Wedding attendance question *UPDATED*

[AnAmericanInDisney]

4 pages of posters disagree with you.

If the OP doesn't worry about people expecting more of a meal at the 5-8 hour, the wedding is going to be "that wedding" that everybody jokes about. And not in a good way.

I don't know where you get that most young people wait till 8 to eat

The DIS is full of old people. How old are you?

 

[mom2rtk]

The DIS is full of old people. How old are you?

LOL, I bet even the old people on here know a fair number of young people!

 

[Kellydelly]

I have only been to one wedding where appetizers were served instead of a meal. It was in New Orleans, so I thought that was maybe a regional thing? It was a small wedding, however, with around 50 or less guests. I do remember thinking it was odd, but it wasn't my wedding so I tried not to judge (and the couple were young, not even 20 so maybe that was what their budget allowed). I don't think serving appetizers is necessarily a bad thing, but there needs to be enough of them for people to make a meal from them.

 

[Laura66]

Well I guess I'm considered an old 48. But my daughter and her friends run 23-30. The thing they look forward to is "free food and drinks!" They know it's not really "free" but since they are all starting out in their careers and money conscious they look forward to that part of the wedding. Oh - also the partying.

So actually - us "old" people are the ones who might be more understanding of the fact that there just isn't enough food for all of the guests. And there really isn't.

 

[wvjules]

The DIS is full of old people. How old are you?

Regardless if you young whipper snappers eat late now days, it's a wedding from 4-8. People will plan their day around having a meal at the wedding because they will expect a dinner at a wedding at that hour.

I'm still baffled about not sending out RSVPs.

 

[Laura66]

Regardless if you young whipper snappers eat late now days, it's a wedding from 4-8. People will plan their day around having a meal at the wedding because they will expect a dinner at a wedding at that hour.

I'm still baffled about not sending out RSVPs.

Yes - this.

 

[Hrhpd]

The DIS is full of old people. How old are you?

Old enough to know the pros and cons of meals being provided at a dinner hour.

How old are you?

Now it is 5 pages of people disagreeing with you.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I also disagree that people don't eat till 8 or later. I don't think that's true around here, regardless of age.

I disagree as well. Eating after 8 pm? Not happening here and even if "young people" don't eat till after 8 when they go out this is a wedding at 4 pm with a reception following. I am doubting that every single guest is a "young" person that is not expecting a meal. If this reception is happening between the hours of 5 and 7 then a meal absolutely should be served. I think it would be rude to send guest home hungry. I know that was not the OP's intentions but some serious modifications need to happen to insure that the guests enjoy themselves and STAY to party and celebrate.

ETA: I am also incredibily ancient at the age of 44. Why it's been so long since I've been young that when we partied we had to saddle up the horses and I had to powder my hair before we painted the town red.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I would definitely expect to be fed at a party covering those hours but I love the idea of a more casual menu. I've been to dozens of receptions with the beef-chicken-fish plated dinners so a menu like this is a nice change. It's not just chips and dip...the list is a variety of items I have seen on dinner buffets (mashed potato bar, pulled, pork, crab cakes, etc. these are just smaller sized so a guest can have tastes of different things or perhaps graze through the party (depending how service will be set up).

 

[cabanafrau]

I have to agree, no response cards put you in a hard spot and hors d'ouerves only in that timeframe will underwhelm the guests.

 

[cabanafrau]

Am I the only one waiting to see if OP comes back to say they're only inviting adults, no children?

 

[scrapquitler]

About what percentage of your invited guests actually came to the wedding? I am starting to freak out a bit. We have food ordered (not a sit down dinner, but heavy hor'dourves) for 125. I did a head count, and its at 190 (groom invited about 20 more people from his work ). I don't want to run out of food, but also don't want to be stuck w/tons of food left over.

Probably about 50 or more of the guests (from grooms side) live out of town, about a 4 hour drive, they hardly see each other, so I don't know if a lot of them will come. Plus, I know this sounds crazy, but here in AL people love football, and DH thinks some people won't come because they will be at a game (or watching a game) Should I be worried?

OP, we invited about 140, and about 125 came.

Based on all the information given in this thread, I think you REALLY need to have a few people get together and help you call everyone who has been invited to get some RSVP numbers to help you plan. Once you have a better idea of how many people are coming, talk to your caterer and figure out if what you have planned will be enough food for that many people, and if not ask your caterer what kind of options there are for accomodating the guests within your budget...maybe the caterer will suggest changing a few of the appetizers to a different type of appetizer to save you money and allow for a bit extra quanitty or something like that. Listen to the caterers suggestion and trust him.

And for goodness sakes, tell the groom to STOP inviting more people.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

It's clear you are a child by your responses. Most adults don't put much stock into what the children think when planning weddings.

Does your mom know you are on the computer?

According to her signature, OP's daughter is 20. I'm guessing that she and her groom's friends are, oh I don't know, about 20. The OP appears to be on a budget, so I see no reason in party-shaming the woman. She said "heavy" hors d'oeuvres. The reception will only be about 3 hours. If the old people get too hungry, they should head home and let the couple have fun with their friends.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

OP not sure if you mentioned it but with the hours if you have alcohol at the reception I would definitely want too much than not enough food.

I asked DS19 and DD21 both stated they would expect at least a larger appetizer menu and a good size dessert table during those hours.

Both have friends starting to get married. All different budget types. All include a meal during that time. DS even said he would prefer a pizza table at that time, but hey he sometimes eats later in the evening, like 2am.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I'd plan on 175 people and add a few more hot appetizers to your menu.

 

[Hrhpd]

According to her signature, OP's daughter is 20. I'm guessing that she and her groom's friends are, oh I don't know, about 20. The OP appears to be on a budget, so I see no reason in party-shaming the woman. She said "heavy" hors d'oeuvres. The reception will only be about 3 hours. If the old people get too hungry, they should head home and let the couple have fun with their friends.

Nobody is shaming the OP. She asked if she should add more appetizers or add some different foods.

It is unanimous (except for you) that more food needs to be added. Nobody on the thread suggested she add prime rib. Unless you are thinking that a carving station has to be prime rib. It does not.

She also asked how many she should plan for.
It is unanimous that she needs to somehow get those RSVPs so that she can plan. Many helpful suggestions have been made on how to figure out what to tell the caterer. If the OP is on a budget, the best idea is to have some sort of idea of how many guests are coming. You don't want to pay the caterer for extra food if it is not needed.

However, in the absence of calling everybody and getting a count for the caterer, the posters here have said that she needs to plan for the max amount of guests and to plan on them eating more appetizers than if the wedding was at 2 due to it being the dinner hour.

Us Grannies have some experience to draw on. Many of the Grannies on this thread have wedding aged children, so have quite a bit of experience planning and paying for weddings. Also by attending many, many weddings over the years, there is experience in seeing how weddings play out at different times. It is not being mean to the OP to say that guests will be eating way more during the dinner time and one should plan for it, it is experience.

I don't care if it's 10, Granny, I'm still entitled to my opinion, and I honestly do not see the point in making someone feel bad because they can't afford to feed prime rib to 190 or didn't send RSVPs. The fault is with the marrying couple, but they aren't asking for the percentage of people who actually show up. The OP really only wanted to know what % they should expect and if they should order more hors d'oeuvres. I voted for more appetizers.

As someone who doesn't use a walker, I'd be more than happy with a couple of crab cakes and a slice of cake, plus a couple glasses of wine, especially if there's dancing involved. I'm sure the music will be too loud for your taste, so I hope the OP doesn't ask about that.

Here your inexperience in planning and paying for a wedding is showing. The OP nowhere mentioned they were having alcohol at the wedding. You would be expecting a couple glasses of wine? An open bar is one of the most expensive parts of the wedding.

 

[powellrj]

According to her signature, OP's daughter is 20. I'm guessing that she and her groom's friends are, oh I don't know, about 20. The OP appears to be on a budget, so I see no reason in party-shaming the woman. She said "heavy" hors d'oeuvres. The reception will only be about 3 hours. If the old people get too hungry, they should head home and let the couple have fun with their friends.

I think one of the differences is that we old people remember that when you invite someone to a wedding, they are your guests and need to be treated as a guest. You never tell a guest that if they get hungry they should head home.

Nobody is party shaming the OP, nobody is suggesting she serve prime-rib. In fact many of us have suggested pans of baked pasta that are filling and can be ordered for not much money. Ham is another item that isn't very expensive and can be quite filling.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

The following was party-shaming and mean:

"Unless this reception is going to end at 5 then you need to serve dinner, not snacks. Heavy appetizers would be appropriate if the wedding was at 7, not the time you have planned."

And this..

"Edit: I just saw that the wedding was at 4pm, meaning the reception will be at 5pm or later...you absolutely need to treat this as a full dinner and not as apps. Everyone will need to be fed. No way will people stay if you don't provide a full meal, they will be starving."

And this..

"If the OP doesn't worry about people expecting more of a meal at the 5-8 hour, the wedding is going to be "that wedding" that everybody jokes about. And not in a good way."

I think a carving station and pans of pasta are very good suggestions, along with increasing the amount of appetizers. I see no reason to hurt someone's feelings in a public forum and make them stress over whether or not their reception meets your "standards." No wonder the OP hasn't returned. They are serving pork sliders, chicken fingers, and chicken salad sandwiches, so increasing the amount of those should fill people up just fine.

Even if you are a granny, that doesn't give you the right to look down on someone's special event. Elderly people should know better.

 

[mom2rtk]

Even if you are a granny, that doesn't give you the right to look down on someone's special event. Elderly people should know better.

Are you really going to lecture on manners?

 

[gwynne]

The following was party-shaming and mean:

"Unless this reception is going to end at 5 then you need to serve dinner, not snacks. Heavy appetizers would be appropriate if the wedding was at 7, not the time you have planned."

And this..

"Edit: I just saw that the wedding was at 4pm, meaning the reception will be at 5pm or later...you absolutely need to treat this as a full dinner and not as apps. Everyone will need to be fed. No way will people stay if you don't provide a full meal, they will be starving."

And this..

"If the OP doesn't worry about people expecting more of a meal at the 5-8 hour, the wedding is going to be "that wedding" that everybody jokes about. And not in a good way."

I think a carving station and pans of pasta are very good suggestions, along with increasing the amount of appetizers. I see no reason to hurt someone's feelings in a public forum and make them stress over whether or not their reception meets your "standards." No wonder the OP hasn't returned. They are serving pork sliders, chicken fingers, and chicken salad sandwiches, so increasing the amount of those should fill people up just fine.

Even if you are a granny, that doesn't give you the right to look down on someone's special event. Elderly people should know better. ::yes::

I read this thread as a discussion about wedding reception planning. I never saw "party-shaming"...never heard of that term, by the way. Lots of ways to do things, sharing ideas is usually helpful. If one suggestion doesn't work, maybe another one does. It's also possible the bride is happy with exactly what she's planned. Brides are adults. They will choose what works for them.

The boldface, though, it's a little...um...harsh.