Very sensitive... autism abuse... need prayers..

[cydswipe]

I could go on and on about my older sister. She's a Nurse @ University hospital. She's gone from home 2-3 nights a week.

She has twins (10 in May), a girl (4) and 2 yr old boy. One of the twins has autism.

My BIL is a piece of work (note sarcasm please). He is from divorced parents... he found out as a teen, the guy he called "dad" isn't his bio dad. Needless to say, my niece and nephews have many many "grandparents"

We (my other sisters, husbands, brother, mom) have suspected my nephew with autims (I call him "S") has been abused.

There are many instances where I've seen BIL go over the top yelling at S. My mom did respite for some time from him. She witnessed some awful behavior by BIL when he came while she was doing respite. My mom should have reported my BIL on a couple of occasions.

I have always thought that if someone (OT, PT, teachers, preschool aides) would start the ball rolling, others would finally say what they've witnessed or suspected.

So today, I get a phone call from my mom in tears. My older sister called Mom crying and said she was calling protective services on her husband. The twins were showering together and my nephew notices bad bruises on S arm and buttocks.

So my question is, if/when, my mom or sister makes the call... what steps are taken?

I don't "think" the other children are being hurt... well, on the outside anyway.... My 10 year old nephew has said he doesn't like his dad. "He calls me an idiot"

Any help/ thoughts....

Thanks for your time..

 

[LMC]

She should call before she becomes culpable for his actions. Her inaction could cause her to shoulder some of the blame so she needs to take care of it now. Hopefully, CPS will have him arrested today or at the very lease, get a protective order to get him out of the house for a while.

 

[livndisney]

I could go on and on about my older sister. She's a Nurse @ University hospital. She's gone from home 2-3 nights a week.

She has twins (10 in May), a girl (4) and 2 yr old boy. One of the twins has autism.

My BIL is a piece of work (note sarcasm please). He is from divorced parents... he found out as a teen, the guy he called "dad" isn't his bio dad. Needless to say, my niece and nephews have many many "grandparents"

We (my other sisters, husbands, brother, mom) have suspected my nephew with autims (I call him "S") has been abused.

There are many instances where I've seen BIL go over the top yelling at S. My mom did respite for some time from him. She witnessed some awful behavior by BIL when he came while she was doing respite. My mom should have reported my BIL on a couple of occasions.

I have always thought that if someone (OT, PT, teachers, preschool aides) would start the ball rolling, others would finally say what they've witnessed or suspected.

So today, I get a phone call from my mom in tears. My older sister called Mom crying and said she was calling protective services on her husband. The twins were showering together and my nephew notices bad bruises on S arm and buttocks.

So my question is, if/when, my mom or sister makes the call... what steps are taken?

I don't "think" the other children are being hurt... well, on the outside anyway.... My 10 year old nephew has said he doesn't like his dad. "He calls me an idiot"

Any help/ thoughts....

Thanks for your time..

I am not going to comment on BIL's "past", but rather focus on the present.

It is appalling to me that all of these adults KNOW this abuse is going on and no one has reported it. ANYONE can report abuse, but in some states certain people are REQUIRED to report suspected abuse. Doctors, nurses and teachers fall into the required to report category. You mentioned preschool aides? Has the abuse been going on for years?

As far as what happens after a report is made, it depends. If a call is made while the abuse is in progress and the police are called-they will come out and investigate right then. If a report is made to child services, it make take a little longer for them to come out and investigate.

Personally I would be more concerned with what may happen if you don't call. It sounds as if this abuse has gone on for awhile and has progressed to a physical level. Your nephew needs help. He needs someone to stand up for him and make this stop. You can be that person. You can report without giving your name. Your Mom can report it as well.

 

[Kat77]

My thoughts are probably obvious but here they are:
1) Take S to the pedi to have bruises checked and more.
2) Take photos
3) Find a child therapist to speak with ALL the children asap.

These are things that can be done now. State investigations can take time.

 

[bookwormde]

It varies some from state to state, but most states take this very seriously. Typically a preliminary assessment is done to see if the child in ongoing danger of abuse (both physical and emotional), if so CPS gets a protection orders in place. After that a more extensive investigation is done. In the case of a child with a disability it is typically more intense and complicated (some states have a different level of crime for abuse of disabled individuals and senior citizens). The complainant should get list of those who have witnessed verbal abuse and have it ready for the investigators so they can interview them to establish a “pattern of behavior”. CPS will also interview the rest of the children from the family. If I were the complainant I would go for a protective order for herself also.

If the complaint is substantiated most times the perpetrator will plead guilty to avoid having to go to prison (prison is not a safe place for child abusers, especially of a disabled child).

Sorry your family has to go through this, counseling is certainly important for the mother and children.

stops and it is “explained” to them.

Good luck and my best wishes.

bookwormde

 

[Hannathy]

Is your sister ready to leave her husband? If he is reported and investigated he will not be able to live with her and at least this child, possibly any of the kids.

Does she want him out or will she be madder at you than him? I've seen it happen.

Can she support herself and the kids without him? How is this going to be dealt with?

Just giving you some things to think about and get in order before making a call.

 

[SueM in MN]

I didn't get to write earlier, but many of the things I was going to say were already written.
As a Public Health Nurse, I reported a few people to Protective Services over the years and also visited families who had court ordered visits from both the Public Health Nurse and Social Workers.

As a nurse, your sister is a mandated reporter in any state (at least any I know of), so she is legally required to report suspected abuse.

As other posters mentioned, anyone can report abuse and they can report anonymously. Protective Services is not allowed to tell who reported - in some cases that I was involved in, people guessed who reported them.
That can lead to other problems - once the abuse has been reported, the abuser may be ordered out of the home. I am also aware of situations where the father suspected the mother and became angry at her - abusing her.
So, once it has been reported, your sister needs to be prepared that he may become abusive to her. Make sure she knows how to contact an abused woman's shelter in case she needs to take the kids and disappear quickly.

In many cases, people don't want to report unless they are sure that there is abuse going on. Anyone with a suspicion that abuse might be happening should report. As was mentioned, an investigation will be done; they don't just take the report as a proven thing.
Someone from Protective Services will contact your sister; they may visit the child at home or at school or another setting. A physical exam will usually be done to look for signs of abuse and the child/children will be interviewed to find out what they have seen/experienced.
Depending on the circumstances, the child may be removed from the home and placed into foster care or the abuser may be forbidden to come into the house. This is usually in effect during the course of the investigation.

 

[mamaloya]

Your sister needs to report the abuse and make sure they have her name. I reported abuse by my ex and they at first were going to investigate me as well, even though he was out of the home as soon as I found out. The only thing that stopped them from potentially taking my kids away and then asking questions is that they saw that "I" was the one that made the report. If the school or pediatrician makes the report, they are not eyewitnesses and will just be able to say he was abused, but not by who. That means the state will have to investigate and decide. You do not want that. If she thinks her hubby may turn on her, she needs to go to a shelter and report it from there. If she is not too worried, then she can report it and ask for a restraining order just to make it clear to him that he is no longer welcome there.

They will probably have all of your children interviewed by a forensic counselor at a children's advocacy center. They are excellent. Don't be scared. The truth is on your side.

My prayers are with you all as you go through this.

Sandi