WBRepo-Ship of Thieves-Remember the Magic Pt 20

[JLSE50]

And I know he's not making excuses trying to get me to go away because he keeps expressing more and more feeling, and keeps talking about favorite places he likes to go (Chicago, Mackinac Island up north in Michigan, a town called Frankenmuth in Michigan, etc.) and saying "We need to go there together sometime". Seems like the struggle is the uncertainty about whether the pain will ever get taken care of. Not sure what the answer is. Maybe suggest just keep things the way we're doing, don't talk about future just to avoid pressure, and see what happens.

sounds like the only plan unless you want to cut him off

.

 

[HollyTyler]

sounds like the only plan unless you want to cut him off

.

I agree. We talked a little this morning but then both went off for naps. Going out tonight to a Hookah place for dinner with mom and dad but made plans to discuss things after. Sounds like we're just going to keep the friendship going and try not to feel any closer. Easier said than done, but better than ending friendship.

 

[JLSE50]

I guess! And 3 1/2 hours later, I'm home. Goofy was big hit, Goofy got lots of hugs and cuddles laying on the couch with him. Mom and dad had me eat with them, more new things for me to try, Saudi coffee (I don't like coffee but it didn't even taste like coffee, more like tea, which I don't like either, but liked this) and other new things. Such a great visit! During one of the prayer times while Loie was praying with dad, mom was talking with me at the dinner table, she's going to teach me how to cook the meals she makes. And I got to meet his sister by phone. She called from Saudi and dad must have told her I was there because he handed me the phone and told me to talk to her. Um.....awkward! LOL! But so sweet! She asked "So you like my brother?"

Mom wants me to smoke the hookah with her, OMG!!!! In their country, women don't do that, so they're a very non-traditional family. Too funny!!!!!

Do you smoke?
Did you ever smoke?

I wonder if they are non-traditional in Saudi Arabia or only in USA. I have often wondered if Saudi women (and others living in countries where they usually wear head and body covering) would enjoy the more relaxed life in USA.

There was a family on the Hawaii cruise where the Grandma wore a head scarf and full body dress--long sleeves and hem to the ankle, solid shoes, only her face was visible. The Mom wore sun dresses over her full body black dress and a head band or scarf to match the sun dress on top of the head cover and only her face was visible too. They looked so hot and uncomfortable compared to their daugher in her cute summer clothes.

 

[JLSE50]

Photo by Harold Lee Miller from http://haroldleemiller.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/alisha-hibler-038.jpg
This is the cover picture of the Indiana State Fair booklet.
What a cutie!! Looks like she is proud of her horse!

.

 

[granmaz]

Holly it sounds like you both have talked things through and settled your minds. But, love can conquer many things so never say never hey? Is there really not much that can be done for his condition?

 

[HollyTyler]

Do you smoke?
Did you ever smoke?

I wonder if they are non-traditional in Saudi Arabia or only in USA. I have often wondered if Saudi women (and others living in countries where they usually wear head and body covering) would enjoy the more relaxed life in USA.

There was a family on the Hawaii cruise where the Grandma wore a head scarf and full body dress--long sleeves and hem to the ankle, solid shoes, only her face was visible. The Mom wore sun dresses over her full body black dress and a head band or scarf to match the sun dress on top of the head cover and only her face was visible too. They looked so hot and uncomfortable compared to their daugher in her cute summer clothes.

I don't smoke, never have, so I doubt I'd be able to, just joining them for the company.

They are non-traditional in Saudi too. I talked about that last night with his mom. The restrictions started lifting in the 50s (regarding women wearing the covering) and is very relaxed now, depending on which city you live. And it also depends on each family. She showed me pictures of what she typically wears out and she does wear short sleeves, clothes not much different than ours, and her only head covering looked like a larger handkerchief draped over her head. The only time she fully wraps her head (with face open) and upper body is prayer time. I've been able to see this process many times so far. I have asked if I should leave during prayer time out of respect but they said absolutely not. Usually one of them will sit out of prayer to chat with me at the table while the other 2 pray, then later whoever sat out will go pray on their own.

You would think the women would enjoy being able to relax more in the U.S., but the reality is that for most women being able to wear the head covering is a sign of growing up that they look forward to, kind of like little girls in the U.S. looking forward to growing up to wear makeup, because they don't have to cover until about age 9. At least in their city, their family tradition (but I understand it varies by location and family custom). His mom was telling me how much harder life seems for women in the U.S. in her eyes because most wives HAVE to work. In her country they have the choice to work but do not have to. The man is expected to work multiple jobs to enable the wife to stay home if she chooses. Her choice.

It's just interesting learning the differences.

 

[HollyTyler]

Photo by Harold Lee Miller from http://haroldleemiller.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/alisha-hibler-038.jpg
This is the cover picture of the Indiana State Fair booklet.
What a cutie!! Looks like she is proud of her horse!

.

Adorable!

 

[HollyTyler]

Holly it sounds like you both have talked things through and settled your minds. But, love can conquer many things so never say never hey? Is there really not much that can be done for his condition?

Marilyn, funny, I just sent a very long email to him with that as the main point! I worded it as "Love can overcome anything". It's easier for me to type it all because in the emotions of conversation, I forget and get flustered and so on. The point was, why let "what if" get in the way of happiness and love. Even if it ends up having to end if he moves back home for treatment, isn't it better to have had something wonderful in the meantime? And also in the meantime, nobody knows what could happen. He might get test results from the procedure done yesterday that make the doctor say "EUREKA! I've got it!" The problems basically stem from nerve damage from the spine being twisted on impact in the car accident. So testing will help doctors find out where it's coming from and therefore where to treat. He will be starting injections in most of the neck vertebrae in a few days that are supposed to block the shooting pain up into the head. I believe the doctors are on the right path for being able to do the same for the leg. But the problem is that, although he's pretty fluent after living in the U.S. for over 20 years, the medical lingo is tough for him. Fortunately, I deal with this stuff through work daily, so I'm trying to help him understand. He's just fed up because doctor after doctor keeps saying they don't know what to do, and then ship him off to more doctors for more testing and more of the same. But from my knowledge base from all the medical conditions and treatments on people we work with at work, I do believe there is help for him, he just has to find the right doctors. He's just fed up and frustrated.

 

[JLSE50]

Photo by Harold Lee Miller from http://haroldleemiller.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/alisha-hibler-038.jpg
This is the cover picture of the Indiana State Fair booklet.
What a cutie!! Looks like she is proud of her horse!

.

Adorable!

Went to look for the program from the Fair and this is not the cover. I must have seen it on one of the posters or TV ads. Glad I found it on line though. The photographer has put together a book of Fair Culture--sounds like a coffee table book--and photos will be on display at the Fair. I am going to try to find them.

.

 

[JLSE50]

Marilyn, funny, I just sent a very long email to him with that as the main point! I worded it as "Love can overcome anything". It's easier for me to type it all because in the emotions of conversation, I forget and get flustered and so on. The point was, why let "what if" get in the way of happiness and love. Even if it ends up having to end if he moves back home for treatment, isn't it better to have had something wonderful in the meantime? And also in the meantime, nobody knows what could happen. He might get test results from the procedure done yesterday that make the doctor say "EUREKA! I've got it!" The problems basically stem from nerve damage from the spine being twisted on impact in the car accident. So testing will help doctors find out where it's coming from and therefore where to treat. He will be starting injections in most of the neck vertebrae in a few days that are supposed to block the shooting pain up into the head. I believe the doctors are on the right path for being able to do the same for the leg. But the problem is that, although he's pretty fluent after living in the U.S. for over 20 years, the medical lingo is tough for him. Fortunately, I deal with this stuff through work daily, so I'm trying to help him understand. He's just fed up because doctor after doctor keeps saying they don't know what to do, and then ship him off to more doctors for more testing and more of the same. But from my knowledge base from all the medical conditions and treatments on people we work with at work, I do believe there is help for him, he just has to find the right doctors. He's just fed up and frustrated.

Having someone who can explain medical jargon to a patient is a valuable adjunct to treatment and recovery. I can see that you will be a big help in this area. Not sure he would want it, but I wonder if you could go to appointments to help interpret test results for him.

My sister-in-law finally got a diagnosis for her pain--Spondylolisthesis. One vertebrae sliding on the one below. Puts a crimp on the spinal cord and causes pain.

If any part of the intervetebral joints were broken during the impact while he was twisted, the joints are tiny and might be hard to see but could be letting one bone slide forward on the other. maybe?

You could do a web search and see if it sounds right. Maybe there would be some new insight for him there. It took my sister-in-law many doctors, x-rays and tests for someone to finally see it.

.

 

[HollyTyler]

Having someone who can explain medical jargon to a patient is a valuable adjunct to treatment and recovery. I can see that you will be a big help in this area. Not sure he would want it, but I wonder if you could go to appointments to help interpret test results for him.

My sister-in-law finally got a diagnosis for her pain--Spondylolisthesis. One vertebrae sliding on the one below. Puts a crimp on the spinal cord and causes pain.

If any part of the intervetebral joints were broken during the impact while he was twisted, the joints are tiny and might be hard to see but could be letting one bone slide forward on the other. maybe?

You could do a web search and see if it sounds right. Maybe there would be some new insight for him there. It took my sister-in-law many doctors, x-rays and tests for someone to finally see it.

.

Yes, he has asked for my help, even going to appointments, but it depends on my work schedule. I'm working on that. Yes indeed, I know all about spondylolisthesis from work, and that's the first thing that came to mind with him, either that or spinal stenosis. I explained both to him and also possible treatments, but also made sure he realized that since I'm not a doctor, don't quote me on that, just to give him a bit of understanding on how the pain can stem from that type of injury. Maybe I'll write those 2 names down for him on a piece of paper he can show his doctor (in case I'm unable to go) and ask his doctor to check it out, but the procedure he had done yesterday should show either of those, if that's what's going on. I have a couple other ideas too, just waiting for test results.

Thanks Jan!

 

[HollyTyler]

Marilyn, funny, I just sent a very long email to him with that as the main point! I worded it as "Love can overcome anything". It's easier for me to type it all because in the emotions of conversation, I forget and get flustered and so on. The point was, why let "what if" get in the way of happiness and love. Even if it ends up having to end if he moves back home for treatment, isn't it better to have had something wonderful in the meantime? And also in the meantime, nobody knows what could happen. ...

Aw, he loved my email and can't wait to discuss all tonight. First he needs to spend the day with mom for some mom & son time, he's going to try to take her out for coffee and to the mall if pain will allow. Mom has some Saudi sweets for me to try (given to them by a friend who visited today) and she's making their version of hot chocolate later for me for him to bring when he comes over. She's so sweet! I will share a picture of her too when I get some. She wants to get a whole bunch of pictures when we go out to the Hookah place (which won't be tonight after all, because they need to spend time with friends visiting from Saudi). We hope to have the Hooka adventure when I get back from a 2 day trip up north.

 

[HollyTyler]

So.......my wonderful boss is treating our tiny firm to a "firm retreat" up north in Traverse City, MI! We leave tomorrow morning and get home Tuesday early afternoon, he's paying for lodging and dinner Sunday night, AND paying us our regular work hours for Mon and Tues. The only work part will consist of a short meeting before dinner tomorrow. Love him!!!! Here's where we're staying: http://www.crystalmountain.com/about/resort-map It's actually one of the places in MI where DVC members can stay using points. Pretty cool!

 

[HollyTyler]

OMG! Cultural overload! Sitting here with 5 Saudi men all speaking Arabic, because Loie had to go lay down from major pain, his mom is next to me but doesn't have great English. Interesting trying to figure out what theyre talking about.

 

[Tink rules]

Try charades???

First word...

(sounds like....)

 

[HollyTyler]

Try charades???

First word...

(sounds like....)

LOL! Yeah, but their "sounds like" is not our "sounds like", LOL! It worked out, every now and then his mom and dad would explain to me some of the conversations. And they kept pumping me with pastries and chocolate and tea. Sure, just keep her mouth busy and she won't notice what language we're speaking.

 

[Tink rules]

night holly...................................................

 

[granmaz]

Marilyn, funny, I just sent a very long email to him with that as the main point! I worded it as "Love can overcome anything". It's easier for me to type it all because in the emotions of conversation, I forget and get flustered and so on. The point was, why let "what if" get in the way of happiness and love. Even if it ends up having to end if he moves back home for treatment, isn't it better to have had something wonderful in the meantime? And also in the meantime, nobody knows what could happen. He might get test results from the procedure done yesterday that make the doctor say "EUREKA! I've got it!" The problems basically stem from nerve damage from the spine being twisted on impact in the car accident. So testing will help doctors find out where it's coming from and therefore where to treat. He will be starting injections in most of the neck vertebrae in a few days that are supposed to block the shooting pain up into the head. I believe the doctors are on the right path for being able to do the same for the leg. But the problem is that, although he's pretty fluent after living in the U.S. for over 20 years, the medical lingo is tough for him. Fortunately, I deal with this stuff through work daily, so I'm trying to help him understand. He's just fed up because doctor after doctor keeps saying they don't know what to do, and then ship him off to more doctors for more testing and more of the same. But from my knowledge base from all the medical conditions and treatments on people we work with at work, I do believe there is help for him, he just has to find the right doctors. He's just fed up and frustrated.

Having a chronic medical condition and particularly a very painful one can cause depression. You will be helping him with that as well as all the other more practical things and it is obvious from your posts and what you say about what he says(and I know you won't share everything) that you are more than fond of each other. Go with it and enjoy it Holly for however long it all lasts and I hope that is as long as you would like it to be. I hope he gets the treatment he deserves, it must be out there somewhere.

 

[Tink rules]

Holly...

Not to be a debbie downer...

But right now.. you are in infatuation... not love...

And you have to remember that no matter what... you're not going to be able to change him and make him better on your own. & there's a good chance he may get to a point in his recovery that will not progress any further...

Rightly.. he has to concentrate on his medical needs. There was very little I could do after my accident with all the medical work being done to be in a real relationship with anyone.

And most of all.. make sure they aren't setting you up to be his care giver when mom and dad go home.

Enjoy what is happening now.. consider it a good friendship that may or may not develop into something else.

Only time will tell...

 

[HollyTyler]

Holly...

Not to be a debbie downer...

But right now.. you are in infatuation... not love...

And you have to remember that no matter what... you're not going to be able to change him and make him better on your own. & there's a good chance he may get to a point in his recovery that will not progress any further...

Rightly.. he has to concentrate on his medical needs. There was very little I could do after my accident with all the medical work being done to be in a real relationship with anyone.

And most of all.. make sure they aren't setting you up to be his care giver when mom and dad go home.

Enjoy what is happening now.. consider it a good friendship that may or may not develop into something else.

Only time will tell...

Yup, that's exactly it. All this has been considered and we are just doing what we've been doing all along, and just letting whatever happens, happen. All is good.