WDW after a loss

[A&E'sMom]

I know that everyone is different, and so everyone grieves and processes differently. But I was just hoping for some tips or insight from anyone who has gone ahead with WDW plans after suffering a loss.

Last week, my father-in-law passed away, the day was also my husband's 30th birthday. Then yesterday, we went to a regular review hearing for our 19 month old foster son and were completely blindsided to hear the judge order him back to his parents immediately. We had one hour to pack up his stuff and hand him over. He'd been with us since he was four months old.

We're reeling to say the least. We considered canceling our upcoming trip, which is now six weeks away. But, we decided to continue with it, thinking that we will probably welcome the diversion, and could use the time to regroup as a family. But, I'm wondering if it's a good idea or not. Right now, everything is so fresh. Last night, I literally woke up crying and couldn't get back to sleep for three hours. DH is trying to be strong for his mom, but is completely breaking down over our foster son.

Are we wrong in trying to go forward with the trip? Are we possibly tainting future vacations there by going after suffering recent loss? Our two six years old boys don't even know about the plans yet, we'd planned to surprise them next week with a countdown calendar and the news.

 

[yasuern]

First

I am so very sorry about your families recent losses

I wish I had great words of wisdom but I know that grieving is a personal thing and as you commented everyone does it on their own terms.

The loss of your Foster son - I KNOW this is unbearably - we too had planned to adopt a young boy from the fostercare program only to find that full disclosure of his traumas only came to light when he attempted to kill one of our cats(this actually sounds worse than it was - he threw our cat out his bdrm window during a tantrum - BUT his window is only 4 feetish off the ground) - I took him to therepy only to be told that he had RAD(reactive attachment disorder) and that traditional therapy would not work for him BUT our state Health and family services would not approve the therapy that Might have helped him(holding therapy) and ordered him removed from our home NO warning - got a call and was told to have him at their office by 4pm that day - devastating to say the least! To this day I still consider it like a Loss of our Son - it took months for our DD then 9y/o to understand WHY she could no longer have contact with her Brother - My DH and myself still have difficulty with it(he was with us from age 6 to 8)


As far a going to WDW - well Sasha(our son) had gone with us 3 times and the first trip back w/o him was at times difficult and sad but it also helped us remember better times and some how helped us with moving on - so I say GO!
At times it maybe hard but I truly beleive it may be harder NOT to go.




Sue

 

[nmmom95]

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. When my DS11 was 3, I lost a newborn to a rare genetic disorder. It was devastating. We went to to WDW a few months later. We just needed to get away from everything. It was my son's first trip there. After just being sad all the time, I can't tell you how amazing it was to see him so happy! It was the first time I remember being happy again. We needed the family time, away from everything. Even though your sons don't know about the trip, they have lost so much as well, and the family time could work wonders for them. I know it helped my son. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Nadjalu]

I say take the trip, sounds like you need some magic in your life. Life will be there when you return and just maybe DW will help to put more of that silver lining thinking back into play.
I think your boys will love it, they too are affected and while the trip may not be as happy as it would've been if things were different, I think it will be the joy you are looking for.
Sorry to hear of your losses, have a great trip.

 

[SnowandMittens]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

I say go... your children will appreciate the oppertunity to step away from the outside world for a little while.

Just be very aware that the smallest things that you see or think about might send you reeling back into tears for a moment. Work out a code word with your husband, so that he knows that you need a little quiet time and vice versa.

Don't be afraid to take breaks in the middle of the day, and get TONS of sleep. You can think clearer and have more control over your emotions if you're well rested.

I'm sure that you FIL would have wanted your kids to go and have a great time, and that's how you have to look at it.

 

[locolala]

I would say to go.. because you need to start thinking towards the future and replace those sad thoughts with happy ones. My husband and I went to Disney in April, and we were there on the date I would have been due if I hadn't miscarried. It was hard at times, but I'm glad we went.. otherwise I would have been sitting at home by myself, and that would be a really bad situation.

 

[btwitkin]

I am very sorry about the recent "events" in your life and my prayers are with you.

I would definitely take the trip. We are leaving in 3 1/2 weeks for WDW, with my wife, 5 y.o. son, sister, BIL, and 2 nieces (10 & 12). We planned the trip right after our mother passed away in April. We decided to take a trip together with the kids as a way to celebrate her life. What better place than Disney World? In the end the decision is yours...if you feel you are not mentally prepared for the trip, Disney will always be there.

 

[momofrrr]

I am so sorry for all that you are going through

I say Go! By then whatever your new "normal" will have set into place and it will be a good diversion. You have to go on living even when your heart is broken. What better place to heal than at Disney?

 

[kenny]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

My advice would be to take the trip. In Sept my wife lost both her parents within 3 days of each other. We had a trip planned for Nov 1st (about 6 weeks after their passing) and kept it.

While it may not have been 100% the same as all the other trips (Disney holds a special place between wife and her dad), it was definitely worth it.

It did help our family to focus on something else for a short period of time and regroup.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

If you (the adults) still feel like you would like to go to WDW, then you should go. My only recommendation is that you try to be really flexible about the trip. This probably isn't the time in your life for an all-out commando type vacation. Maybe you can promise yourselves you'll do more on the next trip, but for this one, I would keep your plans very simple and changeable--few ADRs, don't have your heart set on too many EMH's, that sort of thing. You can always do them if you feel up for it, of course. But grief can be a funny thing. I've found in my case, I'll be okay with the big things, like getting through the funeral or other "big" stuff, but then I would find myself sobbing over the green beans in the supermarket, or something equally stupid/inexplicable. So, understand that this may happening--you are all grieving, and it hits people differently.

So, I would say, have a basic plan, but be prepared to ditch it if the family chooses to. Once you get back, you can schedule another trip--farther from your current grief--when you can go back and do all the things that didn't make it into this upcoming trip.

 

[LuvMickey36]

Hugs to all of you. You are really having a rough time. I am having the same thoughts of should we still go.

My dh decided a few weeks ago that he was unhappy with his life in general and a few days later blindsided me that he was moving out. We have a trip planned for the 1st week of Dec. I am not sure what to do. I have already changed our resort from AKL w/dining plan to Pop Century w/free(yea!) dining. I know that I can swing that by myself with no financial help from dh. I did keep dh on the ressie with the hopes he will change his mind or at least we can go in a friendly capacity for ds sake.

We have been to disney every year with ds since he was 1. I am really sad & a little scared of what our trip will be like just the 2 of us. Will we be thinking of our past good times & remember when we did this with daddy or daddy did this. I know that I can handle it & will be ok. It will be hard, but I will survive. I am just wondering if this is what is best for ds. I don't want him to be sad @ the happiest place on earth.

On the other hand, I know that now that it is going to be mainly ds & I on outings that we need to start making our own memories.

Wow........ it looks so weird reading over this post. I have only told a handful of ppl about dh & I. I guess I am glad that no one else I know frequents the disboards. Good Luck to everyone.

 

[Britgirlus]

I say go. Whereas I haven't suffered a loss such as yours with regards to your foster child, I did suffer a loss of a parent - while I was at Disney. My dad had been sick for about 18 months, with cancer - we knew it was terminal - and the last couple of weeks before our Disney vacation, he went downhill fast. He lived in England - I live in the US - and in many phone conversations with him (including one 2 days before he died) he had told us that whatever happened, we were to carry on with our vacation. We arrived at Disney on May 16th this year - the following day, my phone rang - my sister in England telling me he had just passed away. In her next breath, she told me that my mom had already decided that they would delay the funeral until after our vacation, and that under no circumstances was I to cut the vacation short. Long story short - we stayed at Disney - and had a great time - obviously slightly more subdued than it would have been - but we celebrated my dad's life in the most magical place on earth. We flew home at the end of the vacation - and the next day, flew to England for my dad's funeral. Sorry to be so long winded - but I think the trip would be wonderful therapy for you - yes, you'll shed tears - but you'll also be able to have fun, really you will

 

[waltskids]

We lost my father in July of '06 after a long battle with pulmonary fibrosis and had a trip scheduled for the middle of August. I was 6 months pregnant with DS at the time, and we decided to go ahead with the trip. It was a nice escape for us and allowed me to have some time to clear my head. I know only you can decide what is best, but if you are looking for advice, I say the trip can be very good therapy. It was for us

 

[Disneyliscious]

Hugs to all of you. You are really having a rough time. I am having the same thoughts of should we still go.

My dh decided a few weeks ago that he was unhappy with his life in general and a few days later blindsided me that he was moving out. We have a trip planned for the 1st week of Dec. I am not sure what to do. I have already changed our resort from AKL w/dining plan to Pop Century w/free(yea!) dining. I know that I can swing that by myself with no financial help from dh. I did keep dh on the ressie with the hopes he will change his mind or at least we can go in a friendly capacity for ds sake.

We have been to disney every year with ds since he was 1. I am really sad & a little scared of what our trip will be like just the 2 of us. Will we be thinking of our past good times & remember when we did this with daddy or daddy did this. I know that I can handle it & will be ok. It will be hard, but I will survive. I am just wondering if this is what is best for ds. I don't want him to be sad @ the happiest place on earth.

On the other hand, I know that now that it is going to be mainly ds & I on outings that we need to start making our own memories.

Wow........ it looks so weird reading over this post. I have only told a handful of ppl about dh & I. I guess I am glad that no one else I know frequents the disboards. Good Luck to everyone.

I just wanted to send your way. I know this feeling. Three years ago...mine moved out on me. It was the worst day of my life. I sought therapy and was told it can take 2 years to get over something like this.....Im over the brunt of it....hubby has moved on and has another baby boy (though he is still single....not with the mother as the baby wasnt planned).....and quite honestly.....he and I get along better than we ever did.

In fact....he is going along with us on both of the trips you see in my tickers below. I still love him like crazy and he knows it......we just get along better apart.

Who knows what this trip will bring for you......but I just wanted you to know that it DOES get better....it takes a long time....but it does. Hopefully he will be a man who will still spend 'family time' with you and your son even though you are not a 'family' in the same household anymore.

My heart goes out to you and Im glad you shared this here. I just wanted you to know that you weren't alone.