We lost our kitty - now need advice

[cats7494]

Our kitty, Stormy, died last night at the vet's office. My vet called me this morning and told me the news. It is heartbreaking!
The advice I need relates to my dd12.
She is away on a mission trip for church and is not home until tomorrow night. I not going to tell her until she gets home. But my question is this - have you had a funeral service for your pets?
I am really torn - I want her to remember Stormy as he was - a wonderful and lively kitty. We are having him cremated because I want to bury him but I have not decided if dd12 should be included. I want her there but I do not want to engrain the memory of his death either...
What do you think? It is especially painful because 3 years we had a housefire while we were on vacation and 2 of our kitties died then. The cat that passed away last night was on of the cats we bought to "replace" (in quotes because a pet can never be replaced!) the cats that died. He was only 3 years old and it was a sudden death. So...we have the pain of this cat dying plus the two that died in our house fire. So this is really hard.
I am sorry to ramble - but it is so fresh.

Any suggestions would be very much appreciated!!

 

[lisajl]

I'm so sorry about Stormy! Only 3? What happened?
I have never had a funeral service for our pets but if that is what will help your DD and you, do it.
I, too have my pets cremated, but they are in a lovely handcarved box with their names on them.
I just could not bury another pet. It's always a hard time anyway.
for you and your family.

Lisa

 

[Barb D]

Yes, she should be there, unless she expresses that she doesn't want to be. 12 is old enough to deal with the pain of death. We have had some SOBBING funerals over guinea pigs and - believe it or not - rats, and it's been important to my kids to be there.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your pet.

 

[LadyyRedd]

I would say absolutely yes, allow her to be there unless she says she doesn't want to. If not, she may feel like she never got to say goodbye. The funeral and saying goodbye are a very healthy and necessary part of the grieving process.

Kimya

 

[grimley1968]

Yes, I'd include the 12 YO. It's important for her to be able to grieve.

We had a "balloon release" for our 18 YO kittie who had to be euthanized last summer. It was nice for my then 5 YO DD to be able to send a balloon to her kitty in heaven. She wrote a note to a 5 YO friend of hers who had been killed in a car crash a few months before to take care of kitty for her in heaven. We attached it to the balloon It was a pretty emotional experience, but I'm glad we did it.

 

[4cruisin]

I really don't have any advice about your dd but I wanted to express how sorry I am for your loss. Dh and I just went through 3 days where our house kitty was missing...tore the house apart...couldn't find her and she miraculously reappeared this morning. We are at a loss as to where she was for the past 3 days. Never got out of the house but I can't understand where she could have hidden. We were so heart broken the past 3 days we were sick with grief so I understand how painful this must be for you.

I will keep you, your family and Stormy in my prayers.

 

[cats7494]

lisajl - The vet is still not 100% sure what caused him to become sick. He started vomiting horribly last weekend and we took him in. They gave him some medicine and fluids..Tuesday we took him in...same thing.....by Thursday he was no better, so I took him back in again. he had a horrible vomiting episode and aspirated some of it into his lungs...then he was on oxygen and had fluids and medicine and all kinds of lab tests but they never could see the cause. His liver "may" have been the cause...the lab tests did show an elevated result. Then he passed away over the night.

Barb D - I believe it...we had funeral services for my pet mice and gerbils when I was a kid...it was a nice closure for me.

Oh...I just hate to have to tell my dd this. Her little heart is going to break. Mine is too...Stormy was my baby.

 

[jacksonsmom]

First I am so so sorry

Yes, I have had a funeral for my pets. We all have to have closure. When our recent cat died back in Jan. 2005, we had my 5 year old at the time even hold Charlie and say good bye.

I think it is VERY important for kids to have the chance to say good bye. The only time is if your daughter has said she doesn't want to.

I feel very strongly that the funeral is a very important part of the grieving.

I lost my childhood dog at age 20. I would have been SO hurt if my dad didn't call me and just buried him instead without giving me the chance to say good bye.

Again I am so so sorry!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Wow..that is so sad. Bastet bless you and yours.

And if you feel this is appropriate, you may want to share it with your DD.

Lend Me a Kitten

I will lend to you for a while a kitten, God said.
For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he's dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three.
But will you, 'till I call him back, take care of him for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief,
you'll always have his memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught below I want this kitten to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true,
And from the folk that crowds life's land I have chosen you.

Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take my kitten home again?

And my heart replied, "My Lord, Thy Will Be Done."
For all the joys this kitten brings, the risk of grief I'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may.
And for the happiness that we've known, forever grateful stay.

But should you call him back much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.

If by our love we've managed your wishes to achieve,
in memory of his sweet sweet love, please help us while we grieve.

When our cherished kitten departs this world of strife,
Please send yet another needing soul for us to love all his life.

(adapted from "To All Parents" by Edward Guest)

TOV