Wedding gift amount

[Immadismom]

DH and I are going to a wedding for one of his co-workers this evening. DH does not particularly care for this co-worker, however he does feel obligated to attend as the company is VERY small (6 employees) and we had no good excuse not to attend. DH is insistent that we are not giving more than a $30-40 gift. I, however, feel very uncomfortable with this. I'm afraid we will look cheap. Granted, we truly cannot afford more than $50 right now. However, I've always followed the custom of gifting enough to "cover your plate" at a wedding. In this case, that would mean approximately $130 (I'm very familiar with the venue & it is $65 per head to have a wedding here). We simply cannot afford $130.

I'm slightly annoyed with DH, as he sprung the invite on me 2 weeks ago, just before I left town for a week. Under normal circumstances I would have ordered a gift (I have a go-to gift that runs about $40-50, but appears much more expensive, but takes about 2 weeks to arrive....custom item). Anyway, I need to decide what to do today.

DH is also slightly disgruntled, as this co-worker left him and the owner of the company in a very bad position work-wise this week while he's out for the wedding. He did not prep his accounts, leaving DH & the owner working into wee hours for the past 3 nights to clean up the mess (it's an IT company). So DH now feels even more strongly that only a small gift is warranted.

My only thought is to hit Macy's today, where they are registered & get a gift with a coupon? Then I can get a slightly nicer gift & appease DH by not spending too much.

Thoughts?

 

[Mizzoufan]

DH and I are going to a wedding for one of his co-workers this evening. DH does not particularly care for this co-worker, however he does feel obligated to attend as the company is VERY small (6 employees) and we had no good excuse not to attend. DH is insistent that we are not giving more than a $30-40 gift. I, however, feel very uncomfortable with this. I'm afraid we will look cheap. Granted, we truly cannot afford more than $50 right now. However, I've always followed the custom of gifting enough to "cover your plate" at a wedding. In this case, that would mean approximately $130 (I'm very familiar with the venue & it is $65 per head to have a wedding here). We simply cannot afford $130.

I'm slightly annoyed with DH, as he sprung the invite on me 2 weeks ago, just before I left town for a week. Under normal circumstances I would have ordered a gift (I have a go-to gift that runs about $40-50, but appears much more expensive, but takes about 2 weeks to arrive....custom item). Anyway, I need to decide what to do today.

DH is also slightly disgruntled, as this co-worker left him and the owner of the company in a very bad position work-wise this week while he's out for the wedding. He did not prep his accounts, leaving DH & the owner working into wee hours for the past 3 nights to clean up the mess (it's an IT company). So DH now feels even more strongly that only a small gift is warranted.

My only thought is to hit Macy's today, where they are registered & get a gift with a coupon? Then I can get a slightly nicer gift & appease DH by not spending too much.

Thoughts?

i wouldn't go to a wedding where I didn't care for the person. If I was you I might come down sick at the last moment

 

[pklein09]

Like the person or not like the person, to RSVP that you will attend and not show at the last minute because you don't feel like it is not good etiquette. I would head to Macy's and try to get something with a coupon. Alternately, you could order your go-to wedding item and enclose a note in their wedding card that says a gift is on its way and will arrive after their honeymoon.

As for attending the wedding, go and be pleasant. You do not have to stay for the entire reception. I'm not sure where you're from, but in some areas, people only attend the reception and not the church/religious part of the service. Try to enjoy the people at your table and remember that it's only a few hours.

 

[msmayor]

Just my opinion, but going to this wedding in the frame of mind your DH has about this coworker and giving a $30 gift is worse than not going.

Is it possible this coworker feels the same way about your DH and felt 'obligated' to invite you because of the small office? He may not be happy that the cost of his wedding is higher because of this 'obligation'.

 

[Immadismom]

Not going is not an option. I truly believe to RSVP and not attend is even ruder than going under the circumstances. Trust me, DH & I have had several discussions about how he should have just declined. Then, we wouldn't have to go, no gift to worry about, and life goes on. But, we already have gotten word that many of their out of town guests have cancelled last minute, and they're already paying a ton for no-shows. I will not be one of those folks. I will smile & be gracious, as will DH. Trust me, I've met the groom & bride many times. The groom lives in his own world and the bride isn't someone I'd choose to be friends with. But, this is just one of those things you've got to do to keep peace in the workplace. So, I'm just trying to figure out the best way to handle the gifting situation.

 

[Mizzoufan]

Not going is not an option. I truly believe to RSVP and not attend is even ruder than going under the circumstances. Trust me, DH & I have had several discussions about how he should have just declined. Then, we wouldn't have to go, no gift to worry about, and life goes on. But, we already have gotten word that many of their out of town guests have cancelled last minute, and they're already paying a ton for no-shows. I will not be one of those folks. I will smile & be gracious, as will DH. Trust me, I've met the groom & bride many times. The groom lives in his own world and the bride isn't someone I'd choose to be friends with. But, this is just one of those things you've got to do to keep peace in the workplace. So, I'm just trying to figure out the best way to handle the gifting situation.

So it better to go and be in a bad mood and everyone can pick up on it? Okay dokie then. Off to Macy I guess

 

[DSNY4ever]

i wouldn't go to a wedding where I didn't care for the person. If I was you I might come down sick at the last moment

Oh please no, you possibly have not planned or paid for a wedding yet to understand how rude this is. You still get charged for "no shows" at weddings. I agree that it does sound like a tough situation, but if you replied that you would go then you need to follow through. I like the idea of the coupon, but don't stretch your budget for them. You should always be invited under the pretense that your gift is your presence, and anything more is a bonus.

 

[antmaril]

So it better to go and be in a bad mood and everyone can pick up on it? Okay dokie then. Off to Macy I guess

Yes, it is better for them to go. They said they were going and to not go at the last minute is inconsiderate and rude. The OP has said that they will attend and be gracious. The question is not whether they should go to this wedding, but what amount of $ to spend on a gift. OP -- I think you should go to Macy's with a coupon and buy something nice, but not more than $50. A wedding gift can arrive after the wedding (if you would still like to order your "go-to" custom gift).

 

[Immadismom]

Thank you. DH and I will not be in a bad mood. We like his boss and his wife, and there will be a couple other co-workers there. I'm sure we won't stay late. I just wanted to get thoughts from others on how to handle the gifting situation. Looks like I'm off to Macy's today.

 

[mjkacmom]

i wouldn't go to a wedding where I didn't care for the person. If I was you I might come down sick at the last moment

I agree, but it's rude to respond yes, and have the hosts pay. DH and I were invited to one of his co-workers wedding in NYC. He wasn't close to him, so I convinced him to decline, because I didn't want to be out the money. Canceling at the last minute would make her DH look like more of a jerk than if he defined initially.

 

[mjkacmom]

Definitely have the gift shipped to their house. Actually, since you have a go-to custom gift, I'd order that, and mention that it will be arriving soon in your card.

 

[worm761]

I would order the go to custom gift and get a card with a note letting them know that it has been ordered.

I would not spend more than I can afford no matter how close I was to the person. Regardless of how much they chose to spend on food for their reception.

 

[Immadismom]

I would order the go to custom gift and get a card with a note letting them know that it has been ordered.

I would not spend more than I can afford no matter how close I was to the person. Regardless of how much they chose to spend on food for their reception.

This is an idea I hadn't thought of, but I may just do that!!! Thanks!!!

 

[lilkimmyk]

I also agree with the idea of the note in the card stating that the gift (your go to gift-great idea BTW) is on its way. When I got married someone did the same for us. It was our wedding invitation beautifully framed in a mirror. If I remember correctly the note stated that it was not ready by the time of our wedding and would be shipped to our home soon. It came about 3 weeks later and is still one of my favorite things in my home. Now wondering if that is her go-to gift lol! If it is, I don't care because I love it!

Try to have a nice time at the wedding anyway. Good luck!

 

[HopperFan]

I would order the go to custom gift and get a card with a note letting them know that it has been ordered.

I would not spend more than I can afford no matter how close I was to the person. Regardless of how much they chose to spend on food for their reception.

This is an idea I hadn't thought of, but I may just do that!!! Thanks!!!

Absolutely this. My nieces, nephews, kids friends are all getting married. The one thing I am noticing now is the gift table is virtually empty compared to the number of guests there. My niece had close to 300 guests and I bet there were 20 gifts and maybe 20 cards in the basket. It is completely normal to send a gift via shipping before or after the wedding.

I know for many transporting all those gifts is a pain for someone after reception and usually ends up being a transfer or two. And if the wedding is not in the town where they live (DS going to wedding in Atlanta this week for couple living in NOLA. Told him no gift, just a gift card.) Most would rather a gift sent to them or their folks, not brought to wedding.

That said - A wedding is a celebration of a marriage, a big deal. Guests should have a relationship (a good one) with either the groom or the bride. If not, I would not accept the invite because to me that is just a request for a gift. In the true spirit your invite should mean "you are an important part of my life and I want you part of my special day" ... with no price tag attached to attending. Give what you are comfortable with ..... and if you get what we get anymore it will be "Thanks for your generous gift." aka I have no idea what you gave us.

 

[Immadismom]

DH is on board with me sending the gift. I am wavering between my usual gift, or...we know they love to cook, and love wine. I have found some gorgeous personalized cutting boards, and personalized wine cork holders...both within the range I'd prefer to spend and both can have their name or initals, and wedding date. DH likes both of those better than my usual gift because they reflect them much better. We'll decide & order by Monday.

Thanks so much all!!!!!

 

[Mizzoufan]

Oh please no, you possibly have not planned or paid for a wedding yet to understand how rude this is. You still get charged for "no shows" at weddings. I agree that it does sound like a tough situation, but if you replied that you would go then you need to follow through. I like the idea of the coupon, but don't stretch your budget for them. You should ask ways be invited under the pretense that your gift is your presence, and anything more is a bonus.

Actually I have LOL who hasn't?

 

[Dizlvr]

DH is on board with me sending the gift. I am wavering between my usual gift, or...we know they love to cook, and love wine. I have found some gorgeous personalized cutting boards, and personalized wine cork holders...both within the range I'd prefer to spend and both can have their name or initals, and wedding date. DH likes both of those better than my usual gift because they reflect them much better. We'll decide & order by Monday.

Thanks so much all!!!!!

I'd go with the cutting board, it can be decorative and/or practical.

 

[DSNY4ever]

Actually I have LOL who hasn't?

It is perfectly fine not to go to a wedding that you don't want to attend as long as you reply "no", but to say yes and not show up is horribly rude.

 

[DisneyHardin]

The cutting board sounds like a great gift. I would go ahead and take a card to the wedding with a note about the gift having been ordered.