Wedding Thank You Notes

[manning]

We didn't thank a relative for 15 years, only we didn't know it. It got lost in the mail. Turned out about 20 got lost.

Also the maid of honor didn't do a good job notating who gave what.

We thanked one couple for their gift and said it came in handly on ther honey moon. Later They said they could not figure out what we were doing with a silver sugar dish on our honey moon. They were logged in giving money.

We never figured who got thanked for the dish.

 

[cryssi]

I set a personal deadline of getting all the thank you's out by 1 month after the wedding. Let me tell you, people were impressed by my speediness.

Miss Manners says that you have up to 1 year to send thank you's...I say do them as soon as you can. I made our thank you's, so had a pic e-mailed to me from our photographers. I probably started them 2 weeks after the wedding.

 

[SandraVB79]

Three months ago, I went to the wedding of a school friend.
Before you flame me about the gifts I gave: e have different habbits here, I guess

I gave her personlaized twoels (I bought the towels and did the embroidery myself), a beautiful orchid and a Bongo; A Bongo is a box you buy, and it has a voucher in it for a breakfast, dinner, weekend out, "adventure", ... I bought them the Bongo for a "champagne breakfast for 2". They can choose between about 30 places in Belgium where they can have a champagne breakfast. Most of the times, when you buy one for a weekend getaway, there are places in France, Germany or the Netherlands, the breakfast is just Belgium.

So, I go to the wedding, give the gifts (don't receive a Thank You on the wedding! Me: I brought these gifts for you. Them: there is a table, put it on there. OK...)
Week after, I receive an email where the bride says something about the Bongo, with a tone that shows disappointment because it is "only" for a breakfast and not for a 4-day castle-weekend. Uhm... I was only invited for the dancing part of the wedding, not for dinner, so why should I buy you an incredible expensive gift?

Not received a thank you yet... don't think I'll get one.
Usually, over here, about 2 months after the wedding you send out picture-cards: you choose one of your wedding pictures, and have Thank you cards made with the picture. I think they are too cheap to do that.
Oh well... they don't have to expect a big gift whenever they have babies...

 

[Pin Wizard]

Went to DS's Godmother's wedding in FL last. No thank you note. I find it extremely rude. I know someone else that attended mentioned that they didn't receive a note either. Sheesh...I may have to withhold gifts if they aren't going to send notes!

 

[JunieJay]

Uh oh, better be careful Rita. Last time I started a thread like this it turned into 10 pages of people screaming at me for being stingy and rude for expecting a thank you note for a wedding gift I gave. How dare I?

 

[Disney Doll]

You just must know rude people. I have been getting thank you notes for all the weddings I've attended.

 

[RitaZ.]

Uh oh, better be careful Rita. Last time I started a thread like this it turned into 10 pages of people screaming at me for being stingy and rude for expecting a thank you note for a wedding gift I gave. How dare I?

Judi~

So, then, the gift givers are the rude ones????

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Is it common not to thank people for wedding gifts these days?

The last time we received a thank you for a wedding present was over 3 years ago. We have been to other weddings since then, and never heard anything from the couples about the gifts. We give cash most of the time ($100+, depending on how close we are to the couple), so I don't think that they hated the gifts.

Maybe it's a regional thing?

It's common among rude, spoiled, self-absorbed brides and grooms.

 

[claudia]

I was taught that if somebody takes the time to get you a gift, you take the time to write them a thank you. I have taught this to my children as well and I keep a package of thank you notes available at all times. To me it is just commom courtesy and shows a sense of gratitude.

 

[JunieJay]

Judi~

So, then, the gift givers are the rude ones????

Yup. It seriously turned into 10 pages of people yelling at me for having such rude expectations. That I should never give a gift and expect a thank you. Etc., etc. Funny stuff. Ahhh, what can I say, DIS etiquette and my etiquette often clash.

I was raised to send a thank you note for any gift I was given. My mother made sure I wrote it as soon as I received the gift so that way I wouldn't forget. I'm raising my boys the same way.

 

[kribit]

I haven't beent to a wedding in a few years but from what I can recall, I've always received thank you cards.

As far as a generational thing, if that is the case it's disturbing. My kids are 5 and we send out thank you cards for any occasions. If they receive something from someone, they are thanking them.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

i can do you one better never got a thank you for the wedding gift, 2 years later get an envelope in the mail with a printed letter 'apologizing' for sending the enclosed thank-you note (in a sealed addressed envelope with a return address on it) so late but that they had been 'completed timely' and accidentaly packed away and 'forgotten' when the couple moved soon after the wedding. critical error-the address on the envelope of the 'timely' thank-you note enclosed was one we had only been at for a couple of months, and the return address was one the b/g had'nt moved to until about a year and a half after they married (so no way it was written 2 years earlier ). surprise, surprise-3 days later the invite to the baby shower arrives.

Now that would have just ticked me off. Not getting a thank you is RUDE, but I would rather have received nothing at all than an obvious LIE meant only to rake in the baby shower gifts. How disgusting! Did you send anything for the shower (or attend)? I honestly believe I would have found a way to call them on this egregious behavior! Maybe mentioning that they didn't need to go to such lengths to cover their previous "mistake", and not to be surprised if others in the same situation as you shunned them for their dishonesty. Seriously...the thank you, while absolutely required in polite society, is not anywhere near the big deal that fabrication and manipulation are!

 

[AlexandNessa]

We just came back from a wedding. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. Our invitation was addressed to Mr. Marc G and GUEST. The groom works with my husband, and had told his fiancee what my name was....we sent them a gift from the registry, and I signed the card Marc and Jennifer G....lo and behold, we arrive at the reception site, and our place card says Marc and GUEST. I couldn't help but be offended. To not properly acknowledge your guests, or pay attention to those "little details" that slip by you, just shows a lack of thought and attention to detail. While the purpose of a wedding is the union of two people, if you're going to invite guests, I feel it is the bride and groom's responsibility to make those guests feel welcome. I'm not saying they have to roll out the red carpet and fawn at our feet, but we are talking about a little common courtesy here....BTW...I'm not expecting to get a thank-you from the happy couple....

I find this rude as well. Before I married my hubby, we were together for 5 years. Hubby had met my friend Lori many, many times, but both the invitation to her wedding as well as the table placeholder were addressed "Jodie & Guest." Rude, IMHO.

I got a kick that my MOHs (one matron, one maid ) did this for my shower: they bought me thank you notes and took out the envelopes. Then, they had everyone address an envelope to herself, and then they picked random evelopes to win prizes like Yankee Candles and stuff. No one seemed to mind doing it, and it sure saved me some time. (Really, I am not that rude; I had already bought thank you notes and tucked them away. I was surprised they had done that, but got a kick out of it.).

For my wedding, I had a check-list with everyone's name and address: save the date sent, invitation sent, # coming, thank you sent. I didn't include wedding pictures in the thank yous, but ordered personalized thank you notes the same time as my wedding invitations so I was set to go. We were married Aug 20, and I made sure all my thank yous were sent by the time we left for Hawaii for my brother's wedding, which was Oct. 6. I can't imagine waiting a whole year, and I do think that's it's just downright classless not to send a thank you. Whether you liked the gift or not, people still took time to come to your wedding and to wish you well.

BTW, I have also been victim of receiving a very, very overdue thank you note for a wedding, only to receive the baby shower invitation a week or two later.

Is all this not covered on theknot.com???

 

[ZuZugal]

I was raised to send a thank you note for any gift I was given. My mother made sure I wrote it as soon as I received the gift so that way I wouldn't forget. I'm raising my boys the same way.

Not only did my mom make sure we wrote thank you notes as soon as we received the gift, but we were NOT allowed to use/wear the item or spend the cash until we wrote the thank-you note. I sat at the kitchen table and wrote thank you notes till my hand hurt but I was SO glad when I was done with it and it felt good to mail those notes off.

I'm teaching my kids to do the same today. I only hope it carries over into their adult lives.

 

[T1130]

The last three weddings I attended I have not received a thank you.

One was an employee of my dh and the bride at the time all she did was talk about her wedding plans and how much they were spending on things. The catering hall where the wedding was horrible. The service was the worst I have ever seen. Of course Dh gives a really generous gift (we are in NY so we give money)and we never received a thank you. That was a year and a half ago.

 

[chris1gill]

They'd better be commonplace to my kids when they're adults and get married or I'll throttle them LOL

 

[mickeyboat]

Oh, this thread again! I was surprised to see my response on page 1, when I thought it was started today!

BTW - I did finally get a TY from my nepew who just graduated from high school. His mother was ready to throttle him.

DD's just had a birthday party. To make TY's easier for them, I made a photo thank you card that said something like - "thank you for coming to our party, hope you had a great time." Then we wrote on the back thank you for x gift. I also sent copies of some of the pictures I took at the party for kids to put into the photo frame kits we had as part of the goodie bags. People started receiving them on Tuesday after Saturday's party, and I got lots of comments on how much people liked them.

We lived in NC when we got married. Tradition there was to open gifts sent to the house before the wedding, and send TY notes on stationary with your maiden name on it right away. If you received the gift after the wedding, you send a TY on stationary which used both your married names. That way I was able to get many of them done before.

A dirty little secret, DH was horrified that I brought them along to do on our honeymoon!

Denae

 

[Conservative Hippie]

We just came back from a wedding. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. Our invitation was addressed to Mr. Marc G and GUEST. The groom works with my husband, and had told his fiancee what my name was....we sent them a gift from the registry, and I signed the card Marc and Jennifer G....lo and behold, we arrive at the reception site, and our place card says Marc and GUEST. I couldn't help but be offended. To not properly acknowledge your guests, or pay attention to those "little details" that slip by you, just shows a lack of thought and attention to detail. While the purpose of a wedding is the union of two people, if you're going to invite guests, I feel it is the bride and groom's responsibility to make those guests feel welcome. I'm not saying they have to roll out the red carpet and fawn at our feet, but we are talking about a little common courtesy here....BTW...I'm not expecting to get a thank-you from the happy couple....

Our invitation to DH's OWN BROTHER's wedding was addressed to Mr. H AND GUEST! And this brother was the best man at our wedding!

 

[mrsltg]

DD and I were in my cousin's wedding in May - still no thank you. Nothing exceptional has happened since then (meaning, no births, deaths, job changes, moves, etc) which should preclude the Mr & Mrs from penning those notes. It's rude.

I was married November 6th - by the first week in December all my notes were sent. I figured if people could take the time to give me something I could take the time to say "thank you."

 

[mickeyboat]

Our invitation to DH's OWN BROTHER's wedding was addressed to Mr. H AND GUEST! And this brother was the best man at our wedding!

You still here, huh? Tell that baby to get moving, from me!

Denae