Wedding Etiquette

[OhMari]

My niece is getting married July 10.

My oldest dd-20 is a bridesmaid.

On our invitation, she put My family name and guests. I sent back the invitation and wrote 10 for all of us.

My sister told me 2 months ago that my kids
DS-22
DS-16
DD-14
and my daughter standing up in the wedding could bring a guest if they wanted to. (They didn't know if my older 2 would have a boyfriend or girlfriend by the wedding.)



Now, my niece called her mom and said she was mad that she had to pay for 4 extra plates. I thought she said my 4 could each invite a guest, I guess not, because they don't have steady dates. She meant their guest can just come to the dance after the meal.

This sort of makes me mad, I know wedding are expensive, but what would happen if the older 2 kids would have a steady boyfriend and girlfriend-(then it would be OK or acceptable.) GRRR!

 

[stinkerbelle]

on one hand - I agree with your neice...it IS expensive to pay for extra guests.

HOWEVER

1. inviting someone to just come AFTER the dinner for dancing - very rude
2. telling someone they could bring a guest to the wedding, then 'taking it back?' - very rude. ESPECIALLY since she wrote 'and guest' on the invitation (i'm assuming?)

I know some people don't invite people with guests because they can't afford it...that's fine...but your neice did not handle this well IMO. It could have been handled much better.

sorry...that really sucks that you were treated like that

 

[JohnsPrincess]

I think that was rude of Her. If it wasn't allowed for them to bring guests she should have made sure that was understood before. If someone told me I couldn't bring my boyfriend I'd be really upset (we've been going out for over a year...but still). Weddings are about celebrating with friends and family...if you don't want guests to be brought...don't say that they can be!!

 

[jkovick]

I don't want to offend you but--honestly? I don't think how it was handled was appropriate. However--- I don't really think that letting all your children bring someone is appropriate either. If they were in "serious" relationships that would be different, but to just bring a friend or whatever to a family wedding is not proper "etiquette " either.

 

[leahannpen]

Originally posted by OhMari
1. My sister told me 2 months ago that my kids
DS-22
DS-16
DD-14
and my daughter standing up in the wedding could bring a guest if they wanted to.


2. Now, my niece called her mom and said she was mad that she had to pay for 4 extra plates. GRRR!

These two things stick out at me. Why would your sister tell you that if it's not HER wedding, but her daughters, who you just stated is paying for it? Unless I'm mis understanding you, your sis said it's okay, but the bride, who's paying, never said it was.

If that's the case, it was wrong of your sister to assume it'd be okay.

 

[AZ JazzyJ]

I have four words that will solve your problem:

Lunchables and juice boxes

That's why I'm here, I am the helper guy.

Jeff

 

[meuseman]

I take issue with her phone call since she wrote your family and guests.

If you invite someone with a guest, that guest is invited for the entire thing, no "only one part of the wedding for your guests."

If she wrote "Mr. & Mrs. OhMari Smith and Family and guests" then you had every right to reply with a guest for everyone in your family. That's how it works!!

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by meuseman
If she wrote "Mr. & Mrs. OhMari Smith and Family and guests" then you had every right to reply with a guest for everyone in your family. That's how it works!!

Ditto. If she wasn't specific enough on the invite, then that's her fault. For my wedding, we decided to only invite significant others, not "dates," so the invites never said "& Guest" - it was "Bob and Jane." Some people were upset that they couldn't bring their flavor of the week, but oh well. I wasn't going to pay for them, so I was very specific about it. A non-specific invite deserves whatever repsonse it gets! (My cousin invited my parents "& Family" to his wedding in April - we were trying to decide if that included the cats!)

 

[chris1gill]

Originally posted by leahannpen
These two things stick out at me. Why would your sister tell you that if it's not HER wedding, but her daughters, who you just stated is paying for it? Unless I'm mis understanding you, your sis said it's okay, but the bride, who's paying, never said it was.

If that's the case, it was wrong of your sister to assume it'd be okay.

This is exactly right.... It seems it was the OP's sister that said it would be okay.... not the bride, who by the way seems to be paying.

I think her inviting your young children was generous, as most weddings we go to, that's not the case....

 

[Beth76]

I agree with jkovick. You're invitation DID invite 'guests', yes? However, I consider a 'guest' to be a significant other. Not just someone who is casually dating (as I'm assumming the 14 and 16 year olds are) or dating for just a short time. I wouldn't expect teenagers to bring a date/friend to a wedding.

I will say that your neice didn't handle it well either. She could have more nice about it.

 

[Kallison]

I'm kind of going both ways here - shouldn't have written and guest but why do each of your kids need to bring a guest - including the 14 year old?

 

[bubie2.5]

jkovick

 

[arminnie]

Originally posted by AZ JazzyJ
I have four words that will solve your problem:

Lunchables and juice boxes

That's why I'm here, I am the helper guy.

Jeff

I can't believe that you forgot the cotton candy.

 

[spagheddie]

Originally posted by meuseman
I take issue with her phone call since she wrote your family and guests.

If you invite someone with a guest, that guest is invited for the entire thing, no "only one part of the wedding for your guests."

If she wrote "Mr. & Mrs. OhMari Smith and Family and guests" then you had every right to reply with a guest for everyone in your family. That's how it works!!

Absolutely. Though while they are within their right to bring someone it is common courtesy to not bring an "extra plate" if they're not in a serious relationship.

That being said, if you were planning on giving them money, cut the amount in half. The nerve!

 

[AZ JazzyJ]

Originally posted by arminnie
I can't believe that you forgot the cotton candy.

I guess I just assumed that everyone at the reception was getting Cotton Candy. Because last night I was reading Modern Bride and they said that Cotton Candy was the most popular refreshment now being served at receptions. In fact, if the trend continues I think that by 2008 there will be no more wedding cake, you will just have the bride and groom spinning up a great big old chunk of cotton candy.

Jeff

 

[Tea Please]

I am confused by this whole thing. But what I do know is that I would not allow my kids to bring dates just for the heck of it. And a 14 and 16 y/o no way. It just sounds as though there was some miscommunication. But to have the kids bring a date "just because" is not right.

 

[KrnB]

In my mind, "and guests" means exactly that - first, that guests are allowed and second, that the guest can be anyone - a good friend, significant other, "flavor of the week".

If the bride did not want all of them to bring guests, she shouldn't have included that on the invitation. While it probably was wrong for the MOB to assume that it was OK if the bride was actually paying for it, the invitation is the "rule" to follow.

I agree with katerkat's approach - if you only want to invite long-term significant others, then the invitation should be addressed to "Bob and Jane."

 

[MinnieM21]

I consider a "guest" to be a serious boyfriend or girlfriend of the person invited. It is her wedding and she might not feel it is appropiate to have younger kids invite friends when she doesn't even know them. A wedding is a very special and sacred event for people and I could see why it might upset her. It seems there was just some misunderstandings in the whole thing and she should politely speak to you about it instead of getting angry.

By the way, I hope I didn't come off as rude or sounding though as if I though it was all your fault. I think there was just some miscommunciation in what happened. I hope everything gets figured out!

 

[Bob NC]

Originally posted by katerkat
For my wedding, we decided to only invite significant others, not "dates," so the invites never said "& Guest" - it was "Bob and Jane."

HEY....We never got that invitation.

lol

Bob and Jane

 

[Beth76]

After reading more, I think that perhaps the bride didn't really know how to word the invitation. She probably was OK with the two older kids bring dates, assuming they were long-term SOs. But, probably did not expect the younger two to bring "friends", or whatever they are. She probably just assumed the younger ones wouldn't bring them, obviously she was wrong. What she should have done was sent a "family" invitation to you (for you, DH and two younger kids), without "and guests." And sent separate invitations to the two older kids stating, "and guest." Kind of a hard situation to deal with, so try not to be too hard on the bride. Yes, she most definitely could have handled it better, but I understand where she's coming from.