WAY OT: DD8 is asking about ....

[eliza61]

SEX...

She said they were on the playground today and some of the 5th grade girls were talking about it and she wants to know what it is...I am stumped on how to approach this subject. I don't want her to know too much, but I want her to leave the conversation feeling like I have answered her question...ya know what I mean??

ACCCKKKKK..we have already had the "period" conversation BTW, but I gave her as little info as possible and she was satisfied with my answer.

Why?
My mom had a very open and straight forward approach to sex. It was wonderful. It did not scare me, did not make me promiscus and in fact it actually gave me a lot of confidence when I got to high school because I knew all the stupid wives tails were not true (one's like you can't get pregnant you're first time having sex).
I knew all about my period, which makes it that less scary. When I did start getting them I knew exactly what was happening to my body.

Please don't be scared or withhold information, if she is asking questions she is curious. Nowadays sex is all over the place, no matter how we would like to sheild our kids the message is every where. Give her the tools to deal and to know your values and how you feel about it.

I have 2 teenage boys and by the time they got to health class they could have taught the class. They don't equate manhood with sex and they were taught to teach young ladies with respect not as some sex item from a rap video. We started the sex talk when they were about 7 or 8, as soon as the asked where puppies come from.

 

[DVCLiz]

sex is for procreation...that IS the biology of it. what ever else a person puts on it is strictly emotional.

With all due respect, a person can have a normal healthy sex life from the time they are teens until they are in their old age and NEVER become pregnant. Sex is not only for procreation, and if that is the view you teach a child you are doing a great disservice to that child. You can put any sort of moral overlay on it you want, but the actual biological facts of sexual intercourse and the accompanying issues of sex drive and pleasure are not exclusive to the act of creating a child.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

With all due respect, a person can have a normal healthy sex life from the time they are teens until they are in their old age and NEVER become pregnant. Sex is not only for procreation, and if that is the view you teach a child you are doing a great disservice to that child. You can put any sort of moral overlay on it you want, but the actual biological facts of sexual intercourse and the accompanying issues of sex drive and pleasure are not exclusive to the act of creating a child.

No kidding!

 

[imthatgirl]

With all due respect, a person can have a normal healthy sex life from the time they are teens until they are in their old age and NEVER become pregnant. Sex is not only for procreation, and if that is the view you teach a child you are doing a great disservice to that child. You can put any sort of moral overlay on it you want, but the actual biological facts of sexual intercourse and the accompanying issues of sex drive and pleasure are not exclusive to the act of creating a child.

you teach your 8yo about sex drives and the "pleasure" they could have from sex? no wonder our kids are growing up too fast. an 8yo cant possibly comprehend that. personally i wont put that baggage on my 8yo.

since when is morality a bad word? what is happening to this society that parents actually think 8yo need to know about a grown ups sex drive? why cant our kids just be kids anymore?

you think im doing a disservice, well i think anyone who puts that kind of emotional baggage on a child is doing a disservice to their child.

this is something you dicuss with a 16yo, not an 8yo!

 

[Matt'sMom]

With all due respect, a person can have a normal healthy sex life from the time they are teens until they are in their old age and NEVER become pregnant. Sex is not only for procreation, and if that is the view you teach a child you are doing a great disservice to that child. You can put any sort of moral overlay on it you want, but the actual biological facts of sexual intercourse and the accompanying issues of sex drive and pleasure are not exclusive to the act of creating a child.

Yes, I realize that people use sex for purposes other than procreation--some healthy, and some not so healthy (morality aside).

But... no form of birth control is 100% infallible. And I think you do your children a great disservice if you do not make that fact very clear when discussing sex (and the associated risks and responsibilities) with them. Sexual intercourse is the means by which humans reproduce, and it can lead to pregnancy... whether that is the intention or not.

Engaging in sex for purposes other than procreation does not mean that they won't get pregnant or expose themselves to STDs. Those are potential consequences each and every time that they engage in sex. It is a 'biological fact', and our children deserve to know that. Give them the information that will allow them to make intelligent, informed choices, before it is too late.

 

[mjkacmom]

my daughter is 8, we havent talked about her period yet either. its a ways off, i dont want to burdon her with things she doesnt need right now.

I didn't tell dd until she was 10, and boy, was she mad at me! I guess they hear and discuss things on the playground, and a couple of girls have had it since they were 8, and apparently she might've made a fool out of herself during these discussions, because I hadn't told her. I won't make this mistake again!

Edited to say, it's not a burdon at this age. It's way easier to tell them these things now, that it's just a fact of life. The older they get, the harder it is - got to grab the window.

 

[czycropper]

Wow!

I have an 8 yr old DD and a DD who's in 5th grade and first they don't go to the same school since our school system has K-4, 5-6 and I just asked my 5th grader what they talk about at recess and she said - Jonas Bros., school, cheer but she didn't mention the "S" word.

I'm amazed that a 5th grader would be talking about it. I haven't had that talk with my 5th grader and I'm hoping not to have it till she's at least in 7th grade. I would just explain it to her in the most basic terms.

Kids are growing up way too fast these days. I'm thankful that my two are still into American Girl dolls!

 

[imthatgirl]

I didn't tell dd until she was 10, and boy, was she mad at me! I guess they hear and discuss things on the playground, and a couple of girls have had it since they were 8, and apparently she might've made a fool out of herself during these discussions, because I hadn't told her. I won't make this mistake again!

Edited to say, it's not a burdon at this age. It's way easier to tell them these things now, that it's just a fact of life. The older they get, the harder it is - got to grab the window.

the average age a girl gets her period is between 10 and 15. it is very rare for a child to have her period as young as 8. there are also signs that her period may be coming on, especially the growth of her breasts. i would expect any reasonable adult to follow signs that their child is approaching the age.

my daughter isnt interested in knowing about her period. not now. im quite certain in this. im not going to bog her down with information she isnt ready for and isnt interested in knowing.

in 2 years we'll talk about getting her period, unless i see signs earlier that we need to.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

One of my daugters started at 9, I was 10 and my mom was 9. Way off might be stretching it.

 

[tzolkin]

I understand not wanting to get into the emotional details with a child, but I also understand why it might be more confusing to tell a child that sex is something only married people do to make babies. I can't tell you how many kids I've seen who asked tons of embarassing questions in front of or to parents who were unmarried. "That's not possible, you're not married", "Where's your husband?", etc.

I never thought I was getting into more detail than necessary, but my kids knew about sex when they were about 4. We always answered any questions they had about body parts, periods, and where babies come from with basic biological information. I do remember walking over to a table at church where my almost 4 year old DD was explaining to a group of 70+ year old women, "and then the baby comes out of the mommy's ******..."

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow!

I have an 8 yr old DD and a DD who's in 5th grade and first they don't go to the same school since our school system has K-4, 5-6 and I just asked my 5th grader what they talk about at recess and she said - Jonas Bros., school, cheer but she didn't mention the "S" word.

I'm amazed that a 5th grader would be talking about it. I haven't had that talk with my 5th grader and I'm hoping not to have it till she's at least in 7th grade. I would just explain it to her in the most basic terms.

Kids are growing up way too fast these days. I'm thankful that my two are still into American Girl dolls!

You might want to speed things up a bit - dd12 is in 7th, and when she tells me what they're talking about on the playground?! Either the kids know it all, or at least think they do. I've heard horror stories of oral sex parties in 7th grade, because they don't think it's sex. Also, since I've been talking to her about sex for a few years, the discussions are easy, and open. If I had waited, I'm guessing they would be uncomfortable, painful (she's in the heat of puberty, very moody, and certainly not open to new subjects with mom).

 

[imthatgirl]

Wow!

I have an 8 yr old DD and a DD who's in 5th grade and first they don't go to the same school since our school system has K-4, 5-6 and I just asked my 5th grader what they talk about at recess and she said - Jonas Bros., school, cheer but she didn't mention the "S" word.

I'm amazed that a 5th grader would be talking about it. I haven't had that talk with my 5th grader and I'm hoping not to have it till she's at least in 7th grade. I would just explain it to her in the most basic terms.

Kids are growing up way too fast these days. I'm thankful that my two are still into American Girl dolls!

we have the same situation here. my daughter plays with the 5th grade neighbor. they arent talking about sex. they are in the backyard building forts.
like you said they dont go to the same school, but knowing this girl and seeing her friends that come over, they just arent that advanced. and i see no reason to start advancing our children that young into womanhood.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

A kid with knowledge can keep themselves from harm. I've dealt with kids who "agreed" to do things they didn't understand. Either with known molesters, or kids at school.

With the vocabulary ant eh understanding they are empowered in both situations to protect themselves, make good choices, or to talk with a trusted adult if something is wrong.

 

[mjkacmom]

the average age a girl gets her period is between 10 and 15. it is very rare for a child to have her period as young as 8. there are also signs that her period may be coming on, especially the growth of her breasts. i would expect any reasonable adult to follow signs that their child is approaching the age.

my daughter isnt interested in knowing about her period. not now. im quite certain in this. im not going to bog her down with information she isnt ready for and isnt interested in knowing.

in 2 years we'll talk about getting her period, unless i see signs earlier that we need to.

Mine didn't get hers until 12. However, a couple of her friends got it years earlier. There are always a few who do. I think she would've handled it better if she had just known all along. She felt like I had hid it from her, and wasn't very happy with me.

 

[disneyfan2]

The books are the easiest way t get the conversation started. The care and keeping of you has been mentioned and is a good book,. this way, you can read with your daughter, or have her read about it then she can come to you to discuss it. The funniest was when she saw photos in the book(cartoonized) showing how to insert a tampon.

 

[imthatgirl]

Mine didn't get hers until 12. However, a couple of her friends got it years earlier. There are always a few who do. I think she would've handled it better if she had just known all along. She felt like I had hid it from her, and wasn't very happy with me.

like i said, there are ways to tell if its coming on, so watch for the signs.
i dont understand why a child would think it was hidden from her, unless if she asked you didnt tell her. other than that you tell them about things when its age appropriate and you feel it time.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

When my mom got hers at 10 (with NO signs, ****s, hair, nothing) she was in school, and thought she was going to die. literally. she thought she was going to bleed to death.

My grandma, who was 9 for hers just hadn't thought it to be an issue, yet, and was uncomfortable with the discussion.

 

[mjkacmom]

like i said, there are ways to tell if its coming on, so watch for the signs.
i dont understand why a child would think it was hidden from her, unless if she asked you didnt tell her. other than that you tell them about things when its age appropriate and you feel it time.

I knew when she would get hers (the pediatrician predicted it), so I held off. I wasn't taking into account that her friends would be discussing it, and she would have no idea what they were talking about. I'll never forget her reaction (I gave her The Care and Keeping of Me). It was like she just found out how babies get out of the mommy 2 months before she was to deliver a baby (OT - all of my kids know how babies are born).

Luckily, she's my first, and I learn a lot from her. I won't make this mistake again!

 

[Chelley00]

like i said, there are ways to tell if its coming on, so watch for the signs. .

My mother is a nurse, and she had no idea I was getting my period at the age of 10, until I freaked out screaming I was bleeding to death. Our pediatrician has told us girls are starting their periods a lot sooner now thanks to artificial hormones in milk and other food products.

I would much rather my kids find out about sex from me, than from kids on the playground. My kindergarten daughter last year was on a school bus with 4th graders who talked about sex, female body parts and pregnancy because one of their teachers was pregnant. She came home with LOTS of questions, and we answered every single one. I want my kids to feel they can ask me questions, and get straight, honest answers. My mother didn't do that for me, which is why I got pregnant in high school. I knew nothing about my body, sex or anything.

 

[Eeyoresfriend]

Just don't do what my Mom did to me when I asked.... she broke out the encyclopedia...LOL Bless her heart she tried.

I think she laid down the basics, but the rest of the details were learned through friends at school. (scary I know, but that was a long time ago)

I would say be honest, without getting into graphic detail. I can say, it wierded me out when we had the "talk" and I dropped the subject until I was in my late teens.