Wedding Guest issues

[magdog79]

Ok the wedding planning is starting to get to me and the DF. (FYI, I need to vent aliitle so I'll appolgize ahead of time.)

First off isn't the Wedding suppose to be the DF and I's day and no one elses? I am fed up with everyone criticizing our decision to have our Wedding at disney, where we got engaged and what to make it more special and get married there too. That way everytime we bring our kids and family it will be another second honeymoon.
We know coming to disney for our wedding is an expensive proposition with having to fly and stay at least one night. But unlike alot of wedding we have been too kid are actually invited to our so the whole family can come. Of course there are obvious reasons why we would do this. We also understand that there will be those no matter what, that will not want to travel for multiple reason, health, money and being lazy are just a few of of the most common. This is also why we are having a reception after our wedding in our hometown for those who can not attend the disney wedding. Plus everyone else who goes to disney can attend the second reception too (we are getting blessed by our priest back home).
But where do people get off calling us unconsiderate because how we plan our wedding. We have send out a letter to everyone we wanted to invite to the wedding(120) giving them prelimary details about the reservation and park discounts and the date and so forth. We asked them to reply back so we could get a preliminary count on who will come and when.
Yes we did have a hidden agenda because we are only send "real" wedding initations to thos who want more info on the disney date while the second reception will get another(cheaper) invitation. It would also tell us if we need to adjust our reception location or type of wedding we have in a whole. Yes this is to save alot of money on our end.
Where we are getting upset about is how many people are unhappy that we are making them pay to see our wedding like going to a concert, one cousin said that to me. Has anyone else gone thru this with this must backlash?
To top it off my DF bestman is saying he won't come to disney even though we are paying for his 4 night stay, park tickets and airfare for the family. He says its too much hastle to take time off and cart his family to disney for the wedding. He would only need to take 2 days off (mon and tues) because the wedding is a monday. I thought this would be a great thing for him to bring his wife and 3 yr old daughter to disney for the first time. We are actually doing this for both the BM and MH's families.
Well DF is destroyed because he was his bestman's bestman and took time off and even paid 500 for stuff in the wedding. He has no idea what to do regarding a bestman. Does he ask another beg th ecurrent one or just scratch it all together. To top it all off DFF is being so negative saying no one will come and we are wasting money. Sometime vegas and a drive-thru chapel looks so good compared to dealing with guests.
Like I said before I needed to vent and I appolgizeIt is very crushing that we are trying to plan the happiest day of the rest of our lives and everyone we invite except DF's mother is crushing our dreams. This definately doesn't feel like the year of a million dreams.

 

[PrincessBride07]

Vent away honey! We have all been there with guests complaining. I find people will complain no matter what you do. As for the Best man, I feel he is being very unreasonable. I mean come on he is getting a free Disney Vacation. Even if he doesn't like disney, he has airfare and hotel to one of the biggest tourist destinations in the world. He can always drive down the road to SeaWorld, Universal, Busch Gardens, or even the beach. I would try and find out if there is another reason that he is not telling you why he won't go. If ultimately he chooses not to go and your DF really wanted him, don't replace him. At my MOH's wedding the Best Man couldn't attend because of money. The groom wouldn't let anyone take his place, so there was just one less groomsmen to bridesmaids.
As for your other guests, those who really want to be there will be. Those who don't or can't, oh well it is there loss. When you come back with those fabulous pictures and stories, they will be kicking themselves for being so stubborn.
Also, I think we all want that guest list early. I am doing the same thing. I really don't want to plan a party for 35 if only 20 are showing up. That money can really add up.

Hope everything goes better for you. Feel free to vent anytime you need to. You always have an ear and a shoulder on the DIS.

 

[PrettyInTink]

Please don't listen to anyone else! We originally planned a WDW wedding and cancelled due to pressure from family, among other reasons. Excuse my language but to haites with all of them! Its your wedding. Don't be like us and wait until 5 years after and plan a do over in the form of a vow renewal. I assure you that if you keep on planning and ignore everyone else that when your day comes you will be surrounded by the people who love you the most. Oh, and my dh said he will gladly come down and be your df's best man for free. He's outraged at the ungratefulness of your df's bm. He says no one should be so mean and selfish. What kind of idiot turns down a free disney vacation? Seriously, you should not feel obligated to pay their way. I know you are just trying to help. Pixie Dust to you!

 

[mcco5543]

That is terrible that people are making you feel sad about your special day! I am SO happy for you! You just go on ahead and make your plans.

and actually, The people that do attend, and don't complain will be with out a doubt the people who truly love you the most and support you on your most special day with one of the most special commitments you will ever make in your life. And that is VERY cool that you get a garuntee that the people who are there with you REALLY want to be there and love you so much they aren't there out of obligation.

My wedding congregation will be similar becuase I am having a commitment ceremony and a "Gay wedding" makes people very uncomfortable and upset, but those who will be with us will be there by choice becuase they truly love us and I am choosing to focus on those people, not the ones that are being big ol' poops! I hope you can start thinking that way too!

Your wedding will be amazing. On that day you'll marry the love of your life and your best friend, nothing else really matters. You're going to have an amazing time and all this drama will be worth it!

PIXIE DUST!!!!!

 

[Lynn5700]

Oh my gosh tell me about it.I thought my situation was bad but your's is worse. My aunt is giving me a hard time too.I can't believe that they are giving you a hard time if you are paying for thier way when you don't have to do that at all. Do they know how generous that is?

Stick with what you want to do,I know that it's hard trust me but you have to do what makes you both happy.

 

[DVCGirl49]

Definitely don't worry about venting....vent away, that's what we are here for.

We've been telling everyone since last Feb that it is Feb/March 2008 in WDW. We had a dinner party about 4 weeks ago to get all of our wedding party together so we could let them know the official date and so they could all meet eachother. You would have thought that this was some newsflash, the way some people reacted, and it got pretty ugly. We had my DF's sister getting all huffy that we are being selfish having it there and that it is inconvenient for her, and all sorts of other excuses. His brother and one of my friends also did the same thing.....right in front of all the rest of the dinner guests we had. So once the can was open it started spreading like a virus and soon everyone, except DF and I, was chatting about how expensive and inconvenient it was going to be. It pretty made the rest of the evening very uncomfortable, and left us shocked and saddened. We had heard and seen on this board that stuff like that does happen, and thought we were prepared for it....but DF and I really worried and couldn't sleep for a few days we were so upset. Now, 4 weeks later, they all seem to have come around and in the end it wasn't worth all the stress.

I know it seems pretty awful right now, but from our experience and what we've seen several times on the board, after the initial 'awful' period, generally it works out one way or another.

 

[ZPT1022]

Please don't listen to anyone else! We originally planned a WDW wedding and cancelled due to pressure from family, among other reasons. Excuse my language but to haites with all of them! Its your wedding. Don't be like us and wait until 5 years after and plan a do over in the form of a vow renewal. I assure you that if you keep on planning and ignore everyone else that when your day comes you will be surrounded by the people who love you the most. Oh, and my dh said he will gladly come down and be your df's best man for free. He's outraged at the ungratefulness of your df's bm. He says no one should be so mean and selfish. What kind of idiot turns down a free disney vacation? Seriously, you should not feel obligated to pay their way. I know you are just trying to help. Pixie Dust to you!

Are you my twin? We originally were thinking Disney wedding and after a boatload of crap from other people about it, canned that idea. We then found a butterfly conservatory near home and were planning that and again, crap all around. We finally ended up having the country club wedding close to home that everyone else wanted. It was a nice day and obviously the end result is the same and we are just as married as we would have been if we'd had the wedding in WDW **BUT** I have so many unresolved wedding "issues". I wish we would have just had the courage to do what we wanted in the first place. We too will be planning a vow renewal at some point. Do what you want and those who really want to be there will be there.

I also think that you are being MORE than generous to pay for the entire family's airfare as well as tickets and hotel. He wouldn't exactly be the first person to have to travel to a wedding and usually being in someone's wedding is an expensive proposition. He should be grateful that you are providing so much. I mean, come on already, a free vacation? A true friend would try to get there whether or not you were paying but now that you've taken care of the big expenses what is he complaining about? They'll have food expenses a few days but that is easy enough to cut back on. The wife and child will need park tickets if they want to go but when everything else is paid for that's such a small amount. He'll have a tux rental fee, which he would have if the wedding were at home too. Will your fiance be having a bachelor party? I really don't see what this guy's complaint is

 

[princessblueeyzes]

We got a lot of backlash too but once everyone saw how beautiful the WP is and everything together they were very excited. They all gave me a hard time telling me to just go and elope, but after being to our wedding they told me that it was amazing and no wonder why I got married there.

Don't stress about all of the people giving you stress. It is YOUR and YOUR FIANCE'S day for the wedding. It doesn't really matter in the end who was there. As long as you and DF are happy with your choice then stick with it.

 

[DisneyBrideWannabe]

Don't worry, you are not alone We had the same backlash. At first, my sis, grandma (who lives in Florida), and DF's bro were the only ones who ere cool with it. Everyone told us we were being inconsiderate and selfish (even though we are the ones getting married, I must have forgot that we have weddings for our guests not us).
We caved and started looking into alternatives. We even flew to Vegas thinking if we liked it maybe we would take the plunge. We didn't since it is kinda gross and NOT romantic. We looked into country clubs/reception halls up here, but no matter what we mentioned people complained!!!! June is a bad time b/c of all the graduations, Nov./Dec. is too close to Christmas so people are broke, Sept, is hectic with kids going back to school, why didn't we want small children at the recpetion?, etc...
In the end, it would be the same price to have a wedding here as in Disney, so we are now having OUR wedding. WE did compromise by having a small recpetion at home for those who can not attend and plan to dvd's made of our original ceremony.
Stick to your guns and those who want to go will, and those don't want to oh well. Better yet, tell them since no one seemed interested you are down grading to an intimate and can only invite 18 of your intimate family. Watch them then complain that they won't be able to go and they are angry that they are not invited!

 

[PrettyInTink]

Hey twin ! We are finally coming around to planning this VR because after all of the complaining we eloped! I hated it and felt so bad. not how I pictured my wedding day. We chose a place other that WDW about 3 hrs from everyone and they still complained about everything from the drive to the hotel room prices. My own parents were not showing up unti just in time for the ceremony and then leaving directly after. The offered zero support (financial or moral). We were paying for everything. I should have known because I attempted several times to get my mom to pick out dresses with me and she refused. She had excuses: too busy, too tired, and then she finally told me she had nl interest in helping ith the wedding. But 4 months later she planned my brothers entire wedding. And payed for it. Hurt does not even describe the way I still feel. No one was excited for me. No one was interested in anything. We drive truck cross country together and make more than anyone in our families. We didn't ask for a penny from anyone and made it clear that gifts weren't necessary. People can just be so hateful and selfish. Now I have several Dis friends that would love to come to our VR. I could care less whether or not my family is there. Live and learn. I know when I finally walk into that WP for my VR I will be surrounded by those who really care the absolute most. And I will finally get my princess day I've always dreamed of.

Are you my twin? We originally were thinking Disney wedding and after a boatload of crap from other people about it, canned that idea. We then found a butterfly conservatory near home and were planning that and again, crap all around. We finally ended up having the country club wedding close to home that everyone else wanted. It was a nice day and obviously the end result is the same and we are just as married as we would have been if we'd had the wedding in WDW **BUT** I have so many unresolved wedding "issues". I wish we would have just had the courage to do what we wanted in the first place. We too will be planning a vow renewal at some point. Do what you want and those who really want to be there will be there.

I also think that you are being MORE than generous to pay for the entire family's airfare as well as tickets and hotel. He wouldn't exactly be the first person to have to travel to a wedding and usually being in someone's wedding is an expensive proposition. He should be grateful that you are providing so much. I mean, come on already, a free vacation? A true friend would try to get there whether or not you were paying but now that you've taken care of the big expenses what is he complaining about? They'll have food expenses a few days but that is easy enough to cut back on. The wife and child will need park tickets if they want to go but when everything else is paid for that's such a small amount. He'll have a tux rental fee, which he would have if the wedding were at home too. Will your fiance be having a bachelor party? I really don't see what this guy's complaint is

 

[magdog79]

Thanks for all the insight and comments from everyone. The final list we sent out was 132. It has been out for two weeks and they have until 3/16 to respond so we can get a total count on invitation costs for the wedding and reception. This will also allow us just over 1 yr to change our type of wedding to intimate and change the reception location if we are under 18 guests. What I can remember is do the DF and I count towards the 18 or no? But that is not the biggest worry right now.
So far the total people going to Disney is 11 (myself DF, DS, DFM, DFF, my mom and brother and his daughter). Only 2 people (aunt and uncle) have replied back about wanting to go or being interested in getting specific. Where I am unsure is do I order extra invitations in case people change their mind? The only downside is their names will not be on the invitation and return envelopes.
An update on the bestman issue. The aunt that wants to come is the mother of the best man so I have DF's mom and aunt leaning on his hard and giving him the riot act. As my DF has been a saint in saying for me to screw the rest like people here have said and if we go to an intimate we can change our stay to 9 night at Disney, 4 before the wedding night and 4 after the wedding night then extend our possible extended honeymoon at Atlantis (we are leaning on going there after disney) to 8 nights instead of 4. We be extending our dismoon and extended moon by double.
What is really disheartening is I am not even getting replies back about the home reception where its no more than a hr drive. Ohh well, maybe i'll wish apon a star and hit either powerball or mass millions (pot is over 250 million) and I'll fly everyone as long as they say they are sorry lol

 

[dolcezena]

I can't say I'm surprised people are trying to "hijack" your day - seems people are always trying to plan what THEY would have wanted! What does surprise me is that they're rude enough to say this to your face!! One of my (many) cousins chose New Years Eve to get married - which happened to be the 2nd anniversary of when DF &I met & 1st for moving into our new home - and she chose to have it in our home town, over an hour away. To make matters worse, she decided to make her reception into her wedding social! (Here in Manitoba, before a couple gets married, they rent a hall, buy a lot of liquor, hire a DJ & charge people to get in & for the drinks. Generally people make a few thousand off it - we call it a "social") Anyway, we had to pay $20 each to get into her reception, take a day off work (we both work in a liquor store, so not an easy day to get off!!!), pay for our drinks at the reception & then over $50 for a cab home! All this on a day when we got about 3 feet of snow dumped on us. Oh yeah, she also had TWO showers, received presentation (usually averages $100/couple) AND listed the places she was registered on the invitation!

Was I annoyed? Definitely. Did I think she was being a tad greedy? Absolutely. Did I ever say so to her & ruin what was probably the happiest day of her life? ABSOLUTELY NOT! We went, smiled, told her how fantastic she looked & that we had a great time (which we did end up having.)

I just don't get why people you care about would choose to hurt you with stuff like complaining about your wedding choice! To heck with them - do what you want! (Sorry this got so wordy)

 

[lurkyloo]

What I don't get is the people complaining about having to travel to a destination wedding - every wedding has guests who had to travel to be there, no matter where it is.

Come to think of it, I have had to travel to every wedding I've ever been to!

 

[corbennic]

We had this. We were originally getting married in Jamaica and then going to dis for our honeymoon. Then apparently DF's father had trouble getting a passport (he's originally from canada). Personally after giving them 6 months and putting off booking the wedding I don't think they even applied for one.

The decision we made was just to have the wedding at a hotel here (it is gorgeous but inside due to scottish weather ) and then go to dis.

Even so it seems like everyone thinks it is about them and not us. In fact I had a screaming match with my mother at one point where she said I was being unreasonable thinking the wedding was about me

I am excited now and I think everything will be great but...

If I was planning it again - I would just go and do what I wanted!