Was I Wrong Not To Go...?

[AKL_Megs]

I'm getting heat for not attending DH's cousin's children's birthday party yesterday.

I guess a couple weeks ago, a mass email went out to the family inviting everyone. DH got one asking if HE was going to attend (I wasn't mentioned), and he emailed back that he had to work.

I knew nothing of the party until Friday evening, when my MIL asked me if I was going. I said I hadn't been invited, and thus probably wasn't going to "crash" the party.

I later asked DH if I had been invited, and he confirmed that HE had been the one invited.

I figured, if they wanted me there, they would have shot me a message, and since they didn't, I spent my cold and rainy Sunday in my PJs!

Now everyone can't believe I didn't show. Was I wrong not to go even though I wasn't invited?

 

[mommasita]

I don't have family, but speaking for DH's side. We are a unit. When the email or phone call or invite comes, it is for us as a FAMILY.

What happens when you give birth, and this type of invite occurs? If your baby's name is not on it, will she go?

This is informal. Not a wedding where it goes out to Mr. and Mrs.

Again, this is my opinion.

 

[tomthebarncat]

How where you supposed to know there was a party if you were not invited. Sorry, but I lost my ability to read minds when I got married. You did the right thing, and kuddos for your hubby for RSVP'ing that he was not attending. Manners are sorely lacking in many in this day and age.

 

[castleview]

Cousin's children's birthday party? No thanks.

 

[ols386]

You said that your dh specifically said that HE was invited, so no I don't think you should take any heat for not going.

When you say 'everyone' can't believe that you did not go..who is everyone?

 

[kathie859]

When DH responded that he was unable to attend, if they wanted you there, they should have emailed back "what about AKL Megs?". They didnt so how were you to know????

 

[Hoodie]

As a married couple I would presume that we were both invited. I wouldn't send seperate invites to each either.

That said, your DH RSVP'd that he wouldn't be attending. If I was on the other end and got an RSVP that he wsa not attending, I'd presume that you weren't either, unless he specifically said that he couldn't come but you were. Unless otherwise stated, both invite and RSVP would cover both halves of the couple.

 

[jen0610]

I'm getting heat for not attending DH's cousin's children's birthday party yesterday.

I guess a couple weeks ago, a mass email went out to the family inviting everyone. DH got one asking if HE was going to attend (I wasn't mentioned), and he emailed back that he had to work.

I knew nothing of the party until Friday evening, when my MIL asked me if I was going. I said I hadn't been invited, and thus probably wasn't going to "crash" the party.

I later asked DH if I had been invited, and he confirmed that HE had been the one invited.

I figured, if they wanted me there, they would have shot me a message, and since they didn't, I spent my cold and rainy Sunday in my PJs!

Now everyone can't believe I didn't show. Was I wrong not to go even though I wasn't invited?

I don't know how to call it, as I don't know the wording of the e-mail.

But I can say this, there are many times, that when we are invited to something - both family and friends - when they just send it to my e-mail address. Even if it is just for DH, it comes to my e-mail address. Why???? I can only guess that most people know DH rarely gets into his and would miss them, where as I am in my daily and will see them.

And when they do come, most of them say - Hey we are having a party for ABC on XYZ @ this time. Your invited to come on over. It doesn't say my name, his name, our names - it just a general cover all invite.

 

[shirleyb]

Well, the way I see it, you're under no obligation to go, however, if your DH receives an invite to a family event, I would assume you're both invited. If he had said yes, he was going, would he have gone by himself or would you have gone along?

 

[shirleyb]

PS Guess I should have added, my DH would have said to me, Joe's having a party and I can't go. Do you want to go anyhow?

 

[ckay87]

Cousin's children's birthday party? No thanks.

Husband's cousin's children's birthday party. Too distant for me, I'm a no thanks also.

 

[robinb]

So who's giving you flack? You told your MIL that you didn't think you were invited on Friday.

 

[AKL_Megs]

You said that your dh specifically said that HE was invited, so no I don't think you should take any heat for not going.

When you say 'everyone' can't believe that you did not go..who is everyone?

The mother of DH's cousin, and the parents of the kids. I don't know who hosted or who did the inviting. My MIL said "everyone there" said "Where are R&M?"

And as for being a "unit", I get that, but the invite (email) said, "If you don't have to work (DH) come to the party..." It's just as easy to say, "You and M are invited..."

I don't care, I enjoyed my lazy day! But, I would have gone, had I known when, where...

 

[NHdisneylover]

As a married couple I would presume that we were both invited. I wouldn't send seperate invites to each either.

That said, your DH RSVP'd that he wouldn't be attending. If I was on the other end and got an RSVP that he wsa not attending, I'd presume that you weren't either, unless he specifically said that he couldn't come but you were. Unless otherwise stated, both invite and RSVP would cover both halves of the couple.

I agree with this

PS Guess I should have added, my DH would have said to me, Joe's having a party and I can't go. Do you want to go anyhow?

And this

Megs--didn't you have similar issues in the past where the family sends an invite to your DH to go out to dinner, he is working and responds "no" and then you feel hurt and left out that YOU were invited (yet your mother in law stopped by with take out for you I think)? It seems to me that your in laws have intended to invite both of you as a unit more than once and more than once your husband says no without consulting you. Nearly everyone I know just sends an invite to half a couple and assumes that means both are invited--I think your husband and you could save yourselves all kinds of grief if you started treating invites from his family as if they are for both of you and responding appropriately.

 

[ICF]

You're a big girl....you can say NO.

Especially as this wasnt even a neice or nephew but rather your husband's cousin's kids party.

 

[robinb]

The mother of DH's cousin, and the parents of the kids. I don't know who hosted or who did the inviting. My MIL said "everyone there" said "Where are R&M?"

Meh. I wouldn't worry about it. Your MIL got to be the center of attention which is something she seems to crave so she should be thanking you for not showing up . Oh, and I agree with NHdisneylover. You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you just assume that an invitation sent to your DH is an invitation to all 3 of you .

 

[AKL_Megs]

I don't recall this, but I wouldn't doubt it!

FWIW, it's typical in DH's family to BOTH get emails saying, "R&M, can you attend..."

Megs--didn't you have similar issues in the past where the family sends an invite to your DH to go out to dinner, he is working and responds "no" and then you feel hurt and left out that YOU were invited (yet your mother in law stopped by with take out for you I think)? It seems to me that your in laws have intended to invite both of you as a unit more than once and more than once your husband says no without consulting you. Nearly everyone I know just sends an invite to half a couple and assumes that means both are invited--I think your husband and you could save yourselves all kinds of grief if you started treating invites from his family as if they are for both of you and responding appropriately.

 

[NaLisa]

I'm very close to some of my cousins and DH is close with most of his too, so we usually attend the kids' parties. We take it on faith that an invite to one of us is an invite to both (unless it's a bachelor party or bridal shower or something).

I'd just say "I'm sorry, DH didn't tell me about the party so I didn't know about it or I would have been there. Next time, could you email both of us?"

 

[FlyingDumbo]

Nope! Brush it off and set the bar early. Even if I had been invited I would have made up an excuse not to go. No way I would be interested in my husband's cousin's kids bday party. NO THANKS! Especially without him there. I have a hard enough time suffering through my own family's obligations.

How well do you know the children? Might just be a gift grab.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I don't recall this, but I wouldn't doubt it!

FWIW, it's typical in DH's family to BOTH get emails saying, "R&M, can you attend..."

Baby brain?
I could be wrong--but I am almost positive it was you--now I HAVE to go off and search for it