Wedding Coordinator Issues?

[UnderTheMistletoe]

Underthemistletoe has truly made me feel unwelcome here this evening. I was so happy when I found this board. I thought I had finally found a fairy godmother, a place to be educated on the process, get tips from others and in general find a supportive environment. While I have found that, I have also been met with many sinde remarks that are just meant to be hurtful for no reason. This seemingly wonderful forum can very quickly be turned into a place with a bunch of catty women trying to outdo each other. I have said this before, we all come from different places and I would sugguest that you think about things before you write them. Example: Mad Hatter Post UTMTOE- tells me that I can not very well throw myself a bridal shower. Think!

I think you are reaching a bit on the name posting....poor Randy Chapman, his name is posted all over this board!

You had to know that I would be hurt by your post! My advice to you is "if you can't say something nice do not say anything at all! Nails on a chalk board to me....people who intentionally hurt others!

****Please note the edit in names- sorry - I did pm you sajetto and hope you understand how I felt and why I felt that way.

Honestly-

I don't keep track of names and who is who. The only event I am familiar with off hand is Janet2K's. I had no idea you were the one planning the Mad Hatter's Tea anymore than I know who is an intimate or who is a custom or who is getting married when and where. I don't keep track of those things- I can barely keep track of everything going on in my life without writing it into a black book.

The question about the bridal shower was just that- what are you planning on using it for? In the contexts that I have seen them in repeatedly, they are bridal showers. Etiquettely, you cannot (or, should not) throw yourself a bridal shower. The idea of having a bridesmaid tea never crossed my mind. I answered the questions you asked truthfully and honestly. It wasn't meant as a snarky side comment to hurt your feelings or upset you. Obviously it has becuase you brought it up here. I'm sorry.

And, no, I did not place your post there to hurt your feelings. I can pull up many of these type of posts that have irked me to the core. Yours happened to be there and this was the time I opened my mouth. Had ANY other girl on this board asked those questions at that time, I would have quoted them. Wrong place/wrong time situation.

As far as naming names, the EMs are not in business for themselves. They work under the umbrella of an enormous Fortune-50 company. It is not like someone going into business and calling it "Sally Ray's Bridal Services," or "Randy Chapman Photography." In that instance, that is a willing and conscious decision one has made to go into business and use their own names in a public way. Both my parents are doctors. I will tell you right now that the names they use in their medical practices are not their names. There is an enormous difference between a professional life and a private life. Growing up tryingto protect our personal life has made me incredibly sensitive to seeing people's names plastered in public places.

Chatboards are difficult when it comes to "cattiness." In both instances that you've used me as an example, neither way has been meant as snide, catty, sarcastic, or any other adjective you can think of. You don't have tone of voice, gestures, eye contact, etc. Nearly 90% of communication is done non-verbally. You've got none of that 90% to work with. Instead, you have words. The written word. Each of us writes and communicates differently. What I read as being snarky is not necessarily what you read as being snarky, and vuce versa. Obviously, there is something about the way I write that rubs you the wrong way.

The "Sorry hun!" was meant as just that- an apology that I was using you as an example. That decision was not made thinking "How can I hurt or feelings or send her home in tears?" I do not go out of my way to hurt anyone... ANYONE. I offer advice and as much information as I have available to brides who are planning their weddings on this board- including those things that could compromise my identity (ie, newsletters, emailing from a private address). Check my previous posts for yourself.

I certainly don't go out of my way to hurt the feelings of women, whom I have never met, on a chat board. They are called trolls. If I wanted to troll and cause trouble, I would go to the Knot.

Perhaps the problem- like the Tea Party- is when you don't get the answers you're looking for you become defensive. I certainly know I have fell into thise trap. Take a step back and look at the situation-- it's a CHAT BOARD! Take it with a grain of salt... and take that grain of salt with a Margarita on bad days.

 

[allisonswonderland]

First of all I would like to thank everyone for their sweet messages today.

underthemistletoe- All I am asking is that you think about what you say. Sometimes your posts come across as you lecturing your underlings about etiquitte or whatever else. To most of the rest of you, I am old - 31. I know myself petty well and if I had been defensive becuase you were not giving me answers I wanted, then I would figure that out pretty quickly. I just feel like some of the comments you make are unnecessary like the "you can't throw yourself a bridal shower"---- I know that and you did not need to tell me. That is an example of what rubs me the wrong way. All you had to say is mine was a bridal shower what are you thinking?

Reread your post and just be a little bit more thoughtful of others feelings. We value your experience as already having been married there and please just consider what it is like to be in our shoes, the stress and confusion all of the questions... I think you better than anyone could understand how we may feel. This is a stressful time and little things rub us the wrong way....ok I feel like I am lecturing.

I guess that I would just like to be treated as you would want to be treated.