Wedding - DH won't get suit

[Tinkermommy]

I'm getting married, in Long Island. We're spending a gross amount of money on this wedding and its not even black tie. If someone shows up to my wedding wearing casual clothes, I'll be a little annoyed. I'm putting so much time and energy(and money!) in to this wedding so my guests can enjoy and have a great night, I would expect my guest to put some energy in to what they are wearing.

Sorry if that makes me sound snobbish, I'm really not trying to be. I just find it disrespectful if you show up to a wedding like you're going to a birthday party.

I also agree that its a regional thing. Most Long Island weddings are NOT casual. The average cost of each persons plate for dinner is anywhere from $70-$90 before taxes!

What if not wearing a suit would make them have a more comfortable fun night? Unless it was someone who would be in my formal wedding pictures and the people are in well groomed and in appropriate attire (not talking jeans/shorts/t-shirts) who cares? It is not a reflection on you.

And for the PP who talked about people not being "classy", I would just say that class has nothing to do with what you wear and everything to do on how you treat others.

If you ever venture into the DCL forums, you will get some heated discussions on what people are wearing on formal night.

 

[JaneBanks]

What if not wearing a suit would make them have a more comfortable fun night? Unless it was someone who would be in my formal wedding pictures and the people are in well groomed and in appropriate attire (not talking jeans/shorts/t-shirts) who cares? It is not a reflection on you.

And for the PP who talked about people not being "classy", I would just say that class has nothing to do with what you wear and everything to do on how you treat others.

If you ever venture into the DCL forums, you will get some heated discussions on what people are wearing on formal night.

I just feel its a matter of respect. You don't have to wear your suit jacket the whole night but you certainly should dress for the occasion, all in my opinion of course.

 

[Jennasis]

Hmmm...we are attending a Long Island wedding this weekend and to my knowledge, not one single solitary man is wearing a jacket or a suit (including the groom)). It's an east end kind of wedding to boot.

One of my favorite memories was my cousins wedding at TheFox Hollow Country Club (Long Island) back in 1994. Everyone wore suits and tuxes, but the bride had a cousin from Florida who showed up in jeans, a dress shirt with a bolo tie and a coonskin cap.

It was an awesome party, made no-less so by the coon skin.

 

[suzannen]

What if not wearing a suit would make them have a more comfortable fun night? Unless it was someone who would be in my formal wedding pictures and the people are in well groomed and in appropriate attire (not talking jeans/shorts/t-shirts) who cares? It is not a reflection on you.

And for the PP who talked about people not being "classy", I would just say that class has nothing to do with what you wear and everything to do on how you treat others.

If you ever venture into the DCL forums, you will get some heated discussions on what people are wearing on formal night.

IF the event is a more formal wedding (which we still don't know for certain), than
1) the person is NOT dressed in appropriate attire and
2) they are basically saying to the bride and groom, that they don't care very much about their wishes and desires for their wedding day, but only care about themselves.

JaneBanks, I do understand how you feel. My DD is getting married this fall in NYC and we've been planning it since last August. It will be a formal affair with the majority of men will be wearing tuxedos and those that don't (like my 17 year old nephew) will be wearing very dark, conservative suits and ties. The women will be dressed in either long dresses or fancy cocktail dresses. If someone showed up not even bothering to wear a suit, my DD would be very hurt that some one disrepected her and her fiancés wishes so much.

Folks outside of the NY (and Northeast) region just can't seem to understand that people here dress up for occasions. It doesn't matter what they do in your area, the OP was talking about Long Island - not Montana, not the South (where I grew up), and not on a Caribbean island.

I agree with others, that if you don't like the dress indicated on a particular invitation, then politely decline the invitation.

 

[bored]

IF the event is a more formal wedding (which we still don't know for certain), than
1) the person is NOT dressed in appropriate attire and
2) they are basically saying to the bride and groom, that they don't care very much about their wishes and desires for their wedding day, but only care about themselves.

JaneBanks, I do understand how you feel. My DD is getting married this fall in NYC and we've been planning it since last August. It will be a formal affair with the majority of men will be wearing tuxedos and those that don't (like my 17 year old nephew) will be wearing very dark, conservative suits and ties. The women will be dressed in either long dresses or fancy cocktail dresses. If someone showed up not even bothering to wear a suit, my DD would be very hurt that some one disrepected her and her fiancés wishes so much.

Folks outside of the NY (and Northeast) region just can't seem to understand that people here dress up for occasions. It doesn't matter what they do in your area, the OP was talking about Long Island - not Montana, not the South (where I grew up), and not on a Caribbean island.

I agree with others, that if you don't like the dress indicated on a particular invitation, then politely decline the invitation.

We understand, just think it's kinda find it funny that people would rather have someone not come to an event that's important to them simply because they don't "dress nice enough". Seems kinda shallow to me.

 

[Scurvy]

And for the PP who talked about people not being "classy", I would just say that class has nothing to do with what you wear and everything to do on how you treat others.

Why does it have to be one or the other? Can't it be both?

As a guest, I want my hosts to know that I appreciate the invitation. I want to look like I made an effort to dress appropriately. If they throw a formal event, I'm going to dress accordingly even if I'd be more comfortable in my jeans and ratty sweatshirt, because I think that's the polite (and "classy") thing to do.

 

[suzannen]

We understand, just think it's kinda find it funny that people would rather have someone not come to an event that's important to them simply because they don't "dress nice enough". Seems kinda shallow to me.

I get that, but to me, it seems even more shallow that someone would purposely decline an invitation or worse, insist on going somewhere knowing they were not dressed appropriately (notice I did NOT say dressed "nice enough) for absolutely no reason. I guess their friends or family who invited them aren't reason enough.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

So if I did a casual wedding because I don't want to ask my guests to spend money on a new outfit, I am not classy? Hopefully the wording of your post is just not that great, but you seem to be implying that.

Personally, I don't care what my guests wear as long as they put on something besides sweat pants. Jeans, khakis, ect... all cool with me. Heck, I don't even want to wear a dang dress so why should I ask my guests to?

Sorry, no. They are not wanting people to dress up because they are not classy in the least. My aunt doesn't even have any teeth, uses her bra as her purse and is basically white trash. Her son isn't too much better. Which is why they don't live near much of the family and why her daughter/his sister moved out of state. But, they're family and I still love them. Which is why I am going to the wedding.

Basically, they don't care if someone show up at the wedding wearing their skimpiest bikini or ripped up t-shirt and shorts and barefoot.


I don't care what a person wears as long as they are clean and look like they made some sort of effort to look half way nice. If it's new or not, I certainly don't care. Although I will admit that I prefer dresses on ladies and suits on men. Even though I hate wearing skirts. But I usually still dress up for weddings and funerals.

And for the PP who talked about people not being "classy", I would just say that class has nothing to do with what you wear and everything to do on how you treat others.

You've never met my aunt. She causes more drama in the family than anyone else. Lies and tells stories to everyone just to make her own cause just in her eyes.
She has family records that she won't let anyone even see, let alone make copies of. She has stolen pictures from family albums.
At all the family gatherings, she will take all the food she can get her hands on, including the containers and utensils. She doesn't ask, she just takes. Last Christmas, I had to catch her before she took off with my expensive tupperware container with candy I had made.

One of my uncles won't be there because of the way she treated him the last time they saw each other.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Why does it have to be one or the other? Can't it be both?

As a guest, I want my hosts to know that I appreciate the invitation. I want to look like I made an effort to dress appropriately. If they throw a formal event, I'm going to dress accordingly even if I'd be more comfortable in my jeans and ratty sweatshirt, because I think that's the polite (and "classy") thing to do.

Of course it can be both, but the PP was talking about a casual wedding and implied that it isn't "classy".

As for the other PP and formal weddings. I am a stickler for etiquette so if it says black tie, DH will be in black tie and I will go shopping for a new dress! Unless you cannot afford to, I think you should dress in the style and manner for the wedding.

My point with the PP planning her wedding is your not spending your time/money, etc solely for your guests. I am sure she is planning a wonderful party but she is planning it because that's what she wants - a formal wedding. And there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[SpecialK]

Born and bred in Chicago, and suits are the norm among my crowd for both weddings and funerals. (It's not just NY that dresses for special occasions!) But you could go to a different area in the city or suburbs and find that was not the case.

My husband hates wearing a suit, but always wears one to weddings and funerals. Only young men show up for either without a jacket.

 

[Scurvy]

Of course it can be both, but the PP was talking about a casual wedding and implied that it isn't "classy".

As for the other PP and formal weddings. I am a stickler for etiquette so if it says black tie, DH will be in black tie and I will go shopping for a new dress! Unless you cannot afford to, I think you should dress in the style and manner for the wedding.

My point with the PP planning her wedding is your not spending your time/money, etc solely for your guests. I am sure she is planning a wonderful party but she is planning it because that's what she wants - a formal wedding. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Sorry I misunderstood. I definitely think casual weddings can be just as "classy" as formal weddings. "Classy" doesn't really have anything to do with the level of formality of the event. I agree completely with the bolded part of your post.

 

[FireDancer]

We understand, just think it's kinda find it funny that people would rather have someone not come to an event that's important to them simply because they don't "dress nice enough". Seems kinda shallow to me.

It is because some people put far too much emphasis on clothing. I don't think what one wears has anything to do with the kind of person they are. In the workplace there are rules and sometimes people have to conform, in the regular world (which includes all events that I am not being paid to be at) I don't care one tiny bit what anyone is wearing and I don't let what others wear effect my choice. What someone wears has nothing to do with respect or how much you value the event you are at. It is just something that keeps you from being naked. Not wearing a suit doesn't say you don't care any more then wearing a suit says you do care.

 

[okeydokey]

We understand, just think it's kinda find it funny that people would rather have someone not come to an event that's important to them simply because they don't "dress nice enough". Seems kinda shallow to me.

It seems kind of funny to me to think that someone else's wedding day is all about me and what I feel like wearing. Sometimes you do things you don't really want to if you care about someone else's feelings.

 

[JessicaR]

Long Islander checking in. I have been to many many weddings. It could be OK not to wear a suit. It really depends on where and when the event is taking place. As a matter of fact I guarantee if your husband wears a shirt and tie he will not be remembered as the guy that came to 'that' wedding w/o a suit.

As was mentioned above - its HOT here right now it could be an east end wedding or an outdoor wedding or a very casual wedding. Could also be white/black tie.

 

[wendy46001]

It seems kind of funny to me to think that someone else's wedding day is all about me and what I feel like wearing. Sometimes you do things you don't really want to if you care about someone else's feelings.

^this

Last wedding had a theme rehearsal dinner (cowboy )
do i want to dress up, no …do i dress up, yes

Same goes for the rest .....some weddings you wear a tux others a hawaiian shirt
the day is not about me and if i'd rather wear jeans and a tee shirt

 

[Silent1CB]

Compromise. Dress pants, button down shirt & tie.

Its summer, that suit jacket won't last more than 5 minutes on him anyway & will just be on the back of the chair.

 

[luvmy3]

IF the event is a more formal wedding (which we still don't know for certain), than
1) the person is NOT dressed in appropriate attire and
2) they are basically saying to the bride and groom, that they don't care very much about their wishes and desires for their wedding day, but only care about themselves.

JaneBanks, I do understand how you feel. My DD is getting married this fall in NYC and we've been planning it since last August. It will be a formal affair with the majority of men will be wearing tuxedos and those that don't (like my 17 year old nephew) will be wearing very dark, conservative suits and ties. The women will be dressed in either long dresses or fancy cocktail dresses. If someone showed up not even bothering to wear a suit, my DD would be very hurt that some one disrepected her and her fiancés wishes so much.

Folks outside of the NY (and Northeast) region just can't seem to understand that people here dress up for occasions. It doesn't matter what they do in your area, the OP was talking about Long Island - not Montana, not the South (where I grew up), and not on a Caribbean island.

I agree with others, that if you don't like the dress indicated on a particular invitation, then politely decline the invitation.

Since you didn't grow up here in the Northeast you may not realize that not all areas in NY State are like downstate. While we dont wear sweats and jeans to weddings, they aren't all tuxedo/suits and gown affairs

FTR, if any of my guests declined the invitation because they were not comfortable wearing a suit, I'd tell them to put on a nice shirt and pants and come on over

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

It is because some people put far too much emphasis on clothing. I don't think what one wears has anything to do with the kind of person they are. In the workplace there are rules and sometimes people have to conform, in the regular world (which includes all events that I am not being paid to be at) I don't care one tiny bit what anyone is wearing and I don't let what others wear effect my choice. What someone wears has nothing to do with respect or how much you value the event you are at. It is just something that keeps you from being naked. Not wearing a suit doesn't say you don't care any more then wearing a suit says you do care.

This.

 

[mjkacmom]

Since you didn't grow up here in the Northeast you may not realize that not all areas in NY State are like downstate. While we dont wear sweats and jeans to weddings, they aren't all tuxedo/suits and gown affairs

FTR, if any of my guests declined the invitation because they were not comfortable wearing a suit, I'd tell them to put on a nice shirt and pants and come on over

Well, I live and grew up in the northeast, and in my area of NJ, and on Long Island, 99.9% of weddings are dressy affairs.

 

[gina2000]

I'm wondering how soon it will be before it's acceptable for young men to wear jeans and tee shirts to proms. Would anyone want to see a young man underdressed for a prom? I doubt it. So why is an equally special occasion such as a wedding any different?

I've never been to a wedding where people weren't dressed up and that includes an East Hampton outdoor summer wedding. I know times have changed and I can almost see "smart casual" at an outdoor wedding but I've never witnessed it.