WAY OT: DD8 is asking about ....

[jennifer293]

SEX...

She said they were on the playground today and some of the 5th grade girls were talking about it and she wants to know what it is...I am stumped on how to approach this subject. I don't want her to know too much, but I want her to leave the conversation feeling like I have answered her question...ya know what I mean??

ACCCKKKKK..we have already had the "period" conversation BTW, but I gave her as little info as possible and she was satisfied with my answer.

 

[Crystal824]

IMO, which may be off base because I have no children. I would just explain it to her. If she is in 5th grade, most of the kids probably know. You want her getting the facts from you right...not some kid who might not get the details excatly right or might not share your morals.

 

[DVCLiz]

IMO, which may be off base because I have no children. I would just explain it to her. If she is in 5th grade, most of the kids probably know. You want her getting the facts from you right...not some kid who might not get the details excatly right or might not share your morals.

If she's 8, she's not in the 5th grade.

OP, you need to explain it to her. She'll get her facts from the playground anyway, but you want to be the one to tell her the basics in the way you decide is right.

"Sex is the word we use to describe the way a grown up man and woman share loving feelings with each other. There are special private body parts they use. Sometimes they can make a baby when they have sex, but sometimes they just like to share loving feelings with each other."

Then you can go from there, depending on her questions and your squeamish factor.

 

[mom2boys77]

I would tell her the truth. I know that I would much rather my kids get their information from me and not the playground. We started talking to our oldest son when he was around 6 and I was pregnant with our youngest. IMO, the earlier the better. Simple explanations are best. Good luck.

 

[t-beri]

I have to talk to my 5th grader about, you know what??? NO FETCHIN' WAY!!! I'm gonna have to have a talk with his dad!!

 

[mrsltg]

I would tell her the truth. I know that I would much rather my kids get their information from me and not the playground. We started talking to our oldest son when he was around 6 and I was pregnant with our youngest. IMO, the earlier the better. Simple explanations are best. Good luck.

My oldest was five when she asked how a baby was made and got into the mom. I told the truth. It's biologically a very simple idea and as long as you don't make a big deal of it, it won't be a big deal to her, either.

 

[J'aime Paris]

Young kids learn all kinds of "tidbits" from the older kids on the playground and on the bus. It's the only time they are together without direct supervision by teaching staff.
I'd tell your dd the truth, in language she can understand. There are books at the public library parents can use to facilitate the conversation.
I'd rather be the one to discuss this with my dd, not a 5th grader.
BTW, I had the "talk" with my dd last summer. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be!!

 

[melancholywings]

Did you ask her what she heard? I'd start there - what she heard the other girls talking about then explain or fix the incorrect info to a level that's appropriate to your family and maturity. What ever she heard has likely left her very confused. And she may need a lot or only a little information to be satisfied.
When we talk to DD about this stuff we always stress that it's a private conversation, something she doesn't need to share with the other kids. But we stress that if she does hear things from the other kids that confuse her (and she will)- that she should come to us and we'll tell her the truth. We don't candy coat it, but try and explain it in a way that we think she'll understand. We had to explain the word 'sexy' to her after buying a package of buttons at Target. And talked about why it was inappropriate for a young girl to be wearing that word.

 

[jennifer293]

Thanks for all the comments..I just put her and little sis to bed....She is in
3rd grade and the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades were allplaying on the playground today because they got behind on their schedules...Normally they try to keep the grades together.

I did ask what they said and she said "There were a few girls saying that they had sex before" (which I doubt and really hope to god they have not, they are 10 and 11) anyway she said she asked them what that meant and they would not tell her. They told her she was too little...THANK GOD!!!!

She knows the real names of body parts and as I stated earlier we have had the "period" talk, so I don't know why this one is getting me so bad....

This is about as bad as telling your parents you are pregnant because it is admitting to them you have had sex even though you are married..

I think tomorrow when she gets out of school I will pop a movie in for DD4 (Disney of course ) and then take DD8 to her room and "talk" to her....

Thank you so much for all your support!!!!

 

[imthatgirl]

well i may be the minority here, but i certainly would NOT go into too much detail.

i would answer with a precise age appropriate answer" sex is what men and women do after they are married to have children"

then if she were to follow up with another question i would again answer short and sweet. i would never offer info they werent mature enough to handle. they will let you know through their questions exaclty how far you should go with the topic.

 

[peytonsmomie]

My oldest is also 8, and when she recently broached the subject I simply said that,

"Sex is an activity that adults who are in love with each other and in a committed relationship decide to engage in. It's not something you need to worry about right now, because you're not ready to be in that serious of a relationship. If you want to know more about what exactly goes on, we can talk more about it. Have i answered your question?"

And she was fine with that. Of course, we haven't had the period conversation beyond her questioning when she's barged into the bathroom while I'm in there. She thinks it's TMI for now, and I agree.

What a thorny subject! I'm glad those 5th graders refused to tell her the details, but so sad that they themselves even know them, much less have acted on the knowledge.

 

[imthatgirl]

My oldest is also 8, and when she recently broached the subject I simply said that,

"Sex is an activity that adults who are in love with each other and in a committed relationship decide to engage in. It's not something you need to worry about right now, because you're not ready to be in that serious of a relationship. If you want to know more about what exactly goes on, we can talk more about it. Have i answered your question?"

And she was fine with that. Of course, we haven't had the period conversation beyond her questioning when she's barged into the bathroom while I'm in there. She thinks it's TMI for now, and I agree.

What a thorny subject! I'm glad those 5th graders refused to tell her the details, but so sad that they themselves even know them, much less have acted on the knowledge.

my daughter is 8, we havent talked about her period yet either. its a ways off, i dont want to burdon her with things she doesnt need right now.

 

[seashell724]

When I was in grade 2 I heard the word when I was in school from an older kid. I am forever grateful to my mom explaining it to me. She told me biologically what happens and that it is for when you are married and then all the other stuff that people have mentioneed. Also, be sure to mention when she is a bit older that other things kids DO NOT call sex really should be considered as sex.

Please don't brush over this and tell her that it is a "feeling for someone" or something. I have been FOREVER grateful to my mom for telling me how she did and for telling me how it happens. It really opened up the doors of communication for my mom and I when I was a pre-teen and I asked her about EVERYTHING and sometimes still do! I knew she wouldn't lie, be shocked at my questions or not discuss it frankly with me. You do NOT want her getting the wrong information with someone else. She should know she can come to you, her mom for any info. she ever needs.

Good luck!

 

[DVCLiz]

well i may be the minority here, but i certainly would NOT go into too much detail.

i would answer with a precises age appropriate answer" sex is what men and women do after they are married to have children"

then if she were to follow up with another question i would again answer short and sweet. i would never offer info they werent mature enough to handle. they will let you know through their questions exaclty how far you should go with the topic.

Why not say that sex is also for sharing feelings, not just to make babies? What is so wrong with going ahead and sharing that information??? Sex is not just for married people, or just for making babies.

I don't understand why parents find this so difficult. It's certainly appropriate to add, "We believe sex is something you ought to wait until marriage for," but I don't get why parents get so wigged out about talking to their children and avoiding the information they should be giving their kids. Because the chances are very good that married sex for procreation is NOT the kind they will have their first experiences with.

 

[seashell724]

PS-This may be a really great time to mention or bring up again that NO ONE should touch you in private places.

 

[imthatgirl]

Why not say that sex is also for sharing feelings, not just to make babies? What is so wrong with going ahead and sharing that information??? Sex is not just for married people, or just for making babies.

I don't understand why parents find this so difficult. It's certainly appropriate to add, "We believe sex is something you ought to wait until marriage for," but I don't get why parents get so wigged out about talking to their children and avoiding the information they should be giving their kids. Because the chances are very good that married sex for procreation is NOT the kind they will have their first experiences with.

because an 8yo cant comprehend "those" feelings.
i dont find it difficult at all. i am quite aware that she will most likely have sex before marriage, but she not having sex at 8. nor is she ready at 8 to handle the different kinds of relationships men and women have. my daughter is still in the back yard making mud pies with the neighborhood boys. she doesnt need to grow up any faster than the world already makes her.

 

[jennifer293]

my daughter is 8, we havent talked about her period yet either. its a ways off, i dont want to burdon her with things she doesnt need right now.

The reason I went ahead and gave her the period talk is because there are a few 9 year olds in her school whom have recently gotten their periods, so I wanted to get that one covered just in case she ends up being one of those rare exceptions. Plus I had an endometrial ablation almost 2 years ago so I don't have periods anymore, so there are no "feminine hygiene" products for her to find or anything for her to see when busting through the bathroom door like she always does. So nothing really to bring the subject up again unless she hears about it at school.

Being a parent is hard work!!!

 

[Melissa]

I think the most important thing to remember is it is not one "talk" it is little conversations over the years and making the most of teachable moments. Granted I work in family planning and talk to people everyday about sex so I am pretty comfortable with it. My advice is stay askable. Don't ever let a question freak you out, even if it does don't show it. And if you don't know admit it and tell her you'll look it up and let her know. Let her be the lead answer her questions and add detail as her questions come. This website has some great tips for talking with kids about sex and what they should know when. http://www.mainefamilyplanning.org/docs/parents_teachers/facts.php
I think it is important to remember knowledge is power. Good Luck!

 

[jennifer293]

I think the most important thing to remember is it is not one "talk" it is little conversations over the years and making the most of teachable moments. Granted I work in family planning and talk to people everyday about sex so I am pretty comfortable with it. My advice is stay askable. Don't ever let a question freak you out, even if it does don't show it. And if you don't know admit it and tell her you'll look it up and let her know. Let her be the lead answer her questions and add detail as her questions come. This website has some great tips for talking with kids about sex and what they should know when. http://www.mainefamilyplanning.org/docs/parents_teachers/facts.php
I think it is important to remember knowledge is power. Good Luck!

and what is your phone number??? Can you handle this for me?? Just kidding...thank you I will go check that site out right now!!

 

[imthatgirl]

Being a parent is hard work!!!

dont you know it!!