Want to Send Someone Special To Disney World

[believenfaith]

Op, I think your idea is very generous and is certainly motivated by good intent. However, I agree with the other posters who mentioned the Code of ethics she is obligated to follow, in no way could she ethically accept the gift, even if ds is going to be a former student as of Tuesday.

Would you consider setting up some type of scholarship fund in her name at the school? A $3000 endowment could provide a small scholarship yearly to a graduating senior who is pursuing a degree in the healthcare field and has demonstrated the qualities you feel she has exemplified. Or perhaps a donation to the school in her name that can be used to benefit all of the students who receive specialized services?

 

[RangerPooh]

I agree with many of the PPs. While your gift has good intentions it is inapproriate. Even if you consider her to be a friend and want to generously thank her, it's just excessive. Having worked in the k-12 classroom I could never accept a gift valued at more than $25, anything over that amount was to be turned in to the school for the school to keep. While I had generous parents, I never had parents this generous.

Even if it was kept a secret word spreads amongst teachers, parents, and community members. So it could be 5 weeks or 5 months down the road and word spreads; jealous teachers or parents, gossip, etc. and that teacher could find herself having to report to the HR office for the district. Personally it's not something that I would want to jeopardize my career over.

A nice letter to her as well as her principal, accompanied by a giftcard to a resturant, movie theater, etc would suffice.

 

[scottmel]

Honestly I think the easiest thing to do is invite her family with yours. I stated the obvious ealier about her not being your therapist after next friend - friends do for friends! I Sent my BFF to Hawaii one year to see her good friend get married at a destination wedding. Yes it was over the top, she was BEYOND grateful and it was an awesome feeling. Sometimes posting to these boards gets reactions that you forget exist in the world sometimes. You do what your heart tells you to do. Personally, the least akward thing is to say "you are going to disney with us in _______" If you don't want them on the same trip then Iwould do a mock gc about room and tickets for them at WDW with a gc for food attached with it.....Then you pay the travel agent seperately. Certificate can say "your choice of ___ hotel" and thenlist hotels inthat category etc.

 

[crisi]

ok I hear and get what you guys are all saying but AFTER This week she is NO longer my son's speech therapist so if I give her the gift card next week say, then it's technically ok right? Because she's NOT his st anymore right? How can she get into trouble then? I'm afraid if I call her supervisor and "tip" them off or give them a head's up that will put something in their mind and she'd for sure get into trouble. If she's just a friend after next week per say, what's the harm then?

Nope. Your fundamental relationship is professional and the gift is a thank you for professional services.

I have a friend who is friends with a teacher. This teacher had her kid - and mine. The women in question have known each other 30 years. There has been nothing but token gifts since her children hit school, and there will not be until they graduation - as the teacher could get reassigned and they could yet end up with her as Seniors in High School.

This is a seriously sweet and generous thing to want to do. But you need to make sure she can accept it. And even if she can accept it, you need to make sure she is willing to accept it. Her own ethics may forbid her from accepting such an expensive gift from someone she knows professional. I wouldn't.

 

[TDC Nala]

Sometimes posting to these boards gets reactions that you forget exist in the world sometimes. You do what your heart tells you to do.

And if the friend has a professional ethical barrier to accepting this extraordinarily generous gift? That's reality, not pixie dust, and it apparently isn't something the OP thought about.

She's already mentioned that she isn't giving the gift because they are such good friends, but because of everything the therapist has done for her son. She really needs to check as to whether the therapist can accept the gift without professional ethical problems.

 

[sk!mom]

Sounds like a lot of jealously in here.

Seriously? No jealousy here. It's very generous but most likely not allowed. Professionally it is considered unethical and inappropriate. It doesn't matter that the professional relationship is ending. It is still a thank you for a professional relationship.

My DS works at a grocery store and they have to turn in even small tips. I would assume that the reasoning is that the store offers equal service to all and doesn't want the perception that tipping the employees will get you better service.

OP, please let us know how it goes. I'm curious to know if any professional can accept such a large gift.

 

[mistysue]

We go through a LOT of therapists (one child with learning delays, one with physical delays) and whenever gifts come up they ask (practically plead) to be given something home made.

For a speech therapists, why not get one of those cards or a photo book or something where you child records messages and you can put pictures of things your child may have had trouble with saying? They could describe something or get them to say tongue twisters with all the words correct?
That would be really cute, really special and as long as you don't get it diamond encrusted or whatever it won't be an ethics problem.

 

[mrodgers]

Besides, I thought this was the "Budget Board" -- just thinking about a gift which, in all honesty, costs as much as a good, used car (there's nothing "budget" about any last-minute trip to WDW), gives many of us reason to pause...

Budget doesn't mean you have no money. Budget means that money is set aside for something. You can have a $10 budget or a $10,000 budget, it is still budget. This board seems to think budget means saving as much as possible on things you buy or needing to buy things you can't afford.

That said, I'm surprised that it is perfectly OK for people to say they'll give a tip no matter what when it has been stated repeatedly that a Lowes delivery person is not allowed to accept a tip and would be fired upon doing so, but it is completely inappropriate to tip a teacher who works for the public school system. How does the Lowes delivery person different than the public school teacher?

 

[elfbo]

That said, I'm surprised that it is perfectly OK for people to say they'll give a tip no matter what when it has been stated repeatedly that a Lowes delivery person is not allowed to accept a tip and would be fired upon doing so, but it is completely inappropriate to tip a teacher who works for the public school system. How does the Lowes delivery person different than the public school teacher?

The dollar amount. I cant imagine anyone tipping the Lowes delivery person 1000$+. Its not a problem with giving the teacher a gift. The problem is with giving a gift that would cause the ethics policy to be called in to play.

 

[JB2K]

The dollar amount. I cant imagine anyone tipping the Lowes delivery person 1000$+. Its not a problem with giving the teacher a gift. The problem is with giving a gift that would cause the ethics policy to be called in to play.

mrodgers was speaking of a thread that appeared here, not too long ago (it was another one of those "tipping threads" that seem to pop-up every couple of months). The OP of that particular thread wanted to tip the appliance delivery person from Lowe's for delivering a major appliance (and many of us told the OP that Lowe's corporate policy, like that of other "big box" operations, prohibited their employees accepting tips). Not sure what the final outcome was, but I think it played-out much like it did with the OP of this thread.

I'm beginning to think the BB should be re-named "The Big Spenders Board"...

 

[JB2K]

Budget doesn't mean you have no money. Budget means that money is set aside for something. You can have a $10 budget or a $10,000 budget, it is still budget. This board seems to think budget means saving as much as possible on things you buy or needing to buy things you can't afford.

Or, in the words of The DIS, themselves:

Learn the 'in and outs' of smart earning, saving, and spending your money. Our motto: 'Any dollar saved or earned is another dollar for Disney!'

I guess it could go both ways, but the recurring theme seems to be all about "deal-catching", more than anything...

 

[sissy_ib]

Or, in the words of The DIS, themselves:

Learn the 'in and outs' of smart earning, saving, and spending your money. Our motto: 'Any dollar saved or earned is another dollar for Disney!'

I guess it could go both ways, but the recurring theme seems to be all about "deal-catching", more than anything...

I know we are going off topic but I agree with your last sentence. Buying something I don't need or would not normally buy just because it is on sale is not saving money. I'm not sure why this post is even on the BB since as far as I an tell it has nothing to do with saving money or budgeting.

 

[eeyorethegreat]

OP I am with the others. I hope you really think this through. It may be generous of you. Yes, she may be leaving the position she is at now but she is going to another. I am pretty sure that in going to a new job she will be on a probationary peroid in which she could be dismissed from her new job. I would say that accepting such a gift from a former client would certainly fit that bill. You might be wanting to t hank her but you could very well be compromising her livlihood. Is that something you really want to do?

Another thing you should think about is how are you going to feel if she outright turns down your gift? How is she going to feel if you try to give her t his gift? I know that if I was in her position, I might be touched at your generosity but I would feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable if a client tried to give me a gift such as this. I would have trouble accepting a $25 gift card this goes well beyond that. This goes beyond what is exceptable ethically. I would also have to question the professionalism of someone who was willing to accept such a gift as you are wanting to offer.

Also, I know you don't want to think about this but essentially this ST was doing her job. She may have been very effective but she was still doing her job. I doubt that she treated her other clients differently than she treated you and your son. You might have had common i nterests, might have shared some personal information but in the end she is/was your child's speech therapist. It is easy for clients and family of clients to feel as if they have built a friendship with a professional such as a ST. Especially when they do home visits. To the client, once they are comfortable with the therapist/teacher it really does feel like a "visit" but is is not. Your ST probably really likes you as a person and I am sure she has enjoyed working with your son and will miss doing so. That however, does not raise her to the level of a personal friend. ST, teachers, etc get to know many families and may even feel a connection with them but that doesn't mean that there is an actual friendship that will continue outside of the role they play professionally. I would be careful in assuming that this is a friend in the actual context.

I really hope you think this thing through. For her sake as well as yours. If you insist on recognizing her in a special way and are intent on spending a sum on her ask what her favorite charity is and make a donation.

 

[mrodgers]

The dollar amount. I cant imagine anyone tipping the Lowes delivery person 1000$+. Its not a problem with giving the teacher a gift. The problem is with giving a gift that would cause the ethics policy to be called in to play.

So if one is told repeatedly that a certain service person is not allowed to accept a tip per policy, it is only inappropriate if it is a large amount of money? Or is it inappropriate only if said service person is allowed a token gift, just not something substantial? But if said service person was not allowed to accept any tip, then it is inappropriate not to offer a tip/gift?

This forum gives out very strange advice.

 

[kamik86]

A question for all those that say this isn't ok...

I know when I was in school there were kids that had relatives working for the school in different places. So lets say there is a student who has his aunt as a teacher. Would this policy then not allow the child's mother to give her sister a gift???

Maybe they wouldn't be in the normal class of their aunt so if that is your answer lets instead assume the aunt is the music teacher. I know my band teacher had his own son's in his band for a few years because he was the only music teacher in the district so there was no way for him not to have his children in a class.

 

[peanutsmommy10]

I did call the school board and they said monetary gifts have a $25 limit so I am going to ask her. I understand what everyone is saying but this lady has given my son personal items that were hers and I KNOW they cost well over $25. We've already done the handmade gift. I know how I will feel if she turns me down. I really would like to give this trip to her though. And some of you have raised very good questions...what about those whose aunts, uncles, etc teach and receive gifts. They're not allowed to?

 

[crashbb]

A question for all those that say this isn't ok...

I know when I was in school there were kids that had relatives working for the school in different places. So lets say there is a student who has his aunt as a teacher. Would this policy then not allow the child's mother to give her sister a gift???

Maybe they wouldn't be in the normal class of their aunt so if that is your answer lets instead assume the aunt is the music teacher. I know my band teacher had his own son's in his band for a few years because he was the only music teacher in the district so there was no way for him not to have his children in a class.

Red Herring. First - once a relative is teaching a child, there is no way around questions of impartiality (fair or not), so that ship has sailed. Second - the OP is giving the gift specifically as a thank you for the work the teacher has done. The gift given by women to her sister (in your scenario) is a birthday gift and has nothing to do with the work the teacher has done.

 

[Pembo]

A question for all those that say this isn't ok...

I know when I was in school there were kids that had relatives working for the school in different places. So lets say there is a student who has his aunt as a teacher. Would this policy then not allow the child's mother to give her sister a gift???

Maybe they wouldn't be in the normal class of their aunt so if that is your answer lets instead assume the aunt is the music teacher. I know my band teacher had his own son's in his band for a few years because he was the only music teacher in the district so there was no way for him not to have his children in a class.

My brother was MY band director. We never felt the need to give him a teacher gift. Only gifts were for family functions.

OP as a teacher, I would be flattered by your offer, but would politely refuse. Your gift to us is the opportunity to learn from your child.

 

[Bonniec]

I did call the school board and they said monetary gifts have a $25 limit so I am going to ask her. I understand what everyone is saying but this lady has given my son personal items that were hers and I KNOW they cost well over $25. We've already done the handmade gift. I know how I will feel if she turns me down. I really would like to give this trip to her though. And some of you have raised very good questions...what about those whose aunts, uncles, etc teach and receive gifts. They're not allowed to?

Just ask her boss first and make sure it's okay. I think it's wonderful.

If her boss says it's okay, buy it for her but in a way that she could still reject it if she wanted to. Like give her that says surprise that you are buying her a trip. Then if she rejected it, you wouldnt lose your money.

 

[crisi]

She isn't forbidden from giving your son gifts, she is forbidden from accepting gifts over $25.