Warning About Permanent Board Sad Stories

[undertheradar]

OP here, I started this thread to try and warn the newbies about our habitual hardcase posters. Please try and keep this thread from being closed, there are many new members who don't understand why this thread was started.

 

[kahpets]

Sort of OT, so I apologize for that, but if you have siblings, parents, friends with whom you exchange gifts, but they have everything and one more gift is just stuff, think about exchanging charitable contributions this year. My sister and I have been doing this for years and, for us, makes the holiday more in the spirit of giving. Just an idea, but with so many people needing help this year, it seemed like a timely idea worth mentioning.

I agree. We started something similar in my family for the adults that exchange gifts a few years ago (still do gifts for all the kids), and it has had the unexpected side effect of taking some of the stress out of the holidays.

 

[Pugsley]

As a grown adult I do get irked when someone tries to dictate what I do with my money. I own my decisions to give to whomever I want and whenever. If I give money to someone who ends up using it for nefarious purposes then I will own that, too.

However, this is a discussion board and i respect everyone's right to post what they want and it's clear that many people feel passionately about this topic.

In my humble opinion, the receiving of a gift is a secondary to the act of giving. The choice and actual act of giving is what it's all about for me, personally.

Wow, really? That seems kind of selfish to me. Giving is all about making *you* feel good so the receiver is irrelevant? Doesn't matter whether it's a truly needy person or a criminal, as long as it makes you feel good?

OP, thank you very much for this thread. At least people should be aware of these situations so they can make more informed decisions.

 

[foreUT]

I agree. We started something similar in my family for the adults that exchange gifts a few years ago (still do gifts for all the kids), and it has had the unexpected side effect of taking some of the stress out of the holidays.

Can't agree more!

 

[marthachick]

If people really want to "give" they should check their local newspaper. Our community - not even a town - has a charity. They are based around our local elementary school (where my son went) & their families in need. They get referrals from school counselors. The counselors get names of children who come to school hungry, in need of clothing, etc. The parents may get assistance, but the children are still in need. They do "Angels" and ask people to take the information and buy a coat, a pair of pants, a shirt, underwear, socks & a $20 toy.

I showed my DS21 the paper and when he read the list, he teared up & asked if that was really all the child would get for Christmas. I told him I guessed so. He then asked me to get an Angel for him to buy for.

So if you want to help someone and are not sure where to send your money, look locally. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are hurting.

 

[cornflake]

Wow, really? That seems kind of selfish to me. Giving is all about making *you* feel good so the receiver is irrelevant? Doesn't matter whether it's a truly needy person or a criminal, as long as it makes you feel good?

OP, thank you very much for this thread. At least people should be aware of these situations so they can make more informed decisions.

I do that as well and it's not about making me feel good. I'm not sure why you're classifying it that way.

I don't think the receiver is irrelevant or that a homeless person who buys alcohol or drugs somehow doesn't fit the definition of truly needy. I don't get that.

I give to people on the street and if I'm asked to buy food (which has happened numerous times), I do. In other circumstance, if I happen to hand someone money, I frankly don't care if they use it for drugs or alcohol. I don't live on the street; I have a house with food and money and creature comforts and etc. If someone with none of that wants to spend my dollar on booze, I think it's a very sad situation in a larger sense, but I don't begrudge them their choice, they're adults.

 

[eliza61]

I do that as well and it's not about making me feel good. I'm not sure why you're classifying it that way.

I don't think the receiver is irrelevant or that a homeless person who buys alcohol or drugs somehow doesn't fit the definition of truly needy. I don't get that.

I give to people on the street and if I'm asked to buy food (which has happened numerous times), I do. In other circumstance, if I happen to hand someone money, I frankly don't care if they use it for drugs or alcohol. I don't live on the street; I have a house with food and money and creature comforts and etc. If someone with none of that wants to spend my dollar on booze, I think it's a very sad situation in a larger sense, but I don't begrudge them their choice, they're adults.

Let it go cornflake, it's an anomaly specific to the budget board. If you don't spend your money the way I think you should spend your money then some thing is wrong with you.

 

[Burnedout]

Interesting. I'm wondering, nicely, not sarcastically, if you have a problem with the news media giving warnings for holiday scams, or disaster related scams? I saw this op in that way. Or am I missing something that isn't really any of my business?

 

[robinb]

I do that as well and it's not about making me feel good. I'm not sure why you're classifying it that way.

I don't think the receiver is irrelevant or that a homeless person who buys alcohol or drugs somehow doesn't fit the definition of truly needy. I don't get that.

I give to people on the street and if I'm asked to buy food (which has happened numerous times), I do. In other circumstance, if I happen to hand someone money, I frankly don't care if they use it for drugs or alcohol. I don't live on the street; I have a house with food and money and creature comforts and etc. If someone with none of that wants to spend my dollar on booze, I think it's a very sad situation in a larger sense, but I don't begrudge them their choice, they're adults.

Many of the homeless are mentally ill, so I would quibble a little on their ability to make rational and adult decisions.

 

[Minnesota!]

Homeless is far different from on assistance and raking disney trips. Comparing the two trivializes true need.

 

[cornflake]

Many of the homeless are mentally ill, so I would quibble a little on their ability to make rational and adult decisions.

Sure they are - but... so? I mean am I meant to think 'well, seems like he may be mentally ill thus he's not thinking as clearly as he might so I won't give him a dollar because he might buy booze?' I'm honestly asking, as I don't see what that someone is mentally ill would have to do with it.

I know people with jobs, homes, families, etc., who are mentally ill too. I doubt their ability to make rational, adult decisions (seriously - though not in a chuck the baby out the window or anything way, just in a 'oy, yikes' way). Doesn't mean I make decisions for them.

 

[brunette8706]

Sure they are - but... so? I mean am I meant to think 'well, seems like he may be mentally ill thus he's not thinking as clearly as he might so I won't give him a dollar because he might buy booze?' I'm honestly asking, as I don't see what that someone is mentally ill would have to do with it.

I know people with jobs, homes, families, etc., who are mentally ill too. I doubt their ability to make rational, adult decisions (seriously - though not in a chuck the baby out the window or anything way, just in a 'oy, yikes' way). Doesn't mean I make decisions for them.

*
You sound like an enabler. People have to learn to clean up their act. When I give I give food not $$$$. Remember this proverb:

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.​

 

[Earstou]

I remember reading once about a woman who carried cans of food in her car. Then when she came across someone begging, she offered them some cans. Some took them, some didn't!
I've thought about doing this, since it's a way to offer help without enabling an addiction.

 

[brymolmom]

Yeah - the gift card to Subway or McDonald's doesn't really work too well either. My brother has been an addict for 20 plus years so my family has seen it all and is very familiar with the behavior (although I don't allow him in my life or the lives of my kids regularly). Anyway - he is ALMOST as happy to beg off of you a $20 giftcard to Subway or Wegmans as he is to get $20 cash from you.

It is extremely easy, apparently, to get this converted to cash. Maybe he sells it outside the store for a slight discount or maybe the store gives back cash if you buy $1 pack of gum - not sure how, but I do know it is 'as good as cash' in his mind.

So I never give him giftcards either. I have brought him to the store and purchased $20 in food before.

 

[cornflake]

*
You sound like an enabler. People have to learn to clean up their act. When I give I give food not $$$$. Remember this proverb:

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.​

I'm not their parent. It's not my place to say if someone has to 'learn to clean up their act.'

They're free to do with what I give them as they please. I give it to them, it's no longer mine.

 

[badblackpug]

Yeah - the gift card to Subway or McDonald's doesn't really work too well either. My brother has been an addict for 20 plus years so my family has seen it all and is very familiar with the behavior (although I don't allow him in my life or the lives of my kids regularly). Anyway - he is ALMOST as happy to beg off of you a $20 giftcard to Subway or Wegmans as he is to get $20 cash from you.

It is extremely easy, apparently, to get this converted to cash. Maybe he sells it outside the store for a slight discount or maybe the store gives back cash if you buy $1 pack of gum - not sure how, but I do know it is 'as good as cash' in his mind.

So I never give him giftcards either. I have brought him to the store and purchased $20 in food before.

They sell it for 50 cents on the dollar.
The addicts also do it with their monthly bus pass (which they get for free if they are on disability) and they used to do it with food stamps until they switched to a debit card system.

I don't think anyone here is telling anyone how they should, or shouldn't spend their money. It's yours (general "you") do with it as you please. I think the OP was just trying to warn the uninitiated that, even though this is a Disney board, not everyone is on the up and up.

 

[brunette8706]

I'm not their parent. It's not my place to say if someone has to 'learn to clean up their act.'

They're free to do with what I give them as they please. I give it to them, it's no longer mine.

*
Yes, but you are feeding their illegal addiction. There are other ways to help the homeless. See my proverb above. These people need help not a nail to put in their coffin.

 

[cornflake]

*
Yes, but you are feeding their illegal addiction. There are other ways to help the homeless. See my proverb above. These people need help not a nail to put in their coffin.

I'm not feeding anything. I'm giving someone money - what they choose to do with it is their business.

 

[SaraJayne]

I remember reading once about a woman who carried cans of food in her car. Then when she came across someone begging, she offered them some cans. Some took them, some didn't!
I've thought about doing this, since it's a way to offer help without enabling an addiction.

When handing out these cans of food, did she also hand out can openers with them? That would be the most logical reason for why some people didn't take them.

If you don't have a way of opening a can, it makes no sense to accept one.

 

[ICF]

Not sure about other citiies, but here in Indy 99% of the "homeless" people you see along the roads or highway exits aren't homeless at all.

There have been stories about the "fake homeless" on the news and I used to work in an office near a major interstate exit and would see these people get dropped off / picked up everyday as they did a "shift change".

So give to them if you want, but just know that there is a chance (at least here....and Im sure other cities too) that you're being scammed. It's likely better to give directly to a shelter of some sort than that person on the side of the road.