Very OT: Bad situation

[tlbwriter]

There isn't conclusive evidence that she's stealing from MIL and the nephew. True, items disappeared, but chances are, if this person's criminal past hadn't become known to the OP, she never would have thought to accuse her. Now that she suspects that SIL has a larceny conviction, it is tempting to "point the finger" at this person, but you simply can't based on suspicion! Innocent until proven guilty and all that. Maybe the money was lost. Maybe the Nintendo DS did get thrown out. Maybe someone else took them. Who knows? Baseless suspicion wouldn't exactly hold up in a court of law. A first year law student would be able to win that case!

Regardless, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. And the SIL was suspected of stealing from MIL at the time of the incident, but the OP and her husband thought she couldn't have done it because she was "so sweet." I wouldn't run around saying "SIL is a thief!" but I would certainly not trust her.

 

[caroline1851]

Serously? According to this website that may or may not be accurate, she stole something. No-one knows the circumstances surrounding this. Again, it is not as if she is a violent criminal or a pedophile. I am about 95% certain that telling her "I am watching you" will ruin any relationship between her the OP and the OP's brother, and if she runs to the rest of the family, it will ruin their relationship, too. Even just "the conversation" is risky. It will make her feel awkward and spied upon. Judge her on her behavior now.

Seriously, let it go.

Ditto!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

This might not be a popular solution, but have you thought about sending an anonymous letter to MIL or BIL, and just wait to see the reaction? If there have been no recent "incidents" then you could let it go, but if anything else goes "missing" you would feel even worse knowing you held onto information...

See, to me, that's just avoiding communication. So many bad things happen to people because they are either afraid or ashamed to speak up. Or too cowardly. I don't think the OP is cowardly, btw, but I do think slipping a note to somebody anonymously is.

I try and ask myself "what good can come of this" when I'm doing something. If I were in the OP's shoes, I would do what I think is appropriate to protect my family. This includes speaking directly to the person who has the criminal record. I'm sure I would dread doing it, but sometimes doing the right thing isn't doing the easy thing....

 

[ZPT1022]

I have decided not to say anything. I must say that I feel uncomfortable about all of this. I have such a heavy feeling in my chest.
I went to the Connecticut Court System, you can enter a defendants last name and pull up thier court documents. I am afraid that she has more court cases than just the one, in fact, her parents have felonies.(I was not aware of this)
I am shocked at all of this and I must say that my BIL must know about everything anyway since they date most recently the year 2007 and go back to 2002.
Thanks for letting me vent.

I'm sorry that it turned out to be true and possibly worse but I am glad you checked with a reputable source. I'd trust the CT courts website far more than that criminal finder thing in your original post. I searched a few names in that and nothing came up, including a former childhood neighbor who I KNOW served time in prison for the things he did. I'm really sorry that you're going through all of this. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. Were this something that happened a long time ago I'd be tempted to drop it but it seems this is something as recent as last year. Yikes. Good luck to you and your family