Weddings from Hell

[thptrek]

I am going to a wedding in two weeks. I hope that I have nothing to report!

 

[JunieJay]

I am going to a wedding in two weeks. I hope that I have nothing to report!

Oh but you know we are hoping you do.

Nuke, I'm rolling over the lap dancing guest....bet the bride and groom had no idea they were going to get free entertainment when they invited her.

 

[nuke]

Oh but you know we are hoping you do.

Nuke, I'm rolling over the lap dancing guest....bet the bride and groom had no idea they were going to get free entertainment when they invited her.

My FIL was the lucky recipient of one. He pulled a chair up to the dance floor to sit and rest and she ran right over. We were rolling with laughter. He was just shocked. We still tease him about it.

 

[Pigeon]

One of the female guests had a little too much to drink and was giving lap dances to unsuspecting men.

Did she make much in tips?

Re the drunken nekkid lady in the closet, hey, at least my friend provided a spare tablecloth, which is more than the woman arrived with.

 

[swea_pea1]

OMG, there have been some funny, funny stories on this thread, but sweat pea, you get the prize honey. I am seriously reading - OMG I am imagining me sitting with my MIL at a sex toy party and I am horrified!

I had to find this thread again since I explained it to DH and he was none too impressed with me and 60,000 of my DIS friends having fun at BIL's expense. What's a girl to do?

Tell his wedding from hell story, of course!

DH's cousin was married 5 months before us in a beautiful Catholic church ceremony. The bride asked him to read the second reading but never gave him a copy. As a matter of fact, she didn't even invite him to the rehearsal. She explained that it was the one that reads "love is patient, love is kind, etc.". I'm sure you've heard it before...it's really beautiful and we had actually chosen it for our upcoming nuptials. So he copied it from our wedding book at practiced at home.

Well, this particular church would not let him bring his photocopied sheet to the lectern when he was reading. He had to read it directly from the Lectionary. The problem was, it wasn't marked. So he got up there, leafed through it a bit and found it

When he started reading, it didn't sound at all familiar. I turned to one of his other cousins and whispered "he's reading the wrong reading". But how bad could it be? After all, he was reading some letter in Corinthians. When he got to this part (I had to look it up to get it right):

It is actually reported that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not even among the Gentiles, that one of you hath his father's wife.

That's when it dawned on him that he had the wrong reading. The look on his face was priceless. My handsome groom-to-be stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. He looked at me - I was no help since I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face - and quietly said "the Word of the Lord". The congregation gave the most quizzical "thanks be to God?" in response that I have ever heard.

I'd give my first born to get a copy of that video!

 

[RUDisney]

That's when it dawned on him that he had the wrong reading. The look on his face was priceless. My handsome groom-to-be stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. He looked at me - I was no help since I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face - and quietly said "the Word of the Lord". The congregation gave the most quizzical "thanks be to God?" in response that I have ever heard.

It is not often that I laugh so hard that I cry.

Thank you for a very good belly laugh!

 

[WDWAurora]

When he started reading, it didn't sound at all familiar. I turned to one of his other cousins and whispered "he's reading the wrong reading". But how bad could it be? After all, he was reading some letter in Corinthians. When he got to this part (I had to look it up to get it right):

That's when it dawned on him that he had the wrong reading. The look on his face was priceless. My handsome groom-to-be stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. He looked at me - I was no help since I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face - and quietly said "the Word of the Lord". The congregation gave the most quizzical "thanks be to God?" in response that I have ever heard.

I'd give my first born to get a copy of that video!

OH MY GOSH. So...that was used in our wedding. I thought I'd have DH's ring engraved with the verse inside...Either I screwed up or the jeweler did, and it ended up having the wrong one-which corresponded to those words! Yikes! I was so upset when I figured it out...Now I just find it mildly amusing.

 

[Madaboutthemouse]

It is not often that I laugh so hard that I cry.

Thank you for a very good belly laugh!

What a priceless story!

 

[JunieJay]

Double post

 

[JunieJay]

I had to find this thread again since I explained it to DH and he was none too impressed with me and 60,000 of my DIS friends having fun at BIL's expense. What's a girl to do?

Tell his wedding from hell story, of course!

DH's cousin was married 5 months before us in a beautiful Catholic church ceremony. The bride asked him to read the second reading but never gave him a copy. As a matter of fact, she didn't even invite him to the rehearsal. She explained that it was the one that reads "love is patient, love is kind, etc.". I'm sure you've heard it before...it's really beautiful and we had actually chosen it for our upcoming nuptials. So he copied it from our wedding book at practiced at home.

Well, this particular church would not let him bring his photocopied sheet to the lectern when he was reading. He had to read it directly from the Lectionary. The problem was, it wasn't marked. So he got up there, leafed through it a bit and found it

When he started reading, it didn't sound at all familiar. I turned to one of his other cousins and whispered "he's reading the wrong reading". But how bad could it be? After all, he was reading some letter in Corinthians. When he got to this part (I had to look it up to get it right):



That's when it dawned on him that he had the wrong reading. The look on his face was priceless. My handsome groom-to-be stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. He looked at me - I was no help since I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face - and quietly said "the Word of the Lord". The congregation gave the most quizzical "thanks be to God?" in response that I have ever heard.

I'd give my first born to get a copy of that video!

I think you've outdone yourself. This is one of the funniest things I've ever read on the DIS, and I've been reading here for 8 years.

 

[NotUrsula]

I have several, but here's the best one:

... It's hot in the cathedral, and there are NINE bridesmaids ranged down the marble steps in a line. Unfortunately, the maid of honor is not used to standing through a long church service in 90F heat. She faints right in the middle of the ring exchange. The groom, who sees over the bride's shoulder that she is about to fall down 20 feet of marble head-first, shoves the bride toward the priest so that he can catch the bridesmaid. The bride knocks over the priest and two lighted candleabra as she goes down in the other direction. Luckily there was no fire. (That wasn't the only bizare incident at that wedding, but it was the most dramatic. To add to the effect, it happened on August 9, 1974 -- everyone was frantic to find a television.)

 

[nuke]

Sweat pea that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time.

 

[rie'smom]

I have several, but here's the best one:

... It's hot in the cathedral, and there are NINE bridesmaids ranged down the marble steps in a line. Unfortunately, the maid of honor is not used to standing through a long church service in 90F heat. She faints right in the middle of the ring exchange. The groom, who sees over the bride's shoulder that she is about to fall down 20 feet of marble head-first, shoves the bride toward the priest so that he can catch the bridesmaid. The bride knocks over the priest and two lighted candleabra as she goes down in the other direction. Luckily there was no fire. (That wasn't the only bizare incident at that wedding, but it was the most dramatic. To add to the effect, it happened on August 9, 1974 -- everyone was frantic to find a television.)

I was in downtown Manhattan reading the "Nixon resigns" on the flashie board.

 

[RUDisney]

I was in downtown Manhattan reading the "Nixon resigns" on the flashie board.

Thanks for the clarification. I was almost 8 then and don't remember "where I was" like for the 2 shuttle explosions, when Elvis died (I was in WDW) or 9/11.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

Well, sweet pea1 gave me the courage to post mine, from my own wedding. A little background...I was a religion major in college, and my advisor and his wife are both ordained ministers. His wife did the "official" parts, and he wrote the sermon.

Since DH and I were in college together and had attended he church where his wife was a pastor, the prof knew both of us VERY well. So, the time comes for the sermon. I was expecting something about how long we had known each other (since freshman orientation!), something nice about love, something that reflected on DH and I personally, etc.

Um, no. Sorry.

No, I got the most bizarre sermon I've ever heard at a wedding. I truly have blocked much of it out, but what I remember is that he mentioned the word "divorce," as well as Demi Moore, and I think something about how attractive she was . He also talked about how everyone says marriage is to be forever, but since eventually you die it isn't really forever . At the time I was so grateful that it was not captured on video!

Fast forward about 5 years later, and one of our closest friends was talking with us about our wedding, and I mentioned how shocked we were about the sermon. Our friend says, oh I thought you guys planned that? Yeah, right! My mom would STILL like to give him a piece of her mind!!!

 

[speedydisteen]

I am going to a wedding in two weeks. I hope that I have nothing to report!

oh i'm sure you will! i am rolling on the floor in hysterics! when i get married and i am still a member of the boards i bet i will have a lot to report. i am only 15 but when i get married i can almost assure you i will still be a member. if you do have anything to report please share!

 

[fan_of_small_world]

OK, but it had better be at least 7 years before we hear your story!! (Can you tell I'm a mom? LOL)

 

[RSoxFan]

The worst wedding I was ever at was one of my friends' from college. I wouldn't call it the wedding from hell though. It was more sad than anything.

We got to the church and my friends and I were sitting in the pews waiting for the ceremony to start. It was about fifteen minutes after the scheduled time, but we figured every bride has to be fashionably late. Then the wedding finally started, and we realized what had happened. The bride's sister, who was supposed to be the MOH, was nowhere to be found. They finally just decided to go on without her.

Then, during the priest's sermon, he kept looking at the bride and groom and talking about how young they were (only 20) and actually asked them if they "were sure they wanted to do this". He even mentioned anullments and divorce as options!

We got to the reception and everything was very nice. Then, halfway into lunch, the sister/MOH showed up. She was dressed like she was going to a funeral, head-to-toe in black. She sat down with her boyfriend and didn't speak to anyone. She never danced, never approached her sister, nothing. I later found out that she was mad because her younger sister was getting married first.

I think the bride was so frazzled by the events of the day that her nerves were shot by the end of the reception. She and the groom had created personalized CDs for everyone to take home, and they were all arranged in a tower. At the end of the reception, she reached over to pick some up to start handing them out, and they all fell onto the dance floor. It made a huge noise, a bunch of them broke, and everyone stopped to look at her.

 

[horseshowmom]

The worst wedding I was ever at was one of my friends' from college. I wouldn't call it the wedding from hell though. It was more sad than anything.

We got to the church and my friends and I were sitting in the pews waiting for the ceremony to start. It was about fifteen minutes after the scheduled time, but we figured every bride has to be fashionably late. Then the wedding finally started, and we realized what had happened. The bride's sister, who was supposed to be the MOH, was nowhere to be found. They finally just decided to go on without her.

Then, during the priest's sermon, he kept looking at the bride and groom and talking about how young they were (only 20) and actually asked them if they "were sure they wanted to do this". He even mentioned anullments and divorce as options!

We got to the reception and everything was very nice. Then, halfway into lunch, the sister/MOH showed up. She was dressed like she was going to a funeral, head-to-toe in black. She sat down with her boyfriend and didn't speak to anyone. She never danced, never approached her sister, nothing. I later found out that she was mad because her younger sister was getting married first.

I think the bride was so frazzled by the events of the day that her nerves were shot by the end of the reception. She and the groom had created personalized CDs for everyone to take home, and they were all arranged in a tower. At the end of the reception, she reached over to pick some up to start handing them out, and they all fell onto the dance floor. It made a huge noise, a bunch of them broke, and everyone stopped to look at her.

Bless that poor girl's heart. She really had to deal with a lot. I can't even begin to imagine a sister behaving like that. If she doesn't want to be in the wedding, fine, but then to try to turn the focus of the wedding (not showing up as MOH, wearing black to the reception, ignoring the bride, etc. was very much attention gathering) is beyond belief. I'm not sure how I would have reacted personally (would probably have collapsed in tears by the time all the CD's went everywhere). So sad...

 

[cinmell]

We got to the reception and everything was very nice. Then, halfway into lunch, the sister/MOH showed up. She was dressed like she was going to a funeral, head-to-toe in black. She sat down with her boyfriend and didn't speak to anyone. She never danced, never approached her sister, nothing. I later found out that she was mad because her younger sister was getting married first.

Does the bride talk to her sister after that?