Weddings from Hell

[JunieJay]

Ever been a part of one, or attended one?

I've had my share.

The first Wedding from Hell was that of a girl I grew up with. She was always a PITA, so when she asked me to be a bridesmaid I should have run for cover. But no, I said yes, and that is when the fun started. She had very specific orders as to what we were supposed to look like as bridesmaids. She wanted us all blonde, all tanned, we all must be wearing Up-Do's, and our nails had to be painted in a French manicure. She told us all this a year or so before the actual wedding occured, and I forgot and cut my hair a few months before the wedding. I got the reaming out of my LIFE, because I RUINED her wedding. Her wedding and all that it meant was absolutely RUINED because MY hair was too short for an Up Do. And on top of all that, she had us all carrying parisols up the aisle. Needless to say, I followed through on my obligation, but after her wedding we pretty much parted ways.

The next Wedding from Hell was that of my brother and his bride. She had the misfortune of being born to Cruella DeVille and her husband Hades. The day of the wedding my future SIL and her mother Cruella got into a near fist fight, all over some trivial matter. It took a few of us to pull them off each other. THen her father, Hades, walked her down the aisle and we could smell the liquor on his breath. The ring bearer, who I'm embarrassed to say is blood kin, got mad at his little brother for making faces at him, so he threw the little pillow, with ring on it, at his brother, several pews across the church. Big scene. The funny part of this particular wedding (beyond what I've already told you) is that their theme was "Precious Moments". Nothing precious about these moments, let me tell you. Fortunately, their marriage has been a lot more successful than their wedding day, and Cruella and Hades are only background figures in their lives now. Ring bearer from Hell grew up and fortunately calmed down considerably.

The last Wedding from Hell was the wedding of a co-worker of my husbands and his bride. This was the Jerry Springer of All Weddings. The bridesmaids all wore halter dresses with no bras, LOL. ****s were bouncing all the way down the aisle. The Maid of Honor, after way too many cocktails, proceeded to stand in the middle of the dance floor and french kiss the Best Man. He was only to happy to accomodate her. The mother of the bride, also drunk, did a line dance all by herself on the dance floor, while the mother of the groom looked like she had been struck dead from what was occurring before her very own eyes. I have to say, this wedding was pure entertainment from start to finish, but I'm sure the groom's family, who looked like nice, subdued sort of people, were wishing their son had never met this woman and her crazy friends and family.

Got any wedding from Hell stories? Haven't seen one of these on the DIS in a long time, but they are always entertaining.

 

[Nancy]

I can't think of any so that either means I didn't attend any or I blocked them out...but I'll give this a bump for you.

 

[dolphinrescuegirl]

My first wedding was the wedding from Hell!! It was all the photographer's fault! First off my friend took me to the mall and while I was getting my makeup done she went to get her hair done. When I went to the car she had moved it and I thought she had left. This was before cell phones. I found a payphone and told my mom I was stranded. She got word to the groom and my ex wanted the photographer to stop so he could come and get me. Photographer was rude and said that was someone else's problem and he needed to continue with the picture taking. After the ceremony he wanted to take some outside pics. Fine, it was in May so it was hot but not too hot for just a few pics. He took so many and I wasnt allowed to go inside until I almost passed out! Then he let me go but complained that he wasn't done. He also yelled at my friend for wearing a purple dress since she wasn't in the bridal party as they were wearing purple as well. I heard later that he was also complaining about the food. Not to mention that we had to fight him to get him to take some pictures that we wanted (such as the back of my dress). I could go on and on!We were seriously thinking about sueing as he totally ruined the day. Maybe I should have taken that as my 1st sign that the marriage wouldn't work out. LOL My current marriage ceremony was perfect

 

[DawnCt1]

OMG! These are all so funny. I have been to boring weddings; DH's sisters' wedding was boring! Everything about it was boring but never anythin as exciting as the ones that you have gone to. I have gone to weddings that I thought would be awful and they have been fabulous. I would really like to see one of these crazy weddings!

 

[momof3disneyholics]

The only thing interesting that happened at my first wedding was that my MIL didn't speak to me the whole day. We never did get along.

 

[debbi801]

Two, althought the first doesn't compare

For the first, My ex-husband was the best man. It wasn't too horrible other than the mother of the bride while visiting each table, asked if everyone at that table was having fun and told the people at the table that they better be because this wedding was costing her $50 thousand dollars. There were a lot of speechless guests.

For the second:

It was for my ex-husband's brother. We were still married at the time. He had been engaged to a wonderful girl and they called off the wedding 2 months before it was supposed to take place. By the time the first wedding was supposed to have taken place, he had met and was engaged to someone else. (And yes, we know he didn't meet her until after the first engagement was called off.) 4 months after gettng engaged, they got married.

She was a bizarre girl from day one. My Ex-H's grandfather died shortly after they got engaged. She came to the funeral in the most bizarre outfit I've ever seen, with a hat that you've only seen on the queen of England and a fake Brittish accent. The had was so big, no one could sit next to her.

She had told everyone she was Jewish (my ex's family is Jewish). My then MIL bought her a mezzuzah (a Jewish prayer scroll inside a small sculture thing) to hang on the first door, she had no idea what it was, called it a "cute green doodad." That was the first huge clue that she wasn't what she claimed to be. Anyway, the was a witch at her shower, complaining that people didn't buy her enough, she wanted people to spend more money on her, etc.

The wedding was a New Years Eve affair. Black Tie, no kids. The invitation was the most hideous thing I've ever seen, it looked more like something you'd hand out for a birthday or sweet sixteen. It was black shiny paper, with a funky design across the top that was printed in rainbow colored foil. The invitation wording was some sort of irridescent glow-in-the-dark green color.

So, we drive down to the hotel in Washington DC where it was being held. Get there, get ready, waiting, waiting, waiting. No bride. She was no where to be seen. She finally shows up, drunker then anyone I've ever seen. Could not stand, let alone walk. Her mother, my ex-MIL, and her sister help her into her dress. They could hardly stand to get near her because she reeked of alcohol. They left her in her room with her father and returned to where the ceremony was to take place. Her dress was not a typical wedding dress. She wore some sort of silver and gold bead and lame sheath that was semi-sheer. In between the time that my MIL left her and she walked up the aisle, she must have decided it was a good idea to remove all her underclothes.

During the reception, she was telling everyone she wasn't wearing underwear. When she wasn't telling people that tidbit, she was drinking. Or, asking for people to give her money because she didn't get enough presents, the wedding was costing them a fortune, and she felt that her guests owed it to her. When it came time to take off her garter, she raised her dress to her waist to show everyone that she had been telling the truth about not wearing underwear.

I have no idea what my ex-BIL was thinking during all of this, it had to be a total rebound affair for him. Within 6 months of the wedding, they had split up. He settled down, and a couple years later met and married a very lovely woman.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

What? You didn't hear about my first wedding, where my ex husband decided it would be the coolest thing for everyone to be dressed in medieval attire (except myself)? Or when we went to cut our cake, my ex FIL stood up and loudly announced we needed to hurry up because he needed to take a, "long, hard, nasty dump" (okay, it was the other word that starts with an "s")?

Wow. I am so glad I put every single one of those photos through the shredder

 

[debbi801]

What? You didn't hear about my first wedding, where my ex husband decided it would be the coolest thing for everyone to be dressed in medieval attire (except myself)? Or when we went to cut our cake, my ex FIL stood up and loudly announced we needed to hurry up because he needed to take a, "long, hard, nasty dump" (okay, it was the other word that starts with an "s")?

Wow. I am so glad I put every single one of those photos through the shredder

about your ex-FIL. But my second wedding was a renaissance weddng with all of us (incuding me) in medieval attire. We loved it.

 

[JunieJay]

I knew I could count on the DIS to give me a few well needed laughs today.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

about your ex-FIL. But my second wedding was a renaissance weddng with all of us (incuding me) in medieval attire. We loved it.

Well, it may not have been SO bad if:

1) The outfit that my ex MIL wore did not have her breasts hanging out so much in the front. She announced to anyone and everyone that was listening that she was the town *****, and then giggling about it. Nice.

2) The outfit that my ex FIL wore did not include a crown, since he kept proclaiming that he was the king of the party and deserved to do everything first.

3) I was the only one dressed in wedding attire. The pictures were hideous because I was in a normal wedding gown, my ex was in his gay prince outfit. It was awful. I was so angry with myself for letting him talk me into it, that I didn't let anyone see the pictures for a long time.

There WAS a video. I had forgotten that I had it, and I caught my now husband watching it one day, laughing his head off. I nearly killed him I sliced and diced that tape and burned it.

 

[Pigeon]

I'm sorry for those of you who had to participate in these fiascos, but they are hilarious!

Mine are much tamer. When my oldest sister got married, it was the day after Christmas, as she and my BIL were grad students and it was the only time they had off. We had a blizzard to end all blizzards that day. The wedding was to be held in a chapel at the top of a very hilly area. Guests were sliding off the road left and right, but lots didn't make it.

I have a very odd cousin who was finally getting married in her early forties. She and the fiancee first sent out invitations for a destination wedding in a Scottish castle. A month later, the wedding was off. I was glad I hadn't planned on attending. About four months later, the wedding was back on, only this time in town, with the reception at a very swanky restaurant. She was drunk as a skunk during the reception, and she had on a wedding gown that didn't leave much to the imagination. She and the groom were basically humping each other on the dance floor. The marriage lasted less than six months.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

The only real wedding from hell I've ever heard of (first hand) wasn't one I was involved with. A friend of mine and her husband were bridesmaid and usher in his sister's wedding. This was a VERY long engagement, with a bunch of engagement parties, multiple showers, etc. (needless to say, the bride is a bit spoiled... ). First, the bride was upset that her wedding was ruined when her brother and his wife planned a welcome home party / reception (about 8 months before her wedding) when he got home from Iraq (they got married quickly before he got deployed) Then, when he got home from Iraq, my friend had the NERVE to get pregnant, again ruining the bride's wedding.

The bride picked out dresses for all of her bridesmaids that were very tight across the chest, and were quite difficult to alter. My friend was 8 months pregnant at the time of the wedding, so the dress REALLY didn't fit her well. Another of the bridesmaids had her baby about a month before the wedding, and was still breastfeeding. The bride tried to talk her out of breastfeeding at all because the dress might not fit her right if she was. She flipped out at the two girls that they were trying to destroy her wedding by making sure they couldn't wear the particular dresses.

So, after this whole wedding is finally over (almost a year and a half ago), the bride has now decided that she should have gotten married in a Catholic church rather than at the country club, so she wants to plan out another wedding so she can be married in the church. She wants everyone to get out their dresses again, make sure they do whatever it takes to fit in them, and do it again.

I'm so glad I didn't have to live through that!

Jen

 

[Maleficent13]

omg, debbi801, your ex-BIL's wedding is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

I don't have any wedding horror stories but I'll bump this up anyway!

 

[cinmell]

So, after this whole wedding is finally over (almost a year and a half ago), the bride has now decided that she should have gotten married in a Catholic church rather than at the country club, so she wants to plan out another wedding so she can be married in the church. She wants everyone to get out their dresses again, make sure they do whatever it takes to fit in them, and do it again.

Seriously?!?!?!?!? Are they actually going to have a second wedding? How does the groom feel about this? Wow, just wow!

 

[debbi801]

Well, it may not have been SO bad if:

1) The outfit that my ex MIL wore did not have her breasts hanging out so much in the front. She announced to anyone and everyone that was listening that she was the town *****, and then giggling about it. Nice.

2) The outfit that my ex FIL wore did not include a crown, since he kept proclaiming that he was the king of the party and deserved to do everything first.

3) I was the only one dressed in wedding attire. The pictures were hideous because I was in a normal wedding gown, my ex was in his gay prince outfit. It was awful. I was so angry with myself for letting him talk me into it, that I didn't let anyone see the pictures for a long time.

There WAS a video. I had forgotten that I had it, and I caught my now husband watching it one day, laughing his head off. I nearly killed him I sliced and diced that tape and burned it.

LOL. You win. We had some slight issues--the colored icing trim on our cake ran because it was drizzling and muggy and the wedding was outside (although under a pavillion). And my MIL wore tennis shoes under her dress because she forgot to bring other shoes with her.

 

[Tracey1974]

So, we drive down to the hotel in Washington DC where it was being held. Get there, get ready, waiting, waiting, waiting. No bride. She was no where to be seen. She finally shows up, drunker then anyone I've ever seen. Could not stand, let alone walk. Her mother, my ex-MIL, and her sister help her into her dress. They could hardly stand to get near her because she reeked of alcohol. They left her in her room with her father and returned to where the ceremony was to take place. Her dress was not a typical wedding dress. She wore some sort of silver and gold bead and lame sheath that was semi-sheer. In between the time that my MIL left her and she walked up the aisle, she must have decided it was a good idea to remove all her underclothes.

During the reception, she was telling everyone she wasn't wearing underwear. When she wasn't telling people that tidbit, she was drinking. Or, asking for people to give her money because she didn't get enough presents, the wedding was costing them a fortune, and she felt that her guests owed it to her. When it came time to take off her garter, she raised her dress to her waist to show everyone that she had been telling the truth about not wearing underwear.

Holy crap- that is a good story and I am !!

A friend of mine got married a few years back and I guess maybe she was nervous about the wedding night or something but decided that her wedding day was the day to see how drunk she could actually get. My DH (who was my boyfriend at the time) brought me over a double Absolute and cranberry which was just too strong so I left it on the table. Bride comes over and says, I am so thirsty and swoops my full glass which had so much vodka in it, it was pink and downed the whoel thing in about 5 seconds. Then she proceeds to drag DH on to the dance floor to "Let's Get it On".

1/2 hour later, the groomsmen are starting in on DH b/c the bride told them my DH was feeding her "grain alcohol" and that is why she was so drunk. Her parents were mortifed that she was such a mess. I'm talking veil skewed to the side and makeup all off and just a disaster.

We followed our friends to the hotel where they were staying at and tried to get her ready for bed. She was sobbing the whole time and yelling for my DH and my friend's DH to get her some bread and water. Her DH opens the suitcase, takes out her nightie and says "guess I won't be needing THIS tonight!", gets changed and hangs out with his parents in the lobby. We had to get her out of her dress, into some jogging pants and let her pass out.

My lesson in this was not to drink very much at your own wedding- she hardly remembers anything from that day.


I want more stories please! These are funny!

 

[1of6]

I needed this today! Thank you.

 

[debbi801]

omg, debbi801, your ex-BIL's wedding is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

I don't have any wedding horror stories but I'll bump this up anyway!

Yeah, it is one of the few things I can laugh about from that marriage and it was a doozy.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

Well it wasn't a wedding from hell. It was just plain odd.

The groom is one of DBF's fraternity brothers and a close enough friend. I am also friends with the groom and the other brothers that attended. About 4 months before the wedding DBF gets an instant message about the wedding which he found out WAS the invitation. Odd, but he rsvp'd for me and him. Then about a month (if that) before the wedding he gets a real invitation in the mail, but you were to rsvp to their email accounts about a week BEFORE the invitation was postmarked! We now realized this wedding was just thrown together so we kinda just went along with the flow.

Fast forward to the Wednesday before the Saturday wedding. DBF gets an email at work that he is now a groomsman and he must wear a suit. (He was really hoping there was nothing else involved because he was the best man in another wedding a week later. He had a bunch to finish up with that wedding and he was working overtime.) He was also told to be at the church at 10:30am for an 11am wedding. So we get there on time, and no groom. The groom didn't show up until about 10 minutes until the wedding was supposed to start. And he didn't seem to care that we had now been waiting in a strange town for 30 minutes waiting for him to show. Whatever. Now it just gets funny.

The bridesmaids and groomsmen start walking down the aisle. One girl walked alone and I realized that one groomsman still hadn't walked down the aisle. We later found out that she insisted on walking alone and basically through a fit about it. Thank goodness that groomsman is a very laid back person and just laughed it off. The minister started off his homily talking about someone that committed suicide by jumping off a building. At least, that's what I think he said, he had a very heavy accent. When it came time the priest asked the brides parents "Who gives this man to this man?" He then realized what he said and corrected it, but half the church was trying to stifle their laughter. Then at the end of the ceremony the priest forgot to have the bride and groom kiss. The bridemaids started freaking out so he just half heartedly announced it.

The reception was to be held at an Indian restaurant. This restaurant was about 20 minutes away from the church. No one was given directions and only about 3 people were from the area. Thank goodness one of the groomsmen had a GPS in his car. He got directions and we all followed. Now, this was a restaurant that was open for business that day. They put up like cubical walls around the back half of the restaurant for the reception, but we still had to walk past eating customers. There was "appetizers" for us to eat, basically chicken with meatballs and some salad with no dressing. Then dinner was finally served but it was barely touched by anyone and it wasn't enough to constitute a meal. Basically some bread with some spreads. At least the wedding cake was edible. Me and DBF left my house at 9am and didn't get home until almost 7pm. Starving doesn't even begin to describe it. I know there were a few other oddities at the reception but I guess I blocked them out.

I will have to say, the bride and groom must be very much in love because not one mishap bothered them. But to the rest of us, well, it was hard not to laugh at some points. Between that wedding and the one the week after it gave me and DBF a checklist of things not to do at our wedding.

 

[JanDave]

More stories, please.

More laughs is what I need.

Jan