Wedding Thank You Notes

[RitaZ.]

Is it common not to thank people for wedding gifts these days?

The last time we received a thank you for a wedding present was over 3 years ago. We have been to other weddings since then, and never heard anything from the couples about the gifts. We give cash most of the time ($100+, depending on how close we are to the couple), so I don't think that they hated the gifts.

Maybe it's a regional thing?

 

[froglady]

I'm afraid that I've been having the same experience.

 

[java]

You know us too. We have been to 2 lately without thank yous. And by lately I mean last year. I guess that is not a big deal to couples these days? But honestly one couple has had a hell of a year so I get them not doing it. And I don't need a thankyou. I knew they got the gift as they cashed the check.

 

[dcgrumpy]

We've been to several weddings in the last few years we received thank you for all of them.

 

[RangerPooh]

Maybe it's just a generational thing. I have given both wedding gifts and baby shower presents to friends of mine (20 somethings) in the last few years and it is hit or miss regarding thank you's. For me it was just the polite theing to do, whether it was for a gift of money, and object, or a thank you for attending.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I'm 27 and I've been to many (too many!) weddings in the last 5 years. I've received a thank you for all of them except 2 (one was very recent, so she still has time, the other was 5 years ago, so I don't expect to get one now). Most people I know still send thank yous.

 

[RitaZ.]

Maybe it's just a generational thing.

That's a possibility.

 

[helenabear]

Don't think it is a generational thing though... been to several weddings over the last few years (all under 30) and I received thank you notes for them all. I would chalk it up to people being rude an nothing more.

 

[mickeyboat]

There are lots more rude people these days. Not receiving a thank you note is a pet peeve of mine.

My favorite is when I received a thank you note for a wedding 7 months later, and two weeks after that, received an invitation to their baby shower. I have yet to receive a thank you note from that (it has been 2 years).

I just sent a gift to a nephew who graduated from high school in May - no note, and money to a neice for her birthday in June - no note. I actually just saw that neice, and she didn't say anything about the gift at all.

I have actually stopped giving gifts to one neice and nephew because for 8 years I have heard not one word whether they received the gift, or liked it.

I don't expect people to grovel at my feet when I give them a gift. But I do expect some sort of acknowledgement.

Denae

 

[RitaZ.]

I don't expect people to grovel at my feet when I give them a gift. But I do expect some sort of acknowledgement.

Denae

That's it. Sometimes I just want to know that they got the gift. For instance, at one wedding the bride's father was in charge of collecting "the envelopes". I don't even know if the couple ever received my gift. I never heard anything about it and the groom is related to me.

 

[SDFgirl]

I have never NOT received a thank you note. I'm 30, so I don't think it's a generational thing.

I know that it took DH and I six months to get our notes out for our wedding. I felt pretty bad about that. For my recent baby showers I've gotten all notes out within 3 or 4 days, much better.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

One thing to keep in mind-now I'm not saying this is what happened because based on the number of people in this thread who did not receive a thank you, it'd be too far fetched to think this happened to everyone. But when I got married, my relatives packed up the gifts and took them home for me since I left for my honeymoon right after the reception.

There were about 8 gifts or so that the cards had came off of so I had no idea who gave me them. The cards never turned up at all. When you receive so many gifts at one time, and it's late and people have been drinking, they're not too careful about keeping the card with the gift, at least for my helpful relatives anyway.

I did go through the guestbook and wrote a thank you for "the gift and coming to the wedding." There was probably some people that didn't get a thank you from me b/c the card had came off their gift though. I didn't intend to be rude, but I"m sure it came across that way.

What I do now when I go to a wedding is- inside the card I write what I gave them. I also write a message and stuff, but in the bottom corner, I'll put "apple cookie jar" or whatever it is. Or before I wrap the gift, I stick the card to the gift with tape, then wrap it so the card is on the inside of the wrapping. Let's face it, why does the card need to be on the outside? They know it's for them and when they open the gift, they'll see it.

 

[taximomfor4]

I always give the $ gift in the form of a check -- that way I can make sure it actually got cashed. As for Thank You cards, I know I get some from people, but I honestly have no idea who has sent one and who hasn't. Way too busy to keep track...and when the Thank You comes, I open it, read it, think "Oh How Nice" and then throw it away. Maybe it is because I grew up in a completely manner-less household full of strife and other bad stuff....I didn't even KNOW about Thank You cards till I was like 19. So even if I DID notice so-and-so didn't send one, there is no way I would take it personally or get upset.

By the way, I raise my kids to have good manners -- my friend's mom taught her all the proper stuff. But I still don't notice who did or who did not send a Thank You note.

 

[froglady]

One thing to keep in mind-now I'm not saying this is what happened because based on the number of people in this thread who did not receive a thank you, it'd be too far fetched to think this happened to everyone. But when I got married, my relatives packed up the gifts and took them home for me since I left for my honeymoon right after the reception.

There were about 8 gifts or so that the cards had came off of so I had no idea who gave me them. The cards never turned up at all. When you receive so many gifts at one time, and it's late and people have been drinking, they're not too careful about keeping the card with the gift, at least for my helpful relatives anyway.

I did go through the guestbook and wrote a thank you for "the gift and coming to the wedding." There was probably some people that didn't get a thank you from me b/c the card had came off their gift though. I didn't intend to be rude, but I"m sure it came across that way.

What I do now when I go to a wedding is- inside the card I write what I gave them. I also write a message and stuff, but in the bottom corner, I'll put "apple cookie jar" or whatever it is. Or before I wrap the gift, I stick the card to the gift with tape, then wrap it so the card is on the inside of the wrapping. Let's face it, why does the card need to be on the outside? They know it's for them and when they open the gift, they'll see it.

This is not the case, as I ordered items from their gift registry. Now, did they actually get them, or did the couple just forget to send a note? All three stores I dealt with insisted that the gifts were sent. (two of three were out of town) After phone calls to the MOB (the bride was a relative in two cases) I did receive a note- 4 & 5 months later. The other was someone from my husband's office, and she moved out of the area after her marriage, so I have no way of knowing what happened.

 

[Keli]

I wonder if it is something of a regional thing? Because I couldn't tell you the last time that I gave a wedding or shower gift to someone and didn't receive a thank you card.
Of course I don't pay too much attention so one or two may have not sent one and I just never noticed.

 

[salal]

I've been waiting 7 months for the one from Dh's nephew whose Mother never taught him the niceties in life, so I never expected one

I'm waiting 3 months now from best friend's son's wedding-both college educated professionals & everyone had to stay in hotels to attend that wedding-very disappointing.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I've been waiting 7 months for the one from Dh's nephew whose Mother never taught him the niceties in life, so I never expected one

I'm waiting 3 months now from best friend's son's wedding-both college educated professionals & everyone had to stay in hotels to attend that wedding-very disappointing.

Three months isn't very long. It usually takes months to get the pictures from the photographer.

 

[ckret01]

I got married in May and am just waiting for my pictures to put in my Thanks yous and I do plan on sending them out as soon as I get them

 

[barkley]

There are lots more rude people these days. Not receiving a thank you note is a pet peeve of mine.

My favorite is when I received a thank you note for a wedding 7 months later, and two weeks after that, received an invitation to their baby shower. I have yet to receive a thank you note from that (it has been 2 years).

I just sent a gift to a nephew who graduated from high school in May - no note, and money to a neice for her birthday in June - no note. I actually just saw that neice, and she didn't say anything about the gift at all.

I have actually stopped giving gifts to one neice and nephew because for 8 years I have heard not one word whether they received the gift, or liked it.

I don't expect people to grovel at my feet when I give them a gift. But I do expect some sort of acknowledgement.

Denae

i can do you one better never got a thank you for the wedding gift, 2 years later get an envelope in the mail with a printed letter 'apologizing' for sending the enclosed thank-you note (in a sealed addressed envelope with a return address on it) so late but that they had been 'completed timely' and accidentaly packed away and 'forgotten' when the couple moved soon after the wedding. critical error-the address on the envelope of the 'timely' thank-you note enclosed was one we had only been at for a couple of months, and the return address was one the b/g had'nt moved to until about a year and a half after they married (so no way it was written 2 years earlier ). surprise, surprise-3 days later the invite to the baby shower arrives.

 

[barkley]

Three months isn't very long. It usually takes months to get the pictures from the photographer.

what do the photos have to do with the thank you notes? unless again it's regional thing-when i have gotten wedding thank you notes i've never received a photo (baby gifts maybe-weddings never).

our thank you notes were out within 2 weeks because as people rsvp'd 'yes' we filled out the envelope-then as gifts arrived we wrote the thank-you's. the gifts received at the wedding or from those who did not attend we simply had to write the cards out for (a few hours tops). we maybe threw away half a dozen envelopes (generaly if people rsvp 'yes' and don't show they still send a gift). did end up with a few people we could'nt connect with a gift-wrote a simple 'thank you for your generosity at our wedding' in the card. ended up with one dmil accidentaly put the gift envelope in her suit pocket and did'nt find it till 2 years later she called to apologize to the guest (a friend of hers) who was surprised to hear we had'nt received it 'because i received a lovely thank you note from your ds and his wife'