Weddings: In Lieu of Favors; a donation. What do you think?

[WeLoveLilo05]

Fiance and I have been thinking instead of doing favors for our wedding we were thinking of taking our favor budget and donating half to the American Cancer Society and the other half to St.Judes or Make a Wish. We have lost a few family members (my Nan being one) and close friends cancer and we currently have some family friends fighting the battle. I was just going to print out on nice stationary "In Lieu of favors the bride and groom are donating to X and Y Charities" (well something like that) and frame it and put it by our guestbook.

However, I was watching a wedding show and a couple was planning on doing this but their parents were outraged b/c their guests were going to be walking away empty handed. I thought that was a silly way to think, what do you all think?

 

[Melmac]

I don't go to a wedding for favours - I go to celebrate with the bride and groom. I have been to a couple of weddings that gave a donation instead of favours and it was okay by me. One of the weddings donated to a charity I would not have chosen but it is the bride and groom's decision.

Personally, I think the idea of favours is silly and wish that this "tradition" would die out. I would prefer the wedding couple to spend the money elsewhere. I found that my aunt, who is older, would have been mortified if my cousin didn't do favours but if I went to a wedding without favours, I wouldn't think twice.

I think it is your choice and do what you feel good about. A donation wouldn't bother me in the least Congrats on your upcoming nuptials!

 

[golfgal]

Honestly, I would do the donation. Favors are not common around here but the East Coast weddings I have attended most of the favors end up getting left on the table or into the garbage when people get home. I would think that most people would appreciate NOT having favors to take home .

Maybe you can get some candy, attach labels to the candy saying that donations have been made in the name of your wedding guests to whatever charity. You can buy peppermint patties at a discount store, print the labels on your computer-not spending very much at all--and scatter these on the tables at the reception. It gives people a nice after dinner mint to eat and serves the purpose of a "favor" and your donation.

 

[Mrs. Sojourner]

What a great idea!

 

[FlyingDumbo]

Favors are such a waste of money, most people won't miss them. One of my family members did the donation in leiu of favors and some of the older guests did complain about etiquette. We explained to them that this is what people do now. It is hard to argue with making a dontaion to something so important. In the end everyone agrees.

 

[onelilspark]

The thing is...it's not *really* a favor. This post on The Knot can explain it so much better than I can: http://forums.theknot.com/default.a...Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think the sentiment is nice, but I am not a fan of in lieu of stuff. You can maybe instead say "on behalf of friends and family touched by ______, we have made a donation to ______".

Wedding favors have gotten out of hand. So it is fine if you wish to donate instead.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Now, maybe I'm missing the purpose of the favors, but isn't the point of them to offer your guests a small token of thanks for celebrating your day with you? I'm not sure that a donation to a charity accomplishes that.

I could be reading too much into this, but it almost sound like "we had no problem spending all this money on ourselves, but instead of giving you a token gift, we're donating to charity instead".

IDK. It leaves a bad taste in mouth for some reason.... can't quite put my finger on why.

 

[Ember]

The only problem with this is that it can come off wrong. While the intention is delightful, the couple is perfectly fine with accepting gifts, but then donating the guests favors to charity. I think if you wish to support a charity, you should do so with your own money, not on behalf of someone else. (Unless of course, you intend on donating all the wedding gifts/money to charity as well. Because it would be really hard to argue with that!)

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Favors are such a waste of money, most people won't miss them. One of my family members did the donation in leiu of favors and some of the older guests did complain about etiquette. We explained to them that this is what people do now. It is hard to argue with making a dontaion to something so important. In the end everyone agrees.

Apparently not everyone *really* agreed.

I wonder if the couple would be just as happy as their guests if they receive a "in lieu of a wedding gift we have made a donation in your name to the ____ organization" from all of their guests?

 

[crjack]

Dana Farber here in Boston makes it easy to do donation favors and we've been to a number of events with them. Personally I've always thought favors were a big waste of $$$ and would much prefer a donation that has meaning but that's just me. (I hope the link works....I'm sure other organizations do something similar)


http://www.jimmyfund.org/gif/favors/

 

[Disney Doll]

Speaking personally, I don't care whether I get a favor or not. Usually the favor is some sort of chachi dust collector or a candle, and I am not a huge fan of candles or dust! About the only favors I like are chocolate...edible, delicious and nothing dust-collecting to take home.

I would be thrilled if the bridal couple took the money they were going to spend on a favor and made a charitable donation. I would also not have a problem with a guest giving me a card that said "In lieu of giving a wedding gift to you, we have made a donation to XUZ charity". Neither "stuff" nor money means that much to me, while helping those less fortunate means a lot to me.

 

[dakcp2001]

Honestly it is your wedding, do what makes you happy. I really think that favors are just a waste of money.

I am one of those people that doesn't care for clutter. I have no need for a shot glass with your names on it.

No matter what you choose to do, someone is always going to complain or have something negative to say about it. Even the smallest most minute details of your wedding will be nitpicked by some relative that has nothing else to do and nothing else to complain about. Complainers complain, reglardless. Do what you wish with your money. If you as a couple would like to make a donation, than that is what you should do.

 

[Hannathy]

The only problem with this is that it can come off wrong. While the intention is delightful, the couple is perfectly fine with accepting gifts, but then donating the guests favors to charity. I think if you wish to support a charity, you should do so with your own money, not on behalf of someone else. (Unless of course, you intend on donating all the wedding gifts/money to charity as well. Because it would be really hard to argue with that!)

ITA

if you don't want to spend money on favors then fine don't. If you want to give to a charity fine do it. Don't however Donate and then have to wag it in my face what wonderful people you are for doing it. All doing what you are doing is asking for acknowledgment and for people to say what great people you are and that isn't why you should be donating. It is called blowing your own horn and isn't exactly a nice thing to be know for..

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Are you talking about the gifts that you give to your bridal party?

Not sure what you mean exactly by "favors"?

 

[Cindy B]

The last wedding I went to "donated" to the local Animal shelter. However, they did find some animal shaped candy (dogs, cats) and put it in a bowl on the table.

The bride and groom also put a picture with them and the animals with the candies...

 

[SpecialK]

Wedding favors, to me, are the adult version of the party bag at children's parties. Both have gotten out of hand. I have never gotten a favor that hasn't been thrown out.

 

[luvmy3]

I think the sentiment is nice, but I am not a fan of in lieu of stuff. You can maybe instead say "on behalf of friends and family touched by ______, we have made a donation to ______".

Wedding favors have gotten out of hand. So it is fine if you wish to donate instead.

Then really there is no point in mentioning at all. The point of the note was just to let everyone know, so when the guests are looking for their Jordan Almonds and don't see them, they won't be surprised.

The only problem with this is that it can come off wrong. While the intention is delightful, the couple is perfectly fine with accepting gifts, but then donating the guests favors to charity. I think if you wish to support a charity, you should do so with your own money, not on behalf of someone else. (Unless of course, you intend on donating all the wedding gifts/money to charity as well. Because it would be really hard to argue with that!)

They are not donating on behalf of someone else, they are only using what money they would have spent on favors, to donate to charity. They are using their own money. It would be different if she gave them something that said "we have donated XYZ in your name to XYZ charity", but I don't believe she said they are doing it that way.

OP, I wouldn't have a problem with not getting a favor and with you letting everyone know that insteadyou decided to give money to a charity of your choice. Its your wedding, you can't please everyone and shouldn't try, do what you and your dh to be feel is right.

 

[Sugardimples]

I would be delighted if this was done at a wedding I attended. Actually, one on my nieces did do this. Of all of the weddings in my family this is the only "favor" I actually remember. The made a donation to the American Cancer Society in honor of two aunts who are breast cancer survivors. I was very proud of the bride and groom.

Besides, I felt like they did me a REAL favor because I didn't have to deal with yet another knickknack that I really didn't want.

 

[Hannathy]

Then really there is no point in mentioning at all. The point of the note was just to let everyone know, so when the guests are looking for their Jordan Almonds and don't see them, they won't be surprised.



They are not donating on behalf of someone else, they are only using what money they would have spent on favors, to donate to charity. They are using their own money. It would be different if she gave them something that said "we have donated XYZ in your name to XYZ charity", but I don't believe she said they are doing it that way.

OP, I wouldn't have a problem with not getting a favor and with you letting everyone know that insteadyou decided to give money to a charity of your choice. Its your wedding, you can't please everyone and shouldn't try, do what you and your dh to be feel is right.

then just give a donation don't toot your own horn and say look how great we are we gave to .......