Was I Wrong Not To Go...?

[tomthebarncat]

As a married couple I would presume that we were both invited. I wouldn't send seperate invites to each either.

That said, your DH RSVP'd that he wouldn't be attending. If I was on the other end and got an RSVP that he wsa not attending, I'd presume that you weren't either, unless he specifically said that he couldn't come but you were. Unless otherwise stated, both invite and RSVP would cover both halves of the couple.

I never presume anything, and if they could not take the ten seconds to write a complete invitation, then so be it. Dear So and So, we are inviting your family to a gift grab. Please let us know if your family will be attending, see you at the party. I timed it, it took 12 seconds to write those two sentences. I stand by my original response.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Baby brain?
I could be wrong--but I am almost positive it was you--now I HAVE to go off and search for it

LOL! I'm scared! Must we bring back my past haunts!!! LOL!

 

[luvmy3]

I'm very close to some of my cousins and DH is close with most of his too, so we usually attend the kids' parties. We take it on faith that an invite to one of us is an invite to both (unless it's a bachelor party or bridal shower or something).

I'd just say "I'm sorry, DH didn't tell me about the party so I didn't know about it or I would have been there. Next time, could you email both of us?"

Dh and I are very close to our cousins too, and if one of us got an email we know the invitation is for both of us. I honestly couldn't imagine only me or him be invited to a family party, and quite frankly I wouldn't be very happy if either of our families did things like that.
OP, if you didn't know about the party, then there isn't much you can do. Also, no matter who the party is for, you are never under obligation to attend it

 

[NHdisneylover]

LOL! I'm scared! Must we bring back my past haunts!!! LOL!

Nah--I woudln't even begin to know how to search for it anyway--I am terrible with that feature. I just seem to recall that for some reason.

I just meant to point out that I *think* it might be a recurring theme--so do just try to see invites from his family as being for both of you and do try to get your DH to check with you before he replies NO--I truly do think it will save you tons of hassle.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Meh. I wouldn't worry about it. Your MIL got to be the center of attention which is something she seems to crave so she should be thanking you for not showing up . Oh, and I agree with NHdisneylover. You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you just assume that an invitation sent to your DH is an invitation to all 3 of you .

LOL, she said even SHE couldn't wait to leave! The "cake" was non-dairy and sugarfree. And apparently, the presents were all (and HAD TO BE!!!) made of wood. The parents are very crunchy.

I should have gone, she said, just for gossip material!

 

[crashbb]

Nah--I woudln't even begin to know how to search for it anyway--I am terrible with that feature. I just seem to recall that for some reason.

I just meant to point out that I *think* it might be a recurring theme--so do just try to see invites from his family as being for both of you and do try to get your DH to check with you before he replies NO--I truly do think it will save you tons of hassle.

For what it's worth, I have the same memory (could be that we are both going insane).

And (assuming we are not going insane), I like your advice.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Nah--I woudln't even begin to know how to search for it anyway--I am terrible with that feature. I just seem to recall that for some reason.

I just meant to point out that I *think* it might be a recurring theme--so do just try to see invites from his family as being for both of you and do try to get your DH to check with you before he replies NO--I truly do think it will save you tons of hassle.

Good advice!

(And don't go figuring out that search feature, now... )

 

[mdsoccermom]

Such weird family dynamics. Never, in 18 years of marriage, have I required a separate invitation that explicitly mentions my name to a family event (excluding formal invitations, i.e. wedding).

Usually, invitations come via email to either DH or me. Sometimes they will include a generic "you". Both DH and I understand that an invitation from a family member means the whole family.

Maybe your husband knew you didn't want to attend, and when he RSVP'd to say he wouldn't be there, he thought it would be understood that neither one of you would be coming.

 

[Mkrop]

The mother of DH's cousin, and the parents of the kids. I don't know who hosted or who did the inviting. My MIL said "everyone there" said "Where are R&M?"

And as for being a "unit", I get that, but the invite (email) said, "If you don't have to work (DH) come to the party..." It's just as easy to say, "You and M are invited..."

I don't care, I enjoyed my lazy day! But, I would have gone, had I known when, where...

We go to cousin things.

If an email or any other invite comes, I would assume it is for all of us, unless it is a wedding or something.

 

[Becky2005]

I knew nothing of the party until Friday evening, when my MIL asked me if I was going. I said I hadn't been invited, and thus probably wasn't going to "crash" the party.

I wouldn't say you were wrong not to go but I'm thinking definitely they think of you as a unit for family parties. I know we do for such things but we are so casual in our family that it isn't unheard of for any of my aunts to be invited to a holiday event by my mom (actually, we usually expect it since these are both older single aunts so it's nice they don't have to be alone on holidays). I'm trying to think the last time we had real official invites that it wasn't assumed it was the whole family. I can't think of any....weddings & showers are about it.

However, you can legimately say "party? what party? I didn't know about the party, that's why I didn't come".

I just know in the scheme of things that really DOES happen. It happened to me with my MOM of all people. I didn't get invited to her surprise party by accident.

 

[momto2girls]

Husband's cousin's children's birthday party. Too distant for me, I'm a no thanks also.

This.

 

[tinatark]

Yes. You knew about the party, your hubby declined *his* invitation - and your mil asked you about it on Friday. I think at that point you should have realized that you not being *invited* was an oversight, not intentional.

As far as the closeness of cousin's children's parties - my dh's family is very close - there are only 6 cousins, and we are pretty close with their children and attend their parties (if we're in town). Same for my family, but with 30-something first cousins that can get a little, umm, busy!

 

[dakcp2001]

Cousin's children's birthday party? No thanks.

I am with ya on this! No thanks.

 

[robinb]

LOL, she said even SHE couldn't wait to leave! The "cake" was non-dairy and sugarfree. And apparently, the presents were all (and HAD TO BE!!!) made of wood. The parents are very crunchy.

Sugarfree vegan cake and wood toys? They sure know how to party!

 

[LisaNJ25]

The mother of DH's cousin, and the parents of the kids. I don't know who hosted or who did the inviting. My MIL said "everyone there" said "Where are R&M?"

And as for being a "unit", I get that, but the invite (email) said, "If you don't have to work (DH) come to the party..." It's just as easy to say, "You and M are invited..."

I don't care, I enjoyed my lazy day! But, I would have gone, had I known when, where...

and a normal invite would of been better... not not an emailed one. I have a friend who sends a text message for her kids birthday parties... that drives me insane.

 

[DisneyScraps]

I would have expected that the invite was for the family so you were invited.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Nope! Brush it off and set the bar early. Even if I had been invited I would have made up an excuse not to go. No way I would be interested in my husband's cousin's kids bday party. NO THANKS! Especially without him there. I have a hard enough time suffering through my own family's obligations.

Me either. The fact your dh could not go would mean I am not going either, it is a "get of of jail" free card.

Unless of course I knew the kids well and they knew me. Then that is different.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Yes. You knew about the party, your hubby declined *his* invitation - and your mil asked you about it on Friday. I think at that point you should have realized that you not being *invited* was an oversight, not intentional.

As far as the closeness of cousin's children's parties - my dh's family is very close - there are only 6 cousins, and we are pretty close with their children and attend their parties (if we're in town). Same for my family, but with 30-something first cousins that can get a little, umm, busy!

That's how my family is. We're all very close with cousins and their kids. Except, in our family, we'd never refer to someone as my husband's cousin's child. We would refer to him or her simply as our cousin.

 

[shortbun]

Seems to me like you are using 'not being invited' as an excuse not to have gone because you didn't want to go. It's ok, but I'm wondering why your husband didn't tell you about it and why you didn't say 'DH didn't tell me" instead of "I wasn't invited." Do you REALLY think they didn't invite you? Do you REALLY need that kind of attention? I think you don't, in fact, I'm pretty sure. Smile and admit you didn't feel good enough to go but don't put the ownus on 'them.'

 

[scrapquitler]

I would have expected that the invite was for the family so you were invited.

I agree with this.

Regardless, you are under no obligation to go if you didn't want to go. My husband's cousins child's birthday party? No thanks. I don't particularly like to go to the birthday parties of my own niece and nephews and I love those children.