Weird Dress Code Question

[crisi]

Oh, a Mao Cap

http://www.berkeleyhat.com/maocap.html

My ex husband wore those a lot, along with the greek fisherman's cap sort of look.

Still ill mannered to wear them inside though - man or woman. These are the type of hats its appropriate for women to wear inside:

http://www.berkeleyhat.com/feltchurchhats.html

If your DF wants to wear one of these, he would not be required to remove it.

There are very few occations where its still necessaryto wear one of these - a few remaining churches. Tea with the Queen of England. A few "society events." I wore one to a wedding a few years ago, most formal hat occations for women are now just fun ones. But this is the type of hat that gets the ladies exemption from removing it.

http://www.villagehatshop.com/hat_etiquette.html

Here is Miss Manners on hats:

http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=418297

 

[Todd&Copper]

I don't think it is sexist at all that men should remove their hats indoors. Chicks should remove "sporty/casual" style hats as well.

It just reeks to me of poor breeding when men don't remove their hats indoors.

Is you boyfriend balding? When my DH started balding, he wore hats almost all of the time (he starting thinning very early). Now, he just decided, "screw it" and keeps his head buzzed and embraces the bald spot.

 

[Jennasis]

I don't give a flying hoot whether men or women wear a hat in a restaurant. I also don't care if they put their elbows on the table, cover their lap with a napkin, pass the salt without the pepper (you're supposed to pass them together regardless of which wa sasked for), etc. I care about loud, obnoxious, drunk jerks, rambunctious kids or things like that that somehow affect ME. Somebody else's hat does not.

I have been to Boma, Yachtsman Steakhouse, Concourse Steakhouse, Chef Mickeys's, OHana, Whispering Canyon Cafe, Artist Pointe, Le Cellier, Coral Reef, San Angel Inn, Liberty Tree Tavern, Plaza Inn, Gulliver's Grille, Spoodles, Planet Hollywood, Rainforest Cafe, 50's Primetime Cafe, Mama Melrose's, Sci-Fi, and Hollywood Brown Derby and have seen ball caps, mouse ears, princess tiaras, and cowboy hats at all of them.

The only restaurants I was surprised to see hats at were Yachstman, Le Cellier and Artist Point as I had thought they had a dress code and were considered fancier. However, I saw much worse in the way of "emily post" violations there than a hat. Since none of it really affects me though...who gives a flying hoot?

To answer the OP, of course by nature, the idea that a man can't wear a hat but a woman can IS sexist. But it's one of those "but who cares" kind of things. Steer clear of V&A where he would surely be turned away with his hat, and enjoy pretty much everywhere else.

As someone else pointed out, there is a HUGE span of choices one can eat at with a hat without horrifying the public between McD's and Mortons.

 

[crisi]

To answer the OP, of course by nature, the idea that a man can't wear a hat but a woman can IS sexist. But it's one of those "but who cares" kind of things. Steer clear of V&A where he would surely be turned away with his hat, and enjoy pretty much everywhere else.

Actually, it isn't sexist at all. Ladies hats in the style of ladies hats are not removed indoors regardless of what gender wears them. It is just fairly uncommon for a man to be wearing a ladies hat (and probably less common still for you to be aware that the person dressed as a woman is in possession of a Y chromosome) - but if her DF wants to wear a nice pillbox with some netting and maybe a feather, he wouldn't be required to remove it. Hats in a mans style or which are unisex are removed by both genders. A woman is required to remove her ballcap, Mao cap, or fedora just like a man is.

 

[Dallas_Lady]

What does he do for a living?
Will he get married to you with the hat on?

I am curious about this too

 

[MrsBenjamin]

I can completely understand why he would not want to remove his hat. It is hawt, stylin', and he clearly gets lots of ladiez when he's sportin' it.

He must have to beat them off with a stick. A big, big stick.

 

[Jennasis]

What precisely is the basis for asking a man to remove his hat indoors? I had always assumed it was a"respect" thing. But why exactly? Why is it disrespectful for a man to keep his head covered (whether to hide his "shameful" bald spot, keep his head warm, or cause he likes how it looks)?

 

[whogirl'smom]

I have to say, I would much rather the TS restaurants ban men from wearing tank tops, than worry about their hats. Nasty man underarm hair while I'm trying to eat is much more offensive to me, yuk! I don't care if a man leaves his hat on in a restaurant or not--I do care if they wouldn't remove it for the national anthem...

And, sometimes a hat is just a hat, not "other issues".

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I can completely understand why he would not want to remove his hat. It is hawt, stylin', and he clearly gets lots of ladiez when he's sportin' it.

He must have to beat them off with a stick. A big, big stick.

 

[Mermaid_Ariel]

I can completely understand why he would not want to remove his hat. It is hawt, stylin', and he clearly gets lots of ladiez when he's sportin' it.

He must have to beat them off with a stick. A big, big stick.

What does he do for a living?
Will he get married to you with the hat on?

What's with the personal attacks? We don't even know the guy. Why is everyone judging their relationship because he feels more comfortable wearing a hat? It's his choice to not remove it. It's his choice not to patronize a restaurant that won't allow it. People can have an opinion on it, but I don't think that makes him a bad person or justifies some of these personal attacks.

Everybody has their quirks. I guess everybody else is perfect.

 

[RickinNYC]

Check out the locations are from with their post. For the most part, not all though, the people for taking the hat off are from the south, those for keeping it on are from north.

Wrong, I live in New York City and I always take my hat off in restaurants. Going in and out of shops, nope, but in restaurants, all the time, whether it's a diner or a high-end joint, no hat ever. My Dad is from California and if you go into his house wearing a hat and you don't take it off, he will ask you to do so. Same with my brothers, one who lives in Minnesota and the other in upstate NY.

My partner knows about my hat thing and he does take it off, but if he worries about hat head, then he doesn't want to. So I just tell him that not taking it off is rude to ME and to please take it off while we eat, hat head be damned. It's not a bone of contention or a never ending battle, Joe just likes to push my buttons so it's become more of a private joke than anything else.

All that being said, I still don't take notice of others whether they take off their hat. What others do is their business. My rules apply only to me and my immediate family.

To the OP, it's not only a matter of manners to take one's hat off in a public restaurant, it's also a matter of showing respect for his fellow diner, that would be you. He should be respectful and take the hat off.

 

[CheshireVal]

What's with the personal attacks? We don't even know the guy. Why is everyone judging their relationship because he feels more comfortable wearing a hat? It's his choice to not remove it. It's his choice not to patronize a restaurant that won't allow it. People can have an opinion on it, but I don't think that makes him a bad person or justifies some of these personal attacks.

Everybody has their quirks. I guess everybody else is perfect.

She has posted a lot of interesting things about her fiance in past threads. He doesn't always come across as the nicest and most considerate of guys out there.

But you're right-- it's her business. It's also my opinion that I would not tolerate such nonsense from anyone I was dating.

And, anyway, why is it a personal attack to ask if he will refuse to take the hat off for a wedding?

 

[disneydreamin247]

I don't give a flying hoot whether men or women wear a hat in a restaurant. I also don't care if they put their elbows on the table, cover their lap with a napkin, pass the salt without the pepper (you're supposed to pass them together regardless of which wa sasked for), etc. I care about loud, obnoxious, drunk jerks, rambunctious kids or things like that that somehow affect ME. Somebody else's hat does not.

I couldn't agree more. I never understood why it was considered so offensive for a man to remove his hat in a restaurant I'm more offended when girls are wearing half a shirt with their ****s in my face

 

[rwrocksme]

I think it depends on the hat. I can see a resturaunt not wanting any "GO BULLDOGS!" baseball caps, but formal hats (bowler hats, ect.) shoudn't be an issue. Also, look at it this way--they don't need to forbid hats for women, because so few women wear them nowadays.

 

[Mermaid_Ariel]

She has posted a lot of interesting things about her fiance in past threads. He doesn't always come across as the nicest and most considerate of guys out there.

But you're right-- it's her business. It's also my opinion that I would not tolerate such nonsense from anyone I was dating.

And, anyway, why is it a personal attack to ask if he will refuse to take the hat off for a wedding?

Ah, I see. I wasn't aware that this is a continuing saga.

Well, looking back on the first post - maybe it wasn't. I guess since OP mentioned about restaurants that maybe questioning about a wedding was a bit of a dig since it's an extreme circumstance. Maybe it was a serious question, it's hard to tell the tone over the Internet.

 

[CheshireVal]

I think it depends on the hat. I can see a resturaunt not wanting any "GO BULLDOGS!" baseball caps, but formal hats (bowler hats, ect.) shoudn't be an issue.

Well, why on earth not?!

(Go Dawgs!)

 

[Shyvioletisme]

Check out the locations are from with their post. For the most part, not all though, the people for taking the hat off are from the south, those for keeping it on are from north.

hey, I"m from the south and I'm all for leaving it on...I don't see anything wrong with anyone wearing hats in restuarants or indoors anywhere...unless you are at a REALLY fance restaurant that requires nice clothes. I mean I can't understand taking your hat off to eat the the local Chili's or anything. Just seems silly to me. Leave it on.

 

[crisi]

What precisely is the basis for asking a man to remove his hat indoors? I had always assumed it was a"respect" thing. But why exactly? Why is it disrespectful for a man to keep his head covered (whether to hide his "shameful" bald spot, keep his head warm, or cause he likes how it looks)?

Its actually an exception to have ladies be able to leave their hats on.

The logic is the same as wearing your coat in the house. Hats are for outdoor wear. You don't go visiting and leave your overcoat and galoshes on - it makes it look like you are ready to bolt out the door. So you take off all our outerwear.

Ladies hats evolved from outwear into items of fashion, and were - for over a hundred years - relatively complicated things that involved hat pins. Because it wasn't reasonable to expect a lady to remove her hat when it had been literally pinned into her hair, ladies got an exception to the rule. Properly dressed ladies always wore hats, and it was assumed you would have the hat properly pinned and therefore could not easily remove it. As hats became more complicated things, the exception became more necessary. (BTW, you were still expected to remove your hat at the opera or the theatre if had the potential to block a view - which evolved into close fitting opera hats as a fashion accessory). Now its barely necessary at all - few people not related to the British Royal Family wear the kind of hats that require pins - but the exception remains - but only for those types of hats. Caps do not have an exception for either gender. Chances are pretty good that 98% of the women in this thread will never have an occation on which it is more proper to wear a hat and should be taking theirs off too - with the possible exception of some churches or temples where covering your head is a sign of respect.

 

[ProudMomTo3Boys]

Wrong, I live in New York City and I always take my hat off in restaurants. Going in and out of shops, nope, but in restaurants, all the time, whether it's a diner or a high-end joint, no hat ever. My Dad is from California and if you go into his house wearing a hat and you don't take it off, he will ask you to do so. Same with my brothers, one who lives in Minnesota and the other in upstate NY.

My partner knows about my hat thing and he does take it off, but if he worries about hat head, then he doesn't want to. So I just tell him that not taking it off is rude to ME and to please take it off while we eat, hat head be damned. It's not a bone of contention or a never ending battle, Joe just likes to push my buttons so it's become more of a private joke than anything else.

All that being said, I still don't take notice of others whether they take off their hat. What others do is their business. My rules apply only to me and my immediate family.

To the OP, it's not only a matter of manners to take one's hat off in a public restaurant, it's also a matter of showing respect for his fellow diner, that would be you. He should be respectful and take the hat off.

I have to agree with you here. I am in NJ and my dad, also from NJ would require any guy that me or my sisters brought over for dinner to remove their hats at the table. None of the guys that came over ever refused. Could be because it was my dad who is very intimidating. My dad also taught us girls to remove our hats at any games we attended when the National Anthem was sung. It still amazes me when we go to games how many people don't remove their hats. My boys know to remove them.

 

[Mermaid_Ariel]

Its actually an exception to have ladies be able to leave their hats on.

The logic is the same as wearing your coat in the house. Hats are for outdoor wear. You don't go visiting and leave your overcoat and galoshes on - it makes it look like you are ready to bolt out the door. So you take off all our outerwear.

Ladies hats evolved from outwear into items of fashion, and were - for over a hundred years - relatively complicated things that involved hat pins. Because it wasn't reasonable to expect a lady to remove her hat when it had been literally pinned into her hair, ladies got an exception to the rule. Properly dressed ladies always wore hats, and it was assumed you would have the hat properly pinned and therefore could not easily remove it. As hats became more complicated things, the exception became more necessary. (BTW, you were still expected to remove your hat at the opera or the theatre if had the potential to block a view - which evolved into close fitting opera hats as a fashion accessory). Now its barely necessary at all - few people not related to the British Royal Family wear the kind of hats that require pins - but the exception remains - but only for those types of hats. Caps do not have an exception for either gender. Chances are pretty good that 98% of the women in this thread will never have an occation on which it is more proper to wear a hat and should be taking theirs off too - with the possible exception of some churches or temples where covering your head is a sign of respect.

That's very interesting! I never knew that. Thanks for sharing.