Wedding invitation with rules

[Nora03]

We were invited to a close family wedding a few years ago where the invitation indicated that guests were to wear only black. I’m retired and don’t buy dressy outfits often and I had just purchased a new outfit for a grandson’s graduation. I intended to wear that outfit. It was a black background but had large pink/red flowers on a flowy top. DH has only a grey suit and intended to wear a black shirt. However at the last minute we were unable to attend due to an early winter storm. I felt that the bride wanted to be the only one to stand out, wearing white, while everyone else wore black, including the bridesmaids and all guests. In the end it was a good thing that we didn’t attend as in the pictures I saw everyone who attended followed the bride’s request. I would have been uncomfortable and the bride would not have been pleased with me.

The couple still received the substantial cheque from us even though we couldn’t attend. Now ask me if I received an acknowledgment of the cheque. It WAS cashed.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

We were invited to a close family wedding a few years ago where the invitation indicated that guests were to wear only black. I’m retired and don’t buy dressy outfits often and I had just purchased a new outfit for a grandson’s graduation. I intended to wear that outfit. It was a black background but had large pink/red flowers on a flowy top. DH has only a grey suit and intended to wear a black shirt. However at the last minute we were unable to attend due to an early winter storm. I felt that the bride wanted to be the only one to stand out, wearing white, while everyone else wore black, including the bridesmaids and all guests. In the end it was a good thing that we didn’t attend as in the pictures I saw everyone who attended followed the bride’s request. I would have been uncomfortable and the bride would not have been pleased with me.

The couple still received the substantial cheque from us even though we couldn’t attend. Now ask me if I received an acknowledgment of the cheque. It WAS cashed.

To me, this is very different than the situation in the OP. If the wedding was one I really wanted to attend, I would wear black, but think it was a ridiculous request. In the OP's situation, they mentioned four colors out of a multitude of options. That wouldn't bother me at all.

FWIW, green & blue are my best colors. I still wouldn't have a problem with finding a different one.

 

[Karin1984]

I just want to know the colour scheme of the wedding. Can I put in a request for pictures?

White and gold are considered neutrals, which basically go with everything. Green and blue are nature colours and usually go with many colours.

The thing with colour requests is that even if you oblige, the wrong shade of an allowed colour can still clash.

If I haven't got anything to wear, it would depend on the relationship if I would buy something new.

 

[OKW8297]

No, you're not the only one who wouldn't have a problem with it. It's the bride and grooms day. They can have whatever they want. If they are important to me, I'll do whatever they need to make the day special. That said, I don't have any unreasonable or "snobby" (as someone above called them) people in my life, so I'm sure any requests I would receive are all in good fun. I don't need much of an excuse to buy a new dress, and my family's weddings are always a big hoot.

I am so over that it’s “their” day. The people you invite are your guests. Yes they are celebrating you, but ostensibly they are invited because they are important to you and their presence (not presents) will enhance the day. The most important thing should be your vows. People are getting so so superficial.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm glad we were well out of "wedding season" in our friend group before social media became a thing.

 

[MamaMermaid]

I think it's annoying, especially because I'd have to go shopping but I'd comply.

 

[tzolkin]

As for cocktail attire in the back yard, I guess it's appropriate if it's a really nice backyard. Hopefully there's a large patio, or pool deck, or some kind of paved surface. High heals don't work well in the grass.

Lots of weddings/receptions are outdoors, so I would not necessarily assume that the event would be less formal due to the location. We had our evening wedding reception at my parents farm-- fancy tents, tables with linens, flooring, lighting, etc. We lived in a very rural area at the time so it was much nicer than any of the local wedding venues.

Wear a wedding dress - it’s white so you pass the dress code!

The colors listed were ones **not** to wear. I always thought most people know not to wear white to a wedding, but one of my best friend's mother wore an actual wedding dress to her daughter's wedding (then also walked down the aisle greeting guests before the processional). Everyone knew how crazy this woman was so we were able to laugh it off, but the bride was pretty furious.

 

[sk!mom]

I don’t care for invitations that come with instructions but it’s their event so whatever, man.

For a close relationship or an event I wanted to attend for some other reason, I’d comply. If the request was too much for the relationship or my will to attend, I’d simply decline.

 

[Disneylover99]

I don’t care for invitations that come with instructions but it’s their event so whatever, man.

For a close relationship or an event I wanted to attend for some other reason, I’d comply. If the request was too much for the relationship or my will to attend, I’d simply decline.

I agree. It’s their wedding. They can make it as complicated and rule oriented as they want.

And if couples have these rules at their wedding, they shouldn’t be surprised if people decline the invitation because of the rules or don’t comply.

 

[NannyBeBe]

Black and white is always right. I would wear white slacks with a black and white print blouse.

 

[soccerdad72]

I don’t care for invitations that come with instructions but it’s their event so whatever, man.

For a close relationship or an event I wanted to attend for some other reason, I’d comply. If the request was too much for the relationship or my will to attend, I’d simply decline.

Pretty much, yeah. It's annoying and strange to request stuff like this, but like you, I'd be in the "whatever, man" category.

 

[sk!mom]

Black and white is always right. I would wear white slacks with a black and white print blouse.

Except in the case of the OP’s invitation, white is not “right.”

 

[HopperFan]

Just received a wedding invitation with a request that guests not wear certain colors to the wedding. Green, blue, white, gold. Also attire is listed as cocktail.

Strange combo of restricted colors. My guess is that is the Bride, MOB, MOG and wedding party colors and they don't want anyone to look like they are part of the party. I can avoid those colors since I wouldn't do white or gold anyway and I don't wear green.

COCKTAIL OUTSIDE IN SUMMER?! I would have to know what is being provided for comfort or cocktail would be right out the window. I'm not a cute twenty something that can pull off a itty bitty cocktail dress that leaves me breezy and cool.

Wedding reception is in the backyard of the brides parents. Since I am very old school and have not been to a wedding in a long time, is this the new normal?

Since it is a summer wedding I had planned to wear a mid lenght summer dress.

Before I agreed to go I would have to know what their plans are for "comfort" in a SUMMER backyard wedding. Yes I've seen the air conditioned tents or it's located so far up north it would be comfortable. As PP stated is the land paved? Is this a buggy area? All those would factor. I live in the south, a summer wedding outside would be my personal misery.

I've been to a couple in the heat of summer where we were outside, too long, and I find it sad when that is not factored in for one's guests.

So neon orange is okay?

Yeah so I'm guessing the forbidden RED is okay?

 

[nw6675]

I'm glad we were well out of "wedding season" in our friend group before social media became a thing.

You are better than us...we are just glad not to have friends at all

Except for my fellow DISers that is...

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The most important thing should be your vows.

I'm fairly certain guests don't view it that way.

Most guests are concerned with the food and drinks. Let's be honest about that. They don't care how showy your vows are, but ever heard anyone talk about a wedding in a glowing way when there's issues with food, what kind of food, how much there is, a tipped vs no tips required bar, what kind of alcohol, the venue, how the chairs are, where guests are being sat, etc. I mean look at how many times an outdoor cocktail in the summer is being talked about already on this thread..it's because guests think it's going to be hot sweaty and uncomfortable.

Most couples try to balance both their desires and considerations for their guests. The rest are outliers.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm fairly certain guests don't view it that way.

Most guests are concerned with the food and drinks. Let's be honest about that. They don't care how showy your vows are, but ever heard anyone talk about a wedding in a glowing way when there's issues with food, what kind of food, how much there is, a tipped vs no tips required bar, what kind of alcohol, the venue, how the chairs are, where guests are being sat, etc. I mean look at how many times an outdoor cocktail in the summer is being talked about already on this thread..it's because guests think it's going to be hot sweaty and uncomfortable.

Most couples try to balance both their desires and considerations for their guests. The rest are outliers.

That’s what I care about, food, drink, music… and we always tip the bartender well, with open bar you want to make sure you can get a drink easily.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I don't recall going to any wedding with 'don't wear x color' rules. Most people know not to wear white. I've read lots of crazy rules and regulations from Bridezillas on various social media sites. Believe me, this is nothing.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

That’s what I care about, food, drink, music… and we always tip the bartender well, with open bar you want to make sure you can get a drink easily.

Music is a good one too. Play too much of one style and you've angered a portion of the guests, don't have a large enough dance floor and that's what will be talked about. I went to a wedding a few years back where the couple didn't play one song where it had a dance to it (think cha cha slide and the like) and people were talking about waiting for it.

Guests notice things related to their overall enjoyment, comfort and convenience of a wedding, don't let anyone tell you (general you) otherwise

 

[NannyBeBe]

Except in the case of the OP’s invitation, white is not “right.”

If I had received this invitation, I would assume that the restriction on white means that the bride does not want a woman to wear a totally white dress, which would look like the bride. A back and white combination would not be violating the bride's rules.

 

[GoingSince1990]

So selfish and annoying when the bride’s main priority is how good the photos look on Instagram. I had to go to a destination beach wedding where the bride insisted on black tie (so hot and uncomfortable tux and cummerbund, blister-producing shoes, etc.) because she clearly prioritized visually appealing photos over the comfort of her guests. For the rest of my life, to me, she will always be “the one who made me wear a tux on the beach in 85 degree heat”.