Wedding RSVP's with added guests

[Chris2597]

My dd is getting married in a few weeks. She is having a fairly large wedding with about 200 guests. We are planning a sit down dinner and dance at the reception. We are about at our limit for the ballroom where the reception is going to be held. We are getting back the RSVP cards and a few people have added guests to the count. I have followed the ettiquite instructions by addressing the inner envelope to those that are invited as well as the outer address envelope.
I have written an email to the people that have added quests and nicely let them know that we can't accomodate their extra guests that they listed on the RSVP card. I heard from one of the people and they said they totally understood....I think they were a bit embarrased by adding people...I havent heard from the other's. What is the best way to handle this. When my oldest dd got married we didnt seem to have this issue.

 

[JessicaR]

I just cant fathom people doing this. Is it single people looking to bring a date or famlies looking to bring kids? I think you did the right thing by emailing. I also think some may show with uninvited guests anyway.

 

[Nik's Mom]

We had this happen for our wedding too. We ended up having to call guests to tell them we couldn't accomodate their guests. Most of the time, they were inviting their neighbors or friends. And it wasn't just one or two people they were adding. In one case it was 6 people they wanted to add. Dh and I didn't even know who the added guests were. Why would someone want to come to a strangers wedding?

 

[JessicaR]

We had this happen for our wedding too. We ended up having to call guests to tell them we couldn't accomodate their guests. Most of the time, they were inviting their neighbors or friends. And it wasn't just one or two people they were adding. In one case it was 6 people they wanted to add. Dh and I didn't even know who the added guests were. Why would someone want to come to a strangers wedding?

That is one of the craziest things I have ever heard. It's so rude to do that. What the heck are people thinking!

 

[Papa Deuce]

I totally get your point. It costs way too much money... but I am wondering how many "no shows" you will have which will just be wasted $$$?

We had 220 scheduled to arrive at our reception and only 208 actually showed up. I would have felt better with the extra folks attending than wasting $80 pp.

ETA: I don't remember the percentage, but our caterer told us that he could pretty much guarantee that "x" % of people would not show.

 

[RangerPooh]

We asked our guests please not bring guests with them unless to prevent "flavor of the week" significant others from attending our wedding. There was no way that I wanted to pay over $100/guest for the reception to only have stangers there. The majority of our guests understood, and in the end we did allow a few guests to bring their sig others (even newer ones) due to guests dropping out at the last minute as we'd already paid the remainder of our balance.

I would send out another email/letter or a phone call informing them about the no guest policy due to already being at the maximum capacity for the reception location. Additionally, enclose a new response card asking for the correct number who will be attending. The worst that will happen is that they will take offense and be a no show. If the guests does not know you they might not have read the email or it may have gone to their junk mail folder, so a written response might be the best route, as long as you politely explain the reasoning for the note.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Wow, this is scary. DS is getting married next year! I can't imagine have the set to do that.

To those it has happened to, what did these people say to you when you told them no? Were they like well why can't I invite my neighbors and people you don't know?? DId they think it was like an open house and not a catered affair??

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We only had one person do this and it was the day before the wedding that we were told that she was bringing her estranged daughter and her dd's 3 children one of whom my mother was going to adopt--and it didn't work out.

Talk about AWKWARD!

I would just not plan on the guests--but if you have a wedding coordinator, alert them to the dilemma.

I was watching Masters of Reception and this couple whose family was from Africa had a problem where it was cultural to just pop in on a wedding if you knew the person even if you hadn't been invited. Though they didn't tell the coordinator until the walk through the day before. Ended up no party crashers.

You did your part to notify the people who did this. It would have been less rude for them to inquire prior to RSVPing.

But if you have a coordinator, it will be something you do not have to concern yourself with on the wedding day.

Whatever you do--don't do what one lady did on Bridezilla and refuse to let the grandma in b/c she didn't RSVP. The venue ignored the Bride and gave grandma a place to sit. (score for the coordinator! I swear these Brides get worse every show!)

I would not continue calling your guest though b/c I wouldn't want to upset them as they probably got your message and are simply just processing it.

 

[agnes!]

I had someone that I invited to my wedding write back and ask to bring someone and then she (and her 'guest') didn't even show up.

agnes!

 

[Chris2597]

One of our guests (a work friend)added his 2 young children and we wrote and told him that this was an adult affair as it was a sit down dinner and dance (only out of town relatives that have children...no babies are invited). He was fine with it. Another guest that added 2 has adult children so I have no idea who her 2 extras are. I email her but havent heard from her. The other person is single and she added one extra which I assume is her flavor of the week. I would have understood it if she didnt know anyone else but she will be seated with several people that she is friendly with.

I think the caterer at my oldest dd's wedding said to expect 10-20% no shows....Next week is the deadline that I put on the RSVP card. I hope we get the stragglers in....if not...I guess we will call to find out what their intentions are.

 

[M5ward]

We just hosted our third wedding since 2006 (one daughter and two sons - yeah, I know the bride's parents are supposed to host it, but what can you do?) We didn't have anyone respond with additional guests or even call to ask to bring a guest. We actually only had two no shows total for all three weddings.
In this economy, when you receive an invitation to a formal wedding, it is rude to assume that the hosts can afford to pay for additional guests. I always felt that the people you invite to a wedding are those who have played a part in the lives of the bride and groom; of course, I understand that some guests have relationships and have invited them to bring their significant others.
Somehow special occasions always seem to bring out the stupidity in some people.

 

[look1angel]

My dd is getting married in a few weeks. She is having a fairly large wedding with about 200 guests. We are planning a sit down dinner and dance at the reception. We are about at our limit for the ballroom where the reception is going to be held. We are getting back the RSVP cards and a few people have added guests to the count. I have followed the ettiquite instructions by addressing the inner envelope to those that are invited as well as the outer address envelope.
I have written an email to the people that have added quests and nicely let them know that we can't accomodate their extra guests that they listed on the RSVP card. I heard from one of the people and they said they totally understood....I think they were a bit embarrased by adding people...I havent heard from the other's. What is the best way to handle this. When my oldest dd got married we didnt seem to have this issue.

My daughter is getting married next Saturday & I swear I could have written this myself.
We had a 1 guest wanting to bring their 8 month old. We politely called these people & informed them of the limited space & were so sorry for any misunderstandings.
It absolutely burns me to no end how some people assume they can just add guests! I went threw the same thing last year with my own wedding & had a couple just show up with their son which in return messed up the seating arrangement. Is it just me or does anyone else find this rude & inconsiderate?

 

[BelleWDW]

I am always shocked over the high cost of weddings in certain areas! $100 per person! Lordy!

 

[Katieinwonderland]

We had one guest do this...we got married at Disney, so the cost per person was fairly high and we had around 200 people. Well, this one guest works with DH and replied that she was bringing a guest. When DH gently reminded her that she hadn't been invited with a guest, she said she was just nervous coming somewhere where she wouldn't know anyone!!! DH had invited 10 people from work, she would know all of them very well! I grumbled about it but we added her guest...who then called with a list of food allergies we had to accomodate

 

[deva]

The other person is single and she added one extra which I assume is her flavor of the week. I would have understood it if she didnt know anyone else but she will be seated with several people that she is friendly with.

I definitely agree it is VERY poor taste to add on invites, but I don't think it is proper to invite a single-ton and not allow him or her to bring a guest. She probably doesn't yet know who she will be seated with, right? Isn't this something you find out when you enter the reception?

I was once invited to a wedding but warned by the bride's sister prior to receiving the invite that I might not be allowed to bring a guest because the count was getting high. I, of course, never said anything, but found this quite rude. The invite did include guest, so we went. If it was just for me I would have declined.

There are so many different friends and family groups and "coupling" at weddings (who do you slow dance with if you are by yourself) and the bride and groom do so much hopping between guests, I think it is only right to allow everyone (married or not) to bring a guest so that they have an enjoyable evening too.

 

[Keli]

We only had one family do this at dd's wedding this summer and thankfully it wasn't a problem at all since we'd just got word that a former confirmation wasn't going to make it.
Plus the add-ons were some folks we were glad to have so it worked out for us. With more limited seating in an indoor venue I can see where it could be a real problem.

 

[monsterkitty]

We invited 200 people to our wedding. Or should i say, my MIL invited 150 people to our wedding and I invited 50.

Anyways, we were told that since our wedding was an hour away from our city at a ranch by a river that at best only 80% of our guests would attend. We did have those from out-of-state decline the invitations but still had 185 guests replied they would be there.

We had over 200 people attended our wedding. How the heck does that happen?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I definitely agree it is VERY poor taste to add on invites, but I don't think it is proper to invite a single-ton and not allow him or her to bring a guest. She probably doesn't yet know who she will be seated with, right? Isn't this something you find out when you enter the reception?

I was once invited to a wedding but warned by the bride's sister prior to receiving the invite that I might not be allowed to bring a guest because the count was getting high. I, of course, never said anything, but found this quite rude. The invite did include guest, so we went. If it was just for me I would have declined.

There are so many different friends and family groups and "coupling" at weddings (who do you slow dance with if you are by yourself) and the bride and groom do so much hopping between guests, I think it is only right to allow everyone (married or not) to bring a guest so that they have an enjoyable evening too.

I agree totally. While I find it rude to add guests to an RSVP, I find it equally, actually even more rude to invite single people without allowing for an escort to a wedding.

I would and did cut other areas of our wedding to make sure that each person was invited as a couple.

 

[PatsGirl]

I definitely agree it is VERY poor taste to add on invites, but I don't think it is proper to invite a single-ton and not allow him or her to bring a guest.

I'm not sure "proper" is the word I would use, but as a "single-ton" I know that I sometimes turn down invites if I'm unsure who I might know or be seated with. I think that if it is AT ALL possible to add a guest, the party-givers should. I do understand that at $80 or more for each person you might not want 20 people there you don't know but at my age nearly everyone is already hooked up Might be a little different for those 20-somethings who I think a pp called "flavor of the week significant others". No, I don't have a SO but I do have a few guys I wouldn't mind spending a couple of hours with at a wedding reception.

This applies to all parties, not just wedding receptions. I can't tell you how many times I'll get invited somewhere without allowing for a guest (even pay your own way events, lol). The most recent is a booze cruise for a cost of $20 pp ~ when I asked about bringing a "friend" I was told that the 200 tickets were all accounted for

 

[golfgal]

One of our guests (a work friend)added his 2 young children and we wrote and told him that this was an adult affair as it was a sit down dinner and dance (only out of town relatives that have children...no babies are invited). He was fine with it. Another guest that added 2 has adult children so I have no idea who her 2 extras are. I email her but havent heard from her. The other person is single and she added one extra which I assume is her flavor of the week. I would have understood it if she didnt know anyone else but she will be seated with several people that she is friendly with.

I think the caterer at my oldest dd's wedding said to expect 10-20% no shows....Next week is the deadline that I put on the RSVP card. I hope we get the stragglers in....if not...I guess we will call to find out what their intentions are.

I also think it is rude to invite a single person and not allow them to invite a guest. If your budget is that tight, don't invite the single person to begin with.

We had 200 confirmed for our wedding reception, 200 showed. We had some people that said they couldn't make it show up and some that were going to come that didn't show. We had extra room to accommodate extras and our caterer only charged $6.50/plate so a couple extra people wouldn't have been noticeable.