Wedding cancelled, who pays for bridesmaid dress?

[RitaE]

I might feel differently if it were a very high price designer gown, but a $165 dress isn't that huge of a deal.

If it were me or my child, I'd buy the dress and find something to do with it.

Whatever is going on with fault or the blame game behind the wedding being cancelled just wouldn't be my first concern if a good friend was going through a difficult and emotional thing like a broken engagement.

I would consider taking the worry of my dress off her hands one of the small things I could do to help her out.

 

[disneydee6]

My thoughts are, since your dd is already in a group text, text the other bridesmaids and see if they can come up with a solution. The bride probably has a hundred other things to take care of. See if the girls have a plan for the dresses (selling back to the store and getting some credit, start the convo by at least speaking with the bridal shop about the called off wedding and what they can offer) then once they have a plan in process for the dresses, let bride know. If she offers to pay for some, that's kind. If not, oh well Bc you had planned to pay for it regardless. I don't think it would be in the best interest of the friendship to ASK bride to pay.

I was in a wedding, where the marriage fell apart 2 months later!!! I spent over $1000 on bridal shower, bachelorette party, dress, wedding gift misc. while I desired to have that money back, since it went to waste on a two month marriage, there is nothing I can do about it. So the loss of $165 is not bad in retrospect, b/c the $ loss could've been a lot worse!!

 

[Wendy31]

I was once asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding that was eventually called off - after all the dresses had been ordered. There were 8 bridesmaids, if I remember correctly, plus the maid of honor & a junior bridesmaid & 2 flowergirls.

The bride's mother ended up paying for all the dresses.

A few years later, the girl met & married someone else. This time, she only had 2 bridesmaids, both relatives.

 

[NotUrsula]

When I worked in bridal, we naturally dealt with cancelled weddings. Most commonly, the bridesmaids paid for the dresses and took them home. Every once in a while, no one would pay and the dresses would just sit there and it would be a loss for the store that we generally could not recoup.

Because... in this state, consumers have lengthy rights to their ordered goods. Legally, we could not send them back (even if the manufacturer accepted returns, which most do not) and we could not sell or re-sell them or even use them as samples. By law, we were required to store the garment with the buyer's name on it, keep it in good condition, and...sit on it for the "grace period" mandated by law. We could send them dunning notices or send it to collections or take them to small claims court.

Our only other alternative was to wait for the grace period to expire at which time we could sell it -- but by which time, most of the dresses would no longer be in style (either by cut or color) and could not be sold, even at steep discounts.

Also, commissions have already been paid on the gown, which means the store is not re-couping its costs if the buyer put a 50% deposit down.

While I agree with everything you've said, I do have to chuckle a bit at the idea of a bridesmaid dress actually being in style. They really never are, are they?

It isn't fair to the bridal shop to just stick them with the dresses; of all of the parties to this debacle, they are the least to blame.

If you have to get stuck with a dress, this is a good time of year for it, as she may be able to sell it on consignment as a prom dress. Ask the shop to cut you some price slack and sell it to you as-is if the final fittings have not yet been done. It should be easier to sell if the dress is larger rather than smaller, though probably not if it has been maternity-cut.

 

[LBIJim]

Bridesmaids paying for their own dresses is stupid to begin with (they're NEVER gong to wear the dress again...). You shouldn't have to pay for it if the wedding was cancelled.

I wouldn't expect my bridesmaids to pay for a dress that is no longer needed. I paid for my bridesmaids dresses when I got married anyway, because I thought it was the right thing to do. I asked my close friends to stand with me because it was important to me that they be there. I didn't think they should be honoured I asked them, I was honoured they said yes! I made it as easy and inexpensive for them as possible.

I agree with the bolded. The bridesmaid's gowns (and the groomsmen's tux rentals) should be part of the overall cost of the wedding and should be paid for by whoever's footing the bill. I think it's tacky and cheap to expect the attendants to pay for the "honor" of wearing hideous clothes. It should be part of the gift for agreeing to participate. When and if my daughters get married, I wouldn't expect them to charge their bridesmaids.

It may or may not be the bride's fault that the wedding is cancelled. But it certainly isn't the bridesmaids fault. Maybe someone (bride's parents) will do the right thing and reimburse the bridesmaids.

However, I'm not King of the World and my view is far from the norm. If no one offers an alternative solution, the best resolution to the OPs dilemma is to just suck it up, finish paying for the dress, and hope to recoup some of the cost by selling it.

Jim

Jim

 

[Vernie822]

I agree - it's absolutely not the shop's fault.

I'm in an upcoming wedding, for which the dress cost $265 plus $90 in alterations. I would be irritated if my cousin called off her $80,000 wedding that I've spent over $1,000 on, but I would much rather "eat the costs" than have my cousin marry the wrong person (he's not - but, hypothetically here!) because she felt bad that her bridesmaids had already purchased dresses and the money has already been spent.

At the very least, I'm sure she could get a consignment place to purchase the dress. If you know someone that's good at alterations, maybe it could be taken in, hemmed, etc. I know a lot of local places do dress drives for proms for girls that aren't as fortunate. Maybe it could be given to one of those places? Yes, she'll have paid $165 for a dress she's giving away, but I'm sure she'll feel good knowing someone that couldn't afford a prom dress now has one.

I would feel extremely, extremely bad asking the bride to pay for my dress. Imagine having to call 6 or 7 bridesmaids and tell them the wedding is off. Like prior people have said, it wasn't the best way to do it, maybe even a lengthy email explaining some of the situation would have been better, but maybe it's all she could muster up at the time.

Good luck!!

 

[luvdzny]

Thanks for all the replies. DD does not plan to ask the bride to pay, she will probably pick up the dress and pay the balance due. I agree that it is no fault of the bridal shop so they should not have to take a loss.

I think part of the problem with this situation is the "group text." Yes the bride is going through a tough time right now but these girls are her closet friends, it seems like a good time to turn to them for help. Instead she just sends out a generic text stating the wedding is off, please pay for your dress. Hopefully she will realize that her friends/bridesmaids do care and would like to be there to support her through this.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Thanks for all the replies. DD does not plan to ask the bride to pay, she will probably pick up the dress and pay the balance due. I agree that it is no fault of the bridal shop so they should not have to take a loss.

I think part of the problem with this situation is the "group text." Yes the bride is going through a tough time right now but these girls are her closet friends, it seems like a good time to turn to them for help. Instead she just sends out a generic text stating the wedding is off, please pay for your dress. Hopefully she will realize that her friends/bridesmaids do care and would like to be there to support her through this.

What a sad situation Hopefully in the future the intended bride & groom ( because no one knows the real story except them ) will be glad it ended before all the pomp & circumstance and the reality of a wrong marriage now had to be unraveled

That being said, I have been in the shoes of needing help and I had to learn to put the embarassment and the feeling of pride & failure behind me It's a hard lesson in life to put that aside and reach out to others Part of me understands why the " group text" Yes it seems like someone should reach out to their closest friends at this time, but that is also the hardest thing to do in life Sometimes you just want a hole in the ground to open up, jump in, and pull the hole in after you

Just be there for her in the future

 

[clh2]

Just leave the dress and don't pick it up. The store covered their costs with the down payment and will re sell it at some point.

This is my thought as well.

 

[SeaShelley]

Thanks for all the replies. DD does not plan to ask the bride to pay, she will probably pick up the dress and pay the balance due. I agree that it is no fault of the bridal shop so they should not have to take a loss.

I think part of the problem with this situation is the "group text." Yes the bride is going through a tough time right now but these girls are her closet friends, it seems like a good time to turn to them for help. Instead she just sends out a generic text stating the wedding is off, please pay for your dress. Hopefully she will realize that her friends/bridesmaids do care and would like to be there to support her through this.

I agree that a group text was not the most appropriate thing to do, but given the circumstances its hard to tell where the (former) bride's head is.

Hey - maybe if you post a picture of the dress, you could sell it right here on the DIS!!!

 

[Glennie5]

I don't agree with a group text either. For those who think they should just pay for the dress for the sake of the friendship then why doesn't the bride owe these girls phone call. Friendship should go both ways and I understand that she is going through a very difficult time but she does owe the girls a little more then the wedding is off pick up and pay for your dresses

 

[DopeyDame]

I think part of the problem with this situation is the "group text." Yes the bride is going through a tough time right now but these girls are her closet friends, it seems like a good time to turn to them for help. Instead she just sends out a generic text stating the wedding is off, please pay for your dress. Hopefully she will realize that her friends/bridesmaids do care and would like to be there to support her through this.

Precisely because she's going through a tough time, now is the time for her closest friends to cut her some slack. It's also time for your daughter, if she hasn't already, to pick up the phone and check in on the bride, and reassure her that she's on her side and ready to be a shoulder to cry on. When you're going through hard times, it's often nice to have some unsolicited comfort and reassurance, rather than having to ask for help and support.

 

[Granny square]

Really? Am I missing the part where it was the "bride's fault" her wedding was called off? I had my first wedding called off. I guess it was "my fault". My fiance cheated on me. Luckily, we weren't to the point where my bridesmaids had bought their dresses, but I had bought mine. Believe me...the whole situation was painful and embarrassing. I would never "blame the bride".

So it was your bridesmaid's fault? They paid the price for your guy being a creep?

Ftr. We paid for all of the wedding party requirements. Because noatter what you pick the dresses are never worn again.

 

[sonnyjane]

So it was your bridesmaid's fault? They paid the price for your guy being a creep?

Not the bride's fault OR the bridesmaids' fault. Maybe the bridesmaids could file a class-action lawsuit against the former groom? Of course I have a feeling that will cost more than the $100 still remaining on the tab.

 

[Granny square]

Not the bride's fault OR the bridesmaids' fault. Maybe the bridesmaids could file a class-action lawsuit against the former groom? Of course I have a feeling that will cost more than the $100 still remaining on the tab.

Sorry. If he groom had asked them I'd agree. I asked my bridesmaids to "take the risk" that a wedding was going to happen. Never would I ask them to pay for my bad choice or bad luck. It isn't the way I roll.

 

[DWGal210]

What a sad situation Hopefully in the future the intended bride & groom ( because no one knows the real story except them ) will be glad it ended before all the pomp & circumstance and the reality of a wrong marriage now had to be unraveled

That being said, I have been in the shoes of needing help and I had to learn to put the embarassment and the feeling of pride & failure behind me It's a hard lesson in life to put that aside and reach out to others Part of me understands why the " group text" Yes it seems like someone should reach out to their closest friends at this time, but that is also the hardest thing to do in life Sometimes you just want a hole in the ground to open up, jump in, and pull the hole in after you

Just be there for her in the future

(bolding is mine) I was just going to say the same thing. I have a tendency to turn inward when things are going south for me, vs sharing it with others. She is probably embarrassed and just wants to get this behind her quickly.

I would just pay the $$ and be done with it. The idea from the PP about the prom dress was a good one.

 

[sonnyjane]

Sorry. If he groom had asked them I'd agree. I asked my bridesmaids to "take the risk" that a wedding was going to happen. Never would I ask them to pay for my bad choice or bad luck. It isn't the way I roll.

Different strokes for different folks I guess! I don't know the cause of the cancellation in the OP's post, but in the post mentioning that the wedding was cancelled bc the fiancé cheated, I would die before I hit my heartbroken friend up for $100. Am I rich? No. But in the grand scheme of my LIFE, $100 isn't going to be the end of me. I'd rather not be callous in my friend's time of need.

I wouldn't have made the comment via text about picking up the dresses but the bride probably isn't thinking clearly at the moment.

I will say that if I found out that my friend cheated on the GROOM I might think differently.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Just leave the dress and don't pick it up. The store covered their costs with the down payment and will re sell it at some point.

I AGREE. I'd probably just NOT pick up the dress. Leave the dress at the shop, let the shop keep it. That way they have the dress and $100.

 

[Granny square]

Different strokes for different folks I guess! I don't know the cause of the cancellation in the OP's post, but in the post mentioning that the wedding was cancelled bc the fiancé cheated, I would die before I hit my heartbroken friend up for $100. Am I rich? No. But in the grand scheme of my LIFE, $100 isn't going to be the end of me. I'd rather not be callous in my friend's time of need.

I wouldn't have made the comment via text about picking up the dresses but the bride probably isn't thinking clearly at the moment.

I will say that if I found out that my friend cheated on the GROOM I might think differently.

If never insinuate let alone ask to be refunded. I just know I would not expect my friends to pay a penalty for my troubles. I'm surprised how many have no problem asking their friends to do so

 

[sonnyjane]

If never insinuate let alone ask to be refunded. I just know I would not expect my friends to pay a penalty for my troubles. I'm surprised how many have no problem asking their friends to do so

I wouldn't ask them to either, but I also wouldn't kick my friend while they are down. Friendship is a two-way street and sometimes you give a little more and sometimes you require a little more. So long as on average both sides give and take the same amount, there's no point in getting bent out of shape over $100 when your friend has probably just lost thousands in deposits.

I already said I didn't agree with her asking them to pay flat out like that, but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that she isn't in her normal state of mind.