety! Cheese!!

The cons: stinky gas. post nasal drip.

I would never have believed that a little dairy could really affect me this much, but it seems it DOES. So now the question is, "is it worth it"? At this point, I would have to say YES. Just having that cottage cheese or yogurt makes such a difference in my diet. It gives me easy, yummy, digestable protein. It gives me flavor. I ENJOY it. The gas, I don't care about. And frankly, the post nasal drip COULD be from seasonal allergies, rather than the dairy, but who knows? But I'll deal with it, at least for now. I certainly won't go crazy with the dairy, but I feel like this is a good compromise.

I started eating Cheerios every few days. There's some wheat in there, so it's the first wheat in 2.5 months. So far, so good. Again, I'm not in a hurry to add in alot of wheat. But I sure do love my Cheerios!

The scale stayed the same this week, which is OK. I just hope it doesn't go UP in the next few weeks when I can't exercise. 5 days of lying in bed is NOT going to burn alot of calories! I may need to drop my calories a bit, maybe 1300-1400 instead of 1400-1600. Just until I can go back to the gym. Which can't be soon enough for me!!

I'm about as ready for surgery as I can be. I've cooked up a storm, making things for me to eat over the next several weeks--chili, rice and beans, tortilla soup. I have plenty of veggie and turkey sauce, some veggie and beef sauce, and I'm going to make a big pot of rice tomorrow. I bought lots of fresh fruits and veggies. I stocked up on almond milk, and got a bunch of rice (possible rationing coming...) I will bring a cooler to the hospital with some fresh fruit, baby carrots, cottage cheese, protein boluses, and some granola, nuts, and raisins. That should help alot, since hospital food is not known for being either tasty or healthy.

I don't know how much I'll be able to be on the computer while I'm in bed. I don't have to lie completely flat, but I can't sit up all the way either. Not sure if I can hold the laptop well enough to read and type, but we'll see. In the meantime, there are plenty of DVDs to watch, and books to read. I'm sure the time will pass fairly quickly, and by next week hopefully I'll be allowed to sit up in my chair again. If not, I am gonna be SOOOO bored!

I went out and bought a few elastic waist pants and capris for the coming weeks. Since all the elastics I had were huge on me and falling off, I needed to replace them. I figure I can use the capris for the gym afterwards--they have drawstrings, so I can wear them until they are baggy. I don't plan on buying anything else for a long time--not until we go to Talbots at the end of June to get stuff for vacation.

Strange. I've had 210 as my goal for the longest time. But since I saw Dr. Westrich, and he said my knees are the same as the ones they put in a little old lady, I'm feeling like maybe I need to lose more. I know I'm never gonna see 150, but maybe 180-190? It would have to be maintainable of course. But I think when I get to 210, I'm not going to change my diet or my exercise. I'll just keep going and see where my body takes me. And wherever that is, that's where I'll be. Sorta profound. The only thing I worry about is that if I lose more than I'd planned, my kilt will be too big. Well, I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!

 

[whgrn]

Today I went to my Aunt Anne's funeral. It was very nice, and of course very sad. Knowing that she is in heaven is very comforting--I know I'll see her again one day.

I had not expected to be able to go today, since I thought I'd be on bed rest until Monday. But surgery went very well, and I don't have to stay in bed. i can sit up, walk around a bit, just have to take it easy. So I asked if I could go and the good doctor said yes. I am so grateful for the blessing of being able to go.

After the funeral, we went to eat at a place my aunt and uncle always liked to go. I wondered what I'd do about food. I'd eaten an early lunch before we left, about 11:15, but it was like 4:30 and I was hungry, so I couldn't just sit there and not eat. First they brought out salad, the dressing was already on it. Italian dressing, and LOTS of it. OK, I can use the extra fats right now, so I had some salad. It was good. The next course was naturally pasta, since we were in Trenton and that is just the way they do it there. I decided to have a little bit. About 1/2 cup, with about 1/4 cup of meat sauce. It was the best pencil points I ever ate! (Pencil points is like a penne type of pasta, it's THE thing in Trenton, NJ) I was glad I'd decided to have some. The main course was veal parm and chicken cacciatore. I skipped the veal and went with the chicken. A thigh and a leg, about 3 ounces total. And some green beans that seemed to be cooked in olive oil with maybe some butter--agian more fat that I'd have used, but I needed the extra so it was fine. The chicken was moist and tender. There were cookies for dessert--Pepperidge Farm, which I love. I felt no desire to have any. I came home, plugged it all into Spark People, and it turns out I did PERFECT!!! With a little snack tonite, including my protein bolus, I'm right on target on all nutrients for the day!

I'm glad to know that I can go out in the "real world" and eat, and make good choices and stay within the parameters I need to be in. It proves that this is a lifestyle change that I can live with. I'll be more precise at home, and when I'm "out there" I'll do the best I can, and it will all work out fine.

I also got to wear some of my old "skinny clothes"--it was cool and grey today, so I needed something warmer, and it worked out fine. Not likely I'll ever wear them again, so I'm glad I had the chance.

Now I'll spend the rest of the weekend taking it VERY easy, just sitting quietly and letting my tummy rest. I feel fine, just tired. Hopefully I'll get a good report from the doctor on Monday, and things will be healing well. I didn't overdo today, I was very careful. I felt it went well, and I'm just so glad for the chance to go.

 

[pepperw23]

Wendy you are truly an inspiration!!! I am so proud of you!!!!

 

[M&N]

I'm so glad you got to go. I know it was a sad time but that kind of sadness is healing for our thoughts of our loved ones. You are doing great with your eating too. It's not a d**t. It's a healthier way of eating.

 

[whgrn]

Thanks pepper and M&N. You guys are the best! The support I get here makes it SO much easier for me!

 

[whgrn]

After seeing the surgeon yesterday and getting a big for my wonderful healing skin graft, I was feeling pretty good.

Today it was 70 degrees +, and I decided it was time for a walk. So I went for a nice walk after lunch--a good mile. it felt SO good to be moving again! I've decided to do it again tomorrow, and then, weather permitting, at least one or two more times this week. I see the doctor again on Monday and I'll ask when I can resume the TM and elliptical. Hopefully soon!

Meanwhile, the scale was down 3.4# this week! Yay!!! I'd been a bit concerned, since the lack of exercise might have been a problem. But it seems to be going fine. The most exciting part is, I'd set a goal to be under 240# by the time I go to Scotland. Well, today I'm 238.6, so I made it 81 days in advance!!! So I've reset the goal to under 230#, and I might need to change that again before we go!

I realized when I was walking that I'm still tired post surgery and anesthesia, but I'm feeling MUCH more like my old self. I know it usually takes a good week to shake the effects of the anesthesia, so I've still got a couple of days. Hopefully be Thursday I'll be all he way back. I'm really glad, since I wasn't sure how this post-op course was going to be. i've been pleasantly surprised.

I'm allowed to drive again, but had planned to wait until Thursday, a full week. Well, I had to drive to the drugstore to get a new prescription for Laura--her allergies are just awful, so the doctor said we'd try Clarinex. The insurance company denied it, so while we fight it, I had to pay out of pocket. $132 !!!!!! Sheesh, what's it made of? Gold dust?

Anyway, the DEx was supposed to pick Laura up at 6:10 to take her to her therapy group. I looked up and noticed it was 6:19 and there was no sign of him. Tried calling, not home. Got his wife on her cell, she's not heard from him. So we hopped in the car and I drove her there. He arrived about 5 minutes after we left, and was apparently a bit cheesed off that we weren't here. well, duh! What did he expect me to do? He WAS almost 15 minutes late! As it was, she was late for her group. She missed last week when I went to say goodbye to my Aunt, so she wasn't missing again. In any event, the driving was fine. My head is clear--no pain meds to interfere, and it's not exactly strenuous to drive my SUV. Basically, I can do pretty much everything except shower and exercise. (and it may be good that if I can't do one, I can't do the other!!!)

I'm just so grateful that I'm finally healing. I know the protein is helping--even the resident said that when I saw the doctor yesterday. So I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, and let the healing progress.

 

[whgrn]

Seven years ago today I died.

In the recovery room, after my gastric bypass, weighing 486 pounds, I pulled out my breathing tube (I wasn't even awake yet). They couldn't get it back in. I stopped breathing. My heart stopped. I died.

CPR followed, and finally the anesthesiologist was able to get a pediatric breathing tube into me. And then, I lived.

I woke up the next afternoon in ICU, still on a ventilator. Not the greatest beginning to my journey, but a beginning nonetheless. Four days later I was home. At two weeks, my entire incision opened up, and I spent 2 months with visiting nurses coming to pack the wound. Finally, it closed. Then came the hernia. The first of 6. And then the reconstructive surgeries--breast reduction and lift, arm lift, tummy tuck, a thigh lift so badly botched it left my right thigh 2 inches bigger than the left. And a non-healing abdominal wound--for over 5 years.

I traded in my size 4X-5X, catalog only clothing, my shortness of breath with ANY exertion, including just talking, the inablility to do so many things most people take for granted--walk more than 10 feet, fly on a plane, go to the movies or a concert, tie my own shoes. In exchange, I got the hernias, barfing after eating anything that didn't quite agree with me, hair loss, and the inability to eat more than a tiny amount of food at one time. Oh, and I got weight loss. LOTS of weight loss.

One year after the surgery, I weighed 273. I'd lost 213 pounds. I could walk. i could tie my shoes. I could go to the movies, fly on a plane, all those things I hadn't been able to do before. I was a size 24--I could even buy clothes at the mall sometimes. But I wasn't done.

Over the next year, as my weight loss slowed dramatically, I got down to 236 pounds--a loss of 250. Then, I got careless. I played with 10 or 20 pounds for awhile, then 30, then more, and before I knew it, I was 6.5 years out, and I'd regained 50 pounds. Something had to give, and soon.

On January 2, 2008, I started the newest leg of my journey. Having lost 10 pounds since November (after the 6th hernia repair), I started back to the gym. And for the first time in my life, I liked it! I started eating better, but the weight was slow to come off--just a pound a week, from the start. I joined a Biggest Loser challenge on the DIS, for support and encouragement. After 2 weeks, I went to Canyon Ranch and discovered organic eating. I also learned 2 weeks later that I was sensitive to wheat, dairy, and egs, so I eliminated them. My weight loss picked up a bit.

On February 12, I found SparkPeople. I had been writing down everything I ate since I got back from Canyon Ranch--now i was putting it into the computer. I could tell exactly how much fat, protein, carbs, fiber, and calories I was getting each day. My exercise increased. I was LOVING going to the gym. The weight started falling off--4 pounds a week, 3 pounds, 4.5 pounds...something was working. And I found a whole community of people who actually understood what was going on.

Today it is 7 years since that day that I died. That day I chose, albeit unconsciously, to live again. Today I weigh 234 pounds. I have lost 252 pounds--more than half my weight. I wear a size 18-20W. I can walk 2 miles. I can do an hour on the elliptical. I can wear all my "skinny" clothes, and some are even too big. I have the smallest waist in my family. My children told me today that I look nice, and I'm not fat anymore, well, maybe just a little fat. (gotta love those kids!) I take my supplements religiously, exercise with pleasure, and make sure to get in lots of protein. I'm healthier than I've been in years. Not too surprising, since the last time I weighed this little was 15 years ago, in 1993!!

But I'm not done yet. I'd set a goal of 210 pounds, and that still stands, sort of. i've been thinking lately that I might want to go lower. And since my body seems to be shedding weight like a snake sheds its skin, I think my body would like to go lower too. So once I hit that 210 mark, I'll just keep going and see where my body takes me.

In July, I am going to Scotland. i've wanted to do this for over 20 years, and now i am doing it. I wanted to be in good shape for this trip, and now I am. I wanted to be able to walk and sightsee and enjoy things without pain, and now I can. I don't know how much more I'll lose by then, but whatever it is will only help matters.

When I return, I will continue my journey down the scale for as long as my body decides to do so. And when I find a comfortable spot, I'll settle in there. My fat days are gone. Forever. I will not go back, only ahead. No longer will I abuse my body with excess food and with chemicals and additives that poison it. My body is a temple, and I will treat it as such. After all, if I don't take care of my body, where will I live?

And I plan to live a long, long time.

 

[Shmu]

So proud of you.

 

[racetrack18kb]

Wendy, you truly are an inspiration.

 

[pepperw23]

Your Blogs always touch my heart. I am so proud of you!!!!

 

[whgrn]

thanks guys!! My TKer friends are the BEST!!!

 

[M&N]

I've admired you since I've 'known' you, invisible friend, for your courage, determination, and honesty---to name a few. Thank you for sharing that difficult time of your life. Keep up the fantastic work. I know it does take work to handle your health like you do. Keep that positive attitude. I know many are blessed by your story.

 

[whgrn]

thanks M&N!! Your support (and that of all my TK friends) means the world to me!!

 

[whgrn]

Well, its been quite a week!

For starters, I've been having some odd cravings--for sweets, carbs, other stuff I basically don't eat anymore. I think it may be a hormonal thing--sort of like PMS, but without the period. I've been wanting 'just a little more' of things like raisins, cheerios, granola, but not the proteins or veggies. So I'm thinking that's the likely explanation.

On Sunday, we went to a friend's house for the afternoon and for dinner. I planned ahead--brought a chicken burger, a salad, and some tortilla chips. We had baked chocolate chip cookies, which I was happy to see I didn't really crave. Once there, I was fine with what I'd brought. But with everyone eating cookies, I was feeling a bit left out. I decided to have one Hershey kiss, with my dinner that evening. Just a little something to look forward to. So, after we all had dinner, I had my treat. It was good. Very yummy. But i can honestly say I got more satisfaction from the first time i ate cottage cheese! i felt good about how that went--I think I handled it very well.

On Tuesday, I got on the scale and found that I was up .4 pounds. OK, probably the hormonal thing. Also, i've been SO constipated! So not a big deal. I'd been to the nutritionist on Monday and knew I was doing great with the food, so I wasn't worried.

On Wednesday, I suddenly had to drop everything and take Laura up to St. Barnabas for 48 hours for EEG monitoring. So I threw together some things I knew I'd need--yogurt, cottage cheese, apples, pears, V8, nuts, tea, boluses, and some organic sugar. I knew i could get Cheerios there, so breakfast was covered, and snacks, I'd just have to deal with lunch and dinner.

That turned out not to be as easy as I'd hoped. I got to dinner late on Wednesday, and there wasn't much left. I ended up with a salad with grilled chicken and raspberry viniagrette dressing, and a sweet potato. Not too bad, but not great either. For a snack, the best i could do was some Fritos with my protein bolus. Thursday was Thai food day--NOTHING I could eat. So I had the salad with chicken again for lunch, with Fritos. For dinner I had hoped for a different menu, but no such luck. So I ended up with a roast beef wrap--roast beef, lettuce and tomato, with a bit of oil and vinegar in a whole wheat wrap. Again, not great, but it was ok. I noticed that today's menu included lentil soup. GREAT!! Add a little chicken and I'm good to go! Well, we left today before lunch, so I never did get that lentil soup (ended up with Wendy's chili, which was fine). In the meantime, there was temptation everywhere--so many poor choices available to me. Last night I actually considered a McFlurry! (until I checked the nutritional info and found it was 620 calories and 18 grams of fat!!) I made do with a couple bites of Laura's each night. I looked at myself in the mirror and said "it's not worth it". I am doing too well to mess it up for something stupid like that.

So today, we came home. I'm beyond tired, from sleeping on the sorry excuse for a "parent bed" at the hospital. The first night I didn't get more than 4 hours sleep. Last night I did a little better after the nurse showed me how to put the whole thing together and make a more reasonable "bed". But we had to stay up until midnight (so Laura would be sleep deprived), so I didnt' get enough then either. We were running to get everything done--pick up stuff at the pharmacy, get Danny from aftercare, get to cooking school (we were a few minutes late), grab dinner, go to the chiropractor, and go pick up Duke from doggie camp. I knew I didnt' have time to throw something together for my dinner, and I didnt' want to wait and eat at 7:30 or 8 when we got home. So I checked the nutritional values, calculated what I needed, and made a decision I was comfortable with. And then, when we stopped for dinner, I had pizza along with the kids--2 plain slices. I blotted off the extra oil--there wasn't much. i enjoyed it. Didn't excite me like the cottage cheese, or the watermelon I had a church on Sunday, but it was good.

Why pizza? Well, I decided that I am living in the real world, and I have to be realistic. There are just going to be days when the best I can do is pizza. Or a roast beef wrap. Or Wendy's chili. And that is OK. It's not everyday. I probably won't have pizza again until we're on vacation, if then. But it's nice to know I CAN do it.

Of course, then there's the issue of exercise, or lack thereof. I didn't get to the gym Wednesday before I found out we had to go to the hospital, so it's been 3 days of no exercise. Tomorrow I will go to the gym in the morning if the washer repairman gets here in time. Otherwise, I'll go for a walk in the evening. Sunday the kids are with their father, so I am going for sure. Monday too, even if the kids have to sit on the sidelines and play video games.

It will be interesting to see what the scale says on Tuesday. In the meantime, I know I'm doing a good job, and people have been noticing!

 

[Shmu]

Wendy, this post encouraged me.
Even though you had to deal with real life stuff, you did the best you could and accepted it.
I need that mentality as I try to lose the weight I am trying to lose. So difficult to constantly stay focused when there are so many distractions.
This is a good week for me to evaluate my eating and exercise habits because my kids are gone all week. They are with my dad at the lake.
Your report can help give me that "umph" when I don't feel like I have any.
Thanks for being so open and honest about this venture.

"We are fearfully and wonderfully made"

 

[whgrn]

Thanks Shmu! Glad someone else can benefit from what I'm going through.

Enjoy your kid free week!!

 

[whgrn]

The scale didn't move this week. Didn't budge a bit. So it's now 2 weeks without a loss (last week I was up .4) Sure looks like a plateau to me.

Now, to be fair, I had been losing at a pretty good clip for quite awhile there, 2-4 pounds per week pretty steady. So maybe my body is just adjusting itself. Which is fine. My concern is that maybe I should be doing something I'm not.

I'm exercising plenty--5-6 days most weeks (last week I did miss 3 days due to being at the hospital with Laura). I've actually increased my workouts a bit. Hmmm, now that I think of it, my scale shows an increase in lean body mass. (My IronMan scale tells me everything possible about what makes up my body) Maybe I'm building muscle and that's why? BUT, does this mean I'm not eating enough? Or am I eating too much? And, honestly, just how does one KNOW???

Well, I'll give it another week. If there's no change again, I may have to change what I'm doing.

Yesterday was Memorial Day, and we went to Mom and Dad's for a BBQ. I agonized over having a burger, which initially looked like it would put me over my calories by 126 for the day. I thought about switching to a chicken burger, but I REALLY wanted a regular burger. I averaged out the calories and fat for the week, and even with the extra calories for the day I was well within the range for my average. So I decided to go for it. As it turned out, I readjusted a few things, making my tuna salad with yogurt instead of cottage cheese, and eliminating salad with dressing in favor of a plain tomato. Combined with the inablility to finish my whole cup of strawberries (I only ate 3/4 cup), it put me at exactly 1600 for the day, which is the top of my range! So it was much ado about nothing.

Of course, I kind of wondered if maybe I made the wrong choice, when I tripped and fell carrying my burger to the table, and dropped it right into the mulch! Ah, well, a little extra fiber never hurt, right?!?

Today I cleaned out the storage closet, hauled out some boxes, packed up some books, and took about 12 bags of clothes to the GoodWill box. I know that was good for some extra calorie burning. I also did 30 minutes on the treadmill. The other day I did 2 miles, at 2.5 mph. I hate the treadmill. I can do 60 minutes on the elliptical with no problem--I actually enjoy it. But when I walk on the treadmill, my shoulder hurts. Weird. Well, at least I know I CAN walk 2 miles, which was my goal for Scotland. I can't believe we leave in 60 days!

This time of year is so great for fresh produce. We went to Whole Foods yesterday and I got the usual apples, pears, and oranges. But I also got cherries, apricots, strawberries and peaches. And fresh corn on the cob! OK, it wasn't JERSEY corn, but it was still darn good. Even got a Jersey tomato, albeit a "hothouse" one. And I'm still enjoying the stewed rhubarb I made on Saturday.

So I guess we'll see what this week brings. Maybe the warm weather will kick up my metabolism??