Wedding attendance question *UPDATED*

[leebee]

I'd get some RSVP cards out in the mail NOW. Print them out on the computer and mail them. Ask people to respond via email or phone that is specific for only the wedding. Open a yahoo email account and ask folks to respond via email (jill&joe'swedding@yahoo.com or whatever your names are) and also include a phone number- even if you buy/activate a cheap tracfone and put a message on it- "Hi, this is Jill/Joe. Are you guys coming to the wedding? Leave a message with how many will be joining us for our special day. If you can't join us, thanks for letting us know- but you'll be missing a great time!" (or something like that- you could even word the rsvp to ask yes/no/how many and give a respond-by date) That way you are freed up from answering phone calls all day long. There is no way to plan for how much food you need if you don't have a reasonable idea of how many people will be there!

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

You are having a wedding and reception at dinnertime, and not serving dinner. Bump up the amount of appetizers, pronto. You may actually want appetizers for 200+, because if there is no meal people are going to eat twice as many appetizers.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Unless this reception is going to end at 5 then you need to serve dinner, not snacks. Heavy appetizers would be appropriate if the wedding was at 7, not the time you have planned. Speak to the caterer and let them know you need this to be a meal and see what needs to be done and then start calling people to see how many you have coming. Worst case scenario you leave it as is and order a couple of 6 ft subs to fill in the meal.

 

[Happy Snowman]

Maybe the bride and groom can set up a wedding website at any number of wedding website hosting sites, email everyone and give them a link to the site. They can put details on there for where to park or whatever but then add an RSVP option too. Heavy Appetizers often cost as much as doing a meal so maybe talk to the couple and suggest a change in food if it is not too late???

 

[NewRVLady]

Maybe. I could ask his mother. I know, on our side who is definitely coming. Most of the guest list is his side because both his parents each have many siblings (mom has 10 and dad has 7)

DEFINITYELY do this!

My son's wedding was 1500 miles from our home, in the state where he now lives and works, and I was (pleasantly) surprised how many of his friends made the trip-via plane-some with dates for his wedding-it was about 25!

You just can NOT predict if folks will attend from a distance!

 

[Hrhpd]

I know many hate evite, however, the official invites have already gone out, so it would not be an invite to the wedding.

I would go onto evite immediately and craft something as just an RSVP evite. Say something like the rsvp cards were forgotten and you need to get a count for the caterer. An evite is easy and fast - the guests can just reply yes or no within the e-mail and will give you an immediate count and also keeps track of those who have not rsvp'd. You can then call those who do not rsvp.

Also include a phone number in case somebody wants to call you.

And I agree with the rest, you need more food and more substantial food at a 4-8 dinner hour wedding / reception. I am quite surprised your caterer hasn't already advised you that you probably should have a bit more food during the dinner hour.

I also agree that adding a carving station would be the best addition.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Where is the future bride and groom in all of this ? With the no RSVPs, the type of food & amount offered during a traditional meal time, and the inviting more people, I would be washing my hands of everything and let them handle it.

 

[Art 1]

Where is the future bride and groom in all of this ? With the no RSVPs, the type of food & amount offered during a traditional meal time, and the inviting more people, I would be washing my hands of everything and let them handle it.

I agree and was thinking the same thing. It's their problem not hers.

 

[LJSquishy]

Your mistake was not sending out RSVP cards. Yikes. People do respond to wedding RSVPs.

Since you didn't do that, you need to plan to have enough food for at least 175 people I would say...or all 190 if you didn't send out invites to people you absolutely know won't come (like elderly family who live across the US, etc).

We had a small wedding of about 75 people but almost everyone came...I'd say about a 95% turn out.

Edit: I just saw that the wedding was at 4pm, meaning the reception will be at 5pm or later...you absolutely need to treat this as a full dinner and not as apps. Everyone will need to be fed. No way will people stay if you don't provide a full meal, they will be starving. If you do not change the catering menu, they will fill their plates with multiples of each appetizer and your food will all of a sudden only feed 50-75 people, not the current 125 number. You need way more food.

 

[Patience]

I agree with the others. You need more food and since you didn't send RSVP's, I'd plan on at least 90% showing up. The suggestion of adding a carving station is a good idea. We went to a wedding once that started at 4:30 and the reception afterwards only served appetizers (and not many). Everyone left right after the bride and groom arrived from taking pictures and went out to eat. With a 4:00 wedding, you need to serve dinner. The menu you are serving would be fine for a 2:00 wedding

 

[carrie1626]

I've never heard of having a wedding with no RSVP cards. Even if 20% don't get back to you, you will only have to contact those people.

I'd start making phone call and sending emails!

Me neither.
Regardless of the venue, I've always received a request to rsvp and I've always answered.
It's common courtesy

 

[Pumbaa_]

I don't know what I would do if I received an invitation w/o a response card. I would think I was not invited to the reception honestly

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

The ship has sailed on the RSVPs, so don't sweat it, but increase the appetizer order just to make sure you have enough. If it's over your budget, tell the bride and groom it's time they act like adults and cover the difference between what you had expected and the number they invited. I honestly wouldn't worry if people are expecting dinner. Most young people don't eat until after 8 when they are out.

 

[Pumbaa_]

I don't know what I would do if I received an invitation w/o a response card. I would think I was not invited to the reception honestly

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I agree with the posters who suggest an RSVP evite and a fuller menu.

I have to say I felt a knot in my stomach for the OP and the wedding couple when I read this. I really do hope all works out for you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

About what percentage of your invited guests actually came to the wedding? I am starting to freak out a bit. We have food ordered (not a sit down dinner, but heavy hor'dourves) for 125. I did a head count, and its at 190 (groom invited about 20 more people from his work ). I don't want to run out of food, but also don't want to be stuck w/tons of food left over.

Probably about 50 or more of the guests (from grooms side) live out of town, about a 4 hour drive, they hardly see each other, so I don't know if a lot of them will come. Plus, I know this sounds crazy, but here in AL people love football, and DH thinks some people won't come because they will be at a game (or watching a game) Should I be worried?

You need to get in touch with these people and get a better head count. Pain in the butt, however it is warranted here. Running out of food is not acceptable in my book.

How many days do you have? You could send out another card if you have time impressing the fact that you NEED a response. Ha, you could even word it to the fact that if the response is not returned you will put them down for a regret or something like that.

So there was no response card? Yea, I would send out something.

 

[Hrhpd]

The ship has sailed on the RSVPs, so don't sweat it, but increase the appetizer order just to make sure you have enough. If it's over your budget, tell the bride and groom it's time they act like adults and cover the difference between what you had expected and the number they invited. I honestly wouldn't worry if people are expecting dinner. Most young people don't eat until after 8 when they are out.

4 pages of posters disagree with you.

If the OP doesn't worry about people expecting more of a meal at the 5-8 hour, the wedding is going to be "that wedding" that everybody jokes about. And not in a good way.

I don't know where you get that most young people wait till 8 to eat

 

[Hrhpd]

I don't know what I would do if I received an invitation w/o a response card. I would think I was not invited to the reception honestly

That is a good point. I would also think I was not invited to the reception and probably would not attend just the wedding. A card and a small gift would be sent.

Maybe the OP does have enough food as people may think they are not invited and won't show up.

 

[goofy4tink]

For a wedding that is at 4, or later, people are going to expect to be fed..and not finger foods. I can't imagine having not sent out RSVP cards, but I also can't imagine the bride and groom continually adding people to the list! They need to stop..or pony up for the addtl guests.
Then, send out an Evite for the reception. Without that RSVP card, I imagine that some people aren't going to think they are invited to the reception...which would be understandable!
Just say, in the evite, that the RSVP cards were not included, so you're doing it this way. At least you'll have a decent number to run with.
As far as how much food you need? The caterer should have told you to plan on 95% of the people showing up. Then, a week prior to the event, you give the caterer a firm number, based on rsvp's.

When we had people that were more than 2 hrs away, we sent wedding announcements, vs invitations. We didn't want them to feel obligated to make a 3+ hr drive for a wedding....unless we knew ahead of time that they wanted to be included.

 

[design_mom]

The ship has sailed on the RSVPs, so don't sweat it, but increase the appetizer order just to make sure you have enough. If it's over your budget, tell the bride and groom it's time they act like adults and cover the difference between what you had expected and the number they invited. I honestly wouldn't worry if people are expecting dinner. Most young people don't eat until after 8 when they are out.

I agree that it's too late to include RSVP cards, but she could still call guests to request an RSVP.

I agree that the bride and groom need to stop inviting extras and pony up for the extra guests they added.

I would worry about people expecting dinner, especially when you don't even have the recommended amount of hors d'ourves to feed the expected number of people. Hors d'ourves for 120 at dinner hour and 190 people who might attend could easily leave a lot of people with no food. The first 50 could fill up (making a dinner out of appetizers) and leave the rest just looking at empty trays.

I also disagree that people don't eat till 8 or later. I don't think that's true around here, regardless of age.