Very close to postponing wedding!!!

[tinkerrn]

Our families are pushing us to have a reception after our wedding!! This has just happend within the last week!!! We have been engaged since christmas!
No one has offered to help plan for anything that has to do with this wedding. Our wedding is about 5 weeks away!! So here we are trying to come up with a plan for this reception. The main reason we are going away is the cost!!! UGH!!!!!! Any ideas for a casual reception/open house??? It will be in mid to end of October. The only place we can think of without breaking the budget is our house, we have 2 decks outside. It is usually sweater weather where I live. HELP!!!!!!

 

[melmel]

We're doing a after wedding reception about 2 months after we get back. We're renting a local moose hall (grandmother's a memeber so it's $100 for 4 hours, look around the family for vfw memebers, elks lodge, also maybe your church hall, etc....) and we're doing deli trays for the food. We're figuring for everything $500 tops. It can be done. But, if you don't want a reception don't have one, if it's that important to other people you have one, then they should throw it.
Hope this helps

Melissa

 

[evedein]

DD is having an intimate wedding in December. Since very few people can attend, we decided to have a very informal "luncheon" a few weeks later. Since her grandmother belongs to the "Moose Lodge" we were able to rent their hall for $200 including use of the kitchen. We plan to have cold cut platters (we'll make them ourselves to save $). Some family members will pitch in with salads, deserts, etc. We're having another wedding cake made by a friend who does cake decorating (much cheaper than from a bakery & her's actually taste good, unlike some wedding cakes). We're not having alcohol, but we could have had a cash bar. The Moose bartender charges $40 for his services.
If you or a family member belongs to an organization with a hall, you may be able to rent it cheap. Also, many churches rent their halls to members, although, alcohol may not be an option there. Even if you pay a caterer, it would probably be cheaper than using a big "wedding reception place. Also, a lot of places charge a lot less for a "special occasion" party than for a wedding reception. The minute the word wedding is mentioned, the price skyrockets. Of course, when you show up in your gown, they won't be happy.
HTH
Eve

 

[evedein]

Oops, looks like DD,melmel was replying at the same time I was.
Eve

 

[tinkerrn]

Thank you both soooo much! I just think that it is soo wonderful that you and DD are planning this together! I appreciate all the advise you have given me. I am soo beyond frustrated! You both made me fell so much better. I like the idea of renting out a place. I think making the food is a great idea!! I am just afraid I'd be the one who would end up making it all! If you don't mind could you please tell me what you are making. I am trying to get some ideas.
Its just disappointing when you are trying to organize the most important day of your life~alone. Then when it is plain irritating when everyone else realizes that we are actually getting married;then they to put their 2 cents in. I could have really used their help months ago. My fiance works very long hours and is stressed out to the max~all the time. Neither one of us wants to wait till next year to get married, its just the pomp and circumstance that goes with it that we want to avoid! Obvisouly, I was wrong when I thought we could avoid all of that with a destination wedding.

Thank you all so much! Congratulations on your upcomming wedding!!!!

 

[twojo21]

maybe do thanksgiving dinner at your house, two occasions in one the holiday & your wedding celebration with family which would be easy to plan if you like to cook, get a turkey & ham, all the fixings or cater through bostonmarket theyre pretty reasonable $ & good. alot of dw couples host at home parties or welcome parties in their homes which are cheaper than an ahr at a hall or restaurant, but that is an option too. look into your favorite restaurant, alot of italian places around here have private rooms & fairly cheap packages from $7pp. i would also ask your parents for some help since they want the after party.

maybe put off the issue, if possible until you return from the wedding so youre not overly stressed, you should be enjoying this happy prewedding time.

best of luck with your plans.

 

[JonetteA]

What we are going to do is do an open house. Very casual. My H2B used to work at a BBQ place in town when he was in college, and we think we can get a discount there. Just go and grab it ourselves. It won't be a big deal at all, and if people want to see our pictures, and our video that is GREAT!

 

[tinkerrn]

Thanks.....the open house idea is something I have been 'tossing' around. The problem is....there is so many people!!!! He comes from a HUGE family, and mine is pretty small. His lives within a an hour or 2; mine lives in Utah, Nebraska, Ohio, and South Carolina. So how many people are you planning on inviting? Plus, we have so many collegues that would want to come also. We are both in the same profession and same field, but work at rival hospitals.
Makes life a little interesting at times So, already with just an impromptu guest list....family comes to a total of about 80 and work collegues around 100. I know we would have to cut those numbers down. But how many do you invite to an open house????? I have no idea how to even have one!!
Do you have a theme like a reception? Do you have a wedding cake?
Do you send formal invitations along with the announcement??? Sorry, for all the anxiety,panic driven, crazed rambling!!!

 

[mamajo]

People and weddings! Egads! We kept ours simple too. Then his mother got upset that we didn't do the engagement picture in the paper, big wedding, etc.
We were paying for it ourselves so we figured too bad!
She ended up throwing us a "reception". This was simple too. Pot luck, everyone brought a dish to pass (throw in the recipe as a wedding gift to you). Very laid back, very picnic type thing. I wore my dress again so everyone could see (it was a tea length that I made myself). You can keep it simple and we did it two weeks after the wedding. You could do up nice but keep it simple. We did have a "cake" that we cut for everyones benefit. Again, home made. You need to get serious, cut out the stressing part and say loud enough for everyone to hear, "This is what it is!" In the end, you're just as married, it won't matter. Plan a simple pot luck in the back yard (at your mom's). So everyone wears a sweater, better than them complaining it's too hot!!
Don't let the stress overrule every thing. Personally, I wonder if it isn't the goal of everyone to see you in a steaming pile mess of jelly emotion just for kicks. Tell them to knock it off!!
For what it's worth.

 

[J and R's mom]

Our families are pushing us to have a reception after our wedding!!....No one has offered to help plan for anything that has to do with this wedding...So here we are trying to come up with a plan for this reception. The main reason we are going away is the cost!!!

This will sound trite (and is meant to). If the FAMILIES are pushing the reception, then THEY need to--AT A MINIMUM--be planning for it and offering to host it and/or pay for part of it since it's THEIR want...not yours.

We had a wedding reception two weeks after we got back from our WDW wedding (primarily for my MIL's sake). As a matter of fact, it was her refusal to cut her guest list to fewer than 75 people that pushed DH and I into having a Disney wedding. We had already planned on a Disneymoon so we figured why not just get married there and enjoy ourselves (along with our parents) and throw a reception when we get home.

We rented a place, had a casual meal catered in (fajitas and beans and rice) and had a wedding cake. I wore my wedding dress. We played a Disney CD for music and had the wedding video playing throughout the entire reception for anyone who was interested in watching it. AND, my MIL helped pay for over half of it since most of the folks there were her family and for their benefit (she, too, comes from HUGE family). DH and I went ahead and invited some of our co-workers and paid the per person price for them and we paid to rent the location.

Now MIL and I worked together well and planned the thing together very well, but we (DH and I) let her know up front that we didn't want to spend a fortune on a reception and deal with alot of planning. That was not our idea of fun and since this was our wedding we planned on sticking to that.

It's quite possible that your families plan on helping but if they haven't yet offered, I'd say somthing like, "We'd love to have a reception to celebrate our wedding, but we will need help with the planning and cost to host the event. Afterall, cost is why we didn't throw a large, elaborate wedding to begin with. Do you all have any ideas or suggestions?"

Good luck and please don't lose sight of the joy of the upcoming wedding in all of the stress of pleasing the family.

 

[tarmand]

My husband and I decided to get married at the JPs and to go on a cruise instead. But, since our family was offended that we didn't want to have anything, we decided to have a party at my mom's house afterwards. We got a couple of kegs of beer, and had a huge pig roast (hey, we're from Louisiana, what'd you expect? ). It was casual and fun. Everyone enjoyed it and it only cost us $250.

 

[webray]

Our families are pushing us to have a reception after our wedding!! This has just happend within the last week!!! We have been engaged since christmas!
No one has offered to help plan for anything that has to do with this wedding. Our wedding is about 5 weeks away!! So here we are trying to come up with a plan for this reception. The main reason we are going away is the cost!!! UGH!!!!!! Any ideas for a casual reception/open house??? It will be in mid to end of October. The only place we can think of without breaking the budget is our house, we have 2 decks outside. It is usually sweater weather where I live. HELP!!!!!!

Dont' let someone force you into something you don't want to do. We will be dealing with that same issue in a few months here, as our daughter just got engaged and wants a disney wedding.

 

[tinkerrn]

THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH!!!!!

I can't believe all the positive responses I have recieved, you guys are so wonderful! It has been a stressful situation. I wish those who are in my situation loads of luck!!! Getting married and planning for it is such a trying time in ones life!!!!! I NEVER want to do this again...lol!! Hopefully won't have to. There are so many fantastic ideas that you all have given me!!
Another stressfull aspect is that our families are so different. Trying to plan a get together for both our families is difficult. Hhis family is very religious and do not drink, they would be happy with a potluck in the churches basement. My family on the other hand enjoy a drink or 2 and are very much the country club kinda people. It is only for one night and I can do anything, but this just isn't what I wanted to do. I am getting less and less excited about this wedding. Thanks!!! I truly appreciate all your fantastic, wonderful advise!

 

[rosiejo]

Trying to plan a get together for both our families is difficult. Hhis family is very religious and do not drink, they would be happy with a potluck in the churches basement. My family on the other hand enjoy a drink or 2 and are very much the country club kinda people.

Hey tinkerrn - we having an intimate with just close family in November and decided we wanted a reception back home for our friends - it's been a bit of a nightmare as we're on a very tight budget and MIL2B decided she wanted to invite about 50 members of her family that DH2B doesn't even know just becuase she's been to their weddings!

My problem was that my family live 200 miles away and I didn't think it was fair to ask them to travel here for a three hour party so we're having our reception at the end of January in a social club and only our friends are coming to that - then we're having two informal pub gatherings in December, one for moms family and one for dads. MIL2B hasn't offered to sort anything out so her family won't see us!


And the whole point of a disney wedding was so we wouldn't have to sort out such politics