WBRepo-Ship of Thieves-Remember the Magic Pt 11

[BubbaGrump]

You wanted more photos?

Me, sometime in 1976

In rural New Jersey. My sister, me, my dad, my brother, my cousin Shlomo

Mom & Dad in Brooklyn, World War II

Nice pictures!!!!!!! Quite the gap in age between you and sis. Love old pics like the one of your mom and dad

 

[BubbaGrump]

Does she have greyhound in her? She has really long legs but her paws are not that big, so she'll be tall and thin by the looks of it.

I was thinkin' the same thing. If not greyhound, then whippit maybe?

 

[BubbaGrump]

Ta daaaaaaa....

Pictures!

The first 3 are from the 50s....


Me, my sister and brother selling lemonade in Coolidge in the summertime (I'm the oldest)

Easter, in front of our grandparents' house

Us, with our cousins, playing on Hermosa Beach, CA (I'm in the white bathing suit)

My family at the Disneyland Hotel, summer 1970 (don't know where my other sister is...)

Thank you!!! Very cool! Even your brothers "high waters".

 

[HollyTyler]

Well, I found out the reason I can't get NBC very well now. There's a message on the website for our local station saying they did indeed go digital yesterday, and that people with a TV that has a digital tuner must re-scan the channels and reposition the antenna if using an antenna. I did that, so it comes in sometimes now. Everybody I talked to at work today says they're not getting the channel very well either. Oh well, at least I know it's not just me!

 

[HollyTyler]

Oh yes, it's lovely pot hole season again: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07wNjfUWlxM

 

[disneylover5]

Lisa:

Why don't you and your siblings just make the call and move her in?

It is never easy to make these kind of decissions but in the long(and short from what I'm told) run it will be better for all of you.

My mom didn't want to move either. We (4 daughters) told her that was what was decided.

If your sibs all agree what other choice does your mom have?

As every situation is, it is very complicated. We love our mom (not that you don't) I guess we could just force the situation...but then everyone would be miserable.....especially me, as I am the primary care taker. She bursts into tears at the sound of anything at all that frightens her.

So I guess, It is a LOSE/LOSE situation and we just have to figure out which is the smallest LOSE.

We told mom she could move into assisted living....or spend 4 months with Andy (my brother in SC), 4 months with Don (my brother in Delaware) and 4 months with me in VA.

We said she can choose.....2 choices...how hard is that? Well appartently IMPOSSIBLE for her.

We may need to go to the courts for help.

 

[HollyTyler]

I just bought our tickets to the Spartan Stampede rodeo this Saturday night! Tyler loved it so much last year, I got him a cowboy hat which he wears often. He even let Bobby Banana try it on, I think! This time I will remember to take my camera in case they have the mechanical bull again because I know Tyler will want to ride it again.

 

[HollyTyler]

As every situation is, it is very complicated. We love our mom (not that you don't) I guess we could just force the situation...but then everyone would be miserable.....especially me, as I am the primary care taker. She bursts into tears at the sound of anything at all that frightens her.

So I guess, It is a LOSE/LOSE situation and we just have to figure out which is the smallest LOSE.

We told mom she could move into assisted living....or spend 4 months with Andy (my brother in SC), 4 months with Don (my brother in Delaware) and 4 months with me in VA.

We said she can choose.....2 choices...how hard is that? Well appartently IMPOSSIBLE for her.

We may need to go to the courts for help.

Lisa, I can't imagine how hard this must be to deal with.

 

[HollyTyler]

So once again, I failed miserably at going to bed early. All day at work today, I kept nodding off because I stayed up until 2am reading. 4 hours of sleep definitely wasn't enough. I was determined to come home after dropping Tyler at his dad's and go right to sleep by 6pm. I easily could have done so, because it was hard to keep my eyes open long enough to get Tyler to his dad's, but instead I chose to sit on the couch all night and eat all evening long.

But I figure if I go to bed by midnight, I'll still get more sleep than I did last night!

So.......goodnight all!

 

[nskjerven]

As every situation is, it is very complicated. We love our mom (not that you don't) I guess we could just force the situation...but then everyone would be miserable.....especially me, as I am the primary care taker. She bursts into tears at the sound of anything at all that frightens her.

So I guess, It is a LOSE/LOSE situation and we just have to figure out which is the smallest LOSE.

We told mom she could move into assisted living....or spend 4 months with Andy (my brother in SC), 4 months with Don (my brother in Delaware) and 4 months with me in VA.

We said she can choose.....2 choices...how hard is that? Well appartently IMPOSSIBLE for her.

We may need to go to the courts for help.

Lisa, I totally understand the situtation because we had the same one. The issue becomes that as parents age they sometimes lose the ability to make hard choices. This is why I think children should jointly decide and present what the choice is. If you can think of your mom's mind as that of your child, even your middle daughter. You would not give her the choice in a matter of this significance. You would truely choose the best choice for her and make it and tell her gently with love that this is what is going to happen.

I'm not trying to force this on you, but it took my mom's doctor talking to me in this very manner for me to understand that we as her daughters owed her this.

Also, the doctor advised me that mom would adjust and be fine within the month. For my mom it was within the week. I had dreaded this move. I thought she would be forever upset about having to leave her home and the acre of land it was on. Boy was I wrong. My mom is so very happy in where she is. It is still a hard thing to parent a parent. We still everytime we see each other have to talk about how hard it is that she does not have her car anymore. Again, I know we made the correct choice in taking the car away. Eve if that choice makes her sad, it was still the right way to go. Sometimes life is hard.

Good luck

 

[nskjerven]

As every situation is, it is very complicated. We love our mom (not that you don't) I guess we could just force the situation...but then everyone would be miserable.....especially me, as I am the primary care taker. She bursts into tears at the sound of anything at all that frightens her.

So I guess, It is a LOSE/LOSE situation and we just have to figure out which is the smallest LOSE.

We told mom she could move into assisted living....or spend 4 months with Andy (my brother in SC), 4 months with Don (my brother in Delaware) and 4 months with me in VA.

We said she can choose.....2 choices...how hard is that? Well appartently IMPOSSIBLE for her.

We may need to go to the courts for help.

I forgot to address this. I was so worried about this too and sometimes it still keeps me up at night. As it turns out for us since my mom is plyable (not easily, she totally tries to guilt trip us over things) Every time I needed to do something (as I am too the primary decission maker) I would have another one of my sisters tell her, or be with me as I told her. It worked. Even on the sale of the house. I just made the decissions and she signed where she was told to sign.

What specifically are you thinking "the courts" will help you with? They won't make a choice for you. They can declare your mom incomptent, but do you really need that?

The other key piece of advice I can offer, is you find a doctor that works for you. Your mom's doctor should be able to help you thru the rough patches.

 

[disneylover5]

I forgot to address this. I was so worried about this too and sometimes it still keeps me up at night. As it turns out for us since my mom is plyable (not easily, she totally tries to guilt trip us over things) Every time I needed to do something (as I am too the primary decission maker) I would have another one of my sisters tell her, or be with me as I told her. It worked. Even on the sale of the house. I just made the decissions and she signed where she was told to sign.

What specifically are you thinking "the courts" will help you with? They won't make a choice for you. They can declare your mom incomptent, but do you really need that?

The other key piece of advice I can offer, is you find a doctor that works for you. Your mom's doctor should be able to help you thru the rough patches.

Well, all of us have carefully put the paperwork in front of her to sell the house...she starts screaming at the top of her lungs and tears the papers up.

We have stayed with her at her house to clean it out. We have had a little luck with this...but there is still a lot there.

We have turned off the phone cable etc (she has not lived there for 2 years) she calls and turns it back on.

We have forwarded the mail. She calls the post office and cancels the forward. I don't go get her mail...she cries and tells my kids how horrible I am because I don't help her....so then I go get her mail.

She is the most negitive manipulative person I have ever met.

How in the world do you do tough love on a 90 year old 80 pound lady? We can not figure out how she has loved this long....she smoked 3 packs a cigs a day till she was 82 when she quit cold turkey. She has drank enough in her life to kill 4 men.....

Oh well, I am sorry, this is my issue. I am very lucky because I have awesome brothers that have not left me alone to figure this out.

 

[nskjerven]

I'm so sorry for you Lisa. I just realized you add the alcohol to the picture and you get a very different reality. I forgot this for the moment. Now I get it. My MIL is such like the person you speak of. I'm so glad she isn't my mother because I've been able in all good concience been able to walk away from her and that craziness.

Perhaps the courts will assit you, but I fear not likely. Being a crabby old lady isn't a crime.

My situtation with my mom is different, in that she is sick not by chosing of a bottle and I'm so angry at Paul's mom for her choice of illness seems to me to be just that a choice.

I know you have a kind heart and that you have to do what you do for your mom. It is a relief to hear that your brothers are taking an equal part of the responsibility for her care, in that they are offering that she stay with them for 1/3 of her time. Please do yourself and your family the favor of making that part stick. You have to have some peace and normacly in your own family life.

Again I offer you my love and hugs. It is so hard to be in the middle of this sandwhich generation

 

[Tink rules]

So...

It snowed tonight...

And I HAD to go out in it...

Drive in it actually...

I went to CVS to pick up a prescription...

So I took Mom's car...

To which she had a (not literal, so don't call 911, please...) heart attack...

When I got back from fighting my way through the tundra...

Mom and I had a very intense & heated argument...

(actually I finally had a melt down...)

Do you know that if you hold your breath too long, you pass out???

I think I've been holding my breath since June...

(so much for Blue being my favorite color... )

I feel better... and a bit tired... so I'm going to go to sleep... or I should say... Bed... I'll let you know if I actually sleep sometime in this decade...(It's almost over isn't it???)

Good night all and Thanks Bubba for doing it last night... I just wasn't up to it...

MORNING MARILYN & DEBORAH!!!

​

 

[granmaz]

Well, all of us have carefully put the paperwork in front of her to sell the house...she starts screaming at the top of her lungs and tears the papers up.

We have stayed with her at her house to clean it out. We have had a little luck with this...but there is still a lot there.

We have turned off the phone cable etc (she has not lived there for 2 years) she calls and turns it back on.

We have forwarded the mail. She calls the post office and cancels the forward. I don't go get her mail...she cries and tells my kids how horrible I am because I don't help her....so then I go get her mail.

She is the most negitive manipulative person I have ever met.

How in the world do you do tough love on a 90 year old 80 pound lady? We can not figure out how she has loved this long....she smoked 3 packs a cigs a day till she was 82 when she quit cold turkey. She has drank enough in her life to kill 4 men.....

Oh well, I am sorry, this is my issue. I am very lucky because I have awesome brothers that have not left me alone to figure this out.

Lisa, this is tough for you. I remember now you sharing about her last year when you had problems with her. I'm glad you have support from your brothers or you would be ill with it all.

So...

It snowed tonight...

And I HAD to go out in it...

Drive in it actually...

I went to CVS to pick up a prescription...

So I took Mom's car...

To which she had a (not literal, so don't call 911, please...) heart attack...

When I got back from fighting my way through the tundra...

Mom and I had a very intense & heated argument...

(actually I finally had a melt down...)

Do you know that if you hold your breath too long, you pass out???

I think I've been holding my breath since June...

(so much for Blue being my favorite color... )

I feel better... and a bit tired... so I'm going to go to sleep... or I should say... Bed... I'll let you know if I actually sleep sometime in this decade...(It's almost over isn't it???)

Good night all and Thanks Bubba for doing it last night... I just wasn't up to it...

MORNING MARILYN & DEBORAH!!!

​

Michelle - . Perhaps the meltdown will clear the air and help you. You really have been holding something in for far too long - it isn't good for you at all.

 

[iankh]

Oh yes, it's lovely pot hole season again: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07wNjfUWlxM

Some of our streets are really horrible because of this bad winter and the freezing and the salt. I actually take some different routes to avoid what I would call craters in the street.

When I had Mrs Fezziwig at the dealer because of the accident, I met a woman (Mercedez onwer), who got a flat and bent a rim due to one of the craters.

 

[iankh]

As every situation is, it is very complicated. We love our mom (not that you don't) I guess we could just force the situation...but then everyone would be miserable.....especially me, as I am the primary care taker. She bursts into tears at the sound of anything at all that frightens her.

So I guess, It is a LOSE/LOSE situation and we just have to figure out which is the smallest LOSE.

We told mom she could move into assisted living....or spend 4 months with Andy (my brother in SC), 4 months with Don (my brother in Delaware) and 4 months with me in VA.

We said she can choose.....2 choices...how hard is that? Well appartently IMPOSSIBLE for her.

We may need to go to the courts for help.

You probably have already done this, but you might look into what elder services might assist you.

Here in Chicago we have the Jewish Counsel for the Elderly, and I relied on them very heavily with my father.

They have a mediation service that helps families "negotiate" with elder relatives, as sometimes, doing it alone can be difficult. A professional mediator can help with the process.

Perhaps there are some similar comprehensive organizations in your area who might be able to help with the situation.

 

[HollyTyler]

Well, all of us have carefully put the paperwork in front of her to sell the house...she starts screaming at the top of her lungs and tears the papers up.

We have stayed with her at her house to clean it out. We have had a little luck with this...but there is still a lot there.

We have turned off the phone cable etc (she has not lived there for 2 years) she calls and turns it back on.

We have forwarded the mail. She calls the post office and cancels the forward. I don't go get her mail...she cries and tells my kids how horrible I am because I don't help her....so then I go get her mail.

She is the most negitive manipulative person I have ever met.

How in the world do you do tough love on a 90 year old 80 pound lady? We can not figure out how she has loved this long....she smoked 3 packs a cigs a day till she was 82 when she quit cold turkey. She has drank enough in her life to kill 4 men.....

Oh well, I am sorry, this is my issue. I am very lucky because I have awesome brothers that have not left me alone to figure this out.

Yikes! Thank goodness you have your brothers to help you with all of this.

 

[HollyTyler]

Some of our streets are really horrible because of this bad winter and the freezing and the salt. I actually take some different routes to avoid what I would call craters in the street.

When I had Mrs Fezziwig at the dealer because of the accident, I met a woman (Mercedez onwer), who got a flat and bent a rim due to one of the craters.

Yup, that happened to me last winter. No fun.

 

[JLSE50]

Thanks Monica. When I picked Tyler up today, he was all smiles and just a happy kid, so I figured his day went well. Wrong. His teacher had called and left me a voice mail while I was picking him up. She told me today was very tough for him too. She said he didn't hurt anybody today, and they didn't have to physically restrain him today, so it wasn't as extreme as yesterday, but lasted much longer. From a few minutes after he got there until about 2:30 she said. It's amazing because you'd never know it by the way he is outside of school. But again, it's helpful info for me to pass on to the doctor.

One of the good things about Tyler being a happy boy when you pick him up is that they seem to be dealing with the issues when they occur not handing them to you also as if more punishment could change anything. This way his guilt does not carry over from place to place. Since he does not seem able to control the outbursts when they happen and is sorry for them afterwards, having all the adults pass on the stories so he has to keep apologizing and continues to feel bad has got to wear him out and reduce his self-esteem.

Constantly feeling and being reminded that you are letting people down and cannot do anything right is one of the things that leads kids to hurt themselves--sometimes permanently. Sure don't want Tyler doing that.

Jan